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Forums > Social Discussion > Broken Hearts-rant away, I did.

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blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:I recently got my heart broken, I didn't realize it at the time, but it was the first time in my life that it happened to me.

I've felt pain and sadness before, along with that really empty feeling,and assumed that I had a broken heart, but oh no, this time it was real. I swear I actually heard it the moment it broke,and thinking back on it now, I still get pangs of pain in my chest. Actual physical pain.

I thought I had prepared myself for what was to happen, I thought I was ok, and when the moment came I delt with it gracefully, it was not til later when the reality hit, that I broke down. Although I'm not drowning in depression , and I'm very much ok, and I'm largely accepting it, I still have this underlying sadness that I'm not really aware of. One of my friends who I hadn't seen for a while told me recently that I have lost my sparkle, this is what disturbs me more. I harbour no ill will, and I would'nt really change a thing, but it's this underlying sadness,this hidden fear, this loss of sparkle thats making me slip back into it.

I'm not angry, or depressed, I just want my sparkle back.


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


strugz
strugz

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Southampton - Possibly...
Member Since: 6th Mar 2002
Total posts: 3964
Posted:your sparkle will come back..........maybe its just recharging smile

**just like my aerotech staff**

You need time off from glowing all the time, you may feel a bit dull, but just wait until you turn yourself back on biggrin

**ok that sounded better advise in my head, but im going to leave it for comedy value rolleyes ubblol**


"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing......."


SNOOPoi
SNOOPoi

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: At the bottom of the garden wi...
Member Since: 13th Jun 2002
Total posts: 3380
Posted:Awww! hughughug

i completely understand the way you are feeling.

the first person i ever loved broke my heart so badly i thought it would never mend. i was only 14 at the time, and i thought i had loved people before and been heartbroken before. but at that moment when this guy hurt me it was like my whole world fell away. the worst thing was it was the day before valentines day. i went out with my mum and my grandparents and i had to keep running to the toilets so i could cry. looking around and seeing all those happy people was just too much for me. i didn't want them to be unhappy. i wanted to be happy myself.

that was 2 years ago and now i can see this guy and talk to him. but every time i say good-bye it hurts like hell. i sometimes still cry about it. sometimes i feel lost coz he was the only guy i ever planned having a life with. it won't stop hurting but you will get your sparkle back. i promise.

hug


THWACK!!!!
Liz_Ard: Ouch!
SNOOPoi: Thats just not the sound of someone doing it right!


blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:Thanks guys.I'ts not necessarily the loss of a romantic love or companionship. It's the loss of a completely pure love, almost unconditional. No huge event has happened to change it,and I know the fondness still remains, but it will never be the same again, and I'm ok with that, it's happened before, it will happen again, I'm not even upset. I'm just afraid that it has made me numb, and stolen my sparkle.

Maybe strugz is right, maybe I just need to re-charge. I'm going to the lovebox weekender this weekend(only really going for groove armada and a spin, and to see some people who always make me feel ggod), maybe it will be the little fixer-upper I need.


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


SNOOPoi
SNOOPoi

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: At the bottom of the garden wi...
Member Since: 13th Jun 2002
Total posts: 3380
Posted:you can borrow my sparkle for a bit if you want. i have loads of it. biggrin

hug


THWACK!!!!
Liz_Ard: Ouch!
SNOOPoi: Thats just not the sound of someone doing it right!


ma'tina
ma'tina

multiplex
Location: somewhere...
Member Since: 20th Mar 2005
Total posts: 611
Posted:I pray for your sparkles!!!
They will come back - sooner or later, but for sure!

know that feeling

hug hug hug

tina


- Ho Sa -
kisses & peace & love to beautiful madges
*rever le temps le prendre*


SNOOPoi
SNOOPoi

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: At the bottom of the garden wi...
Member Since: 13th Jun 2002
Total posts: 3380
Posted:a thought that should cheer you up. did you know the average woman spends 31000 on shoes in her life. biggrin

that restored my faith in humanity. lol.


THWACK!!!!
Liz_Ard: Ouch!
SNOOPoi: Thats just not the sound of someone doing it right!


Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:I know that, the physical pain. I get it every time I'm away from Aly, because I miss her so much. I get the hollow feeling inside, and the world seems so much darker. When she comes back it's like a breath of fire in the night. Bright and golden and oh so hot... Sorry redface

Hang in there, time helps, but so do your friends and family.

