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Forums > Social Discussion > Broken Hearts-rant away, I did.

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:I recently got my heart broken, I didn't realize it at the time, but it was the first time in my life that it happened to me.

I've felt pain and sadness before, along with that really empty feeling,and assumed that I had a broken heart, but oh no, this time it was real. I swear I actually heard it the moment it broke,and thinking back on it now, I still get pangs of pain in my chest. Actual physical pain.

I thought I had prepared myself for what was to happen, I thought I was ok, and when the moment came I delt with it gracefully, it was not til later when the reality hit, that I broke down. Although I'm not drowning in depression , and I'm very much ok, and I'm largely accepting it, I still have this underlying sadness that I'm not really aware of. One of my friends who I hadn't seen for a while told me recently that I have lost my sparkle, this is what disturbs me more. I harbour no ill will, and I would'nt really change a thing, but it's this underlying sadness,this hidden fear, this loss of sparkle thats making me slip back into it.

I'm not angry, or depressed, I just want my sparkle back.


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:hug

I dont doubt that bigger and better things are to come. I know for a fact that I have not found 'the one' (if there is such a thing), and I don't know what I would do if I did find that person.

What upset me more was that I didnt even realize how much it would and did effect me.The fact that it did take away my sparkle and the fact that for the first time in my life my heart actually broke. I just didn't really know how to deal with it.

hug smile hug


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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StephenM


StephenM

member
Location: Glasgow, Scotland

Total posts: 34
Posted:Now onto this moving on chat, how do you meet someone that fills that space? that person that comes at the right time and at the right place? I dont believe sitting back and waiting is the best option, neither is going clubbing every weekend in search, whats the midpoint?

You became the light on the dark side of me...

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:ooooh, thats something I could'nt really say. I go with the flow. If theres no one there, then theres no one there. Its no use looking for something, because your perseption will be distorted which will attract the wrong thing, but then again just sitting and waiting around does no good either....honestly...I don't know how to move on from here.

I would like a special someone I suppose, but its not something I would loofk for. Being with someone for the sake of just having someone is no good at all.I'm still licking old wounds. When the time and person are right,it'll just happen wont it?


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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Just_Curious


member
Location: Durham, UK

Total posts: 39
Posted:If I knew that I wouldn't be sitting at my computer right now...

*laughs* But I found someone who makes me happy, which is more than any of my ex boyfriends did, so I suppose I can stop looking now. Old habits die hard.


"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." -Albert Einstein.

"... the moon is pushed around the sky by a goblin named Wilberforce."

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:Hmmm, i'm over it, I'm sure I am.....then howcome everytime I think about it,I smile and focus on the good times, I look at everything in a positive light....but its accompanied with a very defenit sharp pang of emptiness in my chest. Over it...but it still hurts.

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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Psycho_lemming
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

Psycho_lemming

Running hippy spinning lemming
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 15
Posted:hug hugs and more hugs.....
understand totally.... you put those feelings into words so well....

hug hug hug


Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering...

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roarfire
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

roarfire

comfortably numb
Location: The countryside, Australia

Total posts: 2676
Posted:You know I think your sparkle is still there.



I think you might be sitting on it maybe?



Like I'm sitting on my motivation for homework



hug



Things will be okay. You'll be alright eventually smile


.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.

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Eveish
GOLD Member since Jul 2004

Eveish

*Tickles pretty strangers*
Location: Australia

Total posts: 610
Posted:hmmmm broken hearts...
yep, add me to the list, as of last wednesday Eveish is also in a zillian pieces frown I don't want to do anything, I can't eat, I don't want to sleep for fear of miserable dreams, I wake up in tears and there is a constant dull ache inside my rib cage that turns into an excruciating burning pain whenever I think of him.
Even my energy is gone.
I'll get better one day, it just seems that happiness is so far away now.


What if I should fall right through the centre of the Earth and come out the other side where people walk upside-down?!

