Forums > Social Discussion > Oaths to my children
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HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I have no children yet, but I swear to them by everything I hold holy:
1) I will never expect you to behave older than your age.
2) No matter how proud I am of you, I will never parade you around in front of my friends like a prize goat at a county fair.
3) I will never place my pride before your needs.
4) I will accept your dreams and your values, even when they differ from mine. I only ask that you respect those who are different from you and love yourself.
5) I will help you to work around your weaknesses, rather than using them as a tool to control you.
6) I will foster in you a sense of independence and self-worth, rather than trying to undermine them to fulill my own need to feel needed.
7) I will do my best to be there when you need me...and to back off when you don't.
8) I will never refuse to spend money on you and then lavish it on myself.
Why this post? Why now?
Because my mother just committed EVERY offense listed above in a span of three hours.
In this day, the culmination of my upbringing, the weekend where I graduate from medical school and become finally an independent and free adult, those very behaviors of my mother have similarly culminated...and this time my father is not around to temper her self-absorbed zeal.
She loves me, I can't deny that, but that can't excuse what she has done to me my entire life. She has worked as hard as she could to undermine my confidence, make me feel inadequate and dependent, and to control me.
So I'm going to New York alone to start my life and move in on my own...alone. She was going to come and help me, but I just told her that she's no longer welcome.
It's a tough day, folks. It should have been the happiest of my life. Instead, I'm debating whether I ever want to talk to my mother again, or whether she's finally demonstrated to me that her selfishness and pride are more important than her son.
If someone has seriously wronged you, you may choose to seek revenge or to permanently cast that person out of your life... I always choose the second.
I have no children yet, but I swear to them by everything I hold holy:
1) I will never expect you to behave older than your age.
2) No matter how proud I am of you, I will never parade you around in front of my friends like a prize goat at a county fair.
3) I will never place my pride before your needs.
4) I will accept your dreams and your values, even when they differ from mine. I only ask that you respect those who are different from you and love yourself.
5) I will help you to work around your weaknesses, rather than using them as a tool to control you.
6) I will foster in you a sense of independence and self-worth, rather than trying to undermine them to fulill my own need to feel needed.
7) I will do my best to be there when you need me...and to back off when you don't.
8) I will never refuse to spend money on you and then lavish it on myself.
Why this post? Why now?
Because my mother just committed EVERY offense listed above in a span of three hours.
In this day, the culmination of my upbringing, the weekend where I graduate from medical school and become finally an independent and free adult, those very behaviors of my mother have similarly culminated...and this time my father is not around to temper her self-absorbed zeal.
She loves me, I can't deny that, but that can't excuse what she has done to me my entire life. She has worked as hard as she could to undermine my confidence, make me feel inadequate and dependent, and to control me.
So I'm going to New York alone to start my life and move in on my own...alone. She was going to come and help me, but I just told her that she's no longer welcome.
It's a tough day, folks. It should have been the happiest of my life. Instead, I'm debating whether I ever want to talk to my mother again, or whether she's finally demonstrated to me that her selfishness and pride are more important than her son.
If someone has seriously wronged you, you may choose to seek revenge or to permanently cast that person out of your life... I always choose the second.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
SILVER Member
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
Posted:
Your thread has affected me Mr Lightning, cos as I mentioned, I am seeing a similar situation of mad parenting being played out in the life of the young man who stays with me. His folks are on the warpath again, reacting and projecting all over the shop. Poor kid is walking around looking gutted when all he wants is a decent conversation with his mum without his dad glaring and hurling abuse....
But back to you...
It occurred to me that with the bulk people, the rabbi, the presents, the cutting the cake (!) that yr mum was almost acting out the wedding party she won't get to have... not an excuse, just an observation.....
Your thread has affected me Mr Lightning, cos as I mentioned, I am seeing a similar situation of mad parenting being played out in the life of the young man who stays with me. His folks are on the warpath again, reacting and projecting all over the shop. Poor kid is walking around looking gutted when all he wants is a decent conversation with his mum without his dad glaring and hurling abuse....