T. Pratchett: "It's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness."


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.


squarexbear
squarexbear

....of doom!
Location: Hastings, UK
Member Since: 17th Apr 2005
Total posts: 585
Posted:i know that pain..and the general lack of sparkle..it does come back, and you won't even notice until you do something and think 'oh..its back'

its pretty good when you think that.



maus
maus

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Member Since: 14th Jul 2005
Total posts: 4191
Posted:completely agree,i thingk we've all had our hearts broken at one time or another,mines been dented a few times and broken once,all by the same guy,finally for the last time about a year ago,and all my friends pretty much told me i had lost my sparkle,but thanks to them and many others that i love dearly,whether they just be brief aquaintances or old friends,i got it back,and didnt even realise i had!
my advice,party hard,do anything and everything you get the chance to and although a part of you will always be tied to the memory,you'll find yourself thinking about it less and less,and that after a while something else has filled the hollow feeling that you had,whether it be friends family or another partner.
well thats what i think anyway,although to be fair i'm probably a lot more naive than i'd care to admit!
good luck!and spend as much time as possible with people that make you smile!!xxxx hug



yoni
yoni

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bideford and Bath
Member Since: 4th Jun 2005
Total posts: 3099
Posted:hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
u will get your sparkel back soon don't worry


UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> devil stick -> juggling club -> juggling ball -> crayons."

Supergroovalsticprosifunkstication
In other words, it's the thumps bump


SNOOPoi
SNOOPoi

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: At the bottom of the garden wi...
Member Since: 13th Jun 2002
Total posts: 3380
Posted:you will be fine my dear blu! hughughughughughug

THWACK!!!!
Liz_Ard: Ouch!
SNOOPoi: Thats just not the sound of someone doing it right!


Gelfling
Gelfling

Watcher of 80s cartoons
Location: Chepstow & Bristol
Member Since: 7th Jul 2004
Total posts: 665
Posted:Having your heart broken is like a bereavement for an exceedingly close person - only somehow worse. Its as though that bereavement is for a huge part of yourself. It may take ages to mourn. After the mourning you will always miss what you had. However, it will get easier and easier to live with that feeling, especially as you have shared your feelings with those who care. Good luck and have many hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

>What do you think about the state of the Earth?
>I'm optimistic.
>So why do you look so sad?
>I'm not sure that my optimism is justified.


JauntyJames
JauntyJames

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA
Member Since: 22nd Dec 2004
Total posts: 3533
Posted:Did you look under the sofa? When I loose my sparkle, that's usually where I find it.

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"


blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:Thanks for the support guys, It does make me feel a little better.

The sofa was the first place I looked for my sparkle, then the fridge, and then my underwear draw, no sighn of it. I'ts probably run off with my mojo.


The biggest rain on my parade I found was all the empty time I suddenly had, all this space by myself with nothing to do. I still had all my friends who were there for me completely, but I still found all these empty moments. I am pleased to say however that I went out and found some more lovely and interesting people with which to share my time,so there arn't so many empty moments anymore.

I'm playing hard for a large amount of my time at the moment, whitch is great, but it gets bad when I drink too much or get a litlle out of it, I feel like such a waster. Although I will admit the new Harry Potter Book is helping me stay distracted. And although I will be recharging in a few days, and wait for my sparkle to return, in the meantime I have been re-aquainted with my smile, whitch is a great start.

To all you guys who understand, I know I'm not alone on this one.
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


maus
maus

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Member Since: 14th Jul 2005
Total posts: 4191
Posted:hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart
love hugs etc.........smile and pass it on!
u'll be fine!take care!xxx



StephenM
StephenM

member
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Member Since: 21st Jul 2005
Total posts: 34
Posted:What your saying here blu completelu reflects the emptyness i find in my life now. I'm trying so hard to compose myself, but i burn myself out by drinking far to much far to often and then end up doing VERY daft things. Are you any closer to being back to normal? if you are i'd appreciate advice on how to do this? I'm totally lost! I feel like god was playing poker with my life, and just folded a royal flush.

You became the light on the dark side of me...


Just_Curious
member
Location: Durham, UK
Member Since: 18th Jul 2005
Total posts: 39
Posted:I never, ever, thought I would say this to anyone. Ever. eek

Do some hard physical exercise. Run. It helps, play basketball or whatever your favourite sport is. juggle

I found that wrestling with Ross really took my mind off life, but, yeah, not everyone feels comfortable with that amount of physical contact. And I guess it doesn't have to be someone you're dating, you can playfight with almost anyone. Though it might be an idea not to fight with a girl unless she tells you she really doesn't care if you hurt her, because so many males are too scared to fight with me "in case I hurt you" I often say something like "if you break my arm, I'll let you know. Until then, stop being sexist." ubbrollsmile

You probably already know this anyway, so I'll shut up now. Hope it helps... Aly. x hug


"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." -Albert Einstein.

"... the moon is pushed around the sky by a goblin named Wilberforce."


