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tainted
tainted

addict
Location: London
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2004
Total posts: 422
Posted:Isn't it weird that all year round your parents tell you not to play with fire, but on Independence Day they hand you a package of explosives, a lighter, and say have fun?
Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables?
How come lotion is colored, but when you put it on, it doesn't turn your skin that color?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade?
Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?
Whats a question with no answer called?
How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?
If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
"What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?"
Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing?
Do bald people get dandruff?
Why doesn't baking soda freeze?
What if you were to ask a genie to grant you more than three wishes for one of you wishes?
If you made biscuits with chocolate milk instead of regular milk, would they taste chocolaty?
If you rented a movie and were late returning it and then you died would someone you knew or a family member have to pay the late fee?
Can a person with no ears wear glasses?
Do the actors in the re-enactments on Americas most wanted, ever get arrested (because they were seen on TV portraying the criminal)?
Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too?
If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?
How come French fries are not considered vegetables, since they are just deep fried potatoes?
Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?
Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart?
Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?
Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?
Why do bullies always ask "whats your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it?
Do stairs go up or down?
When people say, "Im so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?
Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?
If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change
their name to Knockers?
If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?
Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Are marbles made of marble?
Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??
Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?
Can mute people burp?
What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?
Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Do they have girls bathrooms in gay bars?
Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why do you go back and forth to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?
Why do dogs sniff other dogs bottoms to say hello, why dont they just bark in their face or something?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?


There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers...

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Bubbles_
Bubbles_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: mancunian
Member Since: 25th Nov 2004
Total posts: 3383
Posted:ubblol was gonna reply to some of em lol, but would take all day.

Disclaimer:im not responsible for what i say or do whether it be before,during and after drinking alcoholic substances (owned by BMVC).
Creater of Jenisms(TM)
Virginity like bubble,one prick all gone.

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tainted
tainted

addict
Location: London
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2004
Total posts: 422
Posted:Yea im just killing time til samba.....i thought they were funny

There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers...

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SCRUBS
SCRUBS

erm....can you smell parafin or is it me?

Member Since: 28th Feb 2005
Total posts: 146
Posted:ubblol hee hee

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Havokist
Havokist


Location: Manchester
Member Since: 20th Dec 2004
Total posts: 2530
Posted:to the question about a person with no ears wearing glasses: there was actually a mini craze about sunglasses that didn't go on your ears liek normal ones, but sorta hooked over your head, but you had to wear a beenie to stop them digging in...

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.

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Sakura_Moon
Sakura_Moon

Hop's Kitten Jester.
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Austral...
Member Since: 12th Jul 2004
Total posts: 1803
Posted:Tomato is a fruit.
I can breathe out of my nose and mouth at the same time! Found that out when someone offered me a drag a few months ago
Heads up means look up and duck
Question with no answer - conundrom
Two crumbs
Genies dont let you have more than three
They do ahve burgler alarms at christian stores
Children in r rated movies are allowed to see them...i think
If you make biscuits with choccy milk they do taste more chocolatey
There are choccy flavoured envelopes out there
I'll answer the others later...


.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.


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KaelGotRice
KaelGotRice

Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
Location: Angel's Landing, USA
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 1584
Posted:If vegetable oil is made out of vegetables, and corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made of?

To do: More Firedrums 08 video?
Wildfire/US East coast fire footage
LA/EDC glow/fire footage
Fresno fire

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ubbrollsmile.gif" alt="" />

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Bubbles_
Bubbles_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: mancunian
Member Since: 25th Nov 2004
Total posts: 3383
Posted:eek

Disclaimer:im not responsible for what i say or do whether it be before,during and after drinking alcoholic substances (owned by BMVC).
Creater of Jenisms(TM)
Virginity like bubble,one prick all gone.

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JauntyJames
JauntyJames

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA
Member Since: 22nd Dec 2004
Total posts: 3533
Posted:in answer to your questions:

Yes.


-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"

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Pigeon_Wigeon
Pigeon_Wigeon

Say what?
Location: Surrey/Portsmouth
Member Since: 24th Dec 2004
Total posts: 4760
Posted:Conundrum... or.. rhetorical question? EH EH thats a question that cant be answered.. wheras a conundrum can as proved by... Countdown!!!...*hides in shame*

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DoktorSkell
DoktorSkell

addict
Location: Van Diemans Land
Member Since: 11th Jan 2005
Total posts: 475
Posted:

That was aboslutely fantastic.
Indeed you do have to much time on your hands. go outside and practise your poi.

