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*robyn*
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

*robyn*

member
Location: canadian in canada

Total posts: 111
Posted:i'm reading a fantastic book at the moment.

buddhism and friendship by subhuti...i highly reccomend it.

there's a small part in the book that talks about the decline of friendships. and how "human relationships are weaker now than in the past - more distant, more transitory, and more fragile"

one of the many factors mentioned was the rise of the sexual revolution. and this made me think. so i thought i'd put it up for discussion.

does sex compete with friendship as an express of human relatedness?

does sex provide an easy substitute for deeper forms of personal intamacy?

do emotional intamacy and sexual desire get crossed all too easily?

do we feel it's rude or disloyal to our partner/spouse to invest too much time or emotion into non-sexual intimate friendships? and thus becoming a "unit" instead of an individual.

is romantic love now the most important human bond with people pinning all their hopes and dreams on it? and if they don't find it, feel their life has not been fulfilled?

hmmmmmm......


my state of mind creates my world

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:ding, ding, ding! Blueboy, I think you have hit on two very important concepts.

I agree with you completely that we are experiencing a decline of community in the traditional sense instead of necessarily a decline in friendship. People are still able to develop wonderful strong bonds with others in society. They just often look elsewhere for them besides those physically close to them in location. I think in some respects it can one day even hope to do away with notions such as bigotry and racism.

I also feel strongly that it is a result of societal expectations that women tend to mix sex and intimacy. Just look at how women are portrayed in the media. There are only a few women that are shown as strong. Sadly, they are older (I'm talking about people like Oprah, Martha Stewart before the nastiness, Barbara Walters, Hillary Clinton). Who are the role models for the younger generation of women? Are there any out there that are willing to stick their ground and stand up for who they are? That's also why I feel it's the younger women that may confuse sex and intimacy. As you age, you begin to figure out who you really are and who you really want to be. Sex doesn't play as much a role in that as during the teenage years where it's the "cool" thing to hook-up with or kiss so-and-so.


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*robyn*
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

*robyn*

member
Location: canadian in canada

Total posts: 111
Posted:two of my best friends in london are gay men. gay boyfriends is a new and fantastic experience for me. the realization that sex is not in the equation was refeshing. with no sexual tension you can jsut chat about anything and there;s no inuendo and such and i get to give cuddles while knowing they won't take it the wrong way!. it's opened my eyes a bit and helped me to become better friends with boys. but it's just getting to that point with straight men that is a little tricky. it needs to be a spoken point instead of a known point.

the age thing makes sense as well. as i get older things become clearer and i see mistakes/learning points from the past in a different way.


my state of mind creates my world

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Ditto to that - I miss my gay brother and his friends for huge hugs and flirting and fun with no misunderstandings on either side.

Age & experience has made me more wary and less confident with men, not more so. And it's hard to be objective about a subject like this.

What this thread seems to show is that the human condition is still as varied and subjective as it ever was - but more of us have the luxury of time and energy for naval gazing that our predecessors didn't (as someone said right at the beginning said).


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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GothFrogette
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton

Total posts: 3999
Posted:Written by: spritie

I actually think the internet is a fabulous tool for creating new friendships. In the past, you were forced to only be friends with people that you could physically interact with. If they didn't like your opinions, you were sorta doomed to a life without close friendships. For instance, say you live in a small town. Maybe your views are very different from most of the citizens, maybe you made a huge,embarrasing mistake 4 years ago and no one wants to talk to you. What are you supposed to do? Live life without friends because you have no way to make new ones? Or, you can come to the internet, find people that you actually have something in common with, or don't know your huge feaux-peaux, and they can learn to accept and cherish you for who you are. I, personally, would much rather be friends with someone that accepts me for who I am and have something in common with than the person next door just because they live next door. I find it very hard to believe that any active member of this chat board hasn't developed a good friendship with someone else simply because of this board and the internet.



i have more friends on the internet than in 'real' i feel just as close to them though.


Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:HoP has been a real revelation to me as I've never been involved in a virtual community before. I love it and it's really broadened my horizons in many ways - meeting people who I wouldn't get the opportunity to do for 'real' and it sure helps to beat the lonliness and isolation i feel in so much of my life.

But I'm a Capricorn - I need to see/feel/experience things physically so the meets are really important to me too. The great thing about knowing people before you meet them is there's none of that awkwardness or wariness.


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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