Forums > Social Discussion > Hope, Reality And Relationships (A Discussion with a Friend)
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Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Posted:
Okay so i got this friend and for some time now we've been discussing relationship issues and insecurities. Mostly relating to finding that ONE special person. This morning she starts a SMS text discussion with me, the crux of it being:
She:
Just one question... Do you loose all hope or do you remain hopefull?
Shu:
Remain hopeful...
Whithout hope is there really any point to living?
She:
But hope creates uncertainty, would you want to live the rest of you life with uncertainty?
Shu:
NO NO NO!
YOU generate uncertainty!
Hope doesn't!
She:
Hope isn't real, is it? It doesn't acknowlege the power in YOU. Even an idea is only as perfect as you can percieve it. Whilst perception = reality, we aren't fully accepting.
Reality is a little left of centre. What do you do when your ideal has flaws cos YOU didn't think of it. When do you stay and fight and when do you hightail it? So where is hope's role?
Shu:
Well do you want to close the door on life, or would you like to keep it open?
She:
Would you like to be the architect of your own destiny and MAKE things happen or would you like to blow aimlessly in the breeze, rudderless and waisting away?
Shu:
We are all architects of our own lives... the question you should be asking yourself, is weather you are happy with the current design of your life!
All things are only as real as we want them to be! The mind is a powerful force!
We all live within our own perception of reality, which requires continuous pruning and developement. We should vigilantly maintain the dynamics of "reality", and never alow it to stagnate.
A static ideal in reality would cause us to fall behind and we'd live stagnant lives.
------------------------------------------------------------
looks like this conversation is going to continue this evening. but what are your views on this?
Okay so i got this friend and for some time now we've been discussing relationship issues and insecurities. Mostly relating to finding that ONE special person. This morning she starts a SMS text discussion with me, the crux of it being:
She:
Just one question... Do you loose all hope or do you remain hopefull?
Shu:
Remain hopeful...
Whithout hope is there really any point to living?
She:
But hope creates uncertainty, would you want to live the rest of you life with uncertainty?
Shu:
NO NO NO!
YOU generate uncertainty!
Hope doesn't!
She:
Hope isn't real, is it? It doesn't acknowlege the power in YOU. Even an idea is only as perfect as you can percieve it. Whilst perception = reality, we aren't fully accepting.
Reality is a little left of centre. What do you do when your ideal has flaws cos YOU didn't think of it. When do you stay and fight and when do you hightail it? So where is hope's role?
Shu:
Well do you want to close the door on life, or would you like to keep it open?
She:
Would you like to be the architect of your own destiny and MAKE things happen or would you like to blow aimlessly in the breeze, rudderless and waisting away?
Shu:
We are all architects of our own lives... the question you should be asking yourself, is weather you are happy with the current design of your life!
All things are only as real as we want them to be! The mind is a powerful force!
We all live within our own perception of reality, which requires continuous pruning and developement. We should vigilantly maintain the dynamics of "reality", and never alow it to stagnate.
A static ideal in reality would cause us to fall behind and we'd live stagnant lives.
------------------------------------------------------------
looks like this conversation is going to continue this evening. but what are your views on this?
Regards 
Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)
You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM! 
Yes, i do bite!!
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Hope is certainly something we create in a bid to make life easier... but it's a quick fix and usually ends in disappointment.
Centering yourself and looking to what you really need often provides a truer answer.
However, we're all human, and most of us turn to hope as a comfort blanket at some stage - perhaps the key is not to let these dreams get the better of us.
Hope is certainly something we create in a bid to make life easier... but it's a quick fix and usually ends in disappointment.
Centering yourself and looking to what you really need often provides a truer answer.
However, we're all human, and most of us turn to hope as a comfort blanket at some stage - perhaps the key is not to let these dreams get the better of us.
Getting to the other side 
GOLD Member
member
45 posts
Location: Copenhagen, DK, Denmark
member
45 posts
Location: Copenhagen, DK, Denmark
Posted:
My belief is that the ONE special person is not found, rather it's what someone becomes. What I mean is that you need an open mind to realise that flaws are only that if you think so. Flaws can be changed if that person wants to but so can your perception of them if _you_ want to. I guess hope is the confidence you can find in both sides' ability to want and carry through the changes nescessary to be the ONE special person to each other.
Maybe I'm just reiterating the original poster in so many words, but hope doesn't create uncertainty.
The future will always be uncertain, the past always fixed and the now simply is. I guess hope is walking confidently into the uncertain.
But I fear I'm getting sidetracked from the topic, relationship issues and insecurities. I'm single and always have been, so maybe my words carry very little weight.
Do I loose all hope? Sometimes, but when I do life gets a lot harder.
I hope this makes sense, I'm not entirely sure myself.
/Dennis
My belief is that the ONE special person is not found, rather it's what someone becomes. What I mean is that you need an open mind to realise that flaws are only that if you think so. Flaws can be changed if that person wants to but so can your perception of them if _you_ want to. I guess hope is the confidence you can find in both sides' ability to want and carry through the changes nescessary to be the ONE special person to each other.
Maybe I'm just reiterating the original poster in so many words, but hope doesn't create uncertainty.
The future will always be uncertain, the past always fixed and the now simply is. I guess hope is walking confidently into the uncertain.
But I fear I'm getting sidetracked from the topic, relationship issues and insecurities. I'm single and always have been, so maybe my words carry very little weight.
Do I loose all hope? Sometimes, but when I do life gets a lot harder.
I hope this makes sense, I'm not entirely sure myself.
/Dennis
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Posted:
"Would you like to be the architect of your own destiny and MAKE things happen"
I think if you are MAKING things happen then you're doing something wrong, if you HELP something to happen then you're doing something right.
I appreciate that the language isn't very clear.
You cannot control your destiny because you are not in control of your life. Your parents control you, school and work controls you, where you live controls you. The only thing you control, and the last great freedom of mankind is the space in your own head. Only you can decide what your opinions are. While you may be informed by other peoples views, you ultimately make up your own mind.
"Would you like to be the architect of your own destiny and MAKE things happen"
I think if you are MAKING things happen then you're doing something wrong, if you HELP something to happen then you're doing something right.
I appreciate that the language isn't very clear.
You cannot control your destiny because you are not in control of your life. Your parents control you, school and work controls you, where you live controls you. The only thing you control, and the last great freedom of mankind is the space in your own head. Only you can decide what your opinions are. While you may be informed by other peoples views, you ultimately make up your own mind.
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted:
I'm going to disagree with Sethis and say that you are in control of your life. You can choose where you live (often even in which country), you can choose what your job is, and once you reach a certain age (which I did many, many years ago) your parents have no say in what you do. I do agree that only you can decide what your opinions are.
As for hope, I think it has it's place. It is sometimes helpful to your state of mind to hope that something will happen. However, I've learned that to have any expectations in life can often have negative effects. Thus, I've tried to live without them. This means I'm not setting myself up for getting hurt. It also means I am pleasantly surprised when someone does something nice for me or unexpected in a good way.
I don't expect people to behave/act in a certain fashion because what my mind liked to have happen in the past was often very different from reality. I learned that my expectations were causing me more pain than joy, so I actually worked pretty hard at getting rid of them . Of course, this is difficult for some to accept since most of society has expectations of others and things they want. I have found so much more joy and pleasure just by living in/for today and being happy at what comes my way. I am in charge of my life because of this. It's my decisions that I must live by - not by those of someone else. And, by not having expectations of other people, they are free to interact with me as they would like to as well and know that I'm going to smile and be happy, because, well I am.
So, to sum things up, only you know what makes you happy. Instead of hoping that something will happen, you can do your best to see that it does and know that if it didn't happen it wasn't because you didn't try your best or give it your all. It just wasn't meant to be and there is nothing wrong with that.
I'm going to disagree with Sethis and say that you are in control of your life. You can choose where you live (often even in which country), you can choose what your job is, and once you reach a certain age (which I did many, many years ago) your parents have no say in what you do. I do agree that only you can decide what your opinions are.
As for hope, I think it has it's place. It is sometimes helpful to your state of mind to hope that something will happen. However, I've learned that to have any expectations in life can often have negative effects. Thus, I've tried to live without them. This means I'm not setting myself up for getting hurt. It also means I am pleasantly surprised when someone does something nice for me or unexpected in a good way.
