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Forums > Social Discussion > My father died again last night

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Last night, in my dreams, my father died again. In my arms, while I whispered in his ear that I loved him, that I'd miss him, and told him many things I never got to tell him when he was alive. The whole dream was very strange and unemotional to me...until he died. And I woke up sobbing.

There are other details to the dream, but he was originally dying, unconscious in the bedroom and I was not there for his death. And suddenly he keeled out of the chair next to me and I jumped on the floor to hold him and to say good bye. (I'm tearing up again writing this).

WHY, Dad? What did I do to deserve this? Why did he do this to me? It's him, I'm sure. He came back to visit. But why did he make me go through his death again? And why on the mornng of New Year's Eve?

I'm afraid he might be trying to tell me something... I've done a lot of things this year that I'm not proud of. Is that it? Is he telling me he's watching? Is my mother going to die this year? Tina (the housekeeper who raised me...who is more to me than my mother)?

What am I missing here?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Lightning honey hug2

I feel for you so so much. I've been through it - it was a long time ago now but reading your heart pouring made it seem like yesterday.

Your Dad may well be able to see inside you in a way he couldn't before but with that insight comes a greater understanding of why and he sees it with true love and the emotional & spiritual maturity to both deal with the knowledge and (if you let him) help you with it. It's really hard this one but please please please hang on to the thought that you are not inherently a bad person, you've just done a bunch of stuff you wish you hadn't (a bad person wouldn't care!!) and also hang on to the tought that your Dad loves you more unconditionally than ever.

He's not 'haunting' you to make you suffer, it's a combination of his will to be with you and also your will to keep him close but with all the guilt associated with that (no-one is ever the perfect daughter!!) - in time you'll come to welcome these dreams when he visits you, they'll change and won't feel so accusing, you'll just be glad to see him again.

Talking really helps and so does writing to yourself I found, so HoP should really help. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to rant or cry or be scared or brave - you'll have good days and bad days, take each one as it comes but always remeber tomorrow IS another day and you WILL come thru this and be happy again hug

e
x


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:WC,

Thank you. hug Thanks from the bottom of my heart.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:Written by: ...Lightning...
And why on the morning of New Year's Eve?



Although he seems to have visited to remind you of a hard time in the past, it's not to upset you.

Today is the last day of one year and the eve of another. His visit is a reminder that you've survived the past and that having done so, you've become a stronger person in order to contend with whatever your future holds.

He's just trying to give you a helping hand along the way, because he's still your father. You may have done things this year you're not proud of, things he may not have agreed with. But he's trying to tell you that, despite this, he loves you and will always be proud of you. And so he should be hug


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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_Stix_


_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land

Total posts: 2419
Posted:it could also be some sort of manifastation of all the pain that people are feeling around the world at the moment.. our subconcious works in really strange ways hun..

I had some really bad dreams last night too.. although I can't remember them, I woke at about 4am this morning and had to run to the bathroom to vomit.. was a really nasty experience that has left me really shaky today..

I guess the content of your dream has really shaken you too dude.. but take heart in the fact that your dad does love you..

Happy New Year Mike.. May the best of 2004 be the worst of 2005.. hug


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

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ASTRO FAERIE
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

ASTRO FAERIE

ummmmmmm.............
Location: Rotherham, UK

Total posts: 724
Posted:It could be there to make u see things u need to see.
I had a similar experience where i was granted an extra hour with my nan, and then she died when the hour was up, but i saw it as my nan wanting to say stuff she couldnt before she died.
It will be painful hun, but he obviously loved you a lot.
He could have come back just to let you know hes still here, i still beleive my nan is here when i need her.
I hope you can find some comfort in it too. I wish you all the best hun, take care. xx.


Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I was looking through my dream log as I was writing this one in it. My last entry ends with this note:


Written by:
(15 Jan, 2004) The last thing I remember was asking my father what being dead was like.

And then, frustratingly, I woke up before I could hear the answer.



I also found a dream from a year before he died where he died in that dream...but then came back to life. Many of the dreams that I remember are about my dad.

My dream log is an interesting thing...I strongly recommend keeping one.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Written by: ...Lightning...

