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Tosh


member
Location: Lincoln UK

Total posts: 2
Posted:Last week i met this girl, on monday evening we got talking, she seems dam cool, i got her started on poi, we went out and got to 1st base we were talking dirty and got back to her room, she said she had a bloke... on tuesday she got with a diffirent guy im not totaly shure what went on but she was up 2 7:30 and gave him a massarge . On wednesday she and i got talking again still only 1st base, but spoke obout things we would do when we came back!! got back to her room that night and gave each other massarges... thursday just chatted but got kiss goodbuy at station ... now the question is the plan of action when i we go back up to uni on sunday? Should i just leave it and not let her get me cut up? shes a wicked girl and i cant wait to go back but dont want to build things up in my head....
What to do?


We all write poems; it is simply that poets are the ones who write in wordsJohn Fowles 1926.

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vaperloc...the mighty


vaperloc...the mighty

look @my member
Location: Ft worth Texas

Total posts: 466
Posted:Wow I wish I could answer that one.Umm I say dont let your mind runaway with you,it will end up like a cheezy sitcom you will inevitably f*ck it up somehow.beleive me I have done it.

There are no obstacles only challenges.
Very funny scotty now beam down my pants.
[colour."green"}What would willie do?

AHH theres too many wee leprechauns i cannae squash them all

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:*eek* gawd, sounds like something i would do.
how far away is uni for ya?


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Tosh


member
Location: Lincoln UK

Total posts: 2
Posted:its about 2hours drive but shes not there until sunday, we had a summer school few days

We all write poems; it is simply that poets are the ones who write in wordsJohn Fowles 1926.

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I say "Go for it"... Only because it's clearly messed up and she's not into only you and you really should get all of that "I like her but she just likes the attention" crap out of your system before you get to College.

I did.

Mine was named Jen. I thought she liked kissing me, she just liked kissing boys. All boys, any boys, boys at camp, boys from school, my best friend. I got my heart ripped out but quickly learned many valuable lessons on life which now allow me to date stable, honest and mature women. Now I cringe at those kinds of girls the same way that someone who's had a Tequilla hangover cringes at the smell of Tequilla.

So off you go. Go chase her down. She'll giggle, she'll squeal, you'll trade massages, you may even get to second base if you're lucky. But then you'll realize that it's the same that she gave the guy before, and the same that she'll give the guy after, and that the pretty smile is just really the way she does her makeup.

Get it out of your system now. I only needed to get kicked once to learn. Some people go through there entire lives chasing those girls/guys.

But whatever you do: LEARN FROM IT.

I did. I really did. I've had wonderful relationships and girlfriends since and am close with many of them.

In fact, I just got a call from the girl I went out with right AFTER Jen. She's one of my best friends now. She called to say that she and her husband finally just had there first baby.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:NYC is right, & I think you know it too. You are going to get hurt by this woman. Your choice is whether it is worth it or not.

I would like to get all preachy, and say stuff like "you should talk to her and explain the situation", or say "don't go out with her because it is really hurting her just as much as you". But talking to her, presumes she will listen & learn, and it sounds like she has a lot of stuff to work out. And the hurting herself? Well you know that as well.

There are reasons why I think she is hurting herself. The way you have explained it, she could just be out there exploring her sexuality, the female version of sowing her wild oats. She could be being fairly straightforward about it, if she made it clear that she has a man and all she wants from you is massages & fun, then maybe she is alright. Or she could be playing games. If she is not straightforward about what she wants, if she hasn't explained this to her main man, if she hasn't explained this to you, then she will just hurt herself and others.

Maybe the decision comes as, does she know what she is doing, and do the people in her life know?


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:listen to rozi and nyc.

the one thing worth considering is getting it out of your system tho. even if painful, getting things out of ur system is healthier in teh long run than having it at the back of your mind...... trust me, i've done both.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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SickpuPpy


SickpuPpy

Ninja Rockstar!
Location: Denver, Co. U.S.A.

Total posts: 1100
Posted:She sounds like either a total slut or a total cock tease, which ever way it actually is usually equates to really bad news for a nice boy. Believe me I know, I used to be a nice boy once, and these girls are nothing but pain (no matter how pretty the wrapper might look or taste).

So if you do persue this girl keep her at an emotional arms length. Play it off like you don't care, well...... at least that you could care less. It may make you more attractive in her eyes and may also allow you to slide into home rather than getting tagged out at second. But whatever you end up doing treat this girl like a loaded gun that is pointed directly at your floppy bits, because she sounds like nothing but trouble.

Cheers and beers.


Jesus helps me trick people.

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:I was trying really hard to not get into this bit, but I am afriad I am going to have to. What the hell is a slut? Maybe she just enjoys having sex? Maybe she just enjoys flirting with guys? Is it wrong for women to enjoy it? Okay, maybe she is not being straightforward about it and making it clear. And yes, it is dangerous for Tosh & he will get hurt if he expects anything more from the relationship than what will probably be a quick but enjoyable bonk. But for god's sake, you would probably secretly admire a guy who was behaving in the same way and so successful in getting sexual attention. So why is this any different?

