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Forums > Social Chat > Dumb questions asked on an Australian Tourism Website

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Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:My sister sent me this. Made me smile.

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They
were posted on an and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour:
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how
do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - Can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of
them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some info about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia
is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh
forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake
serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian
snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name.
It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (UK)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them
off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:Lol those are great, espically the way that they replyed to them!

Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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Elanna
SILVER Member since Aug 2003

Elanna

Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
Location: NJ or DE, USA

Total posts: 2293
Posted:ubblol That definitely made my day.

I should start answering silly questions in the same manner. biggrin


Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Pies Jesu Domine *whack*
Dona eis requiem *whack*

Come join us and chat - we're bored! irc.newnet.net #homeofpoi

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:ubblol I think I'm going to die of laughter. This is great.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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flash fire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2758
Posted:When I was working at the backpackers in Sydney, I checked in an English lad one morning. Conversation went like this:

me: "okay, so you're in room 210. That's on level 2. The elevator is just over there < etc here's your key and your bed linen etc >"
him: "thanks"
He walks away

..... 5 minutes later he returns and says:
him: "what floor is level 2 on?"
me: "uuummmm, it's on LEVEL 2!"

No amount of jet lag can excuse that kinda thing! What, is the 2nd floor called something else in England? wink Surely, when you enter an elevator and there is a little button on it saying "2", that should be a good indicator that the floor it will stop on will be Level 2!


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Charles
BRONZE Member since Jun 2001

Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

Total posts: 3989
Posted:lolsign

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* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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majik


enthusiast
Location: Byron Bay Australia

Total posts: 231
Posted:ubblol love it!

Live, love, laugh and dance!

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Faberg
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

veteran
Location: Dublin, Ireland

Total posts: 1459
Posted:Written by: flash fire

What, is the 2nd floor called something else in England? wink Surely, when you enter an elevator and there is a little button on it saying "2", that should be a good indicator that the floor it will stop on will be Level 2!



With all due respect flash, floor levels in different countries are often numbered differently, the main differences being between the UK and the US.

see here

Written by:
American English and British English differ in how they describe the floor levels of buildings, a distinction that often causes confusion in each other's countries.

Location------------------------------American English------------------British English
Bottom floor at ground level------First floor-----------------------Ground floor
One floor above ground level----Second floor---------------------First floor
Two floors above ground level----Third floor-------------------Second floor

Put simply:

American English floor number minus 1 = British English name
British English floor number plus 1 = American English name

Compounding the confusion for travelers, some American elevators have a "G" button for an underground garage, while many British lifts use "G" for the Ground floor.

In North America, some buildings may have entrances on two different floors, such as those built into a hill. In these cases, the ground floor is the lower and the first floor is the upper.



My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely smile

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flash fire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2758
Posted:fine. ruin my funny story. tongue



Or, maybe it was you that I checked in that day?! eh?!!! Still embarrassed about it?


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Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Sometimes the questions are perfectly sensible, it's the answers are funny - Customer Service Manager's response to an enquiry about whether a catering food supplier does ice cubes.....
" Yes but we only have the frozen kind"

Yes she was Irish, no it's not anecdotal, i heard her say it


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Ahem, would you be implying something about the Irish, Englishy-type person?!!

Lol, everyone says silly things from time to time. What else would you have to laugh about over a pint later?! ubblol

And Flash, while that backpacker was most likely neither myself or Fab, since we're both Irish girls, I'm fairly sure I have asked many such intelligent questions of hostel staff before... probably worse biggrin

I remember spending 20 mins in a lift in the ACB hostel in Auckland when I first arrived (with all my bags - and I don't travel light) - trying to work out a) how the lift worked b) which floor I was on. The worst part was, every time I missed my floor I ended up back in reception - and the girls behind the desk laughed alot when they saw me still standing there the fifth time.


Getting to the other side smile

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Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)


enthusiast
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA

Total posts: 456
Posted:While it's true that floors are numbered differently on different continents, the guy still should have been able to get into the elevator and press 2 to get to "level 2" without having to ask! I expect he was confused because he knew there was a difference, and spaced on the fact that the difference didn't matter in the actual case.

Wild Child, it's still anecdotal. It's just YOUR anecdote! 'Anecdotal' doesn't mean 'an urban legend', it just means there's no statistical data to support it...if it weren't anecdotal that would mean that you could quote stats to prove that Irish people say that all the time...