I don't expect people to behave/act in a certain fashion because what my mind liked to have happen in the past was often very different from reality. I learned that my expectations were causing me more pain than joy, so I actually worked pretty hard at getting rid of them . Of course, this is difficult for some to accept since most of society has expectations of others and things they want. I have found so much more joy and pleasure just by living in/for today and being happy at what comes my way. I am in charge of my life because of this. It's my decisions that I must live by - not by those of someone else. And, by not having expectations of other people, they are free to interact with me as they would like to as well and know that I'm going to smile and be happy, because, well I am.
So, to sum things up, only you know what makes you happy. Instead of hoping that something will happen, you can do your best to see that it does and know that if it didn't happen it wasn't because you didn't try your best or give it your all. It just wasn't meant to be and there is nothing wrong with that.
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Hmmmm... Hope.
Tricky word. "Hope" implies that one is looking to the future for answers instead of living and dealing with the here and now. How can you get to where you are going if you don't know where you are? It creates a sub-reality very few are well equipped enough to handle. If you are not careful, the lines between what is real and what is not will fade, it depends on the choices you make in the hear and now as to weather this is a good thing or not.It is not always defeatest as so often percieved.
Because ofcoarse, nothing is actually real is it? Your job, family, home... you could leave it all behind and be on the other side of the world tomorrow. How real are those things then? Can a memory be trusted? Depends on weather you choose it to be or not. Your life now is real to you because you choose it to be. If you get tired of it, you can revalidate another little sub-reality and they can trade places. After all, dreams and ideas are just realities that have not been made real,but can be.
In complete contradiction to myself I will also say that hope implies optimism and security in the fact that things will get better, that you will come out ok at the end, because they always do.
"Believe that past the darkest night the morning waits to give it's light, believe that on some distant hill the sun is shining brightly still"
This ofcoarse may lead you to living your life as a total optimist,and failing really to take some things as seriously as you deserve.Missing out on some valuable life lessons. Once again, its all about the choices you make in the now that decide weather this is good or bad.
As for "The one"..... where human beings are given free will there will always be uncertainty, 'hope' doesnt even need to play a part in it. But thats the beauty of life, not knowing,the fact that something great may be around the next corner or the next, and if it isn't, how do you handle the dissapointment? Do you look to the next corner and completely deny that if you had stayed back a little longer something good may have come? Or are you defetead, or are you dissapointed at all?
When things dont go our way, do we dwell on them? Does this do us any good?
Acceptance.Accepting blindly or validationg ones acceptance of something, which works better?Who is happier?
Happiness. The secret to being happy is:
BE HAPPY
Hmmmm... Hope.
Tricky word. "Hope" implies that one is looking to the future for answers instead of living and dealing with the here and now. How can you get to where you are going if you don't know where you are? It creates a sub-reality very few are well equipped enough to handle. If you are not careful, the lines between what is real and what is not will fade, it depends on the choices you make in the hear and now as to weather this is a good thing or not.It is not always defeatest as so often percieved.
Because ofcoarse, nothing is actually real is it? Your job, family, home... you could leave it all behind and be on the other side of the world tomorrow. How real are those things then? Can a memory be trusted? Depends on weather you choose it to be or not. Your life now is real to you because you choose it to be. If you get tired of it, you can revalidate another little sub-reality and they can trade places. After all, dreams and ideas are just realities that have not been made real,but can be.
In complete contradiction to myself I will also say that hope implies optimism and security in the fact that things will get better, that you will come out ok at the end, because they always do.
"Believe that past the darkest night the morning waits to give it's light, believe that on some distant hill the sun is shining brightly still"
This ofcoarse may lead you to living your life as a total optimist,and failing really to take some things as seriously as you deserve.Missing out on some valuable life lessons. Once again, its all about the choices you make in the now that decide weather this is good or bad.
As for "The one"..... where human beings are given free will there will always be uncertainty, 'hope' doesnt even need to play a part in it. But thats the beauty of life, not knowing,the fact that something great may be around the next corner or the next, and if it isn't, how do you handle the dissapointment? Do you look to the next corner and completely deny that if you had stayed back a little longer something good may have come? Or are you defetead, or are you dissapointed at all?
When things dont go our way, do we dwell on them? Does this do us any good?
Acceptance.Accepting blindly or validationg ones acceptance of something, which works better?Who is happier?
Happiness. The secret to being happy is:
BE HAPPY
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
SILVER Member
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
Posted:
"Tricky word. "Hope" implies that one is looking to the future for answers instead of living and dealing with the here and now. How can you get to where you are going if you don't know where you are?"
Maybe hope is there for when everything else has failed? Like those times we really do feel we've lost everything in the here and now?
"Tricky word. "Hope" implies that one is looking to the future for answers instead of living and dealing with the here and now. How can you get to where you are going if you don't know where you are?"
Maybe hope is there for when everything else has failed? Like those times we really do feel we've lost everything in the here and now?
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
It's very interesting how many different viewpoints/definitions there are on the same word.
So I went to dictionary.com and looked it up.
Hope
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic. To have confidence; trust.
In having hope, we have an expectation and we do in fact set ourselves up for the possibility of being hurt. But without hope, what is the point of dreaming or wishing or even working for that matter? We work with the hope that one day we will be in a better financial place, or that we will graduate, or that we will achieve something more. Is there a garuntee for that? Nope. It is only a hope, but one that most people harbour.
Same thing with affairs of the heart. It takes work to make relationships happen, but we also have to have hope that things will work out, otherwise we become disenchanted and disillusioned.
But this is where being the master of our own lives comes in. We have hope, then we have a choice. We can choose to work towards making that hope, that expectation, into a reality OR we can choose to do nothing and allow that wish to be unfulfilled.
Even in a relationship. I can want someone (and I currently do, very much) but if I standby looking and not speaking to him, it is a hope without foundation. By even speaking to him I put a small foundation under that hope and take one step towards making it a reality. Will it work out? I have no idea. I am attempting to maintain a respectable emotional distance (since we have a large amount of physical distance) just in case things don't go as I would like, but I still have hope.
Did that make sense or am I talking in circles? *le sigh*
It is soooo hard to have hope in the relationship field sometimes, but I think it is important to.
It's very interesting how many different viewpoints/definitions there are on the same word.
So I went to dictionary.com and looked it up.
Hope
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic. To have confidence; trust.
In having hope, we have an expectation and we do in fact set ourselves up for the possibility of being hurt. But without hope, what is the point of dreaming or wishing or even working for that matter? We work with the hope that one day we will be in a better financial place, or that we will graduate, or that we will achieve something more. Is there a garuntee for that? Nope. It is only a hope, but one that most people harbour.
Same thing with affairs of the heart. It takes work to make relationships happen, but we also have to have hope that things will work out, otherwise we become disenchanted and disillusioned.
But this is where being the master of our own lives comes in. We have hope, then we have a choice. We can choose to work towards making that hope, that expectation, into a reality OR we can choose to do nothing and allow that wish to be unfulfilled.
Even in a relationship. I can want someone (and I currently do, very much) but if I standby looking and not speaking to him, it is a hope without foundation. By even speaking to him I put a small foundation under that hope and take one step towards making it a reality. Will it work out? I have no idea. I am attempting to maintain a respectable emotional distance (since we have a large amount of physical distance) just in case things don't go as I would like, but I still have hope.
Did that make sense or am I talking in circles? *le sigh*
It is soooo hard to have hope in the relationship field sometimes, but I think it is important to.
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
member
99 posts
Location: west coast
99 posts
Location: west coast
Posted:
Great conversation!
Many of you touched on what I would say about hope. It has a tendancy to draw us out of the present moment, which deserves our fullest attention. However, it can be a most useful tool . As the tea fairy says, there may be moments that we can barely stand to be present in, and hope draws us out and into the future allowing us to continue on.
So,simply recognize when hope is taking you away from the present. If so, it may be worth exploring why you are doing that.
Be very cautious of expectations.Dangerous things. Unreliable, the future is... I don't even expect the next moment to be here, which is for me another great reason to stay focussed on the present! You can only count on now.
Finding "the one"... Seriously I think that most of that feeling is a genetic mating call, biological drives we have romanticized. But the way we have romaniticized it is interesting, and may reveal something important.
The myth we have created around it is one of dual nature/soul division, that we need something outside of ourselves to be completed. That there is an empty space within to be filled. beleiving and feeling this we run around like maniacs trying to fill it, consuming everything, including people. I think we are looking for connection, seek it in a partner, create an attachment, and call it love.
