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OrangeBobo
SILVER Member since Nov 2003

OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada

Total posts: 1389
Posted:Today has to be one of the worst days I've had for a while.

In the past week, I've been talking to my parents and brother over MSN, and one phone call last week, which is pretty normal. Except what we were talking about.

Right, so overcap of what's going on:
My house is up for sale (if anyone wants a LOVELY house in Halifax, do send me a PM.) The parents are working towards the divorce... But due to the house and business, things are getting REALLY nasty between my parents. Talking about who gets what, and stuff... Not good.

But, that's to be expected, I suppose. It's gonna be a shite time, we all know that.

But yesterday, I've found out (with a helpful conversation with my brother today) that my dad's mom and sister have abandoned him, in defense of my mother. They said that all of this was somehow his fault, and that it roots back to how my father acted as a child. I have always thought of my father as a rather rational person. Especially since this whole divorce thing is my mother's doing... She's the one who went and got a lawyer... My aunt told my dad she is glad they live 2000 miles apart...

I don't know what in the world is going on back at home... Why would my aunt and grandmother, who I've always known to have a pretty good relationship with my dad, suddenly turn around and say that my family falling apart is all his fault? When I was at home with my parents screaming their heads off at eachother.... it was really more my mother screaming... I remember her starting more fights than my dad... Yesterday, my father told me the only people in the world who are there for him, is my brother and I. And I'm in Germany, for another 4 months.

Then, today, after my brother explained a bit more of what's going on, he then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't love my mom, because she never loved him enough as a child, and that he could never live with her on her own, as I am probably going to do. He said it was things like when he would wake up my mum up in the mornings, and instead of 'good morning, how are you', it was 'need. coffee.' He also claims that she never tried to take part in his life as much as my dad did, and she never did anything with him. Even though she worked full time, and was taking University courses for a BScN (nursing). Admittely, she was a bit more crankier, and always away because she had to study - but didn't we know that when she asked us if she should do it? We gave her our support in the decision, but following out with it... not so easy it seems. He claims my mother has chosen her path to walk, is walking it, and has burned all bridges to him while doing so.

I think all this is a bit harsh. Is this just the final breaking climax of my family after four years of battle ground? Was it all just waiting to happen?

On top of this, I was supposed to live with my mom. But now, she has the idea that she's going to move into a trailor park, and save up money, because she's convinced herself that she has no money. That would mean I would be out of my school district, and in a very sad, depressing part of my city. I can take moving from a large house to an apartment. I'd have no problem - maybe even be happier. But I think I would be rather miserable living in a trailor. I know people who live in the trailor park, and are ashamed to be so. I hate the thought, but I know I would too.... Am I being shallow? Am I not being open to possibility? Or am I drawing lines, as to what I can live with, if I live with my mom? Should I stand up and say that I would be uncomfortable with that position? Should I be uncomfortable with that position?

I'm upset with my family at the moment. I'n sure that's pretty clear now... I'm normally a really optimistic person, and look on the bright side of things. But this is starting to kill me, with my extended family getting involved. Somethings going to blow, and I don't know what it will be... Or maybe that was the blow? I don't know, I'm missing out on so much of my 'family' I only hear little blips from people here and there. I've never fought with my parents though all of this, but I'm getting so upset, I might start something I don't want to out of sheer emotional disdraught.

It was a bit easier to deal with the news in the past week though, because I was staying with my lovely boyfriend for a while (long-ish distance thing, don't see him often) so he was there to cry on, and to talk to. But I'm alone again, took the train home this morning, and then I have the conversation with my brother, where he bashes my mother... And now I have no shoulder to cry on, no arms to be wrapped up in, just a MSN window with cold text popping up in attempt to comfort me. But it's not the same, and I'm having trouble keeping calm tonight. It was too hard to leave him this morning at the train station, and now all of the weights of my crumbling family are weighing down on me again. I feel really helpless. It's like there's a hole in my heart now that I've left him, and all I can think about is him, or my 'family'.

Not that it's a family anymore... To me, family wouldn't do that to eachother.

And my DVDs aren't working. And I was going to suffer through a movie with my host sis and her boyfriend, while looking at them, being completely miserable because they're together, and I don't have my boyfriend, but now I'm completely miserable alone, in the basement, on the computer, and eating too much chocolate.

I think I'm a bit stressed right now... And sorry, I don't really rant much, but I needed it out.

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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Bird
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

Bird

now available in "advanced"
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom

Total posts: 6086
Posted:hug hug

My state of mind is not yours to define!

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:hug hug hug

Sorry to hear about this Bobo, I know what your going through. When it happened to me I had to move out of state.