Why is something allways in the last place you look?

What is black, white, red, and has trouble passing through a revolving door? A Nun with a spear through her head


Fair luna bright, fair luna moon
it shines at night but fades too soon
fair luna moon, fair luna bright
forever we dance
we dance under starlight

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Yex
Yex

Member
Location: Kamloops BC
Member Since: 23rd Aug 2004
Total posts: 97
Posted:Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables? fruits
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?no
Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade?no
Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?so we can see whats coming.
Whats a question with no answer called?whats a question with no answer called?
How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?lawncare guy put it there.
When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?people are too lazy to unlock both.
If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?two crumbs
"What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?"captain two hands.
Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing?haha!
Do bald people get dandruff? yes
Why doesn't baking soda freeze?it does.
What if you were to ask a genie to grant you more than three wishes for one of you wishes? see alladin
If you made biscuits with chocolate milk instead of regular milk, would they taste chocolaty? yes
If you rented a movie and were late returning it and then you died would someone you knew or a family member have to pay the late fee? no unless its a joint account.
Can a person with no ears wear glasses? yes, morpheus(matrix)
Do the actors in the re-enactments on Americas most wanted, ever get arrested (because they were seen on TV portraying the criminal)?same unsolved mysteries question.
Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too?yes.
If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?keep on going.
How come French fries are not considered vegetables, since they are just deep fried potatoes?they're tubars.
Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?yes.
Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?star of david.
Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?because we don't believe what kids say.
If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart?no.
Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?yes.
Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?yes.
Why do bullies always ask "whats your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it? because they're asking what your problem with them is.
Do stairs go up or down? both.
When people say, "Im so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place? football in the groin!
Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?because there has to be a top line. and i do use it.
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees? irrelevant.
Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?graphs start at zero instead of one.
If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change their name to Knockers?no.
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? if there parents are ok with it, yes.
Can you make a candle out of your earwax?i'm sure someone has.
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?no.
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?not is the people whos waited got there first.
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?if you're innocent yes.
Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?yes.
Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?yes.
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?yes
Are marbles made of marble? glass
Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup? air suction.
If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)yes
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?its a kids rhyme, they don't need to make sense.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? the guy who saw the calf feeding.
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? a risk taker.
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?yes.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?wrong.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?i don't think literate people get it.
Can you get cornered in a round room? if there are lots of people yes.
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?not as long.
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?not going to go into that one.
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?go live in saskatchewan for a year, then you'll know.
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? rules are meant to be broken.
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? because his mouse trap is disneyland.
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?yes.
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" coincidence
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??water changes the wavelengths of the photons that are absorbed.
Can mute people burp?yes
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware? yes.
Do they have girls bathrooms in gay bars?yes
Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?blue is associated with water which is associated with clean.
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?good point.
Why do you go back and forth to town if you really must go forth before you go back?depends where you started.
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? there is more milk in the mixture.
Why can't you get a tan on your palms?constantly wearinf skins off.
If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?no.
Why do dogs sniff other dogs bottoms to say hello, why dont they just bark in their face or something?dogs sense of smell is better than ours, and thats just how they identify each other.
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free? its a way to lure you to their store so you buy stuff.


"Not all who wander are lost. "

J.R.R. Tolkien

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JauntyJames
JauntyJames

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA
Member Since: 22nd Dec 2004
Total posts: 3533
Posted:so, in the end, who has more time on their hands? tainted for writing it or yex for answering it?

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"

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flid
flid

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Warwickshire
Member Since: 27th Aug 2002
Total posts: 3136
Posted:my parents never gave me a lighter and explosives. Terrorist training must be an american thing.

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Parafinfairy
Parafinfairy

old hand
Location: Adelaide
Member Since: 5th Sep 2003
Total posts: 845
Posted:ubblol

Slicing the Loaf as we speak.

I need it..... Trust me!

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Pigeon_Wigeon
Pigeon_Wigeon

Say what?
Location: Surrey/Portsmouth
Member Since: 24th Dec 2004
Total posts: 4760
Posted:Hee hee ahh the quality!!

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GothFrogette
GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted:OMG the thread is the biggest understatment i have seen in a while, lol hug hug

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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Domino
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
Member Since: 26th May 2004
Total posts: 757
Posted:"Why is something allways in the last place you look?"

Because unless you're really special, you stop looking once you find it...


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

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GothFrogette
GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted:i could never understand why people say that either, lolol

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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