Last night, in my dreams, my father died again. In my arms, while I whispered in his ear that I loved him, that I'd miss him, and told him many things I never got to tell him when he was alive. The whole dream was very strange and unemotional to me...until he died. And I woke up sobbing.

There are other details to the dream, but he was originally dying, unconscious in the bedroom and I was not there for his death. And suddenly he keeled out of the chair next to me and I jumped on the floor to hold him and to say good bye. (I'm tearing up again writing this).



This part sounds more to me like it is unresolved within yourself than him. As if it is something *you* need to say, more than he wants to hear.

Through studies and experience I have learned from a personal point of view that when the dead are in my dreams and I am the one speaking, it is because I have an unresolved issue.
Whereas if they are the ones speaking, it is something we need to hear that we would normally not listen to.

Written by:
WHY, Dad? What did I do to deserve this? Why did he do this to me? It's him, I'm sure. He came back to visit. But why did he make me go through his death again? And why on the mornng of New Year's Eve?



Oh hunny. It was him, but look at it this way, perhaps you called to him. If your pain is unresolved (as mentioned earlier), perhaps your subconcious called to him, and this is your subconcious way of dealing with all of your disappointments of your behaviour, your helplessness, your feelings of disappointment in yourself that you are imposing upon him. What I am offering up is that he is not "doing" it to you, as much as you have something to learn and he is there because you "asked" him to be. Grief is a powerful thing sweetie, it transcends so much more than what we think we know, even about ourselves.

I think this thought process is only strengthened by it being NYE and is often thought of as a time of new beginnings and of shedding past mistakes and indescressions. We all tend to focus alot on the past year and on the mistakes we have made, especially after the December holiday celebrations pass and we have that feeling of emptiness when the gifts and parties wind down. Kind of sad really.
I also know I will think about those that passed at this time of year because the thought of passing another year without them is hard. Of facing new adventures and not being able to share them with those people in a physical sense is difficult. It gets easier as time passes but missing them never goes away.

Written by:
I'm afraid he might be trying to tell me something... I've done a lot of things this year that I'm not proud of. Is that it? Is he telling me he's watching? Is my mother going to die this year? Tina (the housekeeper who raised me...who is more to me than my mother)?



Perhaps he is there to remind you what a loving, caring person you are.
What you described does not give me the impression of a warning at all, but you were the one there, only you can determine it for yourself Mike.

Dreams are all too often an "outward" representation of an inward struggle. Perhaps you are searching for something that is not there, messages and deeper meanings. Perhaps Mike, after this time of family celebration and in this time of global loss you are missing your father, and this is your way of really expressing it fully.

Whatever the determination that you come to, and only you can do that for yourself, he loves you still, just as you love him.

A life well lived, Mike, is measured not necessarily by our successes but by our ability to learn from our mistakes and better ourselves from them. I am sure he knows this, and despite what you might think of yourself at this point, I am sure he is proud of you, where ever he dwells.

You have my phone number still (I believe). Please use it if you feel the need, anytime.

Love to you my friend and pleasant dreams hug ubblove


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I want to thank those of you who have responded. I want to share last night's dream, but I'll just copy it out of my dream log. The second paragraph is the significant one.

Written by:
Night of Jan 2, 2005 (Location: Island Drive Apt. in Ann Arbor)

Im unclear as to the setting of this dream. At least part of it was back at my high school, but I wasnt in high school in the dream. Anyway, for whatever reason, I had to take two classes this semester: one was an introductory Spanish class and the other was some sort of basic physiology course. Obviously, neither class was to be very challenging for me, but knowing how even simple classes can get ahead of you as you forget the basics of a subject as you advance, I knew that I would have to study and that it would be painful. Except, of course, theres no way you can focus on studying in a dream. So that was a bit anxiety-provoking. And then I woke up and was relieved that Im actually all done with taking classes and tests.

As I fell back to sleep, the dreamscape began to come out of the darkness and I found myself in something like a subway car or some sort of train-like setting. Dad, aged late-70s (back before he was really sickly), stepped out from behind the partition. The dream was still just coming out of the darkness and hadnt reached its full vividness. I realized that it was a dream, which made it my first lucid dreaming experience in my adult life. And so I said Dad! Why did you do that to me the other night? He gave me an enigmatic smile and said I love you. And then I woke up. Im not sure what he meant. Does he mean that he did this to me as a punishment because he loves me? Or does he mean that he came to visit just to see me again because he loves me? Or something else?