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia

Total posts: 2615
Posted:Tell me why is it everybody has a rant about been hurt ?.

that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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Adya Miriyana
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Adya Miriyana

*slou?
Location: Adelaide, Australia

Total posts: 6554
Posted:because to have a broken heart is to mend it with part of another. an untouched heart will end up more sad and lonely than one created from so many others.

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia

Total posts: 2615
Posted:Yeah maybe but it's a lot better than been dissapointed . |Have you looked at many peeple that have been married for 20 plus year's forgive me if im wrong but lot of them seem sad anyway.

How do you know a untouched heart will end up like that ?. There are more than just love for a partner.


that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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Adya Miriyana
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Adya Miriyana

*slou?
Location: Adelaide, Australia

Total posts: 6554
Posted:mm i meant through all relationships.. perhaps the old saying 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all', not limited to love for a partner. *shrugs*

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:Having a rant about whatever plagues your mind helps you to get it out, I would probably do the same if I had been made extremely happy about something. Should the whole world go around pretending nothing has happened to them ever, when it blatantly has, whats the point. Human beings communicate, it is natural for the things at the forefront of their minds to be communicated...talking about it made me feel better....

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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Adya Miriyana
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Adya Miriyana

*slou?
Location: Adelaide, Australia

Total posts: 6554
Posted:hug i'm glad you're feeling better smile

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:Thanx adya hug

I know it will happen again,as it will to most,now at the forefront of a beautiful new little relationship I can start again with a clean slate and not harbouring the disappointment and bitterness from a past experiance.A heart is broken but repairable.... wink


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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tumtum


tumtum

member
Location: space

Total posts: 33
Posted:aww sweetie,is this about what I think it is (what you were telling me on the balcony)if so, you are better than this and shouldnt waste any more of yor time on it. Youve really helped me through a lot and you are smarter than this. U are wize beyond yor years and can do so much better. I'm glad yor happier now, becauze you deserve to be happy. Everyone does and I'm in awe of your perspective on the entire thing, especially after what you told me happened. I will say one thing though, you have a problem with communication. If you had made it clear what you were feeling when you felt it, instead of just going with the flow (which you always do) you may have saved yourself a lot of anguish and confusion. You are so honest and open about everything,which is one of the things I admire most about you, but when it comes to playing with your heart, you tiptoe around. If you think I'm getting too personal, feel free to slap me when you see me again.X
You are an angel blu, and in my opinion better off without him.

What really erks me is that people will intentionally hurt someone who doesnt deserve it....why does that happen time and time again? How can we be such bad judges of character. Someone who seems so wonderful and who you know through and through just one day, out of the blue,turns and becomes something strange and foreighn and bent on causing you as much pain as possible. I've read through quite a few of these forums and it seems there are loads of people here who have been hurt,so its a visious circle....dont people communicate anymore? Is that what this all is?Miscommunication.?Or a deeper evil hidden inside every human being.


Im hungry!!!

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free..., United Kingd...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:Honey..there is hope...I'm now mad for a girl and you're gonna meet her on friday. we will find you all the happiness you will ever need.

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:hope is what makes us human!!! ubblove

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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=Flashpoint=
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

=Flashpoint=

Pasta of Muppets
Location: in the interwebs..., United Ki...

Total posts: 2719
Posted:And to have a little rant myself.

I have just come out of a 2.5 year relationship with someone who I could readily call my soulmate. She is now seeing some one else. Who is the son of a millionaire, who can breakdance and stuff (he cant do any OM tho smile ) and seems wonderful. As a man, these things are important.

I have now had 2 relationships where I thought that I would be with them forever. The first I still get depressed about. You know, on the sad side of things, I can vouch that the pain never really goes away, it just goes and hides till it can jump on out at you again.

I'm not sure whether I could take all this crap again, I'm 26 and I have just been sh!t on by members of the opposite sex again and again. It has got to be something wrong with me... Oh well, back to the happy pills...

