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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Have you ever wanted something so badly that it really works you over? Not that you live and breathe it but that you literally ache for it? Something you didn't know exsisted, something that in your mind was pretty much mythological and once you had a taste of it, you knew you could live without it, you just didn't *want* to?

I have that with something. I thought that perhaps the further removed from it I would be, the less appealing it would be. Rather the opposite actually.
But...here is the catch...I can't make it happen. I have to wait.

I am an impatient American. It is a side effect of being raised here, really, in the world of fast food and instant gratification.
I was taught that if I want something..I work hard, I push forward and I make it happen. I have lived my life this way, and most of the time, not always, I get what I want..but always because I worked really hard and pushed for it.
I also have slight control freakish tendencies when it comes to my own life.

This time, if I work really hard, I could lose it altogether.
I have to have patience, and I know it is a virtue, but in this case...I am not virtuous at all. Getting what I want in this case seems like it could take awhile, a looooooooooong while...and it is driving me up a wall.

Now, I am not letting it rule my life. Things are still progressing here and rolling along rather nicely, and I am quite content with that. I am not pining, moping or letting it eat me up. It is, however, irritating the hell out of me. Everyday it stares me in the face, tongue sticking out saying "Nah, Nah...can't have me yet..or maybe not ever." since I have no garuntees it will come to fruition, and it tweaks on that impatient control freak in me.

I do realize this has been posed by whatever powers that be in order to teach me a lesson. I know it is to teach me the virtue of patience and finesse, and that I absolutely can not control everything. I am willing to learn and embrace these lessons, I just don't have to be happy about it. lol

I think I wanted to vent more than anything, though suggestions, enlightenments and similar situation stories are welcome.

Thanks for listening!


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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polarity
SILVER Member since May 2005

polarity

veteran
Location: on the wrong planet

Total posts: 1228
Posted:I feel that way about companionship. I'm having to get used to the fact that I may be lonely for the rest of my life, as the closer I try to be with people, the more they notice my differences and become distant. On the other hand being alone only gives me time to think of what I'd like to do for other people. I feel something entirely wrong in having talents that can only be used for my own benefit, that will never be appreciated by other people.

So I'm stuck with a maddening paradox of wanting to be of use to the world around me, but being shut out, and not wanting to do things solely for my own benefit.


You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.

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bing!
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

bing!

i beat my inner child
Location: manchester UK

Total posts: 184
Posted:you've intrigued me pele, what is it you're after?

--the spark what lit the flame which started the fire that burned forever--

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:I'm getting to the stage where I am thinking that love must over-rated.

I'm not an impatient person, but this whole realtionship area seems to have a deep and personal abiding hatred of me.

Sorry. Hijacking in progress....


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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rowanlee


member
Location: west coast

Total posts: 99
Posted:Pele, I know exactly what you mean....
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
hug

The longing is increased, and circles around biting in your blood, once you have had even the smallest, infitesmal taste of your desire! That taste creates "hope", and "promise" within ourselves, and we shift from living in the moment to imagining a potential future. That diversion of energy creates a precarious balance, which is why I think we struggle with longing.

Yes, we are taught to achieve things by determination and direct action ,in this culture at any rate.We are told to reach for your dreams, grasp and hold them to your heart... And that if we do it "right", we shall succeed. I am not so sure about that. In some practical ways it works, in others it results in disharmony. As for wanting things now, well, most of the time I dont even believe in the future as a concept , so I seek everything in the now! ( Does anything else exist?) Patience sure is a challenge when you are a driven, curious person who lives in the present!

But it is worth considering that maybe our focussed, work to acheive approach is not always the best way to reach our goals and satiate longing. Buddha does warn that to suffer is human nature, due to the fact we are always grasping for things we dont have, outside ourselves, and then when we have them, struggling to keep them, fearing their loss, and then when we lose them ( as nothing is permanent) mourning that loss and begginning the cycle again... The wheel is driven by longing and illusion.

Sometimes chasing our dreams makes them run away, and if we grab them too quickly they can turn out to be more fragile then we thought, and break. Buddism has shown me that it is a good idea to be gentle, to observe your desire, respect it, but don't get so involved in it. Put yourself in the right place, on all levels, and that which is alignment with you will also be there...

So, I guess I am trying to say, maybe we could stop reaching? And still find our dreams? Maybe there are other ways to deal with longing...

Lately, I have spent a lot of my "nows" in a state of longing. Like you, busy and not sitting around on my ass dejected about it, but always aware on some level. Unfortunately , what I am currently longing for is not at all within the realms of possibility! ( illusion)
frown So I must wrap my head around that, and shift my perspective.

