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Forums > Social Discussion > Love of children in the modern world

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Location: Southampton
Member Since: 3rd Aug 2004
Total posts: 1626
Posted:I love kids.

I'm not a paedophile/murderer.

But because these people exist I can't play with or teach kids (ie classroom assistant) if I touch them in any way (ie pick them up if they fall over, hold them apart if they're going to fight, anything at all) - it's breaking the rules.

This is so unnatural, as much for the kids who crave human contact as for me.

Of course this isn't the only instance where modern culture (at least in the UK) steps between the natural link that exists between those who love kids (perfectly harmlessly) and kids themselves.

What are your opinions on the way adults (lets face it - particularly male) aren't allowed emotional or physical contact with kids without accusations of the most sad and horrible nature, particularly horrible if you love kids so much?

I love kids, I love the child in me that comes out when I'm around them, I love spending time with the most fun, enthusiastic, beautiful (spiritually, not sexually), sympathetic creatures on the planet, and I hate being made to feel the subject of horrible allegations for this.

However, I recognise the concern and need for boundaries in the modern world, because of paedophiles etc who basically do some of the worst things humanly possible to beautiful, innocent people.

I can't wait til I have kids of my own, so at least it'd be socially acceptable for me to spend some time with them.

Please note - this isn't about MJ or his trial at all, although personally I don't think that someone so obviously personally messed up who gives other people's children wine and sleeps with them in his bed should be allowed to be around children, whether he sexually abused them or not.

What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.


HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines
Member Since: 4th Aug 2004
Total posts: 4437
Posted:I dont know how I should feel about this. I think things have got way out of hand to be honest, but also in our society I can see how we have sick people that can get out of hand, I just never know what to think

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Member Since: 10th Jan 2001
Total posts: 3288
Posted:you guys are very beautiful people! smile


Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:I'll be a pediatrician in June. I love children--all children--with everything I've got.

To not be allowed to hug a child? I couldn't do it. That's why I'm in this job.

It's the smile I get out of the little girl who was too sick to walk the night before. It's the sight of the little boy who couldn't breathe last night running down the hall. It's the lanky grace of a teenager still trying to figure out his new body. It's the full-force scream of the newborn whose heart would barely allow her to breathe...before we fixed it.

In the U.S. pediatrics is the lowest-paid field in medicine and one of the hardest working. Yet we have an 89% career retention rate. We are BY FAR the happiest field in medicine. Why? Because we all became pediatricians for one reason only:

our patients.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura


Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:I understand why teachers are now advised not to allow older school kids to hug them and not be alone with them as its worth their career, but its makes it hard for the kids and the teachers. Often kids are so involved with what they are exploring than a normal voice just isnt heard, and a touch will get through. In a extension class i was in I had to touch a kid to get his attention a number of times , it turned out that he had a chronic undiagnosed ear infection and was partially deaf so no wonder he couldnt hear us.
Ali you absolutely did the right thing. As a parent sometimes you do get distracted and kids love to explore their environment. They were probably embarrassed..maybe.
Any job like teaching where there are kids will attract a small number of undesirables and we have to listen to our kids and our instincts and make sure they are found out and removed.

As parents we still sometimes listen to the teachers/adults more than our kids so we mustnt lose sight of the fact that often these people spend more waking time than we do with our kids. We have to listen to both sides.

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu


Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...
Member Since: 25th Nov 2003
Total posts: 1433
Posted:When I was growing up the amount of people accused of paedophilia was expanding so much that my father was paranoid about touching my sister or myself in anyway.

He never hugged us, kissed us, changed our nappies, bathed us...anything.

I always felt unloved because of the fact that he never showed any emotion towards us at all.

I only recently found out it was because one of his best mates went to jail for molesting children and got proven incorrect a couple of years later.

I have only received one hug from my father my entire life and that was only just over a year ago now.

It was just after my grandfather's funeral and he was drunk...I had composed myself through the whole thing until after we had got back to my father's house and he hugged me and said in my ear "Thank you for today, you will never know how much it meant to me."

I lost it...it is the first true emotion he ever showed me.

I feel sorry for anyone who feels so paranoid like my father that they feel they can't even show emotion to their child.

I'm sorry that the world has come to this...

Gnarly Cranium
Gnarly Cranium

Location: San Francisco
Member Since: 16th Feb 2005
Total posts: 186
Posted:At least 1 in 4 women is raped at some point in their lifetime. Now, that may not directly correlate to the number of pedophiles in the world-- but just what percentage of the population is CAUSING that? It can't be absolutely infinitesimally small. Perversion and crime is a powerful force in today's society. ALL of my friends that I know well have been affected by some form of sexual abuse during their childhood. Every. Single. Last. One. of them. (that may include me, but my memory on the subject is far from reliable) It's not just men either, some of the perpetrators I know of were female, and not even adults themselves.

In a world like that... of COURSE nobody is going to want to trust anyone they don't know around their kids. Not that it helps much, since the abuse is generally from someone the kids DO know.

