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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:I don't have to tell any of you that recently mine came close to being lost. The same day as my accident a friend, mentor and really beautiful person I know lost her battle with cancer. While I was in the hospital my lease ran out and I am currently homeless. Things overall seem kind of grim but you know what?

Life is beautiful.

I went outside and sat in the grass under a tree with a friend today. As limited as my breath is, the air was sweet. The breeze refreshing. The sun warm. The outdoor sounds filled me up. It was lovely.

PWB hugged me today. His shirt was soft and clean smelling. His shoulder was strong and hard. His hands were comforting and soft. It felt wonderful.

I get to eat and drink. Every flavour is savoury. Every aroma decadent. To let it roll over my tongue and down my throat is a challenge, but it is also a supreme pleasure.

I can walk. My steps are small and uncertain but the grass between my toes tickled. The ground felt cool, the sidewalk rough and warm. Every step is one moment in time that I move forward.

I get to experience the smiles and laughter and wisdom and joy of others that I love. Nothing compares to that feeling.

My point? 5 weeks of my life are gone. I spent them staring at flourescent lighting being fed sterile air and not even getting to see the people I love, and that is only when I was awake enough to know better.

I spent alot of time thinking about what I missed and what is important to me. Life, living it, is important to me. Appreciating what I have, recognising the beauty of the little things is important to me. I am not saying to do this every moment of the day, that would be exhausting. I am asking that you all take even ten minutes of each day to appreciate what you have...friends, loved ones, the sun, hell even the rain.... anything. Recognise it and enjoy it. I garuantee it'll make things brighter.

Life is for the living, go out and live it!

Much love to all


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Glåss
DIAMOND Member since Nov 2001

Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom

Total posts: 2523
Posted:seems to me that its not 5 weeks not gone, but 5 weeks of great thinking.
it only took just 5 weeks and 1 near death to come to see beauty.
looks like you took the fast but maybe not easy route.

groovy.

Pele, can you tell up what thoughts you have found in the last 5 weeks please?

Thanks for reminding me. just how much Life is beautiful.

also dancing
and music
and smiling.

And you mentioned them,b ut again
friends
and love


Drew

[ 22 August 2002, 08:13: Message edited by: glass ]


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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:glass, my thoughts in the past few weeks were really all over the place.
I had thoughts of just giving up, but pushed those out pretty quick.
I thought about how much I missed water slides, jello, fruit and juice.
I thought about how much we take for granted. It took me 2 weeks to learn how to breathe again. Let me say that again...I had to learn how to take air into my lungs and push it back out. Do you realise how much we take that ability for granted? It used to be so thoughtless and easy. In and out right? Not anymore.
I thought about the faces of the people I wanted to see, and struggled to remember details. I look more carefully at those people now so I won't forget.
I realised how soft my mom's hands are, and how much I liked the feel of them.
I thought alot about my voice. It has been changed from this too. My vocal cords took damage from the fumes. I still wonder if it will come back, but I realised how much I like the sound of other people, especially loved ones.
I appreciate the quiet and the dark. In a hospital there is neither and I craved it.
Simple movement. Being able to move and control my body. I never realised the effort it takes to stand, to sit up, to roll. It takes alot of energy to do those things.
I thought about how stupid I am. There is so much in life I want to do or have been meaning to do and I never got around to it. I focussed so much on my performing that I let alot fall to the wayside. I won't make that mistake again.
I thought about how the littlest thing that can make you smile is not so little. Some HoPpers sent me cards in the hospital. At first I barely had the strength to really read and understand them but they made me smile, and that has so much value (thanks to you guys). I have since read them all several times, and they still make me smile.
I thought about whether or not I would be badly scarred and then I thought as long as I was alive, would it matter?
I thought about pain, and wondered how much the human body can really take. It is an amazing machine.
I thought there is alot of shit on tv.
I thought about how fast time goes and after listening to the nurses realised how much time people spend miserable.
My friend brouhgt me books but I had a hard time focussing to read, literally my eyes didn't want to focuss on the small print. I thought alot about what was in my scope of vision, and how I wanted to change what I was looking at.

There was just so much glass. I thought about cutting all my hair off to make it easier to care for. I feared looking into a mirror for the first time. I thought about getting out of the hospital everyday and when I finally did, I was more frightened than excited. I still am...alot of what if's go through my mind, you know?
Anyway, that was some of it. Did that answer your question?
Much love


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Glåss
DIAMOND Member since Nov 2001

Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom

Total posts: 2523
Posted:
thank you pele

Now I'm busy being aware of and glad, just for the sensation of breathing.

Save this thread for the next time someone round here crops up feeling a little bit depressed,sad or low. its magic.

quote: I thought about how stupid I am. no. enlightened.

so this is part of the meaning of life?