"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations

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Facelessjoker
BRONZE Member since Sep 2004

enthusiast
Location: Exeter, United Kingdom

Total posts: 249
Posted:ubblol
hahaa! Thats great! Some people are so stoopid.


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Cantus
SILVER Member since Jul 2001

Cantus

Tantamount to fatuity
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom

Total posts: 15965
Posted:Written by: flash fire

When I was working at the backpackers in Sydney, I checked in an English lad one morning. Conversation went like this:

me: "okay, so you're in room 210. That's on level 2. The elevator is just over there < etc here's your key and your bed linen etc >"
him: "thanks"
He walks away

..... 5 minutes later he returns and says:
him: "what floor is level 2 on?"
me: "uuummmm, it's on LEVEL 2!"

No amount of jet lag can excuse that kinda thing! What, is the 2nd floor called something else in England? wink Surely, when you enter an elevator and there is a little button on it saying "2", that should be a good indicator that the floor it will stop on will be Level 2!




So imagine how much worse it would have been if we'd turned up! You've seen how dizzy i am online. Imagine it itn real life....


"I'll carry this....It's harder to spill a hat" - Chellybean
"...like a rabbit caught in a lighthouse?" - Chellybean

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Gri-gri


Gri-gri

Member
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa

Total posts: 84
Posted:Love it!!!

Also used to work in service industry. I used to enjoy in when people phone in on public holidays and ask, "Are you open?". One day I'd love to say "no" and see what they say after that.

And BTW, is a Land Area Network in Australia the LAN down under ubblol


Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...

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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia

Total posts: 3415
Posted:no. but the local area network is :P

and yes, all our planes do land upside down smile


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)


enthusiast
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA

Total posts: 456
Posted:Actually I have called places that answered the phone, I asked what their hours were, and they said "Actually we're closed. I just happened to be here."

Dolts! Don't answer the phone when you're not OPEN!!!!


"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations

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The Real Fryed Fish


God's illgitament son
Location: state of confusion

Total posts: 1489
Posted:thats hallarious ubblolubblolubblolubblol

You can't avoid pain by fencing yourself from it.
Some times you need the help of others more than anything else
But you have to let them close enough to help......
People want to be needed, I found that out too

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Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:I was in a hiking shop when someone phoned up:

"I've got a woman on the phone that's after a fleece. Says she had one years ago from here and wants another like it. Says it was a petrolly greeny-blue with a reddish tint."

"... Is she blind?"


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Written by: Firepoise

Ahem, would you be implying something about the Irish, Englishy-type person?!!




Wouldn't dream of it! ubbangel hug

Mr Clean, thanx for picking me up on my sloppy use of English - I stand corrected!

Hotels in the UK now routinely start the room numbers with the level no. on the lift to avoid confusion cos it was confusing to have room no 123 on the 1st floor which if you're British is the level above ground but if you're from outside the UK is the ground floor - and then of course there are hotels where reception isn't on the ground floor so you're at a disadvantage before you start....

makes you wonder how we keep it all together in such a messed up world....... ubblol


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Silly Brits.

If the first floor's the second floor, then what's the first floor, the zeroth floor?

Of course, that does raise the rather sticky question of why Americans don't start numbering floors in the basement.

And then, you should see our hospital. You can enter on the first floor, the 2nd floor, or floor B1. Furthermore, you can go from the sixth floor of the parking structure to the 2nd floor of the hospital without going up or down even an inch!

It confuses the living daylights out of patients. ubblol


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)


enthusiast
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA

Total posts: 456
Posted:Well, Lightning, if the Medical profession didn't want to confuse patients they wouldn't talk Latin all the time! Nimium cervisi ebriat tirones, wouldn't you agree? :-)



I think you'd really enjoy Connie Willis' Passage. It takes the confusing-hospital trope to hilarious extremes. (It's a very serious book, ultimately, but bits of it are laugh-out-loud funny.)

EDITED_BY: Xopher (aka Mr. Clean) (1104514953)


"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:Those langauge differences make it really hard when you are learning Japanese and they go on the American system, and you are doing a test and you don't know if you should be writing the australian equivelant or the english transltion of the japanese!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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fNi
GOLD Member since Mar 2004

fNi

master of disaster
Location: New York, USA

Total posts: 3354
Posted:ubblol

kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1626
Posted:That is absolutely hilarious. I've just become one of the annoying people who forwards things, and I couldn't care less. That's fantastic! You made my day biggrin

What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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