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ed209Ed: geek, staffer, past participle
122 posts
Location: London, UK

Grrr... Have just been driven off my communal back gardens by a bunch of little chav-lings. Who have decided that because I spin a staff, I am therefore gay. Nothing wrong with that - but if I were gay, I might find a bunch of kids calling me a "f*****g gay w****r" a mite offensive, and I might find their invitations to shove my staff up their a**e also a bit offensive.

Now, my usual tactic in situations like this is to say absolutely nothing. Engaging them in banter or a slagging off contest would just be pointless as they are very, very stupid. So I think the best bet is to hope they get bored and go away. Worked remarkably well up till today when there were 6 of them. In large numbers, they get more fearless and start getting very close to the staff. And then, I feel I have to go inside, because otherwise one of the little hellions is bound to get hit and I will be held responsible.

(Btw, the garden bit is open and faces onto a road and other houses, which is why they can just wander in).

Anyone else have situations like this? Or any workable solutions, besides the one I really want to do, which is to smite the little s**tstains with the business end of a lit staff.

mad mad mad mad mad

Fine_Rabid_DogInternet Hate Machine
10,530 posts
Location: They seek him here, they seek him there...


Stupid chavs angry The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

yoniGOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,099 posts
Location: Bideford and Bath, United Kingdom

first off i f***in hate kids so i have that problem allot. but i find most are incredibly stupid so if you say something witty and clever they stand there for about 10 seconds tryin to work it out with a confused look on their face and then give up swear at ou showing their incredible intelligence and maturity then walk off confused.
although be warned occasionally this backfires and just annoys and provokes them more. UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> devil stick -> juggling club -> juggling ball -> crayons."

In other words, it's the thumps bump

NoddyToe Poking Bad Boy
2,865 posts
Location: Lake District UK

hang on.....yoni anit you a kid???



silly chavs Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!

animatEdBRONZE Member
1 + 1 = 3
3,540 posts
Location: Bristol UK

The chavs in my area aren't TOO bad...

Normally they just won't leave you alone. They like the look of what I/my friends are doing, and come up close to talk to us, which can be annoying because it hinders our play, or it can be nice because, well, everyone loves getting attention sometimes!

The chavs in Hull are a bit different. Some of them had a go at me one day when I was spinning staff in my university halls. They were only 14. Bless. I said to them: I have a big stick, and as you can see, I know how to use it. Starting a fight with me is stupid becase I WILL kick your asses. They came closer, so I spun the staff a bit more menacingly, and after that, all I get now is the odd 'faggot' as they bolt off round the corner. They won't even give me a chance to give chase...

It's lucky that they don't realise that I couldn't fight with a staff to save my life being non-martial art trained, but can only make pretty patterns...

Plus the fact that I f*cking hate chavs with a passion... Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

NoddyToe Poking Bad Boy
2,865 posts
Location: Lake District UK

i love a good chav b****ing page Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!

TheBovrilMonkeySILVER Member
Liquid Cow
2,629 posts
Location: High Wycombe, England

Written by: ed209

I might find their invitations to shove my staff up their a**e also a bit offensive.

Hang on, they invited you to shove your staff up their a**e?
Take a dictaphone next time and take them up on their offer, just keep a recording to show the police that they actually asked for it tongue

I seem to remember Matthew BM having similar problems, I'm sure there's a thread about it. Maybe I'll summon up the energy needed to try and find it for you. But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

duballstarSILVER Member
slack rating - 9.5
2,216 posts
Location: Suburbiton, Yoo-Kay, United Kingdom

have any of you considered asking the kids if they'd like to have a go? umm

while they may act like an aggresive or rude bunch of little oiks most kids are usually just inquisitive as to what you're doing or bored out their skulls by their own mindless little existences. if they don't understand what your doing or feel like you're trying to distance yourself from them the chance's are they'll view you negetively as an 'other' to be agressive towards.

i try and offer kids a lesson if they're hanging around when i spin as it breaks down barriers between the 'us and them' mentality and difusses any sense of conflict they might feel with you as an outsider to their own culture. while this can be tiresome to do and will require some patience, at least next time they see you they'll hav some understanding of what that silly bugger's doing waving his stick about and perhaps even respect the skills you have in doing so. the last thing you want to do is threaten, patronise or insult them as this just creates further tension and provides an excuse for conflict which they might be looking for either as 'just something to do' or as boost to their own low self esteem through group bullying... something which would be better acomplished through a creative and productive outlet such as spinning...

just a thought smile It is our fantasies that make us real. Without our fantasies we're just a blank monkey' - Terry Pratchett

newgabeSILVER Member
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia

Yeah I've used this approach with some kids kinda heckling our juggle jam.. mind you there's about 30 of us and about 4 of them so it's not so intimidating as when you're on your own. SPecially when the collective intelligence level seems to drop the larger the group of 'them; there are. A danger in offering to

teach' or help them is lowest common denominator. The stupidest defining the response/breaking/stealing your stuff/spreading your fire etc. But it's still the most compassionate response..... .....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....