But really, the connection we are looking for is to the flow of life itself, whatever you want to call it, nature, God, Spirit... A love relationship sometimes creates a safe place we can see glimpses of that. We are drawn by the craving to feel secure within a tribe, within the Universe. Connected.
So maybe we look for love, when really we are wanting LOVE, of the spirit sort, the connected kind rather than the attachment kind. It is a lot to place on your love partner the expectation that they can somehow be your other half, and fufil that great yearning.
Why not , instead of spending time looking outside for " the one", spend a little inside yourself realizing you are" One"...
There is no need to "hope" for Love, you have it! Despite so many cultural and societal messages to the contrary, You are whole. Everything you need is there. You inherantly a part of it all-- Love, the Universe, a tribe- integrally connected. Then you just have to stay aware, touch it, let it flow. You dont need to create much of anything, just to recognize and work with what is there.
That said, by all means, enjoy what partnerships you may find. They are great fun ways to go through life on this planet, sharing expereinces, supporting each other, playing and learning . I just would not place hopes and expectations on any of them though. It seems to me an impossible stressful paradox to ask that someone else complete yourself. It hurts in a huge way when this fails, as it surely will.
Not saying this is easy, or necessarily right, just stuff I am thinking about !
Thanks for the thoughts you shared, and the ones you provoked. You guys are pretty amazing at articulating ideas !
Great conversation!
Many of you touched on what I would say about hope. It has a tendancy to draw us out of the present moment, which deserves our fullest attention. However, it can be a most useful tool . As the tea fairy says, there may be moments that we can barely stand to be present in, and hope draws us out and into the future allowing us to continue on.
So,simply recognize when hope is taking you away from the present. If so, it may be worth exploring why you are doing that.
Be very cautious of expectations.Dangerous things. Unreliable, the future is... I don't even expect the next moment to be here, which is for me another great reason to stay focussed on the present! You can only count on now.
Finding "the one"... Seriously I think that most of that feeling is a genetic mating call, biological drives we have romanticized. But the way we have romaniticized it is interesting, and may reveal something important.
The myth we have created around it is one of dual nature/soul division, that we need something outside of ourselves to be completed. That there is an empty space within to be filled. beleiving and feeling this we run around like maniacs trying to fill it, consuming everything, including people. I think we are looking for connection, seek it in a partner, create an attachment, and call it love.
But really, the connection we are looking for is to the flow of life itself, whatever you want to call it, nature, God, Spirit... A love relationship sometimes creates a safe place we can see glimpses of that. We are drawn by the craving to feel secure within a tribe, within the Universe. Connected.
So maybe we look for love, when really we are wanting LOVE, of the spirit sort, the connected kind rather than the attachment kind. It is a lot to place on your love partner the expectation that they can somehow be your other half, and fufil that great yearning.
Why not , instead of spending time looking outside for " the one", spend a little inside yourself realizing you are" One"...
There is no need to "hope" for Love, you have it! Despite so many cultural and societal messages to the contrary, You are whole. Everything you need is there. You inherantly a part of it all-- Love, the Universe, a tribe- integrally connected. Then you just have to stay aware, touch it, let it flow. You dont need to create much of anything, just to recognize and work with what is there.
That said, by all means, enjoy what partnerships you may find. They are great fun ways to go through life on this planet, sharing expereinces, supporting each other, playing and learning . I just would not place hopes and expectations on any of them though. It seems to me an impossible stressful paradox to ask that someone else complete yourself. It hurts in a huge way when this fails, as it surely will.
Not saying this is easy, or necessarily right, just stuff I am thinking about !
Thanks for the thoughts you shared, and the ones you provoked. You guys are pretty amazing at articulating ideas !
wherever you go, there you are
member
99 posts
Location: west coast
99 posts
Location: west coast
Posted:
Another thought about hope.Yes, it is scary to consider a life without it. If you put it aside, you are forced to actually deal with simply what is there,now. Imagine that, if we never distracted ourselves with the future or the past? What insights would we find, what power is there? What could we accomplish, now ? Who is with you right now that needs yourattention?
As for hope as motivation, yes, it often is.But there is a enormous satisfaction in doing / being without expectation or attachment to outcome. This way of being is not fueled by or dependant on hope...
Another thought about hope.Yes, it is scary to consider a life without it. If you put it aside, you are forced to actually deal with simply what is there,now. Imagine that, if we never distracted ourselves with the future or the past? What insights would we find, what power is there? What could we accomplish, now ? Who is with you right now that needs yourattention?
As for hope as motivation, yes, it often is.But there is a enormous satisfaction in doing / being without expectation or attachment to outcome. This way of being is not fueled by or dependant on hope...
wherever you go, there you are
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom
Posted:
I'm glad someone's pointed out that torturing oneself over the absence of 'the one' is a bit counter-productive.
So many people drive themselves into misery because they feel 'incomplete' when single.
It's a waste- for many people, the prime drive for 'the one', or for simply not being single; is caused not by real need, or because it will make them happy, but because of the social myths and pressures associated with being single and about the value of being in a couple.
If you can be happy and content on your own (and it's not as impossible as many think) then, as someone who's single, you'll do well- and, when/if you meet someone, then that relationship will work a lot better as well.
Written by: rowanlee
The myth we have created around it is one of dual nature/soul division, that we need something outside of ourselves to be completed. That there is an empty space within to be filled. beleiving and feeling this we run around like maniacs trying to fill it, consuming everything, including people. I think we are looking for connection, seek it in a partner, create an attachment, and call it love.
I'm glad someone's pointed out that torturing oneself over the absence of 'the one' is a bit counter-productive.
So many people drive themselves into misery because they feel 'incomplete' when single.
It's a waste- for many people, the prime drive for 'the one', or for simply not being single; is caused not by real need, or because it will make them happy, but because of the social myths and pressures associated with being single and about the value of being in a couple.
If you can be happy and content on your own (and it's not as impossible as many think) then, as someone who's single, you'll do well- and, when/if you meet someone, then that relationship will work a lot better as well.
"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."
--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32
Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted:
Yup, I fully agree with you OWD.
In order for any relationship to really last and develop, you need to learn who "you" really are and to be truly happy with yourself. If you aren't, then how is someone else supposed to be? They will pick up on what you are dwelling about, which can often lead to less than favorable outcomes.
I've learned that if you are ok with "you", then others will be able to tell, and they will see you in a more positive light.
I think one of the best things that I have ever done was move away from all my friends (ok, so they are only an hour drive away, but for me that was far enough). It gave me the chance to develop those things about me that I liked, learn from the things I don't, and have the time to devote to doing so because I wasn't always rushing around trying to be social. I had time for some introspection and learned to be both comfortable with me and happy at the same time.
Yup, I fully agree with you OWD.
In order for any relationship to really last and develop, you need to learn who "you" really are and to be truly happy with yourself. If you aren't, then how is someone else supposed to be? They will pick up on what you are dwelling about, which can often lead to less than favorable outcomes.
I've learned that if you are ok with "you", then others will be able to tell, and they will see you in a more positive light.
I think one of the best things that I have ever done was move away from all my friends (ok, so they are only an hour drive away, but for me that was far enough). It gave me the chance to develop those things about me that I liked, learn from the things I don't, and have the time to devote to doing so because I wasn't always rushing around trying to be social. I had time for some introspection and learned to be both comfortable with me and happy at the same time.
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
That is very true OWD, but would you still not have hope of one day finding someone? (I don't firmly believe in "the one", as we can love many in many different ways).
Hope is not driving yourself nuts with longing, that is something much more than hope.
Having hope does not mean you are unhappy as a single either.
I know many, self included, who hope for someone someday to be with, but are at peace and content alone.
I think we all get sick and tired of being lonely/alone, but I do not think that emotion is because we are looking for something outside of ourselves to make life complete or that we are unhappy. It simply means, I would rather have someone special to share my time with sometimes. Then again, sometimes, I would rather not.
I think what is being illustrated by you, rowanlee and spritie is important but I feel extreme (yes you need to be comfy with you in order to be comfy with others) and does not really cover the topic of how hope fits into the search for a relationship.
M'best
That is very true OWD, but would you still not have hope of one day finding someone? (I don't firmly believe in "the one", as we can love many in many different ways).
