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Forums > Social Chat > Relationships or freedom?

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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:hello I am PsyTron and I am clean ubbrollsmile
I was in relationship the last 5 years of my life(i am 23-24 now) with 3 different people.Normally I thought that there is not any other kind of relationship except serious ones.(when I say serious i do not mean marriage).I broke up with my last boyfriend one month ago.We were together for 2 years.We were practicaly living together.This relationship, i knew it was making me weak:( too much pressure.Here is a song that I like and I have never listened to the lyrics until now... and i think it sais a lot of what i want to say:
here's my life and here's my way
and here's my body here's my pain
meet my mother see my train
get on get on get on get on

walk with me in my strange life
I've no things to show and no things to hide
life is fair and this blooming game
will go on and on and on

this possession never was a question
a healer for this tension
tenderness and pressure
from my warnings all you got was your needs
all you did was promise
you were only fake

little by little touch by touch
our eyes grew cold our hands grew rough
little by little losing touch
hello hello hello hello

failed in trust got sunk in pain
obsessed with love and clouds and rain
lives collapse and this [censored] game
goes on and on and on



the last 4 lines are what i really know from my experience.
In this time of my life I do not want to have any relationship.I have someone that we talk and we sleep together but I do not want anything more.Enough is enough redface

so what do you think???


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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teejay_blue


teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...

Total posts: 387
Posted:Written by: My hairs on fire

Ignor him darlin! you ARE a godess and make sure you keep telling your self that hug. If you have a ''sleeping together relationship'' but dont actually sleep together and this guy is a complete jerk and wast of time why are you stioll in contact with him?
Your obviously upset about things at the moment so just tell this guy to censored off and listen to the people who care about you!
I hope you start to feel better soon,
Ahmet x








hhmmmm.... wish u wud take ur own advice darlin... think about it ...
wink hug


Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:Love you too babe.

Really happy for you and i hope your new fella realise what a great person you are hug

Its always easier to give advise then to take your own tho frown


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Written by: Mr Majestik

"to be loved is grand, to be prefered is what i desire"





Thanx Mr M - this very succunctly articulates what I've been trying to understand about how i feel about relationships and men. No more men for me til someone prefers - to spend time with me & me over others.
kiss

Teejay so glad you're happy, you were GLOWING on sunday! Will we see him at the necxt meet?? ubbrollsmile hug


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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babajaga
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

babajaga

old hand
Location: Berlin, Germany

Total posts: 863
Posted:I believe in both freedom and relationship and then you found somebody who you can have trust in who takes all sides of you, you can be like you are and of course all the other way around too, all is possible but sometimes it is a long long way to see what is possible even then it is the entire time right next to you

What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.

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Gri-gri


Gri-gri

Member
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa

Total posts: 84
Posted:Greetings from the new guy!!

About this whole relationships vs singledom thing. I recently had to break up with my girl friend. I was toying with the idea for a while, until I realised, it was no longer the point of whether or not she made me happy. But rather the fact that she made me unhappy!

The most important thing is that you're happy!


Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...

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Mr Majestik
SILVER Member since Mar 2004

Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear,...

Total posts: 4693
Posted:thats a really stupidly good point, tis slightl;y obvious but yeh.

yeh wildchild, the problem there is i may be in love, but i dont know if i'm prefered, tis soo frustrating


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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OrangeBobo
SILVER Member since Nov 2003

OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada

Total posts: 1389
Posted:Okay, so update with me.... Yeah, so this Bobo isn't single anymore biggrin

We told my family two nights ago... I was so worried about what they would say... Their reaction.... Hugs and kisses! hugkiss They seemed to all be really happy about it! Now my host dad always has this huge grin when he sees Christoph and I together... I was so relieved - so surprised! - at their reaction. Lastnight while celebrating christmas, Christoph told Oma, and she was also very happy... And even told him it was a very good choice wink redface biggrin

So, everything is all happy happy, cuddly and good. Then I got my christmas call from Dad in Canada. It was kinda hard, because he is so depressed right now, because it's Christmas, I'm not home, and he and my mum don't really talk. Ever.

