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How do you change this thing???
Location: Behind the couch...
Member Since: 7th Mar 2002
Total posts: 1903
Posted:This is the hardest post I've ever done.

Today I'm not afraid to say, I have cried now every day for the past four days. There are two numbers that continue to go around my head again and again. 14:46....

I guess I should really start from the begining. And by 'begining' I don't really mean the begining, more like one year ago.

Christmas 2003
My sister and I had never really been close, never the brother and sister couple that aired their issues out during their teen years, and entered adulthood as careing adults. I never knew why she didn't want to really be part of my life as I didn't know why I didn't really want to be a large part of hers. I have since found out that the reason to her not connecting to me, was that she felt jealous of me, I was the youngest, I was the one who was placed into a private school, I was the one who got the things that my brother and sister never got. However, these were the things I rebeled from.

So in 2003 it was my sister's turn to hold a 'family' christmas party. In the spirit of christmas, I asked the family if I could bring a close friend of mine to the party, with the whole family saying yes... but one. My sister did not want them to come ( and so you know, her side of the coin, this was to be one of the last Christmas's the whole family would have together, as my parents where moving away one month later.). This tore us apart, and I lost contact with her for close to one year.

December 11-12/Dec/2004

So lately I had been hearing about how my sister had been have back pains. She seemed to have been having these pains now since February '04 and was going into surgery, as the doctors had found a tumor was growing in her spinal cord.

On the the 16/Dec/2004 I felt like I needed to call her, I needed to tell her that I was sorry we hadn't spoken for a year, and that I loved her. She in return told me she too was sorry, and that she loved me, and together we both forgave everything that we had done to hurt each other through out the years, we promised to start anew.

I didn't kow at the time that this would be the last time I would hear my sister's voice.

The surgery was a sucess, and my sister did wake. She was even able to wiggle her toes, something that because of the pain she was unable to do before. However, on the 18th when she stood to begin her exercises, she stated that she felt funny, and had to lay down. As she laid apon her bed, my sister's heart stopped. For fourty-five minutes the doctors proformed CPR, until a pulse returned. A clot from her leg had dislodged, and had entered her heart, then her lung. There was a pulse, but my sister would never be the same.

On the 21st of December at 14:46, I held my sister's hand, as she passed away.

23/Dec/1973 - 21/Dec/2004
Loving wife.
Mother of two.
Loved Daughter and Sister.

Until I walk with you again.

Make that I have now cried for the past five days.

I can't hear you... I have a banana in my ear.

"You mean I'll have to use my brain?... but I use staff!!!" ~ ben-ja-men


Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
Location: NJ or DE, USA
Member Since: 25th Aug 2003
Total posts: 2293
Posted:It's times like these that I wish the English language had the words I'm looking for...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, especially right before the holidays. I wish you and your family the best.

hug hug hug
hug hug hug
hug hug hug
hug hug hug

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Pies Jesu Domine *whack*
Dona eis requiem *whack*

Come join us and chat - we're bored! irc.newnet.net #homeofpoi


lapsed spinner
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Member Since: 28th Apr 2004
Total posts: 412
Posted:So very sorry to hear that. I lost my mother to a brain tumor on the 9th of January last year, so i know how difficult it is to be going through such hell, especially when surrounded by Xmas "cheer". No two situations are the same of course, but from my experience, the pain will ease, eventually. Mine still hasn't gone though and probably never will. That said, i can feel my mother close to me, looking out for me which is a huge comfort, especially as i'm now on the opposite side of the world to my family. But enough about me. My thoughts are with you, even though i don't know you.




EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team

Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne
Member Since: 13th Jun 2001
Total posts: 2830
Posted:Hi Arsn,

Its difficult to know what to say. Ive never been close to my sister either, but Ill treat this, and future Christmases as extra special.

All my sympathy and condolences.


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh


Location: Cheltenham, England
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2004
Total posts: 64
Posted:I can only pass my sympathies to you. (Hugs) May Christmas pass as smoothly as possibly for you.

I can't be evil; I'm wearing pink.