Our society does not know how to cope with its own sexuality. Parents are not equipped to recognize threats even from people they are very close to. And nobody knows how to DEAL with the threats or prevent them. We no longer live in communities-- in the far past the people who would be teaching and caring for our children would be well-known group members, part of a network of people all relying on each other over a period of many years, and any truly inappropriate behavior would be recognized much more quickly, especially with people having a more open and healthy upbringing to begin with, thereby making better and more perceptive parents, with children better able to recognize inappropriate things themselves.

Laws aren't going to help. This is a sickness that goes to the very roots of society today. It will take a long while for it to heal. People have to get to KNOW each other and look at the issue openly and maturely before the fear can go away.

"Ours is not to question The Head; it is enough to revel in the ubiquitous inanity of The Head, the unwanted proximity of The Head, the unrelenting HellPresence of The Head, indeed the very UNYIELDING IRRELEVANCE of The Head!" --Revelation X


grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted:...Lightning... and as a mother i think i can speak for all when i say you do a great job. even though i am not in the US i still have a great deal of contact with the hospital for my youngest for one thing or another (From fluid on the lungs to him cutting the top of his finger off) so hug hug hug

I have to come up with my own child protection procedure for the youth group i am starting which unfortuently mean re-reading the 'Blue Book' and a whole bunch of research, cases and other agency's policies etc to do with child abuse.
its not going to be fun as most of the material also contains pictures and well there are other things i would rather do but unfortuently this is something i have to do.
how ever its all for a very good reason and has to be done. i think i may leave it till the weekend though to make a start

You do have to be very careful on the subject of abuse becuase its such broad a term which is one of the reasons why i think cases have grown.

Kids are fantastic and i am with what ...Lightning... said about the kids reactions, seeing a child do something for the first time, watching and seeing their reactions when they over come a hurdle is the best feeling in the world. The reason why i would love to teach kids is because of this, they question everything and are amongst the most hard working i have met, they have so much on their plates and get not a single word of praise. Last year in the UK the ppass rate for exams was higher than any other year, so what did the government, media and most people say "The exams are too easy " grrrrrrrrrrr not "Wow go the kids, they must be working hard"
even if the exams are easier its not the children who decided to change them, they still have to study and work hard to get the grades. child suicide rates are increasing because of so many causes whether it be exam stress, pear pressure or bullying, home troubles.

The thing that really really gets my goat? we are always hearing how bad the "youth of today" are, hmmmmm i wonder who's fault that is?!!!! its not the kids its the adults who were supposed to play a huge role in the kids lives, if they do not have the 'right' roll models and support from ADULTS the of cause they are not going to keep on the 'straight and narrow' the only hope for the next generations of children is the re-education of alot of the adults who shun their responsabilities to the younger generation.

its not the KIDS fault, the people to blame are ADULTS as these are the people who infulence them from the minute they are born.

sorry for rant

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows


.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
Location: brizvegas
Member Since: 13th Oct 2003
Total posts: 3776
Posted:lightning...i totally agree with you!! hug

my mum is a primary school teacher...and a cuddly lady to boot. the kids love to hug her cos they love her!! she's not allowed to hug back, but does anyway! she's like you lightning, in the job for the kids not the money! smile

it's taking a lot for me not to write an essay on this topic...i work in child protection. i work with kids who have suffered all kinds of abuse, who are in care. and some of them are too young to realise...and they still cry for mummy or daddy...even though they were the abuser. but it fascinates and inspires me how positive and happy these children are. *feels all warm and gooey inside* i have 24 kids on my caseload...from a lil one year old boy to a seventeen year old girl. many of them have problems and issues they don't even realise...and they will surface in due time.

no...that's it. sorry. i can't say any more. if i say much more, i'll just keep typing...

smile kids rock! they are so wierd, funny, happy and full of unconditional love. ubblove

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!

if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!

smile! grin it confuses people!



Member Since: 30th Jan 2004
Total posts: 56
Posted:I also love children having six of my own I get LOTS of hugs. I used to work in a preschool and man how can you not hug a child back when they run to you with there arms wide open? With so many parents working and the children spending so much time in daycare, school and with babysitters where else can they get the human contact they need? I don't see a problem with my own children being hugged by a teacher or an adult friend, or even their Dr. I think there are ways to allow this affection and still keep our children safe. I mean as long as the adult is in sight of other people then the adult and the child are safe from either accusations or abuse. I think my kids would hug all of you if they ever met you. They hug the fire people that we meet with here. We are a very affectionate family, and hug each other all the time. Actually we like to hug most everyone we know!


grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted:6 kids WOW and so not fair i so want that many kids, well the film cheaper by the dozen explains how i would love my family to be. i hug every one too, i am a vry huggy person and the kids (12-15) that i help them with thei home work always give my huge hugs, the smaller kids do too, even infront of their friends, the kids do the running with open arms when they see me cause they know i'll give them a hug. and they ask if they can have one if i'm not very well and forget. hehehe hugs are great hug hug hug

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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