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Cheeky 1


member
Location: Australia

Total posts: 8
Posted:Am 5 days into the break-up of a four year relationship and am sad...

Anyone got any advice. I have tried twirling but cant seem to find a quiet place in my head.

Oh Yeah, Hi Everyone this is my first post. Sorry for going straight to the sad stuff.


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Kurobei


member
Location: The Phire Kru

Total posts: 786
Posted:Hey, welcome to HoP!! man if anything's guarenteed to take your mind away, this is the place!!!

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years just over a year ago but I took it quite hard at the time. I would lie awake for hours etcthinking about stuff until I thought I'm gonna be like this forever if I don't snap out of it.
So I started doing stuff with my mates, they were really good and now I'm a whloe lot closer to them than I was, but I went out and did stuff and if I caught myself thinking of her, I'd immediately go and do something, anything to take my mind away.
It worked for me, I wish you luck man, I really do.

Happy hopping, get to know people, start posting and get wrapped up in some of the zany posts here!!!!

[ 04 October 2002, 01:58: Message edited by: Kurobei ]


whats up with all the limitations?

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SmallBoys Evil Twin Brother


member
Location: London

Total posts: 55
Posted:My advice normally sucks so please ignore it if you feel it's irrelevant

I broke up with my ex 2 years ago and still think of her. Probably coz she keeps phoning me up telling me she's done the ironing, watching the TV or that she's tried to kill herself again but hey, if it was bothering me or serious in any way i wouldn't be posting it

2 choices,
1. Sit and mope.....
2. Don't think about it......

Thinking that you can't stop thinking about it is completely self defeating, and it'll never go away.
Firstly though, think of all the benefits of being single (and there's loads but you probbaly wont see that yet), just to try and lessen the sadness of when your brain gets fucked up over it.

Post abject bollocks if it makes you feel better, I do it a lot to waste time, and make people laugh/think I'm mad/upset the normals (although be prepared for some people to slag you off coz they think they own the site and that abject bollocks posters should all be gathered together and killed - ).

Go meet some poi peeps....and get hugz.....not throwing yourself into some other relationship but just warm friendly hugz.

Lastly do fire, trust me when I say that it completely empties your head

Eventually it all goes away man.....but then you know this already and I'm just babbling bollocks

Take care
SmallBoy


I don't rebel against the system, I created it for the misery of others.

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UCOF
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

UCOF

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: , United Kingdom

Total posts: 15414
Posted:or smoke some weed...that helps me...shame i dont have at the mo....i really need it for tonight

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SmallBoys Evil Twin Brother


member
Location: London

Total posts: 55
Posted:Jon - Saturday mate....sorry many apologies for hijacking thread.

Errrr - break ups....yeah...errr....call your mum, she's alwayz good at cheering people up.

Well not your mum, although she might be, but mine is anyway......and i don't mean cheering people up in any sexual kinda way...of fu*k it....

You get the point......

Be smiley....people luv u.....

Apologies for any inconvenience caused to anyone that had to sit thru reading this and weren't made to smile in some way. I realise that your time is precious -


I don't rebel against the system, I created it for the misery of others.

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:Heya, I know that is a rotten way to be. In a lot of ways there is no avoiding the fact that you are going to feel awful for at least a few days, if not weeks. Treat yourself gently, don't try to force yourself to be happy or say "I should be over this". Go out with friends, cook your favourite foods, play your favourite music. Don't punish yourself with regrets & memories.

It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Kurobei


member
Location: The Phire Kru

Total posts: 786
Posted:Alternatively you could blow your speakers and your mind or go to a club and have your ears violently assaulted with some disgustingly heavy thrash metal and headbang until your neck feels like its gonna break!!

I also did this, it was actually good fun jumping around with all the moshers and it certainly takes your mind off everything except the people around you!!!!


whats up with all the limitations?

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:heya man, sad to hear.
words fall flat at this stage, and there most exquisite sadness is the most comfortable state huh?
do you believe in the transfer of strength (in the psychic sense)? well it holds true, regardless! please feel better knowing that the thoughts and emotions of your Home of Poi friends will directly feed yours if you let it - walls, continents and pocket protectors are no barrier to this empathy.

the best way to heal is not alone
if ya like, we can meet up in the weekend for a cheerup sesh if you're in melbourne.
In the meantime, try not to listen to sad songs, like sandstorm..


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:Don't mope, don't let it drag you down. Get on with your life. Spend time with friends. These are all hard for now, but will get easier. It's a long, tough road, but needs walking. Friends will help you, but you need to walk it, not lie down and get run over. Well, that was a deep metaphor, maybe!

I'd also recommend not seeing your ex for a couple of months, it only confuses the issue.


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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:A great Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Thich Nhat Hahnsaid:
quote:
Nhat Hahn also spoke about the Buddhist perspective of dealing with suffering in our lives. Although it might at first seem paradoxical to many Americans, he suggested that, rather than our normal practice of "running away from our pain and sorrow, or covering it up with consumption," a Buddhist understands that "suffering must be recognized and embraced in order to alleviate it...Dear friends, let us embrace our pain and sorrow with tenderness to find out what is the deep source. Then comes the insight that will liberate you from suffering."
and Dath Vader said this:
quote:Luke! she's your sister for cryin' out loud!no wiat, that was less than helpful...


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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Cheeky 1


member
Location: Australia

Total posts: 8
Posted:Thanks for the wise words you guys. I will try to keep the old chin up. I know it is early days yet.

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Cassandra


Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !

Total posts: 4224
Posted:Sorry to hear about you

sending smiles and good vibes your way.

it's spring time in OZ, take a walk outside and let the sun tickle your noes

shine on
cassandra


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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coleman
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

coleman

big and good and broken
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kin...

Total posts: 7330
Posted:whats that thing everyone kept saying to me? oh yeah, 'time heals'. the way it does this i found, is that it just fades your memory. its been a couple of years now since my worst ever break-up and i still have problems seeing the girl. (i think) the reason is that when i do, i remember better what happened, and how i felt. ya know like when you hear a tune or smell a particular scent your memory can be triggered? well that still happens to me now with her.

like dom said, i should have tried not seeing her for a good while. i worried too much about about 'losing her as a friend' but what i came to realise is that i had to accept her as 'just a friend' before i could lose her friendship (does that make any sense?). ie. we may have been lovers and best friends but you can't take away one side of that relationship and expect it not to affect the other - i couldn't see her as one of my mates and to do so, i should have started from scratch.

bear in mind that this is not advice, its just my experience. i sat and smoked ridiculous amounts of weed, went out lots and was depressed on and off for about 18 months! i listened to sad songs - it probably kept me sad but at least you can hear that other people know exactly how you feel (and it kind of fits in with that buddhist thing too). i went out with my friends, met new ones (without whom i probably would never have discovered poi) and generally sorted out a life that was based around just me again.

if you need a random stranger to rant at, you're more than welcome to mail me as i'm sure most of the people on here would offer (friendly bunch this lot). take care dude.

peas.


"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

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Cheeky 1


member
Location: Australia

Total posts: 8
Posted:Wow. I just finished reading some of the big discussions going on in here. I am really feeling for you guys at the moment.
I have just lost someone I Loved over hastily said words and can barely watch you guys losing each other...


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