Forums > Social Discussion > Is Love Blind............ Or Worth it

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Jastapus
BRONZE Member since Feb 2005

Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex

Total posts: 39
Posted:Another happy post. I have just been majourily screwed over last night by my girlfriend when I found out that she was sleeping with someone else, (isnt she nice). looking back now i can see all the signs but i was to inlove to accept them. So is love blind????? or worth it if you just end up getting hurt?

Cogito Ergo Sum

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Yes, and yes smile

But I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.

It'll get better eventually hug

Take care x


Getting to the other side smile

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lauz the caterpilla


lauz the caterpilla

goddess of all things slimey and an interchangeable insect!
Location: nottingham - the land of oppor...

Total posts: 2443
Posted:its worth it when its the definate right person!
yes its blind! but that makes it more fun.
i hope you'll feel better soon hug kiss


Shhhhhh! the boobies are trying to sleep.
owner and the property of noddy.
*i was a caterpilla last night wink* - libby_tuesday

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Jastapus
BRONZE Member since Feb 2005

Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex

Total posts: 39
Posted:Awwwwwww thanx your all so kind.
So we have a conclusion that it is blind but is worth it.
any other comments would be apreciated.
thankie to all


Cogito Ergo Sum

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FireByNite
SILVER Member since Dec 2004

FireByNite

Are you up for it??
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

Total posts: 349
Posted:I agree with the attitude of "blind but worth it" but on the same scale (like what you're going through) it can deal up some pain.

I've been where you're at, with being cheated on with my "so called" boyfriend that I was totally in love with. It suxs! But the guy I fell in love with after that ws totally worth al the pain tongue

I'm not with him anymore but it taught me that it was "better to have loved & lost than not have loved at all" to quote cliche sh**

ditto with everyone so far - you will get over it.

Take care hug hug hug


Are you up for it?
wink;)

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Nite Owl: Your sig = ROFLMAO ubblol

Surely it's not love if the other person doesn't reciprocate it?

I'm not accusing you or anything, but if she didn't love you, then can you really have loved them? I thought love was kind of a meeting between to kindred spirits, if one is cheating on the other then they can't really be that similar, can they?

Why does it have to be blind? I think that Lust is more blinding than Love. Lust is where you see a cardboard cut-out of the person that you *want* to see. Love is where you see every part of another person (including their faults and failures) and you love them all the same.

Just my ideas, and I really don't want to make anyone feel worse, but this is how I feel.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Jastapus
BRONZE Member since Feb 2005

Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex

Total posts: 39
Posted:I agree with the lust side, i realy dont like lust as it can turn a person. however i still do think i love her... or at least care very strongly for her. which i no i shouldnt. hence the question 'is love blind' because of all that shes done i am still besoted with her.
also should i relaly be spilling my feelings to a forum........... umm yeah y not. thankie for the posts.
ant more input would be apreciated


Cogito Ergo Sum

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J-J


member
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 41
Posted:Well, it's up to you whether you want to spill your feelings to a forum or not. Some people do, and get advice (both good and bad) and lots of hugs, other prefer to not to. You certainly won't be the first if you do. As far as I have seen, being a relative newbie on these forums, the people here are really nice and very generous with their hugs.

hug


"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by" - Douglas Adams

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DarthMeaux


The artist formerly known as Phae'xorl.
Location: South-East Ohio (the foothills...

Total posts: 145
Posted:Both.

"...heaven is ordering a six piece chicken nugget and getting seven...and a switchblade."

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Eera
BRONZE Member since May 2003

old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Austral...

Total posts: 1107
Posted:Love aint so much blind as in denial.

There's also a fine line between asking legitimate questions and being completely psycho-clingy.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia

Total posts: 2615
Posted:Love isn't or shouldn't be blind should be about acceptence .

Hope you kicked her to the kerb .


that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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Mr Majestik
SILVER Member since Mar 2004

Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear,...

Total posts: 4693
Posted:"love is f***ing less and talking more"

if she was sleeping with another guy she obviously wasnt in love with you(as you would know). The topic sethis brought up was reqented and unreqented love, and if unreqented love is even love at all. its a delemma i'm battling, but i'd say that the fact that love is blind, and hope is very strong, means i'm probably setting myself up for failure


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Arty Farty
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom

Total posts: 551
Posted:of course you can love someone who doesnt love you. its not like jastapus' girlfriend was a random stranger to him, someone he spied upon through the net curtains. or maybe it was? maybe love is blind because she was just the 'window girl', who he lusted at from afar?

seriously tho, when your so obsessed with someone, you cant see the obvious. but thats only happened to me tho lust and not love. i understand that when your properly in love, you trust that person not to go and bang the boy next door, so your elavated to a higher plane of love. but maybe ,,, urgh i give up

emotions hurt


You'll find me on the dance floor

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 1762
Posted:On OK Cupid, I'm rated as the boy next door... do I have to worry now? ubblol

For me, cheating is the single unforgivable offence in a relationship. If it happened then that relationship is gone. Geography. It's the one thing I have no tolerence for, because it's a violation of trust, confidence etc etc. Plus I imagine it feels like [censored].