Hope is not driving yourself nuts with longing, that is something much more than hope.
Having hope does not mean you are unhappy as a single either.
I know many, self included, who hope for someone someday to be with, but are at peace and content alone.
I think we all get sick and tired of being lonely/alone, but I do not think that emotion is because we are looking for something outside of ourselves to make life complete or that we are unhappy. It simply means, I would rather have someone special to share my time with sometimes. Then again, sometimes, I would rather not.
I think what is being illustrated by you, rowanlee and spritie is important but I feel extreme (yes you need to be comfy with you in order to be comfy with others) and does not really cover the topic of how hope fits into the search for a relationship.
M'best
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted:
For me, if I'm hoping to find someone, then I'm not truly happy with who I am now (the single me). There is still something that I'd be looking for and not having, which just doesn't sit right with me. I'm not saying everyone is this way, but that's how my mind operates.
If I'm hoping for something, then my brain interprets that as longing for something, which then means that there is something in me that isn't completely satisfied, and thus doubt creeps in which then causes me not to be happy.
I think OWD touched on something when he said it was social. If society didn't place so much emphasis on couples, would you still be hoping so much to find one?
I guess I'm just blessed with a fabulous bunch of friends that are really good at picking up the slack that a BF might do for someone else. They make me feel loved, cherished, wanted, and a part of something really special.
For me, if I'm hoping to find someone, then I'm not truly happy with who I am now (the single me). There is still something that I'd be looking for and not having, which just doesn't sit right with me. I'm not saying everyone is this way, but that's how my mind operates.
If I'm hoping for something, then my brain interprets that as longing for something, which then means that there is something in me that isn't completely satisfied, and thus doubt creeps in which then causes me not to be happy.
I think OWD touched on something when he said it was social. If society didn't place so much emphasis on couples, would you still be hoping so much to find one?
I guess I'm just blessed with a fabulous bunch of friends that are really good at picking up the slack that a BF might do for someone else. They make me feel loved, cherished, wanted, and a part of something really special.
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom
Posted:
Well... as several people have pointed out, hope is a two-edged sword, in that it can provide meaning to ones present, yet, on the negative side, it brings home the real possibility of the dissapointment if the hope is not fulfilled.
For me, I'd say that, personally, hope implies dissatisfaction with the state of ones life in the hear and now.
Overall, I suspect that this issue of hope is one of those things that would split the members of a community into two groups, and which camp one ends up in would depend upon
1. their understanding of 'hope'
2. their life experience
For me, it happens that for much of my early life I found myself hopeless when it came to 'direction', achieving goals etc; most especially when it came to relating to others.
I may have had a knack for controling inanimate objects (juggling balls, unicycles etc), but with life and relationships, the best way to describe it would be an 'undecipherable grey mist'.
To cut the story short, for me (and many others- we may be the minority, but there's still a lot of us and, due to the fact that we tend to be introverted and not particularly interested in communicating things which we know are not particularly likely to be understood) it's much more practical to focus on making the absolute most of what we have got (here and now), whilst resolutely not getting sucked into the spiral of negativity that can come from reflecting on what we haven't got (hope?).
And let me make clear here that I'm not saying here that hope=dissatisfaction for everyone- what I am saying is that some people tend to feel it that way, hence what I said above about the two 'camps'.
So, hopefully (it's ironic that, as someone who's not particularly interested in 'hope', I seem to be engaging in it a lot in this post
), I'm not actually disagreeing with anyone here, but just trying to clarify a position.
Written by: Pele
Hope is not driving yourself nuts with longing, that is something much more than hope.
Having hope does not mean you are unhappy as a single either.
I know many, self included, who hope for someone someday to be with, but are at peace and content alone.
.............................
I think what is being illustrated by you, rowanlee and spritie is important but I feel extreme (yes you need to be comfy with you in order to be comfy with others) and does not really cover the topic of how hope fits into the search for a relationship.
M'best
Well... as several people have pointed out, hope is a two-edged sword, in that it can provide meaning to ones present, yet, on the negative side, it brings home the real possibility of the dissapointment if the hope is not fulfilled.
For me, I'd say that, personally, hope implies dissatisfaction with the state of ones life in the hear and now.
Overall, I suspect that this issue of hope is one of those things that would split the members of a community into two groups, and which camp one ends up in would depend upon
1. their understanding of 'hope'
2. their life experience
For me, it happens that for much of my early life I found myself hopeless when it came to 'direction', achieving goals etc; most especially when it came to relating to others.
I may have had a knack for controling inanimate objects (juggling balls, unicycles etc), but with life and relationships, the best way to describe it would be an 'undecipherable grey mist'.
To cut the story short, for me (and many others- we may be the minority, but there's still a lot of us and, due to the fact that we tend to be introverted and not particularly interested in communicating things which we know are not particularly likely to be understood) it's much more practical to focus on making the absolute most of what we have got (here and now), whilst resolutely not getting sucked into the spiral of negativity that can come from reflecting on what we haven't got (hope?).
And let me make clear here that I'm not saying here that hope=dissatisfaction for everyone- what I am saying is that some people tend to feel it that way, hence what I said above about the two 'camps'.
So, hopefully (it's ironic that, as someone who's not particularly interested in 'hope', I seem to be engaging in it a lot in this post
), I'm not actually disagreeing with anyone here, but just trying to clarify a position. "You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."
--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32
Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Posted:
"Despite so many cultural and societal messages to the contrary, You are whole. Everything you need is there. "
*Applause*
This is exactly how I feel, I am whole. Part of this I think stems from my isolation. In fact I'll take Terry Pratchetts words here:
"It was at this time that many people would say that he came under bad influences. This is entirely wrong. It was at this time that he came under the influence of himself."
Or something like that. It's in "Men at Arms" if you feel like looking it up. Except in my case, I haven't become obsessed with a goal, but rather I have gained greater self knowledge. When I was 13-17 then I spent most of my time in my own company. So I have no sense of incompleteness because I *know* who I am, in every sense of the word. Lonliness has never been an issue, because I don't need anyone else. I am perfectly content to be by myself.
On the topic of hope, I see it in the long term as something underlying our lives every day. We hope that things will work out, even if we don't actually consciously think it. On certain occassions however, we exhibit great hope in the results of a single action. Hope that the next potential partner will say "Yes", that you will win the race, that your team will perfom brilliantly.
These two types of hope are distinct, but we only really notice the latter form.
(Oh, and Spritie has mis-interpreted what I was saying [probably my fault] because I meant that these things affect you in the way your mind is *formed* not how you think now. Your childhood is what defines you as an adult, and that period is affected by all of the things I listed)
"Despite so many cultural and societal messages to the contrary, You are whole. Everything you need is there. "
*Applause*
This is exactly how I feel, I am whole. Part of this I think stems from my isolation. In fact I'll take Terry Pratchetts words here:
"It was at this time that many people would say that he came under bad influences. This is entirely wrong. It was at this time that he came under the influence of himself."
Or something like that. It's in "Men at Arms" if you feel like looking it up. Except in my case, I haven't become obsessed with a goal, but rather I have gained greater self knowledge. When I was 13-17 then I spent most of my time in my own company. So I have no sense of incompleteness because I *know* who I am, in every sense of the word. Lonliness has never been an issue, because I don't need anyone else. I am perfectly content to be by myself.
On the topic of hope, I see it in the long term as something underlying our lives every day. We hope that things will work out, even if we don't actually consciously think it. On certain occassions however, we exhibit great hope in the results of a single action. Hope that the next potential partner will say "Yes", that you will win the race, that your team will perfom brilliantly.
These two types of hope are distinct, but we only really notice the latter form.
(Oh, and Spritie has mis-interpreted what I was saying [probably my fault] because I meant that these things affect you in the way your mind is *formed* not how you think now. Your childhood is what defines you as an adult, and that period is affected by all of the things I listed)
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
BRONZE Member
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Posted:
I have no idea how much sense I’m going to make! I was not really expecting this kind of response!
don’t u see a little contradiction in that?
Just the action of centring yourself, for the whatever the purpose, are you not HOPING for something? For an outcome of some sort?
Perhaps hope is the wrong word…. Perhaps I should use the word optimistic!?
bravo! It’s always a matter of WEATHER A PERSON WANTS TO! Anyone can do anything another person can do! As long as they REALLY WANT IT!
yea, it’s a little difficult trying to restrict SMS text messages and still trying to get the full message across!