But back to you...
It occurred to me that with the bulk people, the rabbi, the presents, the cutting the cake (!) that yr mum was almost acting out the wedding party she won't get to have... not an excuse, just an observation.....
.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....
SILVER Member
veteran
1,389 posts
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
veteran
1,389 posts
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
Posted:
*puts up hand*
Sir, I'm sorry, but I giggled.
~ Bobo
Written by: NYC
*My devious thought of last night...*
Tell your mom that you won't complain about her not telling people that you're gay if she'll just TRY lesbianism for a week.
(Hey, if it made you smirk it was worth it, and if not, at least I tried...)
*puts up hand*
Sir, I'm sorry, but I giggled.
~ Bobo
wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
You know at least a little about my mom, but you know I've moved back to michigan... And I've certainly know a bit about yours too.... here's what I have to say.
She may never change (I doubt she will, inside- a lot of people really don't). She may never think there is anything wrong with what she is doing. This doesn't mean you have to leave her alone forever. Don't let her control things. Don't let her make, or influence desicions you make for yourself. If she whines at you, yells, or is being manipulative and upsetting, don't visit. Hang up the phone. People learn, some faster than others. If you hang in there, she will stop (possibly after getting worse). I know our personalities are different... you might need to stay farther away to stay in control. But if you hold out she'll either realize that she doesn't like being alone or she'll dig her own grave... if you tell her you don't want her to be around when she does x, y, z and she does them its her fault. But if she can change, and stop acting out what she thinks, than you could do worse than patting her occasioanlly. This won't be soon- but remember that it might be eventually.
Incidentally, I've met more effeminate football players. no one ever said (and if they did they're bonkers) that your mother has any sort of grasp on reality or that she ever will. but a couple of my worse relatives surprised me with their ability to understand cause and effect when it comes to me not speaking to them or me speaking to them.
if people are unintentional in their wrongdoing and can change their behavior, sometimes they should be forgiven, even if they never understand or come back to life in the real world.
I'm done being philosophical for the day. Email!
-K
You know at least a little about my mom, but you know I've moved back to michigan... And I've certainly know a bit about yours too.... here's what I have to say.
She may never change (I doubt she will, inside- a lot of people really don't). She may never think there is anything wrong with what she is doing. This doesn't mean you have to leave her alone forever. Don't let her control things. Don't let her make, or influence desicions you make for yourself. If she whines at you, yells, or is being manipulative and upsetting, don't visit. Hang up the phone. People learn, some faster than others. If you hang in there, she will stop (possibly after getting worse). I know our personalities are different... you might need to stay farther away to stay in control. But if you hold out she'll either realize that she doesn't like being alone or she'll dig her own grave... if you tell her you don't want her to be around when she does x, y, z and she does them its her fault. But if she can change, and stop acting out what she thinks, than you could do worse than patting her occasioanlly. This won't be soon- but remember that it might be eventually.
Incidentally, I've met more effeminate football players. no one ever said (and if they did they're bonkers) that your mother has any sort of grasp on reality or that she ever will. but a couple of my worse relatives surprised me with their ability to understand cause and effect when it comes to me not speaking to them or me speaking to them.
if people are unintentional in their wrongdoing and can change their behavior, sometimes they should be forgiven, even if they never understand or come back to life in the real world.
I'm done being philosophical for the day. Email!
-K
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
... I missed the cake cutting part. goodness. you might be right about the wedding thing newgabe.
... I missed the cake cutting part. goodness. you might be right about the wedding thing newgabe.
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
GOLD Member
Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
1,584 posts
Location: Angels Landing, USA
Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
1,584 posts
Location: Angels Landing, USA
Posted:
Cheers doc!
I've found that my parents have yet to admit there is a problem in my head, so that has made treating depression a wee bit difficult.
Cheers doc!
I've found that my parents have yet to admit there is a problem in my head, so that has made treating depression a wee bit difficult.
To do: More Firedrums 08 video?
Wildfire/US East coast fire footage
LA/EDC glow/fire footage
Fresno fire
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