I'm just broken inside, broken down and feeling very old. I can tell you when my sparkle left for the last time, it was in Old Orleans in Ellesmere Port, at about 7.30 pm on a friday, when Erica (the first "One") Said she never wanted to see me again, and then she turned her back on me. Now that hurt. I drunk myself into a stupor, and I dont think I ever really woke up. Danielle has re-awakened those feelings.

I just feel so damned lonely. HoP helps.
Thanks everyone who has offered hugs and niceness to me, esp. Will and Mel, Tobi, Millhouse, Elaine, Cantus, Trippie and Bubbles, and the rest of the Manc peeps, as you are officially the nicest people I have ever met!

Catharsis is gooooooood...


ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
ubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmile

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.:star:.
SILVER Member since Jan 2005

.:star:.

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1785
Posted:hug hug hug

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Written by: Flashpoint
I have now had 2 relationships where I thought that I would be with them forever. The first I still get depressed about. You know, on the sad side of things, I can vouch that the pain never really goes away, it just goes and hides till it can jump on out at you again.




It only hides and doesn't go away if you don't face up to it, deal with it and then discard it.

Written by: Flashpoint
I'm not sure whether I could take all this crap again, I'm 26 and I have just been sh!t on by members of the opposite sex again and again. It has got to be something wrong with me... Oh well, back to the happy pills...



Just because you have had relationships fall apart doesn't have to mean there is anything wrong with you. Sometimes things just go wrong. We grow, and change all our lives. To expect someone else to grow and change at the same rate as you do all the time is not realistic. Relationships are fragile beasts and it takes very little sometimes to make them fall apart and sometimes its no ones fault.

I have to be honest and say I haven't read all this thread so this may have been said already or may not apply to some things in here, but here is my 2 pence worth.....

I feel that people now days are less likely to "settle" for things they feel are less than perfect. I remember as a child having an old lady tell me that she didn't like her husband much and when I asked her why she was still with him she told me "because I married him and much as I don't like him, he is good at keeping the garden tidy". In other words she settled for what she had.

I don't think people do that so much any more. They cut their losses and move on looking for that perfect person. That's ok, I guess, as long as you enjoy the looking and trying and then moving on, because I don't truly believe there is a prefect person out there waiting to be found. I don't really believe in "soul mates".

I think there are a whole bunch of imperfect people out there that just rub along day to day weaving in and out of each others lives. The trick to happiness is to take life for what it is, this big imperfect jumble that offers you happy times and sad times. Its up to you whether you let the sad times or the happy times dominate your life.

The only person you spend your whole life with is you, so get to liking who you are and you'll find life a whole lot more fun. Other people will come and go, weaving in and out of your life's tapestry. Enjoy the good times with them and thank them for the lessons the bad times teach you, then let them go on in their life and you go on in yours.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:Right, one has a dilemma.

I just wanna be loved. Does that make me a bad person? confused



Basically, I've found the brightest star in the galaxy, it's a long way away, and I can only dream of reaching him as I can't break free of the earth's gravity and I cannot drop the cargo.



My life's been turned upside down, inside out and blown away by this person.



After thinking I've got all my emotions grounded, kinda where I wanna be after three years of hassle, something is still missing in my life. I know I shouldn't be thinking "the grass is greener* and i'm not really. But should I not be allowed to feel fulfilled in a relationship? I don't want anyone to get hurt - I'd never want that, but recently someone's gone and stolen my heart and it feels so wonderful to be wanted in all the ways I wanna be wanted.



Now it doesn't help I can be over-emotional at times, and it seems my feelings are more amplified then other peoples - (the sensitive soul that is me) and the fact that it is a very impractical situation due to certain variables and what not, it's going to be so difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel.



I'm in trouble guys!


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:aw tinklepants,its this uncertainty and not knowing that I think outshines the obstacles and possibility of getting hurt or hurting someone else, although to lack of particulars does seem to make commenting difficult.Go with it,you are only in as much trouble as you allow yourself to be in.