This ties in, with a lot of the philosophy I've been working through at the moment. But you are seeing it much stronger brighter and more vividly than me. This for me is just another glimps of a part of the next step. Thankyou for that

(aside all parts of the philosophy of contact juggling. at EJC last week we had 30 top contact jugglers playing and confirmed that contact is part juggling, part dancing, part magic, and after a while, the best bit is the philosophy of contact juggling.)

not really able to type at the moment but just got to add extra bits, that are definately involved:
Taoism, yoga (especially the breathing bit) and conversations with god.
comments, or extra places/things I should be looking much appreciated.

love and **HUGS**
Drew
___________________________
happy beginner


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Aurora (1/2 a firesister)
GOLD Member since Jan 2002

enthusiast
Location: Canada, Ontario, Toronto

Total posts: 249
Posted:It is amazing all the things you've taken from this experience. Funny that sometimes we learn the most from the experiences that take so much from us...and the most complex and hard situations give rise to the simplest understand and appreciation of the world.

Anyways while I don't really know you I'm very glad to hear that you are recovering and living your life again with strength and courage.

*~Lindsay~*


Om Namah Sivaya

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:those thoughts are beautiful pele, you obviously learned a lot. you seem to have taken a lot of strenghth from a bad expierience, i am amazed at your bravery.

there is a lot for us to learn in your words.... and sadly i think many people won't, thye'll still keep saying "tomorrow" and "then" and "later..."

peace & love & healing hugs

glad your back

kyri


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Stella


member
Location: Ontario

Total posts: 63
Posted:Im really glad to hear your out of the hospital and doing well. Your post is amazing and it really made me appreciate this summer, and life in general. You are absolutely right, life is beautiful.

rocketfire_tothemoon@hotmail.com CARPE DIEM seize the day and you will never regret your actions

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SmokyDavy
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

Do my poi look too small in this?
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 394
Posted:my favorite and most inspirational post ever!

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flash fire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2758
Posted:Bonjourno Princepessa!

Yes, life *is* beautiful.

You are so right Pele - the most difficult situations really cause those of us (who care to listen) to take stock and reaffirm ourselves.

Not that my experiences over the past several months were anywhere near as dramatic as yours (but everything is relative, hey) but the difficult time I was having really made me have a good look at my life and my negative actions within it. No longer do I take things for granted to such an extent; no longer do I believe that comfort and certainty are the most valuable things. Personal growth, almost regardless of the expense, is what counts for me.

I say this now, even though I'm still within the transitional phase (tail end of it though!) but hard times = hard yet enlightening lessons.

I thank the goddess for my intellect and insight which allowed me to gain so much value from such an unpleasant few months.


HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.

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Charles
BRONZE Member since Jun 2001

Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

Total posts: 3989
Posted:*thunderous applause*

Exactly exactly exactly.

This is the way to approach the world every now and then. I try to do this at least once a week and it works wonders!

I've even managed to change soime of my disliked foods into liked foods by eating them slowly, thinking about the flavour, texture and temperature, and then by being thankful i had a choice of foods and wasn't starving to death. Just examining normal things and thinking, WOW, thats so cool!.

My apologies if this isn't as deep and meanigntful as Pele's and other's threads, but it looks like they've pretty much said it all...

WELCOME BACK AGAIN PELE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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Cassandra


Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !

Total posts: 4224
Posted:I am *so* with you on that one, sweetest angel !!! this post just gave me warm fuzzies

We don't always control what happens to us, but we have a choice of what we make out of them ... and you ... with your intelligence, sensitivity and warmth, you embrace life like I wish everyone would... stepping back to step back in ... taking distance (or being forced to in your case, my beloved sister) and looking at the whole picture ... one hould come back into the piture all amazed and enthousiastical of the perfections and beautyf around us.

You are alive, Pele... and yes, we were all worried and I received part of that energy from just hearing you are back home with Mark. I was soo excited I looked around me on the way home and loved every single thing I saw...

I guess the key is to try and keep that way of seeing things even later, even when things are lighter - and god knows I wish things were FINALLY a bit more gentle and good to you , what a tough year you've had, princess!!!-.... that is what makes exceptional people like you : you see the beauty.

pele... you''re just so beautiful yourself...

Thank you

thank you for being you

Much love, respect and light
Shine on
Cassandra


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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vaperloc...the mighty


vaperloc...the mighty

look @my member
Location: Ft worth Texas

Total posts: 466
Posted:Hi I dont know you yet but having spent muchtime inthe hospital myself I can relate to your experience.
Gongrats on getting out and enjoy your newfound love.

Of course your eyes hurt ,you've never used them before.


There are no obstacles only challenges.
Very funny scotty now beam down my pants.
[colour."green"}What would willie do?

