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Forums > Social Chat > Just for a luagh -Elementary bible school tests

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GothFrogette
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 3999
Posted:Elementary bible school tests pay special attention to the wording and spelling.
If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments.
The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.(as far as I am aware)

My personal faves are 12, and 16 although I suspect it could have been altered, still made me laugh

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the
world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was joan of
ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire
during the night.
4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
unsympathetic genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel
like delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.
8, the egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, moses went up
to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached canada. Then joshua led the hebrews in
the battle of geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought
the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna
carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in
the manager.
17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before
they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony
which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monoto


Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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JauntyJames
SILVER Member since Dec 2004

JauntyJames

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA

Total posts: 3533
Posted:biggrin those crazy christians kiddies!

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"

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weeleigh


weeleigh

look a rainbow!
Location: Waterford, CT

Total posts: 237
Posted:6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.


biggrin I dunno why, but I lost it at this one. ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol


"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."

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Pink...?
BRONZE Member since Apr 2002

Pink...?

Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
Location: Over There, United Kingdom

Total posts: 6140
Posted:ubblol

oh they cracked me up!


Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...

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Bird
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

Bird

now available in "advanced"
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom

Total posts: 6086
Posted:Written by: GothFrogette

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before
they do one to you.



ubblol


My state of mind is not yours to define!

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

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GothFrogette
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 3999
Posted:hehe well i needed something to give me a happy today and when i found it thought i would share the happy. gald its working

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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Havokist
BRONZE Member since Dec 2004

Havokist


Location: Manchester, United Kingdom

Total posts: 2530
Posted:Written by: GothFrogette

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.




biggrin ubblol


We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.

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meghann


enthusiast
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to ...

Total posts: 302
Posted:
4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
unsympathetic genitals.

7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.

how cute!!


ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher

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ImmortalAngel
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

Scientist!
Location: Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 578
Posted:14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

That is a great number of porcupines. He truly must have been a very wise man to have kept so many porcupines.


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> STAY SAFE! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />

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