It sounds like yours may be though, which makes it harder to let go.
wink

I have been thinking, that sometimes, you have to let go of it all, including the desire, and just work on making yourself ready for when and if it chooses to come to you.... Release it with a deep happy breath, affection and humour. Go on to peacefully create the right environment for your wish, internal, and external, without striving or attachment to outcome. Be open to the possibilities that do arise, even if they dont at first match what you are seeking. In fact, stop seeking. Stay in the moment and make it the best it can be. Then, whether it happens or not, you will be happy within what you have made.
biggrin biggrin

**It appies to desire for companionship too, I think.**

Meditation is a break from longing, if you need one, or for a completely non Buddist approach, I find chocolate a good consolation when longing takes over... Or lose yourself in movement, or a good piece of music.... )
juggle

People say good things are worth waiting for... And I know, you wont be sitting idly waiting!Enjoy yourself, and when it does comes your way may it be as fufilling as you hope!
smiles,
Andrea hug


wherever you go, there you are

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:wow! VERY well said, rowanlee. hug

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flash fire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2758
Posted:ubblol in the nicest, most understanding way possible, just cos I know the inside info.

hug


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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:bing!...sorry, those details are not for public consumption.



Andrea, that was wonderfully spoken. Thank you. I love the trade off of chocolate for meditation. That made me giggle. (I'll try vanilla instead though wink ). There is so much in your words to digest, but the message of hope and patience is strong and lovely. Thank you.



Flash Fire, you only know a small part of it now, and it is not all of what you think. I feel like I am Alice and I fell down the hole. Some day when you get an hour and are on IM, I will fill you on the gories wink



Thanks everyone...it's interesting to read all the different perspectives.



And I have to add that I do not think that love is over-rated. Elusive and it takes work, and when it is good it is amazing and when it is bad...well... And I believe it is available to everyone. I have to. I was brought up on fairy tales. wink


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz

Total posts: 2615
Posted:Alice im late im late im very very late hello good by im late im late im late late late. {takes pele's hand to lead her the way back up the wish well hole }.

Hang tough


that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:Funny thing is that right now it is not love but work that is giving me this element. I am pushing and pushing and pushing to break into my chosen field. And the more I try, the more I find out I need to do. At some level I know that one day it will just happen, the break will arrive. And me trying all these things has a minimal impact, as it is such a specialised field that I am entirely dependent on right place and right time.

It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Jo


Jo

member
Location: Sheffield, England

Total posts: 517
Posted:Pele: "Have you ever wanted something so badly that it really works you over?"

Yes indeed. several times over the last 3 years I've badly wanted:

I wanted/needed to fire spin for a living, but no - I had to make pizzas 6 days a week to get by.
I found love, and lost it to circumstance.
Subsequently I wanted/needed to make props for a living and, well... not sure about that one yet... confused2

I'm getting to know these feelings, and they can (in my case anyway) really chip away at you. The stronger the desire, it seems, the more 'open' to pain you leave yourself.

I admire your strength Pele, and yeah, patience could be the key - but I don't always practice what I preach - we live and learn, right? keep going. hug

Jo.


Educate yourself in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Written by: Pele

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it really works you over? Not that you live and breathe it but that you literally ache for it?



Sorry sweetie, I just don't have those kinds of feelings for you. eek

wink

ubbangel


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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fluffy napalm fairy


fluffy napalm fairy

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Brum / Dorset / Fairy Land

Total posts: 3638
Posted:Pele - hug ubbrollsmile hug2

Incidentally I am having the opposite problem. I don't long for anything confused I have always been comfortable in my directionless-ness but not today. Hmm. I'm going to have a nap. I feel there's something wrong. Ah well - sun is out and I'm still smiling - hug I hope you are too x


Geologists do it in the dirt................ spank

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:NYC...I love you and all, but lets look at this realistically...we'd kill each other. Though it would be fun getting there! wink tongue

Jo, I admire your strength as well my friend. And how true the observation of the stronger the desire the more open for pain. I had not thought about it before, but you are right.

Rozi, that is interesting about your job. It's like chipping away slowly at layers, only to find there are more to go through. I understand that frustration.

FNF, I'd never thought about the opposite effect. I think I know more people without than with though. It's such a fine line. If you have desire it can make you nuts, but so can the lack of. Huh.
Hope you had a great nap! And yes, I am still smiling and life is beautiful...it is...

Puk..thanks. I needed that! wink

:hugs: Hugs all the way around! biggrin


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Adya Miriyana
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Adya Miriyana

*slou?
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 6554
Posted:Written by: fluffy napalm fairy


Incidentally I am having the opposite problem. I don't long for anything confused I have always been comfortable in my directionless-ness but not today. Hmm.



I've been having the same thing for ages.. 'comfortable' about it when i'm busy doing something else, distracted, but it's really worrying for the rest of the time. Hmm indeed.


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