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Forums > Social Chat > A Metaphorical Question.. what should I do?

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Hello! Sorry for being weird but it's a bit of a tough situation and I'd like to know what you think, being as you're all not involved.

Say you lived in a house with a some mates in your second year of uni, and one who was your best mate for the whole first year, but hated it, and didn't get to spend any time with you best mate. You really don't like being in the house for various reasons and don't even feel comfortable going there if you can help it.

So you decide that in your 3rd year you might try something which would put you back in campus accomodation, and you mention this to your friend who gets offended and doesn't want to talk about it.

Then you decide you really want to do it, after months of thinking, so you go ahead and sort out your application. Before you hand it in you talk to your friend about it again and they get really offended. They say you're letting everyone down (although you've spoken to the other housemates and they all say it's fine). Then they storm off and won't talk to you.

What would you do? Do you still hand in the application, knowing the deadline's looming? How do you deal with your friend, who won't listen to what you have to say on the matter?

I know I really want this, but I don't want to lose a great friend over it. He's just incredibly stubborn and doesn't seem to see or understand how miserable I've been for half a year. He's having a great time, but the fact is I spend all my time either at uni or at my girlfriends (in another city). It seems to make perfect sense to try for this new place where I don't have anyone's expectations hanging over me, or have to live in an environment which at times really upsets me.

I can't go through this again, and I'm pretty sure that uni accomodation would take away the negative factors which are currently bringing me down (responsible for my own finances, not being forced to go out when I have no money, cheaper rent etc etc). I just don't really know what to do, or if I'm in the right or in the wrong.

Please help smile


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX, USA

Total posts: 2014
Posted:I'd say go for the new digs. This is your life, not your friends. What is he (assuming it's a he) worried about if you move away from him? That he'll see you less than he already does (it seems like he may not see you much right now anyway)? That he won't be able to live in the cool current place because they will be down a person for rent? Maybe talk (or leave a note for him if he won't listen) to him about these issues. If he's worried about not seeing you, then purposefully let him know that you'd be willing to set up a weekly (or however often you'd like) time to hook up with him and hang out or chat. If he's worried about finding another roommate, maybe offer to help them locate someone who would be equally as cool as you? I'm sure there are lots of other college kids that would love to live off-campus given the chance.

hug


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The Real Fryed Fish


God's illgitament son
Location: state of confusion

Total posts: 1489
Posted:Written by: nearly_all_gone

I can't go through this again, and I'm pretty sure that uni accomodation would take away the negative factors which are currently bringing me down (responsible for my own finances, not being forced to go out when I have no money, cheaper rent etc etc).




i think this line sums it up.......you have to look out for yourself, esspecialy at school, that needs to be your main focus, granted i dont your friend, but if you guys are friends like you say, then i would like to think they would understand (eventualy)

its a tough call, but you have to do whats right for you........


You can't avoid pain by fencing yourself from it.
Some times you need the help of others more than anything else
But you have to let them close enough to help......
People want to be needed, I found that out too

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas, USA

Total posts: 3899
Posted:dude, don't ever live in a place you actively avoid! get a new place already! If your friend is such a good friend, he'll eventually come around.

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:This sounds more 'hypothetical' than 'metaphorical'.

I was all excited to hear about you living in glass houses where the grass is always greener and only filling your cup up half way.

wink


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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duballstar
SILVER Member since Sep 2003

duballstar

slack rating - 9.5
Location: Suburbiton, Yoo-Kay, United Ki...

Total posts: 2216
Posted:ditto ubblol



as for your problem, do what's gonna be best for you. it's your 3rd year so you want to be in as comfortable a living sitution as possible so you can focus on your studies (or poi, it depends how honest you are). my own experience of halls was that it wasn't a good atmosphere to study in but then my corridor was just exceptionally full of nutters.... smile


It is our fantasies that make us real. Without our fantasies we're just a blank monkey' - Terry Pratchett

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1626
Posted:smile Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm glad you seem to think I'm doing the right thing, and I'll talk to him/leave him a note (if all else fails) to tell him what's going on, and that I still want to be his mate - and will put the effort in to ensure it.

Thank you all

grouphug


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere..., ...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:Good advice here - the only thing I have to ask is: are you giving notice to your landlord and has your minimum tenancy period expired?

I mention it because I would understand your housemate being negative about it if either or both or of the above the above didn't apply, as it would heap extra responsibilities onto the remaining housemates.

If you need any advice on that kind of thing, feel free to PM me as I've been studying tenancy law for the last 2 months out of necessity and as most of it's stuck in my brain, it might as well serve some use biggrin

But if none of the above is the case, go for it. I think you'll look back on your university days more fondly if you do smile


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Thanks a lot, but we've only signed a 12 month contract (being students) and it will expire exactly when I'll be moving into my new place (hopefully). Thanks though smile

To be honest this year of uni has been something of an ordeal.. the 1st year was great, such a shame.


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:1. Save the friendship and move out.
2. Final years at uni can be the best! Disclaimer: having great fun in you final year and spending all the time in the bar with 1st and 2nd years and chilling in the sun during finals is not conductive to a good degree.


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Bretch


Bretch

enthusiast
Location: Cork, Ireland at present

Total posts: 247
Posted:I'd say get out, if your mate doesn't want to understand he's got a problem, not much of a mate I'd say... as some-one said, its your life and you should live it how you see fit, if he see's it as wrong then he should be able to say.

I used to be indecisive, but I'm not so sure now.....

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Stone
GOLD Member since Jun 2001

Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 2830
Posted:My advice would be to hand in the application asap.

I think your friend has the problem, and hopefully your friend will think about it and understand that it wasn'tt personal. Anyhow, things have already changed, and your friend might resent your actions even if you stayed. As a third year, you also need to ask yourself which is the best palace to study?

Personally, sharing is a pain and I've just advertised for a new flatmate and gone through the process blah!

Good Luck

wink


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Written by: Stone

Personally, sharing is a pain and I've just advertised for a new flatmate and gone through the process blah!

Good Luck

wink


You too smile


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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