I appreciate what you’re saying here, but shouldn’t our aim be to try and gain control (or as much as possible) of our own lives? I was having a conversation last night with another mate… about how little control we have over our own lives, and how the people who are doing exactly what they WANT to do and are working within their own passions are well on the way to controlling their own lives. The question then arose… why are so many people caught up in working and getting no satisfaction from living… surely there’s more to life than that… I KNOW there’s more to life!
Destiny is merely the destination, it has no (or little) control over the route YOU take!
great deduction spritie! What is it about human nature that makes it so difficult for some people to accept, that everything happens for a reason, there is something to be learnt in everything that happens… sometimes we may not understand or be able to see what we have to learn from certain things… but I’ve found that stepping back from a situation (eg. like a death), accepting that there is a reason (even if I cannot see it right now) and accepting that there’s nothing more anyone can do EXCEPT move on, then we (as humans) can often see clearer!
Who has noticed MY contradiction thus far?
do you really believe that NOTHING is real?
Or do you like to believe that we create our own individual realities and in that create our own destiny?
What exactly is so bad about optimism? Shouldn’t you take every aspect of your life seriously, but with a light optimistic heart?
the first meaning… I don’t believe in! it’s “wishy-washy”
but it’s the second meaning… OPTIMISM.
Optimism and a general positive outlook on life, love and everything else, develops a health mind as well as a healthy body!
Negativity… don’t’ you feel like you’re being drained when there’s negative energy around?
Hold your horses!
I do that regularly! To check out WHAT IS, RIGHT NOW!
If you take away everything, and look at “what is there, now”, we force ourselves to look at the reality we have thus far created for ourselves…. That’s a health thing to do! It’s introspective, and forces you to question yourself… And I said question, not undermine!
I disagree… It’s the manner in which you “torture” yourself that can be productive or counter productive! Not the action itself!
*APPLAUSE*
Spending time with one’s SELF, is very important! Sometimes you have to make time to think about YOU ad who you are! Otherwise we loose ourselves!
-------------------------------------------
Thanx a stack for your Opinions!
I have no idea how much sense I’m going to make! I was not really expecting this kind of response!
Written by: Firepoise
Hope is certainly something we create in a bid to make life easier... but it's a quick fix and usually ends in disappointment.
Centring yourself and looking to what you really need often provides a truer answer.
However, we're all human, and most of us turn to hope as a comfort blanket at some stage - perhaps the key is not to let these dreams get the better of us.
don’t u see a little contradiction in that?
Just the action of centring yourself, for the whatever the purpose, are you not HOPING for something? For an outcome of some sort?
Perhaps hope is the wrong word…. Perhaps I should use the word optimistic!?
Written by: DenGad
…Flaws can be changed if that person wants to but so can your perception of them if _you_ want to…
bravo! It’s always a matter of WEATHER A PERSON WANTS TO! Anyone can do anything another person can do! As long as they REALLY WANT IT!
Written by: Sethis
…I appreciate that the language isn't very clear.
You cannot control your destiny because you are not in control of your life. Your parents control you, school and work controls you, where you live controls you. The only thing you control, and the last great freedom of mankind is the space in your own head. Only you can decide what your opinions are. While you may be informed by other peoples views, you ultimately make up your own mind.
yea, it’s a little difficult trying to restrict SMS text messages and still trying to get the full message across!
I appreciate what you’re saying here, but shouldn’t our aim be to try and gain control (or as much as possible) of our own lives? I was having a conversation last night with another mate… about how little control we have over our own lives, and how the people who are doing exactly what they WANT to do and are working within their own passions are well on the way to controlling their own lives. The question then arose… why are so many people caught up in working and getting no satisfaction from living… surely there’s more to life than that… I KNOW there’s more to life!
Destiny is merely the destination, it has no (or little) control over the route YOU take!
Written by: spritie
……..
……..So, to sum things up, only you know what makes you happy. Instead of hoping that something will happen, you can do your best to see that it does and know that if it didn't happen it wasn't because you didn't try your best or give it your all. It just wasn't meant to be and there is nothing wrong with that.
great deduction spritie! What is it about human nature that makes it so difficult for some people to accept, that everything happens for a reason, there is something to be learnt in everything that happens… sometimes we may not understand or be able to see what we have to learn from certain things… but I’ve found that stepping back from a situation (eg. like a death), accepting that there is a reason (even if I cannot see it right now) and accepting that there’s nothing more anyone can do EXCEPT move on, then we (as humans) can often see clearer!
Who has noticed MY contradiction thus far?
Written by: blu_valley
….Because of coarse, nothing is actually real is it? Your job, family, home... you could leave it all behind and be on the other side of the world tomorrow. How real are those things then? Can a memory be trusted? Depends on weather you choose it to be or not. Your life now is real to you because you choose it to be. If you get tired of it, you can revalidate another little sub-reality and they can trade places. After all, dreams and ideas are just realities that have not been made real, but can be….
…This of coarse may lead you to living your life as a total optimist, and failing really to take some things as seriously as you deserve. Missing out on some valuable life lessons. Once again, its all about the choices you make in the now that decide weather this is good or bad. …
…the fact that something great may be around the next corner or the next, and if it isn't, how do you handle the disappointment? …
do you really believe that NOTHING is real?
Or do you like to believe that we create our own individual realities and in that create our own destiny?
What exactly is so bad about optimism? Shouldn’t you take every aspect of your life seriously, but with a light optimistic heart?
Written by: Pele
Hope
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfilment.
2. Archaic. To have confidence; trust.
………..{all the rest too}
the first meaning… I don’t believe in! it’s “wishy-washy”
but it’s the second meaning… OPTIMISM.
Optimism and a general positive outlook on life, love and everything else, develops a health mind as well as a healthy body!
Negativity… don’t’ you feel like you’re being drained when there’s negative energy around?
Written by: rowanlee
…Another thought about hope. Yes, it is scary to consider a life without it. If you put it aside, you are forced to actually deal with simply what is there, now. Imagine that, if we never distracted ourselves with the future or the past? What insights would we find, what power is there? What could we accomplish, now ? Who is with you right now that needs your attention?…
Hold your horses!
I do that regularly! To check out WHAT IS, RIGHT NOW!
If you take away everything, and look at “what is there, now”, we force ourselves to look at the reality we have thus far created for ourselves…. That’s a health thing to do! It’s introspective, and forces you to question yourself… And I said question, not undermine!
Written by: onewheeldave
I'm glad someone's pointed out that torturing oneself over the absence of 'the one' is a bit counter-productive.
I disagree… It’s the manner in which you “torture” yourself that can be productive or counter productive! Not the action itself!
Written by: Sethis
"Despite so many cultural and societal messages to the contrary, You are whole. Everything you need is there. "
*Applause*
*APPLAUSE*
Spending time with one’s SELF, is very important! Sometimes you have to make time to think about YOU ad who you are! Otherwise we loose ourselves!
-------------------------------------------
Thanx a stack for your Opinions!
Regards
Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)
You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM!
Yes, i do bite!!
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
I do not believe that NOTHING is real, only that you determin through choices how real a situation is to you. If someone belives something truly and wholeheartedly, I belive that it is real... to them. Which means what I hold as real and what someone else may hold as real mat not be the same thing. But which is more real... and does it matter?
I also do not see optimism as a bad thing, as I said earlier, the two statements I made contradicted each other, but were real to me, and thus I am an optimistic pessamist and nothing is real but it is.
Once again, these are my feelings, this is what is real to me, not necissarily what is real to anyone else... and thats the beauty of it because its the same for everyone.
I do not believe that NOTHING is real, only that you determin through choices how real a situation is to you. If someone belives something truly and wholeheartedly, I belive that it is real... to them. Which means what I hold as real and what someone else may hold as real mat not be the same thing. But which is more real... and does it matter?
I also do not see optimism as a bad thing, as I said earlier, the two statements I made contradicted each other, but were real to me, and thus I am an optimistic pessamist and nothing is real but it is.
Once again, these are my feelings, this is what is real to me, not necissarily what is real to anyone else... and thats the beauty of it because its the same for everyone.