Noddy
Noddy

Toe Poking Bad Boy
Location: Lake District UK
Member Since: 25th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2865
Posted:Written by: blu_valley

I still get pangs of pain in my chest. Actual physical pain.





hug

i know your pain
i still get it too


Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!


The Tea Fairy
The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...
Member Since: 2nd Jul 2004
Total posts: 853
Posted:I lost my sparkle for years, it does come back, but it happens very slowly without you even realising sometimes. You just need to get out there, do things that make you happy and spend more time with people you love. Sparkle is very much to do with our self confidence and how we project that out to the rest of the world. You will be fine, time heals all wounds. hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan


TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:I lost my sparkle at 15 (i'm 23 now) on valentine's day.
The guy I was seeing at the time knocked on the door and I was just about to jump into his arms as he was supposed to be in work and he gave me the "hear me out- it's me not you" speech. On valentine's day! I felt like my chest had exploded. The next few weeks are a blur but I was too depressed to go to school- walked 14 miles just to see his face again but he walked straight passed me, didn't eat anything for six days til my mum begged me to have some fruit salad from the man from del monte. Lost 10lbs in two weeks.

Still not over it completely, I still miss him, I still don't know if what he told that me day was true or not. Never felt the same about another guy since. The pain is indeed still there but i'm numb to it.

You just have to pick up the pieces and start again.

My sparkle came back after a one night stand biggrin
I'm so bad! ubblol


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:StephenM- yeah, I'm pretty much back to normal,in all fairness there was only one day where I sort of broke down with my friends to help me,and I did go a little off the rails, but in the grand scheme of things, as with everything, I accepted it fleetingly and then immersed myself in distraction. I'ts not to say that when I am alone with myself that I enjoy the company I keep, because I don't, and then I start to dwell on it all again,which brings back the pain. I guess the biggest thing is acceptance. Just accepting that this has happened before, it will happen again,and we move on. Understanding that we need to bleed to know that we are alive, that no matter what you will laugh again, you will feel again,and you will be hurt again, and these things are all beautiful things. They help you to realize how fradjile the human spirit is. It can be broken down completely and built higher than ever in the matter of seconds.

But I don't know, everyone deals with things differently. I know that I am strong emotionally, I had to deal with a lot of death from a very young age and be strong for the rest of my family. My way of dealing with things has always been to not talk about them, not think about them,to just deny that anything happend or that parties involved ever existed. This helped me to stay strong on the outside, but of coarse the inside has always suffered a bit.

Physical exercise does help, of this I am certain, me, I do some kickboxing. Theres nothing better than letting all your frustrations out on a punching bag. I force myself to think about everything that bothers me, and I punish the punching bag infront of me, kicking and punching with all my might. As an added bonus, the sport is given more passion and you walk away feeling like some of the weight has been lifted.But its not a long-term fixer.

Nobody likes this kind of change. But one thing you have to learn to accept is that all things come to an end....and that is not necissarily a bad thing. For me in this instance, I have been made to go out and do things I couldnt really do before while my heart was tied. I have made more friends, I have gone out and had a great time,Ive gone to more live gigs, I've spent more time with my old friends,I've done some work on the house, I've started sorting out my car,( which I had been putting off), I've booked weekends away with friends, I've found a great new place to live and I've generally spent more time appreciating all the things I used to love doing and all the options available to me.

While I understand that these are all good things to come from my little ordeal,I am also very aware that I feel a little betrayed. The fact that I would hand my heart over to someone and they carried it for a while and then just dropped it to the floor, maybe not on purpose or without noticing, but it still really really hurts. More than I thought it would. But I will not close myself off for fear of further pain,and I will not pick my broken heart off the floor and had it to the very next person to come along. I will stand there and stare at it for a while,and frown at it and laugh at it and cry over it, and see what happens. Even if it is repaired, a crack will remain there for the rest of my life. I think back to things that caused me pain years ago and know that the pain I felt then I can still feel now. This is no different, I will feel this pain and betrayel forever.....but thats ok. Taking a moment to relive a moment every now and again is healthy, as long as we dont continue to stay in the moment forever. Dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened... personally,I'm at that stage now where I cry and smile at the same time.

I miss him, its to be expected,and I know I'll get my sparkle back eventually...I just dont like the fact that someone else noticed how much I was affected.i dont think even I noticed how much I was effected. He probably doesnt even know how it has effected me.I belive he is blissfully unaware that I'm going through this, because of the circumstances involved. Hes still very much a part of my life, but as they say, the worst way to miss someone, is to be sitting right beside them ,knowing that you cannot have them.


