Forums > Social Chat > Letter sent to newspater advice column
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Location: wales
AUTHENTIC LETTER SENT TO THE ‘DEIRDRE’ ADVICE COLUMN IN THE SUN (Allegedly)
From Gavin of London.
I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and
one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from
Cardiff. My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing
and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who
are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a
non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape & murder of a
teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in Wandsworth on
remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have
recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who indeed is
still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there
is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to
marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility
of opening our own brothel with my fiancé utilising her knowledge of the
industry working as the manager.
I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team.
Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at
least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin. My problem is
this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family
and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being Welsh?
Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road
The GF of HoP
492 posts
Location: Somerset, England
lol
I needed that to cheer my morning right up. Suddenly triple history doesnt look so bleak fire leads to creation
member
121 posts
Location: USA
that just made my last day of school before the break that much more fun. thanks
If you're a pyro and you know it, clap your hands!
1,489 posts
Location: state of confusion
;lol: that was the greatest thing i have ever read!! and you say its true? thats even better You can't avoid pain by fencing yourself from it.
Some times you need the help of others more than anything else
But you have to let them close enough to help......
People want to be needed, I found that out too
1,810 posts
Location: London
Ohh that ones soo old
A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.
I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.
old hand
845 posts
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Yeah, I read it in an email a while ago. Still very funny though
Slicing the Loaf as we speak.
I need it..... Trust me!
Beautiful Intelligent Thoughtful Cute Happy!
269 posts
Location: Northampton, England
They have got to have been joking surely! still very funny though!
I was gonna conquer the world but got distracted by something shiny!
558 posts
Location: wales
It's 'allegedly' true, which means it probably isn't.
But I laughed aloud when I read it, so I thought I'd share.
However, I used to listen to a radio phone in advice line. And one night a man rang in with his problem.
He had got his wife pregnant, he had got his girlfriend pregnant.
His wife had found out about the girlfriend and had thrown him out, So he had moved in with his wifes brother and had started a homosexual affair with his brother in law, who was now blackmailing him by threatening to tell his wife.
However, his problem was that the brother in law/boyfriend had stolen his camera and he wanted it back!
I really heard this, and I laughed so much. The advice guy on the phone didn't know what to say.
Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road
Beautiful Intelligent Thoughtful Cute Happy!
269 posts
Location: Northampton, England
some people are so dumb!
I was gonna conquer the world but got distracted by something shiny!
247 posts
Location: Cork, Ireland at present
Nice one
I'm sure nearly all advise 'services' like these are totally made up... The daily sport has the best though...... I hear......
I used to be indecisive, but I'm not so sure now.....
558 posts
Location: wales
Oh, I'm sure the letter to 'Dear Deirdre' was made up for the laugh.
But the thing on the radio, no, I used to listen to that regularly, and the callers were genuine. It was local radio and one night I even heard someone I knew.
I could tell from their voices wether they were ringing up because they had a real problem, or if they were just doing it for the laugh.
And at the end the radio guy would say a big long prayer where he mentioned everyone who had called in.
Local radio. Strange stuff.
Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
Disclaimer: I don't read the Sport. However I work with someone who does and the girls I work with enjoy nicking it and reading the problem page.
Oh. My. God. They're probably written by two guys in the office but ... wow. Just the wording alone deserves some kind of award. Special mention goes to "Love Sword" and "Man Juice." As far as I can tell I'm the only one not having regular sex with three hot bisexual nyphos. And the occational guy man (accidentally).
Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.
558 posts
Location: wales
The Sport is a gross and filthy rag.
My main problem with it is that they report rape cases with the same kinds of phrases, and titilating discriptions.
It disgusts me.
Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
I've got to admit, when choosing a newspaper I like one with more aticles than nipples.
Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.
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