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
BRONZE Member
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Posted:
there can never be a common reality in this world! Reality is based on perception, every single person in this world percieves the world around them in their own way, therefor creating their own individual reality.
i also made a few contradictions... but contradiction is a part of this world and the realities in it. What holds true in some circumstances, does not in others. If you see in my previous post, between responding to Sethis and spritie, i make a fundamental contradiction on destiny. But BOTH hold true (in my opinion) to their respective (situations).
I dig the way you responded there blu_valley!
(i just hope you did nt take my response as an attack)
_________________________________________________________
define reality?
HyperDictionary
WordNET Dictionary
Definition:
1. [n] the quality possessed by something that is real
2. [n] all of your experiences that determine how things appear to you; "his world was shattered"; "we live in different worlds"; "for them demons were as much a part of reality as trees were"
3. [n] the state of being actual or real; "the reality of his situation slowly dawned on him"
4. [n] the state of the world as it really is rather than as you might want it to be; "businessmen have to face harsh realities"
Synonyms:
realism, realness, world
Antonyms:
irreality, unreality, unreality
See Also:
actuality, corporeality, experience, fact, historicalness, materiality, physicalness, real life, real world
Webster's 1913 Dictionary
Definition:
\Re*al"i*ty\, n.; pl. {Realities}. [Cf. F.
r['e]alit['e], LL. realitas. See 3d {Real}. and cf. 2d
{Realty}.]
1. The state or quality of being real; actual being or existence of anything, in distinction from mere appearance; fact.
A man fancies that he understands a critic, when in
reality he does not comprehend his meaning.
--Addison.
2. That which is real; an actual existence; that which is not imagination, fiction, or pretense; that which has objective existence, and is not merely an idea.
And to realities yield all her shows. --Milton.
My neck may be an idea to you, but it is reality to
me. --Beattie.
3. [See 1st {Realty}, 2.] Loyalty; devotion. [Obs.]
To express our reality to the emperor. --Fuller.
4. (Law) See 2d {Realty}, 2.
there can never be a common reality in this world! Reality is based on perception, every single person in this world percieves the world around them in their own way, therefor creating their own individual reality.
i also made a few contradictions... but contradiction is a part of this world and the realities in it. What holds true in some circumstances, does not in others. If you see in my previous post, between responding to Sethis and spritie, i make a fundamental contradiction on destiny. But BOTH hold true (in my opinion) to their respective (situations).
I dig the way you responded there blu_valley!
(i just hope you did nt take my response as an attack)
_________________________________________________________
define reality?
HyperDictionary
WordNET Dictionary
Definition:
1. [n] the quality possessed by something that is real
2. [n] all of your experiences that determine how things appear to you; "his world was shattered"; "we live in different worlds"; "for them demons were as much a part of reality as trees were"
3. [n] the state of being actual or real; "the reality of his situation slowly dawned on him"
4. [n] the state of the world as it really is rather than as you might want it to be; "businessmen have to face harsh realities"
Synonyms:
realism, realness, world
Antonyms:
irreality, unreality, unreality
See Also:
actuality, corporeality, experience, fact, historicalness, materiality, physicalness, real life, real world
Webster's 1913 Dictionary
Definition:
\Re*al"i*ty\, n.; pl. {Realities}. [Cf. F.
r['e]alit['e], LL. realitas. See 3d {Real}. and cf. 2d
{Realty}.]
1. The state or quality of being real; actual being or existence of anything, in distinction from mere appearance; fact.
A man fancies that he understands a critic, when in
reality he does not comprehend his meaning.
--Addison.
2. That which is real; an actual existence; that which is not imagination, fiction, or pretense; that which has objective existence, and is not merely an idea.
And to realities yield all her shows. --Milton.
My neck may be an idea to you, but it is reality to
me. --Beattie.
3. [See 1st {Realty}, 2.] Loyalty; devotion. [Obs.]
To express our reality to the emperor. --Fuller.
4. (Law) See 2d {Realty}, 2.
Regards
Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)
You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM!
Yes, i do bite!!
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
"don’t u see a little contradiction in that?"
Yes.
"Just the action of centring yourself, for the whatever the purpose, are you not HOPING for something? For an outcome of some sort?"
No. Centering myself feels like coming home. I suppose you could interpret that as 'hope' for something... but it's not really. I know how I will feel, it is is not a hope.
"Perhaps hope is the wrong word…. Perhaps I should use the word optimistic!?"
Perhaps. I am optimistic... I like to believe things will turn out for the best. But I'm also aware that life gets in the way. Realistic optimist, maybe?!
"don’t u see a little contradiction in that?"
Yes.
"Just the action of centring yourself, for the whatever the purpose, are you not HOPING for something? For an outcome of some sort?"
No. Centering myself feels like coming home. I suppose you could interpret that as 'hope' for something... but it's not really. I know how I will feel, it is is not a hope.
"Perhaps hope is the wrong word…. Perhaps I should use the word optimistic!?"
Perhaps. I am optimistic... I like to believe things will turn out for the best. But I'm also aware that life gets in the way. Realistic optimist, maybe?!
Getting to the other side
BRONZE Member
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Posted:
bwaaaahahahahahahah
hmmmmm....
if we go back to the centering yourself part...
I do not deny that you KNOW how you will FEEL...
That's was not what i was talking about at all!
however, in this case, you are centering yourself for a purpose... and you are HOPING for a positive outcome, that "truer outcome"!
AAAHHH and yes, optimism must not forget that life get's in the way sometimes!
one should always remember that while you're trying to "outwit" life... life is one step ahead of you, making sure you do not get ahead of yourself.
---------------------------------------------------------
for those still looking....
Do you think that you'll find the right person? Do you think that perhaps you've missed the boat and wont find that perfect match?
are you still hoping (optimistic)?
or have you given up hope? Do you believe that you'll never find that perfect ideal? Are you prepared to settle for second best, just to NOT spend the rest of your life "alone"?
Perhaps your standards are to high!? Perfection is something that we can strive to achieve, but we can only seek it within ourselves, not in another person! I know i have a high (standard). What my friend was actually trying to say to me, was that perhaps we should settle for what we can find... in other words she was questioning her (standard) and, in her bewildered state, she was prepared to settle for second best... For some people that may be enough... for me, NO. I could not settle for second best, i could not undermine myself in something that will last for the rest of eternity.
I believe in "soul mates" and i believe that there are multiple compatible personalities out there (that you can find more than one soul mate)! How? Well i have met my soul mate, no, i have met TWO persons. Why am i not with either of them? !
they both passed on ! So does this mean i'm doomed? I see it from a different perspective... that perhaps i was lucky enough to meet these 2 persons, but they had something else to accomplish with their lives (or should i say: deaths). And perhaps i have more to learn before i settle down with a soul mate!
once we give up hope or once we turn our back on optimism and become pesemistic towards love(a part of life)... are we not, in a sense, giving up on life and the fact that there IS someone for each of us to share life with?
OKAY I'm gonna quit rambling now!
COMMENTS?
bwaaaahahahahahahah
hmmmmm....
if we go back to the centering yourself part...
I do not deny that you KNOW how you will FEEL...
That's was not what i was talking about at all!
however, in this case, you are centering yourself for a purpose... and you are HOPING for a positive outcome, that "truer outcome"!
AAAHHH and yes, optimism must not forget that life get's in the way sometimes!
Written by: unknown
Life is what happens while we're making other plans.
one should always remember that while you're trying to "outwit" life... life is one step ahead of you, making sure you do not get ahead of yourself.
---------------------------------------------------------
for those still looking....
Do you think that you'll find the right person? Do you think that perhaps you've missed the boat and wont find that perfect match?
are you still hoping (optimistic)?
or have you given up hope? Do you believe that you'll never find that perfect ideal? Are you prepared to settle for second best, just to NOT spend the rest of your life "alone"?
Perhaps your standards are to high!? Perfection is something that we can strive to achieve, but we can only seek it within ourselves, not in another person! I know i have a high (standard). What my friend was actually trying to say to me, was that perhaps we should settle for what we can find... in other words she was questioning her (standard) and, in her bewildered state, she was prepared to settle for second best... For some people that may be enough... for me, NO. I could not settle for second best, i could not undermine myself in something that will last for the rest of eternity.