The only thing I can give you, besides my hugs, is that you talk with your parents about your living situation when you get back. Someone might be willing to make adjustments, you will never know until you talk with them. I wish I had because I found out years later that I had an option of living with my Grandparents for my senior year, which would have kept me in the same neighborhood and school.

hug hug


Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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OrangeBobo
SILVER Member since Nov 2003

OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada

Total posts: 1389
Posted:The rest of my family (extended, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles) all live 2500km away in Ontario/Michigan. My family lives in Nova Scotia, right on the Atlantic. No choice....

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:I know that they are putting you with your mom but is it possible going in with your dad? That is if he's staying in the area.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4172
Posted:Things will probably get worse before they get better, but when they do get better..its such a release.
When my parents split up, my world was broken to pieces then stuck back together again...by a person with stumps for hands with shite glue

I can relate to what you say by moving into a 'less respected area' shall we say. Im living in a $hite area atm with my mum and sister, and not much better area with dad. You can decide where you live...think about it. Sometimes people judge others too much by where they live. Just think you could be the diamond in the rough!

As for your family...well they do that. People tend to take sides which is wrong, and in an ideal world shouldn't happen. Because only the people that are behind your door begin to understand the situation your in, no matter how close they are.

I'm comming up nearly a year as from when I moved out of my old house. I live with my mum mon-fro then dad sat-sun. Mum is engaged to be married to dads old best friend, dad is in a relationship with the woman that cause the divorce, and she is in turn still married with her husband blissfully unaware of her relationship with my dad after nealry 2 years. Where like a family of a soap. But i can deal with that. I couldn't first, at the beginning but I'm better now. Kind of used to things

Things will get better, it what seems like far distant future. But they will

~

the totally imcomphrehensible ramblings disguised as comfort and advice brought to you by Aime

hug


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OrangeBobo
SILVER Member since Nov 2003

OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada

Total posts: 1389
Posted:he probably is, but I'll talk to my mom, and voice my opinion on it... If I have to live with it, shouldn't I at least get a bit of a say in it? At least my opinion heard...



~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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MissEgyptology
BRONZE Member since Feb 2005

MissEgyptology

officially expelled from BYU
Location: Southern California, USA

Total posts: 195
Posted:hug I'm sorry dear, I think I have a pretty good idea of how you feel. I'm at college right now, and my younger sister is counting the days til I get home. My parentals are already divorced...and, long story short, I know where you're coming from. Try not to stress yourself out too badly (this is coming from the queen of stressing herself out over her family...) and there are people here for you! hug

"So Miss, I think you win the prize... A mormon egyptologist in a firespinning chat room... that's gotta be a record of some kind"
-NYC

Thanks, NYC,but I quit mormonism now XD

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pounce
SILVER Member since Jan 2003

pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...

Total posts: 9831
Posted::hugs: it's going to be tough for awhile, but it does get better. the best advice i can give you is to think objectively. before you make assumptions about your mother or your father, look at it from a distance. it's easy to quickly defend one parent or another because you love them. but it's also very hard to find out your assumptions were wrong after you've already made your decisions. it's not your fight, love them both, but keep a level head.

and i'm here for you if you need it hun hug


I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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JauntyJames
SILVER Member since Dec 2004

JauntyJames

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA

Total posts: 3533
Posted:hug that sais it all, doesn't it? probably not, so i'll say it again: hug

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"

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ImmortalAngel
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

Scientist!
Location: Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 578
Posted:hug hug hug hug hugI hope I can talk to you on MSN this evening, I'll try to be online tonight wink
If you ever need a place to stay, come back and you can stay with me right near your grandmother's house, at least, untill some of it blows over, or you're ready to go back.


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> STAY SAFE! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />

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Ry
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Ry

Gromit's Humble Squire
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 4496
Posted:Hi Lindsay,



First of all, I'm terribly sorry you're in a bit of a tough corner at the moment. I'm not going to say it's all going to go away when the clouds are gone, because family issues aren't ever black and white. However, I will say that if you stick around long enough, you'll eventually find yourself in a way/place you'd much prefer over today.



My parents have been divorced for about 15 years, and though I didn't know it at the time, it was probably one of the best things that's ever happened in my life. I do recall being extremely angry and trying to allocate blame for many years, but then one day I had the realisation of the hell I'd have gone through if they kept together.



Things did get very messy with things like accomodation, money, and people taking sides; my sister and I didn't understand at the time- there was plenty a moment I wanted it the way it used to be.



It sounds like you probably don't know the full story- your grandmother and aunt would have taken sides for some kind of reason. While finding out all there is to know would be satisfying, it might not make you any happier, and it won't really change your situation either. It is probably the best to let them sort out their issues and come to whatever conclusion they come to on their own.



As for living in a trailer park, while you know you're uncomfortable with the idea, if there's no other option for the moment, the best you can do is bear with it just for now. I know you dream of better days and bigger things, but for now patience and courage will tide you through this.