I hate the words "slut" and "cock tease" and how frequently they are used to denigrate a woman who is figuring out about sex. Women are not some alien beings intent upon evil, they are human, they get just as confused as guys about this area of their lives. They can also be just as curious and adventurous. And just as stupid in going about it.

Tosh, just accept this for what it is. She is not evil, but she can hurt you if you expect anything more from her emotionally. She won't be hurting you deliberately, it will either be because she is figuring out about her sex life and what she wants, and she is not conscious of, or never expected to have to meet, your emotional need.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:good post rozi. both of them.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I don't think this is a male/female thing Rozi. I have the same standards for women that I do for myself or my guy friends. I agree that "slut" and "cock tease" are onesided limitations of the english language.

In fact, I've seen this situation more with players from opposite sexes. It's often the guy who wants to "sew the oats" as you say.

I would never judge a woman by different standards that I'd judge a man. If someone is honest and wants to play the field that's far different than recipricating only when it's convenient.

Of course, we as observers don't really know much about the situation more that the above paragraph so most of anyone's opinion is based on assumptions that may or may not be true. We do know that she said she had a boyfriend (if my english to english translation is correct.)

I respect a woman (or man) that wants to play the field as long as she is straight forward about it. Otherwise it is being hurtful, especially if you lead someone to believe that they are exclusive.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Rozi, I will say that I COMPLETELY agree that there is an unfair standard applied to men and women when it comes to sexuality. This is, to say the least, sadly repressing of women.

I didn't want to discount your point on that.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Bram....


member
Location: the arms of the Ganja Goddess

Total posts: 1551
Posted:who go for it if you know that you will actually have a relationship. the last one I had eneded up in my gf dumping me for no reason, flirting with me on the phone afterwards, and my still eing madly in love with her. Do not let this happen to you. hell I am only 16

You. Its whats for dinner!

As time passes, you realise all the mistakes you amde and the ones you wish you never did make.

The wave crashing on the beach

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SmallBoy - x


SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London

Total posts: 2737
Posted:Run like hell, women are bad for you.....
(This is just todays opinion and I'm sure it will be followed by a completely contradictory opinion in a few days)


Small Lardy Person In Disguise

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Raphael96
SILVER Member since Sep 2002

old hand
Location: New York City

Total posts: 899
Posted:Well if you ask me (and nobody did ) you simply need to figure out what it is that you want from this girl.

If you want some harmless fun with no strings, then thats fine.

If you want something a bit more emotional....I think it would be tough to get from this particular girl at this particular time.
Maybe in the future, but don't pin your hopes on THAT or wait around for it, because it is likely not to happen.

This kind of situation has happened a few times to me, so I speak from experience...mostly bad.

Raphael

..who likes to be pleased, not teased.


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Urban_Culture


member
Location: coventry, midlands, uk

Total posts: 89
Posted:just Fuk n Chuck dude.

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:tosh! i really wish i could help you mate, but NYC's [urlhttp://www.homeofpoi.com/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=003698#000004]first post[/url] rings with truth.
there is only so much help that can come of advice - some things must be learnt from your own mistakes.
The first huge hurt paints the subsequent special someones in a more realistic tone. That was something that i needed to feel ,not just know. Good luck man, cus no-one enjoys being vulnerable - keep us posted, will yas?
you have our support!


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Thanks for the kind words reguarding urlhttp://www.homeofpoi.com/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=003698#000004



Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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FirePoi-boy


member
Location: Bantry, Ireland

Total posts: 71
Posted:Whats first base??
All the "base" stuff is one Americanism I could never understand.
From what I could be bothered reading on the thread the best advice I saw was from Urban_Culture. Sounds like she would do exactly the same thing.


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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Yeah, I thought that might be an Americanism. It truely is a kid analogy so I don't want the world to start thinking that everyone talks about sex in terms of baseball here in the US. It's a juvinile way of describing foreplay and sex and often refered to as such. The definitions differ by region but generally refer to first base as being kissing and such, anything involving breasts would be second base, anything involving heavy petting or other more sensitive genetalia would be third, and... of course, a home run is when you actually get to intercourse.

For further study check out "Paradise by the Dashboard light" by Meatloaf. It's an old 70s rock song which has a baseball analogy in the middle. They even use a famous baseball anouncer to do the "play by play"... The girl stops him right before he gets "Home" and asks if he'll love her forever. He says yes and then spends the rest of his life regretting that decision.

When I was little I used to think she stopped him from finishing watching a baseball game. Silly kid I was.

It's a good lesson though. Don't ever say anything important in a moment of passion. If you really love someone, tell them in the middle of the day without any reason or provocation... when it counts the most. And don't believe anything told to you in a moment of passion either.

Paradise by the dashboard light lyrics


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Raphael96
SILVER Member since Sep 2002

old hand
Location: New York City

Total posts: 899
Posted:That is a great song!



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fluffy napalm fairy


fluffy napalm fairy

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Brum / Dorset / Fairy Land

Total posts: 3638
Posted:NYC - I used to sing that song when I was little. Except I didn't know what it was about so my sisters and I all made the lyrics really innocent (we said words they sounded like without realising what they were) We thought it was about baseball too......

eep! I feel silly now


Geologists do it in the dirt................ spank

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