I believe in "soul mates" and i believe that there are multiple compatible personalities out there (that you can find more than one soul mate)! How? Well i have met my soul mate, no, i have met TWO persons. Why am i not with either of them? !
they both passed on ! So does this mean i'm doomed? I see it from a different perspective... that perhaps i was lucky enough to meet these 2 persons, but they had something else to accomplish with their lives (or should i say: deaths). And perhaps i have more to learn before i settle down with a soul mate!once we give up hope or once we turn our back on optimism and become pesemistic towards love(a part of life)... are we not, in a sense, giving up on life and the fact that there IS someone for each of us to share life with?
OKAY I'm gonna quit rambling now!
COMMENTS?
Regards
Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)
You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM!
Yes, i do bite!!
SILVER Member
just a shadow of my former self...
205 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
just a shadow of my former self...
205 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Posted:
i think that is a wonderful take on death.
im a firm believer in soul mates, i have met mine and am so very thankful.
im a pes-optimist, hope for the best, but plan for the worst, take what comes.
my reality is my own and i wouldnt want to force it on someone elses. i think everyone has contradictions within themselves too, i think it is a part of what makes us individuals, we each have our own set of contradictions.
i think that is a wonderful take on death.
im a firm believer in soul mates, i have met mine and am so very thankful.
im a pes-optimist, hope for the best, but plan for the worst, take what comes.
my reality is my own and i wouldnt want to force it on someone elses. i think everyone has contradictions within themselves too, i think it is a part of what makes us individuals, we each have our own set of contradictions.
It took a while, but once their numbers dropped from 50 down to 8, the other dwarves started to suspect Hungry.
Weilder of the P.E.T.S.O.C.K.
247 posts
Location: Adelaide
247 posts
Location: Adelaide
Posted:
I want to just say that you have all touched me with your words.
It has been a pleasure to read your questions and comments, and has put into so many words what I have been trying to form in my mind.
Which opened new questions and paths in my thoughts... which were promptly answered.
One thing that I wish to add though, and im not sure if it was implied anywhere, is that hope does not have to imply expectation... you can hope for something but accept that it may, and most likely, will not come to be. Hope is a recognition of a possable path that to you is desirable.
Hope need not bring dissapointment. If you know that it may not come to be, rather than expect your hopes to come true, than it only brings happyness when/if it does come to be.
Thankyou.
Love and respect -G
I want to just say that you have all touched me with your words.
It has been a pleasure to read your questions and comments, and has put into so many words what I have been trying to form in my mind.
Which opened new questions and paths in my thoughts... which were promptly answered.
One thing that I wish to add though, and im not sure if it was implied anywhere, is that hope does not have to imply expectation... you can hope for something but accept that it may, and most likely, will not come to be. Hope is a recognition of a possable path that to you is desirable.
Hope need not bring dissapointment. If you know that it may not come to be, rather than expect your hopes to come true, than it only brings happyness when/if it does come to be.
Thankyou.
Love and respect -G
Reality is mass beleif...
Feed me and I will grow, give me drink and I will die...
I'll lap at your heels, if you give me the chance. Though I won't fetch or stay, I surely will dance...
Enjoy, be happy, and don't forget to breathe...
member
99 posts
Location: west coast
99 posts
Location: west coast
Posted:
I found the One, and its me...
I like your posative outlook, if one can be present and posative in each moment , life is most full.
I agree, if we are open to it, I beleive that many many people can snuggle up against our souls, and enjoy sharing wisdom and love . I have had soul mates who met our selves in each other, touched deeply for a time, then once again moved on. Encounters through this life time and others. At different states, and within different expereinces, we share different relationships . It is always a joy to recognize a kindred spirit.
I have a very sweet special soul mate in my life right now.
We met once a year, for three years, at an annual party. Sort of found ourselves together, yet always wondered what the heck was happenning, why such a strong pull to someone so seemingly inappropriate...
Then literally, we would disappear from each other the rest of the year, invisible though we live on the same small island. But stayed in each others hearts and minds to be sure.
Last week, when we met again, he literally carried me away and convinced me to sustain the connection this time and explore it a little... Though brief, it has been amazing, insightful , soul satisfying , wonderful and sensual.. (and I could nauseatingly go on) but the reality is, I know we are likely for now, not for ever.
However, he is exactly, and I do mean exactly, what and who is right for me at this time. Beautiful. With that awareness, and without expectation I am able to fully enjoy this expereince. I can love him, and let him go, happily.
You dance and dream with soul mates, not capture and keep them them!
Loving is very different than needing. Loving is rarely disappointing, whereas being in a relationship where you hope another will live up to your ideal, and fufil your needs or expectations, often is horribily disappointing. It is that twisted idea that creates the sad concept of "settling" for anything. Trying to find someone else to meet your needs. .. Yuk. Not thinking any of you are doing that- just yuk to the general concept!
I still think it is worthwhile to be aware that when "soul mate" comes to mean one specific person and thus creates an attachment to that individual ,( or the unreal ideal of that individual we seek ) it will set you up for a whole series of challenges and suffering whether you ever find the "soul mate" or not!
Each of us may find a delightful partner, soul mate or ?, who may just entirely surprise you ,even changing ones very definition of ideal ! But then again, we may not. Life is certainly unpredictable( see the contradiction! smiles) That brings me to the idea of acceptance. Not in the sense of settling, but rather finding enough contentment to be where and who you are - in the present, working with whatever you have determined is real, without need to cast yourself into future possibilities and other people...
So much is possible...
Thanks for your thoughtful response to all of our opinions!
love, Andrea
EDITED_BY: rowanlee (1120634723)
I found the One, and its me...
I like your posative outlook, if one can be present and posative in each moment , life is most full.
I agree, if we are open to it, I beleive that many many people can snuggle up against our souls, and enjoy sharing wisdom and love . I have had soul mates who met our selves in each other, touched deeply for a time, then once again moved on. Encounters through this life time and others. At different states, and within different expereinces, we share different relationships . It is always a joy to recognize a kindred spirit.
I have a very sweet special soul mate in my life right now.
We met once a year, for three years, at an annual party. Sort of found ourselves together, yet always wondered what the heck was happenning, why such a strong pull to someone so seemingly inappropriate...Then literally, we would disappear from each other the rest of the year, invisible though we live on the same small island. But stayed in each others hearts and minds to be sure.
Last week, when we met again, he literally carried me away and convinced me to sustain the connection this time and explore it a little... Though brief, it has been amazing, insightful , soul satisfying , wonderful and sensual.. (and I could nauseatingly go on) but the reality is, I know we are likely for now, not for ever.
However, he is exactly, and I do mean exactly, what and who is right for me at this time. Beautiful. With that awareness, and without expectation I am able to fully enjoy this expereince. I can love him, and let him go, happily.
You dance and dream with soul mates, not capture and keep them them!
Loving is very different than needing. Loving is rarely disappointing, whereas being in a relationship where you hope another will live up to your ideal, and fufil your needs or expectations, often is horribily disappointing. It is that twisted idea that creates the sad concept of "settling" for anything. Trying to find someone else to meet your needs. .. Yuk. Not thinking any of you are doing that- just yuk to the general concept!
I still think it is worthwhile to be aware that when "soul mate" comes to mean one specific person and thus creates an attachment to that individual ,( or the unreal ideal of that individual we seek ) it will set you up for a whole series of challenges and suffering whether you ever find the "soul mate" or not!
Each of us may find a delightful partner, soul mate or ?, who may just entirely surprise you ,even changing ones very definition of ideal ! But then again, we may not. Life is certainly unpredictable( see the contradiction! smiles) That brings me to the idea of acceptance. Not in the sense of settling, but rather finding enough contentment to be where and who you are - in the present, working with whatever you have determined is real, without need to cast yourself into future possibilities and other people...
So much is possible...
Thanks for your thoughtful response to all of our opinions!
love, Andrea
EDITED_BY: rowanlee (1120634723)
wherever you go, there you are
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Posted:
Um, I wouldn't say that i believe in "Soul Mates" because for that to happen, I'd have to believe that we have souls. (Another debate that I won't go into here) However I do believe that there is such a thing as "Love" and that it is absolute bliss when you find it.
"Settling for second best" doesn't actually make sense. It's like someone in 1600 AD saying:
"No, I don't want this large block of Gold, because in the future there may be a new mineral discovered (Platinum) which is more valuable. Because this may hypothetically exist, I'm going to refuse the Gold, because it is worth less than the Platinum, but I will take Platinum when and if it becomes available."
See how that doesn't really work? IMO you shouldn't compare every person you meet to some hypothetical ideal and measure how far short they fall of it. Instead, measure how many things they do that send shivers down your spine, how many times you look into their eyes and lose yourself in them. *That* is the measure of Love.