I have to disagree with your previous post though tinklepants, I find 'hope' to be a nasty and decieving thing that distracts from the now and makes people live half-lives....you may want to have a look at shu's post, also in discussion from not so long ago regarding this...I dont know how to paste liks and stuff, but its on a bout page 5 and its called 'Hope,Reality And relationships (A discussion with a friend)

And many hugs for Flashpoint who I see could use a little sperkle too.

tumtum,I'll talk to you later,but a fine point on the miscommunication front,or lack of communication.If i had said exactly what I meant,I would have been spared a lot, and in all fairness, I would 100% be in loved-up land right now,but I didnt, I was afraid, and its as much my fault as anyone elses. This talking about matters of the heart thing does not come naturally to me. not in a one on one, face to face kinda thing. I'm a writer, not a speaker....

Well done to Skully for her post, some home truthes be found,as I said in one of my previous posts, my biggest problem was that I could not be alone with myself, and I didnt enjoy the company I kept in the empty moments. I'm glad to say that I am slowly learning how to be alone, and getting reaquainted with myself... (oh it sounds oh so flimsy saying stuff like that).I no longer feel empty when no one else is around and I'm learning to be comfortable by myself.I would say to anyone in a similar position that this is a good step to take insteading of running headfirst into something, or avoiding everything you can.


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:blu - the lack of the particulars is because it's a very delicate subject and as this isn't a member's only board I'd rather not go into detail.

I will say this though. Love is indeed a strange thing and I'll never stop hoping (or HoPping ubblol) I shan't let it control my life either (yeah Tam you say that now.... lol) but seriously, if two people feel an unexplainable, unbreakable connection, more than lust, more than friendship, then I believe they'll be united one day. (I hope...)


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:undoubtedly! smile

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:You can't exactly stop yourself from falling in love either, not truly. I know some people who don't let anyone close to them, only for them to fall for someone hard somewhere along the line, as deep down, they just wanna be loved.



I never intentionally went out looking to fall in love with someone else - It just started off as liking him, then he said something that moved me so strongly, I knew he was a keeper. something about him filled a void within me that had been empty a really long time.



Yes he spins and yes, he HoPs!

ubblove


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:Well good for you tinkly one, I hope everything works out for you.

I'm one of those who never allows anyone too near, infact I'm overly weary yet overly open to people..I confuse myself on my own standpoint. And its true, I have fallen for someone, and fallen hard, only for it to be the wrong thing (and I mean really wrong), hence, I started this thread. So once again, here I am,once again unwilling to let my guard down and let someone in...its a visious circle really. I have taken myself in hand and re-evaluated what it is that I want, because if you dont know what you want,how will you know if you already have it or not, or even where to look for it.

its strange though as I am not overly worried about it. I'ts gone from general sadness to general indifferance. I've accepted how I feel now and I'm ok with it.Take each day as it comes, and stop analyzing every little thing to further destroy self confidence. Embrace what you have and follow your gut. Life is too short to not surround yourself with but the most beautiful things/souls/people/places that you can find. Like a soundtrack to the film that is your life,pick the most uplifting song you can and go out and get that which will make you happy. Guilt and longing are uneccesary emotions.

hug


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:I'm hoping so too!

Every time i've though "this guy may be the one" he's hurt me, so I'm thinking instead "promising, but we'll see what happens"

by the one, I mean the one I wanna spend the rest of my living days on this earth with.

never let a good thing be out of reach!


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:well said tink (I dont know what to call you anymore...you keep changing your name!) and I hope the butterflies of happiness lend you their wings.

I guess its better to go with the flow, because if you over analyze, youll bring it down,if you walk forward blindly youll fall down...no easy medium...you just have to find a balance.
wink


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:just call me Tammie. or Tam. or Oi, Girlie! lol

When you're up s**t's creek without a paddle just let it take you wherever it flows... to the waste water treatment facility?? lol


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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