Thoughts?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:I'd take it as a sign that he loves you and is thinking of you. He just wanted you to be aware of that. I don't think he meant it in a haunting or punishing way.

hug


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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:11+ years later I still have dreams like that about my father - though at least not as often as I used to. sometimes the variation is that I stumble across him alive and well in some remote place and that he only faked his death. I get very angry about that.

hug for lightning.


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)


enthusiast
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA

Total posts: 456
Posted:I think this dream (the first one) gave you a chance to do exactly what you would have done had you been present at his original death. Of course it was upsetting! But now you've said all those things, and held and comforted him as he passed from the world.

And the more recent dream confirms that he actually heard you. He loves you and knows you love him.

Just my $0.02.


"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:If I recall correctly, Lightning was present at his fathers original death.

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Written by: vanize

11+ years later I still have dreams like that about my father - though at least not as often as I used to. sometimes the variation is that I stumble across him alive and well in some remote place and that he only faked his death. I get very angry about that.

hug for lightning.



That happened to me for years too - in fact they only stopped when i began to welcome them and look forward to them because I got to see him and my brother again. Now i miss them because i don't have them.....

Lightening, you're on a journey and each dream is signposting a turning point in it hug


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:mike your the only one that can interpret your dreams correctly as you are the only one that knows yourself. dreams are a way for your subconscious mind to sift through daily events etc etc but they are also a means for your subconscious to communicate with your conscious mind, it sounds like you have some stuff going on inside you that wants to resolve itself. i would suggest getting a book on Voice Dialogue ive found Drs Hal and Sidra Stone to be amazing. voice dialogue provides you with a way to consciously access and communicate with your sub conscious
hug


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:hug

Hun I don't know what the dream means, only you really do, whether it be about your own internal dialogue or about a message from your father.

What I can say is that from what you have said of your father, I doubt he would have a desire to punish you for anything. People who love you don't dish out punishments, although sometimes they come to teach you something.

hug hug


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Hubert_Cumberdale
SILVER Member since Dec 2004

Hubert_Cumberdale

[psylocibin fingerbobe].
Location: London

Total posts: 479
Posted:Lightning, I don't have any answers for you but you have my sympathies on this. I lost my Mum in late 2003, and I have had scores of dream in which she has appeared. Some nice, others awful and sad.

I put my experiences down to unresolved emotions I had at the time she passed away. It was impossible to take it all in with it all her being young and the way it 'suddenly' happened and I was gutted that she had been taken from me the way she was. Such was the shock to my system that I reckon some those emotions get put on the back burner by the mind and pop up at odd times later on - maybe when there's some other stress going on, later in life.

I'm not saying your Dad is not still around - he is still very much alive with his influence on your life. If there are things you feel you never had the chance to do or say for him when he was alive then, don't worry, it's not your fault - the best way you can sort it out is by using his positive influence on your life to your advantage to deal with the challenges of 2005 and beyond.

Err.. if that makes any sense!


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Gri-gri


Gri-gri

Member
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa

Total posts: 84
Posted:Hey Lightning...

I lost my father almost 20 years ago now, and have only ever dreamed about him twice. (Bit wierd).

But when I do, I simply look at it as his way of telling me he's still around... For anything

But whateverthe reason I hope you get the closure that you want and/or need

Take care of yourself


Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:heh - now I went and had a dream with my dad in i just last night thank you very much - he was just sort of a background figure/observer though. and someone had tried to cook eggs on my radiator heater which I was trying to scrape off while a guinea pig was squealing at me and some tall pudgy guy was sneaking in through the bedroom window in a cheap grim reaper halloween outfit...

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:don't think I want to know the relevance of the guinea pig.... eek

'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:ubblol vanize raised guinea pigs as a child. As for the eggs and grim reaper, those I'm more concerned about.

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:yup - having your eggs cooked on a radiator must be pretty painful....

'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:me neither, probably...

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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