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


StephenM
StephenM

member
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Member Since: 21st Jul 2005
Total posts: 34
Posted:I see exactly where you are coming from, i know fine well that eventually im going to move on, eventually i'll be able to look back and feel like everything happens for a reason and that i am a stronger person because it happened. But it's only been three months, and i seen her on sunday there, looking so eloquent and raveshing, i just wanted to run up to her and hold her and never let go. That feeling, i fear, is never going to leave me, however i wish it would. She cheated on me with some idiot and for that i KNOW i should hate her, i should never want to see her again for that. But i don't want to see her just because i know if i do i'll do something silly.

The love i feel is stronger than ever and pulsates away my day over and over again. I hate the single life, i know my spark will return when i meet someone else. But the way i'm being affected from my broken heart is stopping me meeting someone else. Of late i've been all over the place both emotionally and physically, but as daft as this sounds, since i've started poi again i've found some catharsis. Also spending a tonne of times with my friends has obviously helped too. But my sparkle that is me, still isn't here.

Surely theres something we can do to just get it back? I've tried a one night stand, and meaningless sex makes me sick, i was actually sick the next morning, i felt sorry for the girl lol.

I feel just through writing this i'm feeling better, because like yourself i've endured a lot of death when i was young which has stood me in stead for bad news and bad things happening. Its scaring me how much i can relate to your story. I've not spoken to any of my friends about it at all, when they ask i just everythings fine and i'm coping, and with being used to acting fine, they believe me. If i was to have an epiphine right now, it would enlighten me that speaking to people and being open about your innermost feelings is deffinetly the way to find your sparkle, then your at one with yourself and you have nothing to hide, effectively giving you a clean sheet? Am i wrong? Am i right? Who knows, I just want answers.


You became the light on the dark side of me...


blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:hmmm, answers, what I wouldn't give for those answers myself.

I do not doubt that talking about it helps, especially with those I know and love so well, and who would try and help,but that is something I myself am not inclined to do. Admitting that my heart had broken to my friend was the first time that I admitted it to myself. it was only then that my downward spiral started.I don't like to appear weak, and I know that a lot of my frinds look to me for comfort a lot of the time, like a mother, I can't allow myself to show weakness in this way. It makes me uncomfortable.

Thats why I posted here,because this is the way I'm trying to deal with it,to work through it with others of similar experiance. I'm not expecting any answers, I would not be so bold, all I want is a bit of a release.it is a comfort in itself to see that you are not the only one who goes through these things as you said StephenM, and I appreciate you sharing with me. And as for one-night stands, hmmmm not a great idea is it? Thats completely trying to compensate for the wrong thing and giving yourself a side-order of guilt, which is a completely unfortunate and unesessary emotion.

The sparkle I referr to is the energy a person has, you can see how strong a persons sparkle is by their eyes, their laugh, their body language and so on. Everybody has sparkle,its just that when things happen that a persons sparkle dulls or hides or disappears. It's not about being miserable, because I certainly am not. I refuse to let someone else destroy me in that way. I still do everything to the full,but its that one smile that ends too soon, that loss of twinkle to the eye, the slightly hunched shoulders that give it away I guess....

I'm going for a bit of an emotional re-charge this weekend.I know I just need to get away for a few days. I'm going to stay with some people whom I love dearly and have not seen in a while.I'm going to seek council with my spiritual guru on the friday night, a woman who has the ability to help people realize their options and explore possible outcomes,and never gives advice. Saturday I am going out and playing and dancing hader than I have done in a while so that I can effectively release my frustrations and accept my choices with a new perspective, and on Sunday i shall rest and eat well before comming back. This is the best option for me at the moment, I believe this is how I may find my sparkle again,even if just a bit of it. If this plan fails, well then I leave myself in limbo for a while and try again i guess.


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:This is a very deep thread, and reading it while listening to james blunt's "goodbye my lover" actually made me cry!

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


StephenM
StephenM

member
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Member Since: 21st Jul 2005
Total posts: 34
Posted:Aw tammie...deep indeed, might help people in future though...helping me anyway smile

You became the light on the dark side of me...


TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:*sniffs and asks for some kleenex*

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:*hands over the kleenex*

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:*blows nose loudly but the tears still flow*
god I'm a lost cause, ya cant stop me when i get going!


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:tears are good,I always feel better after a bit of a cry. Its not something I do often, but when I do, its good...yes good.

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


Mynci
Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...
Member Since: 27th Apr 2005
Total posts: 8735
Posted:massive hug from me honey,

and an even bigger grouphugfrom all your friends on HoP

I Honestly don't think I've found that true love yet..I've been hurt but always manage to see myself better off afterwar, either I'm too cold or not met the right person yet. And although I'm not looking I hope to find it.


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.


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