AHH theres too many wee leprechauns i cannae squash them all

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:Pele, beautiful posts!
It's the little, everyday things in life that are most forgotten, but they are the things that add up to make life magical and bouncy.
There's a lot to be said for being 'High on Life'.


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Glåss
DIAMOND Member since Nov 2001

Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom

Total posts: 2523
Posted:
woke up this morning read it again.
I agree with fieryflow dave

This will be the first thread that I've ever printed out to keep safe. thankyou again pele

Drew
_________________
Life is beautiful


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Kurobei


member
Location: The Phire Kru

Total posts: 786
Posted:Pele,

I don't really know you but I've read your thoughts and this is what I think:

I think Glass has hit the nail on the head, ok, you have lost 5 weeks of being out there doing your thing but think of what you have gained.
Were those 5 weeks were in fact giving you more than they took away?
They have widened your view on life, heightened your senses and made you notice things you didn't notice before like the grass on your feet and the smells and tastes you encouter.
You appreciate everything so much more now because you nearly lost it all, this is what being at one with nature feels like, everything you see, taste, touch, hear, and smell is savoured in a way most people can't imagine because their lives are so consumed with their jobs and material posessions they forget to look outside their own little bubble at what surrounds them.
You have had a lucky escape and somewhere there will be a reason for that.
Like Glass says, you are not stupid, seeing life the way you do now is not easy, it takes a certain mindset to see it and you obviously have that.

I have taken what you have written into consideration and have concluded that you are a person who is intelligent, willfull and full of conviction. I also think you are a lot deeper than you realise, look inside yourself and I think you will be amazed at what you will find there.

Treasure it, take it to heart and never let it go.

I hope you return to full health soon and I wish you all the best.

Kurobei

[ 22 August 2002, 23:17: Message edited by: Kurobei ]


whats up with all the limitations?

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:Welcome back Pele. Seeing the world in such intense colour, it is special. It won't always be there, sometimes you will feel down, you will be re-absorbed in the detail & forget the glorious colours, but you know where to find them now.

Thankyou


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)


Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California

Total posts: 2905
Posted:I dont get it, Pele you go through the tradgec ordeal and come out of it seemingly happy a new lot on life. Yet I have a bad day and I am pissed all week. You spend 5 weeks in the hospital the first few are touch and go the others are the most painfull you can imagine and your happy!!

WTF, I get stuck doing some BS stuff and I am bitter all day about it. What are you seeing in life that I dont?

Dont get me wrong I am glad that your happy and that your safe and just about done (physically) with this whole ordeal, but why are you so happy. Me, I'd be bitter at the world right now.


Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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Cassandra


Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !

Total posts: 4224
Posted:Come on ray ... come on ...
you know how sometimes when you're *that* close to losing something or someone you suddenly realize how beautiful it is / how much you care about that in fact...

I think we are sometimes just trapped in day to day life and forget to lift our nose up, let the sun tickle us, the wind run its finger through our hair...

I am sure you know how to enjoy the little things, maybe you just forget to do so sometimes.

I enjoy PM from people on HOP.... it's not much but it makes me happy. I enjoy a hug, a smile form a stranger in the streets, a glass of water when it's hot, a shelter when it's raining, a smell of fig tree in Grece , the fact that someone remembers my birthday ...

does this not make sense to you, Ray ?

shine on
Cassandra


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)


Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California

Total posts: 2905
Posted:I am not saying that I dont enjoy some things in life, and Cass our daily PMs are deffinatly one of those, or even staying up till 3 am just to give you a 10 minute "Hi how you doin?" on the phone.

What I mean is that if something goes south for me I get pissed and frustrated for like a week.

I mean it rained here the otherday (SoCal it dont rain that often) and I was walking out of the chow hall and just the smell of the world was just amazing.


Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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--AuRIaN---


member
Location: uk, devon

Total posts: 69
Posted:Thats amazing Pele. You;re amazing!

Experiences like that do change your life, and its up to you how you react to them. .

I sometimes imagine how i would feel if i found out i had a few months to live. I don't think i really apprieciate how beautiful life really is.

A truly inspiring post. x


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bec
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

bec

member
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australi...

Total posts: 521
Posted:thank you thank you thank you Pele...*

beautiful thoughts - so lovely to be reminded again of all the magic that is when you stop to notice and let it be...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... all we have to do is just remember...*


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Mark P
BRONZE Member since Oct 2001

Mark P

old hand
Location: Bath, England

Total posts: 1031
Posted:Pele, good to have you back and adding a little sparkle to the message boards again This post in particular really shows how wrapped up we can all get in everyday occurances when we should be looking at the wider picture.

