Being all emotional re: family falling apart

Today has to be one of the worst days I've had for a while.

In the past week, I've been talking to my parents and brother over MSN, and one phone call last week, which is pretty normal. Except what we were talking about.

Right, so overcap of what's going on:
My house is up for sale (if anyone wants a LOVELY house in Halifax, do send me a PM.) The parents are working towards the divorce... But due to the house and business, things are getting REALLY nasty between my parents. Talking about who gets what, and stuff... Not good.

But, that's to be expected, I suppose. It's gonna be a shite time, we all know that.

But yesterday, I've found out (with a helpful conversation with my brother today) that my dad's mom and sister have abandoned him, in defense of my mother. They said that all of this was somehow his fault, and that it roots back to how my father acted as a child. I have always thought of my father as a rather rational person. Especially since this whole divorce thing is my mother's doing... She's the one who went and got a lawyer... My aunt told my dad she is glad they live 2000 miles apart...

I don't know what in the world is going on back at home... Why would my aunt and grandmother, who I've always known to have a pretty good relationship with my dad, suddenly turn around and say that my family falling apart is all his fault? When I was at home with my parents screaming their heads off at eachother.... it was really more my mother screaming... I remember her starting more fights than my dad... Yesterday, my father told me the only people in the world who are there for him, is my brother and I. And I'm in Germany, for another 4 months.

Then, today, after my brother explained a bit more of what's going on, he then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't love my mom, because she never loved him enough as a child, and that he could never live with her on her own, as I am probably going to do. He said it was things like when he would wake up my mum up in the mornings, and instead of 'good morning, how are you', it was 'need. coffee.' He also claims that she never tried to take part in his life as much as my dad did, and she never did anything with him. Even though she worked full time, and was taking University courses for a BScN (nursing). Admittely, she was a bit more crankier, and always away because she had to study - but didn't we know that when she asked us if she should do it? We gave her our support in the decision, but following out with it... not so easy it seems. He claims my mother has chosen her path to walk, is walking it, and has burned all bridges to him while doing so.

I think all this is a bit harsh. Is this just the final breaking climax of my family after four years of battle ground? Was it all just waiting to happen?

On top of this, I was supposed to live with my mom. But now, she has the idea that she's going to move into a trailor park, and save up money, because she's convinced herself that she has no money. That would mean I would be out of my school district, and in a very sad, depressing part of my city. I can take moving from a large house to an apartment. I'd have no problem - maybe even be happier. But I think I would be rather miserable living in a trailor. I know people who live in the trailor park, and are ashamed to be so. I hate the thought, but I know I would too.... Am I being shallow? Am I not being open to possibility? Or am I drawing lines, as to what I can live with, if I live with my mom? Should I stand up and say that I would be uncomfortable with that position? Should I be uncomfortable with that position?

I'm upset with my family at the moment. I'n sure that's pretty clear now... I'm normally a really optimistic person, and look on the bright side of things. But this is starting to kill me, with my extended family getting involved. Somethings going to blow, and I don't know what it will be... Or maybe that was the blow? I don't know, I'm missing out on so much of my 'family' I only hear little blips from people here and there. I've never fought with my parents though all of this, but I'm getting so upset, I might start something I don't want to out of sheer emotional disdraught.

It was a bit easier to deal with the news in the past week though, because I was staying with my lovely boyfriend for a while (long-ish distance thing, don't see him often) so he was there to cry on, and to talk to. But I'm alone again, took the train home this morning, and then I have the conversation with my brother, where he bashes my mother... And now I have no shoulder to cry on, no arms to be wrapped up in, just a MSN window with cold text popping up in attempt to comfort me. But it's not the same, and I'm having trouble keeping calm tonight. It was too hard to leave him this morning at the train station, and now all of the weights of my crumbling family are weighing down on me again. I feel really helpless. It's like there's a hole in my heart now that I've left him, and all I can think about is him, or my 'family'.

Not that it's a family anymore... To me, family wouldn't do that to eachother.

And my DVDs aren't working. And I was going to suffer through a movie with my host sis and her boyfriend, while looking at them, being completely miserable because they're together, and I don't have my boyfriend, but now I'm completely miserable alone, in the basement, on the computer, and eating too much chocolate.

I think I'm a bit stressed right now... And sorry, I don't really rant much, but I needed it out.

~ Bobo

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