Furthermore, you've still got your brother- if not, you've still got your friends (some might argue how the connections you choose to make can be more precious than the connections you're given). If not, you've still got random nutters like me spouting potentially cliched/or irrelevant advice on firetwirling forums (but really mean well). wink



Your life really is what you make of it. Hang in there hug smile


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Flame
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

Flame

addict
Location: VIC, MELB, Australia

Total posts: 435
Posted:hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
Mate my parents split when is was 5 - its not a fun time. Its such a tough and terrible time for all involved there are no winners in these nkind of situations. I hope you can find the strength to stay strong through it all mate and you'll find plenty of support here pm me any time you feel stressed mate - believe me i know stress (single mum, 5 mth old baby, study, work etctec). I agree with gidg try and talk to your parents about your apprehension as to their decisions, its important to know you are allowed to be able to express your opinion to those closest. Please dont suffer in silence and if you find there are no choices then atleast find someone to talk about it with. Its such an uncertain time so rash decsions are not a good idea. Keep us posted mate and let us know how your going!!

Take care
From Flame and Bubba Tristan - hes sending you a cheeky smile smile


*In the car while Pink is playing on the radio*
Tristan aged 4 : "Mum is this Pink?"
Flame:"Yes mate this is Pink?"
Tristan:"Are you going to Pink?"
Flame:"Yes i am"
Tristan:"Cool well I'm going to BLUE" smile

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myco
BRONZE Member since Nov 2004

myco


Location: melbourne, victoria, australia

Total posts: 2084
Posted:hug sorry your in this situation. i've got no advice, just support and hugs. hug

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animatEd
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK

Total posts: 3540
Posted:Hmmmm...

Relationships. Awkward things.

My parents split up when I was 2. I had my mum and dad telling me that the other was bad, along with input from step-parents too. Sent me all sorts of crazy ways, even to the brink of suicide.

But hey, I found a good therapist, and I've made peace with it all, and everything's good.

On the plus side, at least you're old enough to understand what's going on. And you're old enoughto make your own decisions instead of being subject to propaganda at a young age and not knowing what to believe.

I feel for you dude. hope everything turns out good in the end.


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 5814
Posted:nothing inspirational darling but lots of these hug hug hug hug2 hug2 hug2 hug2 hug2

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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OrangeBobo
SILVER Member since Nov 2003

OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada

Total posts: 1389
Posted:Oooh, thank you all sooooo much you guys! hughughug you're all awesome people. Good to see some old names popping up too smile

Last night was just bad. Today, after 12 hours of much needed sleep, and a morning of self-pampering (aka long hot shower), and the fact that my boyfriend called lastnight to talk to me about it (aahhhhh ubblove) I'm feeling TONS better. But I'm still eating chocolate... teehee ubblol tongue (I blame Easter....)

Thanks to those sharing their experiences... I know that my situation is something that happens all the time, and way to much these days. I know I'm not alone in it, and that it could be much, much worse. But that doesn't make it hurt any less, or change the fact that it is in fact happening to my family. A while ago, I parially blamed myself, because I'd thought that if I'd stayed home, and not gone on my exchange, that I could take care of my family, and this wouldn't have happened. But after remembering how horrible it was when I WAS at home taking care of the house, I know that it really was only a matter of time.

Now I just wonder if I should try to understand everything. A part of me wants to e-mail my dad, grandmother, and aunt, and figure out what's going on there. But (I suppose) the more sensible part of me says no, don't do it, they're digging up their own dirt, it's not for you to figure out, or get involved. That was also the stance I took with my parents, I never fought with them like my brother did, because I always knew that it was their relationship, not mine, and it is not my job, as their child, their daughter, to try and keep their relationship together. I've said that before, and I will probably say it again. It is for them to resolve. What happens will happen, and I just need to ride the waves, and wait for things to calm down.... So now I'm in the waiting room! I really don't think I can do anything (at least from here!) to help things, and I don't know if I'd really want to. I think, now I'll just stay here, and talk to my mum and dad when they call or email, and talk to them when they need me to.

Is that the right thing, or am I abandoning my family even more?

shrug Can't do much!

Written by: loves the circus
On the plus side, at least you're old enough to understand what's going on. And you're old enoughto make your own decisions instead of being subject to propaganda at a young age and not knowing what to believe.




That's true, I don't take sides in these things. I listen to everyone and make my own conclusions in my head. At least my brother is old enough to move away on his own, I'm still in legal custody of my parents for another 2 years. I know I'm staying in Halifax for another 3 years, but after that, who knows for Uni? If only I was 18, I could marry my boyfriend and move to Germany permanently!! ubblol



ubbrollsmile But today is a good day, and I'm happy to be who I am and where I am smile

hughughughughughughughughughug

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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GothFrogette
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 3999
Posted:hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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Psycho_lemming
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

Psycho_lemming

Running hippy spinning lemming
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 15
Posted:hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
take care
stay strong
xxxx


Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering...

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