I found this thread particularly moving, many people have been in situations where it would have been easy to give up but having a realisation that you miss just about everything about everyday life (taken for granted most of the time by us all) must help in providing a solution to the situation.

I know that times are going to be a little difficult while you are recovering but with the positive attitude you have shown us all (and a little help/big hugs from PWB) I am sure everything will come back on track as soon as is possible.

Welcome back and take care,

Mark P


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falloutboy
SILVER Member since Mar 2002

falloutboy

remember
Location: Melbourne, Australia, Earth, M...

Total posts: 433
Posted:wow...i quite literally started crying then - not sobbing, no sound, but tears just started flowing. - happy tears, i don't think i've ever had those before.
probably a combination of re-reading this post, the music i'm listening too, and that i just had a great conversation with ex-gf.

- Happy To Be Alive - no matter what the circumstances. Tommorrow the sun will rise, and even if no-one sees it, it will still be beautiful! how very mushy of me


-As angels debate chance and fate-
i was riding through melbourne on a midget giraffe, things were peachy.

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Paddy


back from the dead...sort of
Location: 4341'N 7938'W

Total posts: 884
Posted:I don't have time to say anything too significant here right now, but ever since I've read your posts, Pele, I've been noticing the little pleasures in life that surround all of us. it's only been a day since I read it, but somehow I just feel more...conscious, I guess. Conscious of everything. Like I've just switched the autopilot off.

Don't have time to elaborate, but thank you for the amazing piece of writing, Pele. It's really changed my perspective on things for the last day at least, and I hope it keeps up.


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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:You know, every day I walk into the University of Michigan Hospital. And every day I see sick people, and their family and friends. And I was one of those people this summer when my father was in the hospital dying of pneumonia...twice (and he didn't die, after all).

So when I walk in the hospital, I always stop for just an instant to take a deep breath and think about how fortunate that I am to be walking in those doors by choice, and not by necessity.

Last year, I learned all about how the human body works. This year, I am learning about all the different ways it can go wrong. And with each new disease and each new case presentation, I realize that there but for the grace of G-d go I.

Hospitals give you perspective, if nothing else.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Jello


ambiguous
Location: Mpls, MN, USA

Total posts: 646
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Pele:

I thought about how much I missed water slides, jello, fruit and juice.
I always sensed you had good taste So whats your flavor of choice? Mines orange

Very nice words of wisdom, it's good to see you back and good luck with everything you're facing now.

quote:Originally posted by MikeGinny:

Hospitals give you perspective, if nothing else.
So very true.

[ 23 August 2002, 05:23: Message edited by: Jello ]


_________________________________
Fuzzy Dice.......................................

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Jello...that made me laugh! I like all flavors but lime...yuck!

Ray, perhaps you just need to take a deep breath. It works for me!

When I said I thought about how stupid I am I meant in the scope of things. I had an eerie feeling about the performance I was injured during. I shouldn't have done it. I have lived my life wanting to do/accomplish so much and yet I put it off. I focussed so much on my performing that I let alot of things that should be important to me fall to the wayside. In these respects I really was stupid, but I know better now.

I want to add now that I went to the movies today....popcorn, no matter how mushy you have to chew it to, is decadent.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, in this world like friends that love you!

Much love to all

[ 23 August 2002, 13:57: Message edited by: Pele ]


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Glåss
DIAMOND Member since Nov 2001

Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom

Total posts: 2523
Posted:Its beautiful, and thats reason enough to bump this.

**bump**
glass


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Prometheus


Prometheus

Diamond In The Rough
Location: Richmond, Virginia

Total posts: 459
Posted:When I started reading this thread, I was eating a piece of toast.

That piece of toast was kinda burned, dropped top-side-down, and it had a hole in it, so the butter leaked through onto my lap.

And that piece of toast was, quite possibly, the best piece of toast I've ever had.

Thank you, Pele, for your unique insight on life.

*sniff*


Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)


Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California

Total posts: 2905
Posted:quote:PELE: Jello...that made me laugh! I like all flavors but lime...yuck! I think Pele and I have some issues to discuss!!

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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FireMikeZ


FireMikeZ

Laguna dude
Location: Laguna, California, US

Total posts: 1438
Posted:Noah's mom's amazin. amazin show-stopper. tragic moment. pain, roiling thoughts and feelings, yet amazin'ly lucky, too. everyone can feel the grace thicker n' lava out of her struggles, all her senses reopened, a lil awkward, uncertainties which let in new air, but fresh, something bigger around the pressured, fiery core now.

why people say volcanoes're amazin.


Non-Https Image Link


[ 25 August 2002, 21:46: Message edited by: FireMike ]


molten cheers,

~ FireMike

FireMikeZ@yahoo.com (personal messages welcome, no promo spam, please!)
Laguna, California, US

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Page: 12

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