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Vixen
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

Vixen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Oxfordshire/Wiltshire, United ...

Total posts: 3276
Posted:Love doesnt always make you blind... sometimes you know these things are going on and you ignore them... eg... id rather be with them and they be cheating on me then not be with them at all. (That was just an example)

Sometimes we hurt other people and sometimes they hurt us... no one initially means to do it but its when we dont take responsiblilty for our actions that it all ends in tears. Sometimes people genuinely dont believe they are doing anything wrong... but then some just dont believe they will ever get caught

Sometimes people are compatable.. and sometimes they arent, somtimes you think you know somebody and then they do something to surprise you... this can sometimes be good, and sometimes be bad. I guess you can never really know a person 100% but that doesnt mean you cant fall in love.

We have all fallen in love with the wrong person at some point in our lives... and become blind to thier faults or total incompatability. And yes i guess its once we realise that, that its then when we say "How could i of been so blind" I guess love is a pretty crazy emotion... i also guess that this post doesnt make much sense... sorry... xxx


tHeReS gOoD aNd EvIl iN EaCh InDiViDuAl fIrE, iDeNtIfIeS nEeDs AnD fEeDs OuR dEsIrEs.

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DarthMeaux


The artist formerly known as Phae'xorl.
Location: South-East Ohio (the foothills...

Total posts: 145
Posted:Well said Vix!

"...heaven is ordering a six piece chicken nugget and getting seven...and a switchblade."

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Someone can cheat on you and still love you. Its not the norm, its not likely, but it can happen. I don't think it did in this case- but I'm putting that out there for all of you who are so adamently convinced that its the signal of the end.

To answer the actual question, love needs to be a sort of blind, i think, in terms of accepting things you might otherwise not. But whilst the real thing is surely worth it, I'd say the expiriences are worth it to, if only for what they can teach.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Jastapus
BRONZE Member since Feb 2005

Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex

Total posts: 39
Posted:thanx puk hehe yesh..... repeatidly. thanx to you all. its all been relaly helpful.
well since ive started i now feel i should continue.
I saw her again today and it was like nothing had changed.... we were still laughing and talking but not so physically close as normal, it was very strange. but i dont no what to do now. one side agrees with the kurb kicking puk suggested but the other side of me wants to hold her. pfft emotions hurt....... thankie arty for the quote.
so anyways im not sure wot to do now.
any more input would be marvelious.
thanks to all for writing.


Cogito Ergo Sum

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Arty Farty
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom

Total posts: 551
Posted:you may love her, and want to hold her, and all those lovely dovey things that couples do etc etc.

but im sure you cant trust her anymore. now maybe you think 'i can forgive her, she'll never do it again'. But you'll never stop thinking she's (for want of a better word) 'diddling' some other guy. its human nature.

in your head, even if she truely is faithful to you after this, she'll always be looking at that guy and wishing she could 'diddle' him.

you'll be jealous, she'll have a go at you for your jealousy, she'll bitch about you to her mates, and ital be the crappyest relationship. This is what happened to my housemate anyway.

He diddled some girl and his girlfriend found out. I see these two people every weekend, eveything in their relationship is about getting one up on the other. They're always arguing because she cant trust him. She has a go at him, which makes him mad at her, so she thinks 'im a rubbish girlfriend, hes going to cheat on me again', and hes utterly miserable. And may i remind you he was the one who cheated. Can you imagine what his girlfriend is going through?

I hope you dont make that mistake, and become my housemates girlfriend...hypothetically speaking (though you would have massive breasts), because i imagine everyday she thinks 'hes going to cheat on me'.

Anyway, thats all i have to say. once the trust has gone, get out!!

Good luck!!


You'll find me on the dance floor

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lauz the caterpilla


lauz the caterpilla

goddess of all things slimey and an interchangeable insect!
Location: nottingham - the land of oppor...