Mr Majestik
Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear
Member Since: 9th Mar 2004
Total posts: 4693
Posted:bad things happen.
at the moment i'm in sydney a few thousand k's from home cause my dads in hospital after having a cancer op, this has been going on since 1999, i was 12. its the second christmas i've spent this way in three years.
i dont know how its affected me only that i know life is precious and it was great you got to smooth you problems.



"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley


Location: Richardsbay, South Africa
Member Since: 14th Dec 2004
Total posts: 84
Posted:Hey dude.

All the way from South Africa I give you my full support and condolences. Although we've never met and there's very little else I can say, if I can do anything, or if you just need to chat, let me know...

All my thoughts with you and your family
Take care of yourselves

Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...


HOP admin
Location: HOP
Member Since: 18th Nov 2003
Total posts: 984
Posted:frown hug

"May your balls always burn"

shibaki's mom
Location: tampa florida usa
Member Since: 20th Dec 2004
Total posts: 9
Posted:i am so sorry for your loss and your pain..

i'm happy for you & your sister.. that you both did at least get to re-connect.. but i am so very sorry for your loss of her in your life. take comfort in knowing that you both said & felt the love that hadn't been expressed in so long.
take care of yourself.

Location: Byron Bay Australia
Member Since: 22nd Nov 2002
Total posts: 231
all the words in the world will not take away the pain of the loss of someone you love.

I lost my 18month old nephew earlier this year to a brain tumour and the pain was unbearable. The pain will always be there but I have realised that with the pain, comes the memories and with the memories joy, for all the moments of his life I got to share with him, good or bad.

Remember that with life comes death and with death comes life.


Live, love, laugh and dance!


comfortably numb
Location: The countryside
Member Since: 8th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2676
Posted:Oh no...

Like a few have already mentioned, at least you got to share with each other your feelings and tell her you love her, so as impossible as it seems, there some positivness in it. It could have been so much worse. I'm so sorry to hear of this loss, I myself haven't yet experienced the loss of a loved one so I can't imagine how you feel, your story moved me buddy.

We're all here for you.

.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.


.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
Location: brizvegas
Member Since: 13th Oct 2003
Total posts: 3776
Posted:frown hug dangit, you made me cry now! i'm so glad you got the chance to reconnect with your sister! hug and while i don't get along fabulously with my brother, i'm now more glad that we can share a laugh and spend time together. my thoughts are with you and your family. hug

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!

if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!

smile! grin it confuses people!


HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines
Member Since: 4th Aug 2004
Total posts: 4437
Posted:I'm so sorry Arsn, no words I can say will help, be grateful that you two sorted our your difference, many people don't have that chance, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time, hope to hear from you soon, let us know how you are doing, please, we are all thinking of you at this terrible time hug

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian


bastard child of satan
Location: Raanana, Israel
Member Since: 12th Jan 2004
Total posts: 1113
Posted:I don't have much to say... the pain will probably ease... I only knew 1 of my grandparents... they all passed away before I was born... the grandmother I knew died when I was about 2 or 3 years old so I don't remember much of her... it must be harder for you... you knew your sister for a lot more time, and it's even harder when it's during this time of the year... frown hug hug hug hug


How do you change this thing???
Location: Behind the couch...
Member Since: 7th Mar 2002
Total posts: 1903
Posted:Thank you everybody for taking the time out to both read and reply, and in some cases... pm. Everybodies words of support, be that of words or graemlins.

On Chirstmas eve, we had her funeral, it was hard to let go, but without sounding cruel, I felt close to 'all cried out' so to speak. But, I did feel like I let go a bit, I'm not going to say I've let go completly, because that would be just plain lying.

It's now been four days since that day, and my family has been thru Christmas and Boxing day, as a famliy. I'm glad to say that we each smiled atleast once that day, so the healing has already begun.

Thank you everyone. hug

I can't hear you... I have a banana in my ear.

"You mean I'll have to use my brain?... but I use staff!!!" ~ ben-ja-men

HOP librarian
Location: Prague
Member Since: 15th Jan 2002
Total posts: 1841
Posted:She loved you as I love my brother and she stay with you as I stay with my brother smile, with light R:


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