Um, I wouldn't say that i believe in "Soul Mates" because for that to happen, I'd have to believe that we have souls. (Another debate that I won't go into here) However I do believe that there is such a thing as "Love" and that it is absolute bliss when you find it.
"Settling for second best" doesn't actually make sense. It's like someone in 1600 AD saying:
"No, I don't want this large block of Gold, because in the future there may be a new mineral discovered (Platinum) which is more valuable. Because this may hypothetically exist, I'm going to refuse the Gold, because it is worth less than the Platinum, but I will take Platinum when and if it becomes available."
See how that doesn't really work? IMO you shouldn't compare every person you meet to some hypothetical ideal and measure how far short they fall of it. Instead, measure how many things they do that send shivers down your spine, how many times you look into their eyes and lose yourself in them. *That* is the measure of Love.
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Posted:
Um, I wouldn't say that i believe in "Soul Mates" because for that to happen, I'd have to believe that we have souls. (Another debate that I won't go into here) However I do believe that there is such a thing as "Love" and that it is absolute bliss when you find it.
"Settling for second best" doesn't actually make sense. It's like someone in 1600 AD saying:
"No, I don't want this large block of Gold, because in the future there may be a new mineral discovered (Platinum) which is more valuable. Because this may hypothetically exist, I'm going to refuse the Gold, because it is worth less than the Platinum, but I will take Platinum when and if it becomes available."
See how that doesn't really work? IMO you shouldn't compare every person you meet to some hypothetical ideal and measure how far short they fall of it. Instead, measure how many things they do that send shivers down your spine, how many times you look into their eyes and lose yourself in them. *That* is the measure of Love.
Um, I wouldn't say that i believe in "Soul Mates" because for that to happen, I'd have to believe that we have souls. (Another debate that I won't go into here) However I do believe that there is such a thing as "Love" and that it is absolute bliss when you find it.
"Settling for second best" doesn't actually make sense. It's like someone in 1600 AD saying:
"No, I don't want this large block of Gold, because in the future there may be a new mineral discovered (Platinum) which is more valuable. Because this may hypothetically exist, I'm going to refuse the Gold, because it is worth less than the Platinum, but I will take Platinum when and if it becomes available."
See how that doesn't really work? IMO you shouldn't compare every person you meet to some hypothetical ideal and measure how far short they fall of it. Instead, measure how many things they do that send shivers down your spine, how many times you look into their eyes and lose yourself in them. *That* is the measure of Love.
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
BRONZE Member
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Posted:
I think that’s a pretty good take on life!
that is so true. We all have our own combination of contradictions. As long as we are vigilant in watching that those contradictions do not turn us into hypocrites.
Hmmmm. Doesn’t that really depend on how much you want something? The more you want something the harder you’re going to work at making it real!
Everything happens fro a reason, and although some things that happen (or don’t happen) may leave us with a sense of disappointment, we (as humans) should not allow that to breed depression. I know a few people who suffer from some pretty serious depression and 90% of their depression problem sprout from disappointments.
Ta. People often comment on my positive outlook on life…. But the down side is, in times of ‘darkness’ when I get depressed (which may seem impossible to some) I get REALLY depressed and shut the world out. LOL it’s quite bad sometimes, and I’ve many times been likened to a chameleon!
So true. “When with a soul mate, you are not two but one. In mind, body and spirit”
lololol
perhaps I should express what I mean a little differently. I mentioned that I have met a soul mate (and no I don’t think this is the tread to discuss weather we have souls or not ) the ideal is based on those experiences, before either of those, I would not have known what second best was…. But now I know what I seek, I know what I want, I know what it is, therefore I know if something is anything less than that!
I'd translate that (for me) as a sense of unity! (in the truest sense of the word!
Written by: Icer
I’m a pes-optimist, hope for the best, but plan for the worst, take what comes.
I think that’s a pretty good take on life!
Written by: Icer
my reality is my own and i wouldn’t want to force it on someone else’s. i think everyone has contradictions within themselves too, i think it is a part of what makes us individuals, we each have our own set of contradictions.
that is so true. We all have our own combination of contradictions. As long as we are vigilant in watching that those contradictions do not turn us into hypocrites.
Written by: Flame Swirl
One thing that I wish to add though, and I’m not sure if it was implied anywhere, is that hope does not have to imply expectation... you can hope for something but accept that it may, and most likely, will not come to be. Hope is a recognition of a possible path that to you is desirable.
Hmmmm. Doesn’t that really depend on how much you want something? The more you want something the harder you’re going to work at making it real!
Written by: Flame Swirl
Hope need not bring disappointment. If you know that it may not come to be, rather than expect your hopes to come true, than it only brings happiness when/if it does come to be.
Everything happens fro a reason, and although some things that happen (or don’t happen) may leave us with a sense of disappointment, we (as humans) should not allow that to breed depression. I know a few people who suffer from some pretty serious depression and 90% of their depression problem sprout from disappointments.
Written by: rownalee
I like your positive outlook, if one can be present and positive in each moment, life is most full.
Ta. People often comment on my positive outlook on life…. But the down side is, in times of ‘darkness’ when I get depressed (which may seem impossible to some) I get REALLY depressed and shut the world out. LOL it’s quite bad sometimes, and I’ve many times been likened to a chameleon!
Written by: rowanlee
You dance and dream with soul mates, not capture and keep them!
So true. “When with a soul mate, you are not two but one. In mind, body and spirit”
Written by: Sethis
"Settling for second best" doesn't actually make sense. It's like someone in 1600 AD saying: …………….
lololol
perhaps I should express what I mean a little differently. I mentioned that I have met a soul mate (and no I don’t think this is the tread to discuss weather we have souls or not
) the ideal is based on those experiences, before either of those, I would not have known what second best was…. But now I know what I seek, I know what I want, I know what it is, therefore I know if something is anything less than that!Written by: Sethis
Instead, measure how many things they do that send shivers down your spine, how many times you look into their eyes and lose yourself in them. *That* is the measure of Love.
I'd translate that (for me) as a sense of unity! (in the truest sense of the word!
Regards
Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)
You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM!
Yes, i do bite!!
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
"People often comment on my positive outlook on life…. But the down side is, in times of ‘darkness’ when I get depressed (which may seem impossible to some) I get REALLY depressed and shut the world out."
Everything in balance.
I can be the same... my highs are euphoric... but the lows can be nasty.
I like it, it reminds me that I can feel.
Take care
Clare x
"People often comment on my positive outlook on life…. But the down side is, in times of ‘darkness’ when I get depressed (which may seem impossible to some) I get REALLY depressed and shut the world out."
Everything in balance.
I can be the same... my highs are euphoric... but the lows can be nasty.
I like it, it reminds me that I can feel.
Take care
Clare x
Getting to the other side
BRONZE Member
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Posted:
Written by: Unknown
Pain reminds us that we are alive
Regards
Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)
You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM!
Yes, i do bite!!
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Posted:
I find, and I don't know how many others will agree with me, that there are two types of unity.
You get the Yin-Yang unity, where opposites dominate, but you help to balance each other out.
Then you get the "Piece of a puzzle" unity, where you're so similar, it's like you're clones or something in the way you think.
Anyone know what I mean? Or have a different opinion?
I find, and I don't know how many others will agree with me, that there are two types of unity.
You get the Yin-Yang unity, where opposites dominate, but you help to balance each other out.
Then you get the "Piece of a puzzle" unity, where you're so similar, it's like you're clones or something in the way you think.
Anyone know what I mean? Or have a different opinion?
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
BRONZE Member
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Retro Fyre Wizzard
538 posts
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South Africa
Posted:
I know exactly what you mean...
but there's the third which is a mix of those two!
that puzzle unity is a real rough ride tho! thos ups are real high and the downs are really low down in the dumps! what makes it super cool and super crap is that you each have the ability to communicate without having to speak much to each other and you're both very predictable to each other. No surprises!?
I know exactly what you mean...
but there's the third which is a mix of those two!
that puzzle unity is a real rough ride tho! thos ups are real high and the downs are really low down in the dumps! what makes it super cool and super crap is that you each have the ability to communicate without having to speak much to each other and you're both very predictable to each other. No surprises!?
Regards
Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)
You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM!
Yes, i do bite!!
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