Total posts: 2443
Posted:well was it just the once she was with this guy?

and is she the type for i mean outrageously flirting with other men.

i'd say personally give her another chance. i once cheated on a guy and he gave me another chance i didnt cheat again (he cheated on me lol) but thats not the point people make mistakes do remember that.

but if its something thats happened more than once chuck her she isnt worth the heartache in the long run.

and if you do give her another chance and she does it again you chuck her straight away and dont consider taking her back.

really its your choice but maybe what i've said might help!

hug
hope it all works out for you


Shhhhhh! the boobies are trying to sleep.
owner and the property of noddy.
*i was a caterpilla last night wink* - libby_tuesday

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Jastapus
BRONZE Member since Feb 2005

Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex

Total posts: 39
Posted:hmmmmmm two contradicting sides...... this post is turning out better than i thought. well as want of being a lovely posterer i shall put up debate. i must add at the moment that this has helped tones. this also comes as a warning for now you are my councilers (aimed at the whole HOP world)

arty i must say diddling is a great expression. so there is the point that i cant trust her at all but we were together a long time and in answer to lauz it was the once. I agree with the both sides, certain aspects of each in an amazing combination of genius.
well on practicallity we didnt rlelay bring up the issue of the boy in question...... which is strange. but it could go either way, we could be happy or i could move on. either way is good its just the way my heart decides hmmmmmmm. she is pretty amazing though (i wouldnt be doing this if she wasnt) shes just a bit moral-less.

anyways more views on my situation would be great. thank you all for caring and/or taking an avid intrest.
speak/read soon


Cogito Ergo Sum

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Arty Farty
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom

Total posts: 551
Posted:pssssst, ditch her

You'll find me on the dance floor

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Why do people deserve another chance if they knowingly and deliberately have sex with someone while in an exclusive relationship with someone else?

Cheating is not funny, and isn't "just a mistake, I'm only human". Dropping a vase of flowers is a "mistake" and "only human". There are many things wrong with cheating, primarily:

1. There can now be no trust in the relationship. Whenever the person looks at a member of the opposite sex, their partner will be suspicious.

2. You've insulted someone's sexual prowess. Many people claim either that "Sex isn't important" or "You're just saying that cos you're male". This is rubbish. Sex is important. If you don't think that you're good enough for your partner then there can be a *heck* of a lot of arguments, and tension. Compare a couple who have good sex to the couple that doesn't, and you'll see that the ones who do have less arguments, are physically closer, are more comfortable with each other and tend to understand each other better.

3. It gives perfect material for the other partner to start justifying things that they do. Like: "You kissed that person in the corner while I was away! How dare you?" the accused says "Remember when you cheated on me?" Blackmail and emotional maneuvering don't belong in a happy relationship.

Sorry, I didn't really mean to rant, and I'm not having a go at anyone, I just think that cheating on people is disgusting and inexcusable.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost, Canada

Total posts: 1247
Posted:If someone cheats in a monogomous relationship , it will require enormous amounts of work and high development of communication skills to heal and reestablish trust (assuming there was some to begin with) Unfortunately, in a case where someone makes the choice to cheat, that usually indicates that the needed skills in the relationship are not there to work with, so trying to heal and move on to a better place is not so very likely imo...



Couples can learn a lot from trying though. Within a marriage, it is certaily worth exploring. Yet, I am not so sure I would put the effort it takes out again , would prefer to start fresh.



Cheating, does not inherantly mean there was not or is not love. Love is almost a seperate issue, and there is no quarantee that the lovers/ees will behave well within it! I dont think that love requires reciprocation in order to be love, sometimes the best form of love is that offered without expectation of return, selfless in nature. Unreciprocated love does not need to be painful! Just send it out anyways, a little gift...

.

Love, definately blind....hee hee. Using other senses though! The blindness is fun, though sometimes a source of consternation. A man is head over heels for me now( much to my surprise. )To him, I am a Goddess walking the earth. He tells me so, and I can see it in his eyes... It makes me laugh! But to me, I am just me, and sometimes left wondering why he can not seem to see the big zit on my nose, or my flab, pms, or any number of other unattractive qualities?!



Love is a potent spell, that changes everything. On good days I like to believe that rather than being blind, he is seeing the real me, the one that is deeper than my fleshly qualities, and am simply happy he finds me worthy, and that it gives him joy. On bad ones, I think it can never last, one day the veil will be lifted and the illusion shattered. Either way, I let it be as it is, peacefully.



As for broken hearts, I hear they do heal. In time. I have also discovered that I can function reasonably well with mine remaining broken...



Despite the risks, I would never suggest holding back from love. Leap! You may fly, or you may fall, either way you are at your most vital. You may become blind to the others faults , but hopefully you will learn to see more of your true self within it, and then as you both grow, together or apart, learn to keep track of who you are. So you are present in love, not lost in it!



good luck, be gentle with the hearts of those who you love, and those that love you... Including your own!



*** for an interesting perspective read History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman. Excellent book. I will try to quote a bit of it later when I have time!

love, A


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Very well said Andrea biggrin

hug

ubblove


Getting to the other side smile

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost, Canada

Total posts: 1247
Posted:oh, but I personally wouldn't leap too far for a person that has no morals...
(Actually, morals may or may not be an issue, but perhaps ethics are?)
Why would you want that for yourself?


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Jastapus
BRONZE Member since Feb 2005

Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex

Total posts: 39
Posted:well said sethis. i agree entirely. thank you very much andrea twas realy helpful.
as for artys comment im gona go half way and not see her for a few weeks then see how i feel and how it turns out.
on the side of being hurt, not being so compleatly emotonless but i can deal with these things pretty well,not sure why i think ive ust used to dealing with it from a young age.
this is now just more a period to think and ponder everythin that has been said or that i feel i have to do. which im still not that sure of!!!!
so off the topic of my relationship and back onto the main question in hand.

is love actually worth all the hastle and pain and is it blind, in the sense that ur so besoted you stop seeing the obvious and ignoring faults.
keep on writing and thank you in advance for all the comments to come and all that have been recieved.
goodbye x


Cogito Ergo Sum

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Laday
BRONZE Member since Jun 2005

Laday

member
Location: In UK for now, but born an liv...

Total posts: 75
Posted:Cheating... had it happen through a 2year relationship and only when i left the *$%" did i see all the evil.
Love, i wouldn't say blind but it does definately put a 'cover' over your eyes that can only be taken off by you. What i'm trying to say i guess is i(at the time) was head over heels for this guy, he was black (i'm white..parents weren't too keen on the idea)so i had to leave home if i wanted to be with him, so at 16 i packed and left...and came back and left again(it went on like that till Aug. last year) Through me fighting and every day trying to convince my mom and dad that we loved each other and we going to be together through it all, he cheated on me.. through out the whole relationship, with people i knew and people i didn't. The people who i knew i blame them 50/50 the people i didn't had nothing to do with it.
In a way i thought he was cheating on me, but then i would think, no he cant be,i've given up my family for him, but then he would have ''weird'' messages on his phone and 'code' names ..oh and the fact that the 2nights after he proposed to me i saw him kissing somebody else..
needless to say i threw the rings and walked away.
And walked back 3weeks later,not engaged but still in love...
when i finally saw the god damn light last year and broke up with him. I was devestated and thought i would never get him out of my mind and how was i going to live with out him....
the answer, time. After a while i came round and realised that love isn't blind, we are.


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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:Anything that has the ability to hurt you is worthit,because if it wasnt, you wouldnt have cared enough to be hurt in the first place.The thing that makes you care, that beautiful and powerful thing within you should be used as much as possible. You will get hurt, thats a certainty,but to never have the beauty of what came before,that would be tradgic. hug

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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J-J


member
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 41
Posted:Love is worth it.

But some people, and some relationships aren't. If it is, in the long run, causing you more pain then pleasure then it's time to get out. Which can cause more pain in the present but ultimately you get over it and move on. This doesn't necessarily have to mean that you stop loving that person. Just that you've realised that you are better off in the situation you are now in - without them - and you no longer regret what you essentially never had.

Sometimes the idea of the relationship is the hardest thing to let go of - you look back and think "It could have been so perfect, if only...she hadn't cheated/he didn't work so hard/she shared my priorities/etc "

This is a very common thing to do I feel. I wouldn't so much say 'love is blind' as say that people choose to close their eyes. We build a picture in our mind of how we want things to be - perfect partner, relationship, etc - and then we get attached to that idea so we focus on things that reinforce our idea and give less importance to those things that contradict it. Even dismissing facts that 'don't fit' rather than dismissing the unrealistic ideal that we've built up in our minds. And hence leading people to say: 'Love is blind'

I hope you sort things out for the best
hug


"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by" - Douglas Adams

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost, Canada

Total posts: 1247
Posted:J~J, very insightful. I agree.
"There are none so blind as would not see"
And the thought you offered about being able to leave a relationship, even while there is still love there, is solid. Sometimes leaving is the best way to show love for yourself too!
TX


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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