Told my dad... He isn't pleased. He started going on and on about the age difference (16, 21) and that I was leaving, and what would happen if we broke up, etc. etc. Like I ahven't thought about that before??? I tole him we both knew the risks we were taking when we decided to be together. And that everyone here is so happy for us! ('yeah, for now they're happy' was his reasponse) I tried to explain that I dont want to worry so much about coming home because it will interfere with my living here! If I let my head get to me, like I was talking about earlier in this thread, I wouldn't have done this, and I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now!!

I guess I'm rather upset about it... I told my brother, he said it was a bit weird, but told me to follow my heart, and do what made me happy. I love my brother so much more for that. Dad didn't even ask if I was happy... Not once.

My mom was working xmas, and wasn't home. I'm so upset I'm almost in tears... My life in Halifax seems so much more depressing than my life here. My brother said he was very glad I wasn't home this year for christmas because of all the problems with my family. If you can call it a family. I never want to leave Germany now.

Excuse me, while I go get some hugs from my boyfriend...

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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kebler900


newbie


Total posts: 3
Posted:man i only been single for 3 weeks now and it sucks i feel alone

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:dnt wory i been single since august....

As a very clever (an caring) person once said to me ''Its better to have no-one, then someone who is going to make you miserable...'' that helped me out alot, hope maybe will do the same for you!


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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kebler900


newbie


Total posts: 3
Posted:man but look i really like that person alot they call him legoboy i was with him for 7mths but its like it all went away i miss him alot my friends told me not to sweat over him but you know how it is

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:I know exsactly what you mean buddy!

I was with sumone who meant alot to me and we broke up due to me moving away. It tore my heart into a million little pieces and im still trying to put it all back together.

I drove (still do) myself crazy thinking about and worring about this gurl but you jus ave to put it in to perspective and the pain does go away, only with time tho which sux cause if there was a pill for it i would ave been taking them since day one...

EDITED_BY: My hairs on fire (1104021054)


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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kebler900


newbie


Total posts: 3
Posted:man that guy meant everything to me i still call him but its like if he dont want to talk to me anymore so i think im going to just let him go but i dont want to but its just what i have to do he had told me all he wanted for x-mas was me and i wanted the same thing but i didnt come true when it iced al little i called him but he didnt pick up

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:been there an done that darlin. To tell the truth im still doing it.
Im trying to ween myself off of her an stopping myself from jumping for my fone to text or fone her all the time. It only makes me miss her even more. I want to stay in contact with her but some times i get the feeling that she isnt that bothered which really hurts.
If its causing you pain (like it has/is me) then you have to cut it as much as you can. I dont mean tottaly cause i no for me at least i wont be able to do that, but youve gotta try or you will jus get your head all messed up babe...


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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Mr Majestik
SILVER Member since Mar 2004

Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear,...

Total posts: 4693
Posted:pain=bad

stop pain especially if it pains you to do so


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Chumpy
BRONZE Member since Dec 2004

Chumpy

member
Location: In between you and that spliff...

Total posts: 78
Posted:Before I came travelling...I had had a girlfriend for 6months...she goes off to CampAmerica, and I'm due to follow her three months later to meet her and travel the US together for a month. 2months before I'm due to leave I get a phone call from her saying its over and that she doesn't want to see me in the US!! She gave no reason, just it hurt too much to be apart
Absolutely devestated....that was six months ago...and I've met loads of couple and people in relationship without their other half.
There have been different responses...

But ultimately, I think it was the time apart...and the hurt it was causing that made her break up with me...When she left we were happy....and so I hope there is a chance when I get home as well!

Love is a [censored] up thing.....but most of us want it because it feels right to have someone you love around you!


Health is a secondary consideration when you have a lifestyle to maintain

Not seen a Banana do Double staff in the woods? You obviously weren't at that party!

'my guess would be staffers dont waste time talking bollox' - strugz

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Yeah, but judging what is love and what is need for a relationship is often hard to distinguish, and that's dilemma between wanting to be single and wanting to be in a relationship I guess, I'm only happier single cos then i won't have to deal with my apalling lack ok of judement yet again when it goes wrong

'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:No what you mean!
Im happy to be single because im saving myself heart ache but i long to be in a relationship because i feel lonly an empty....What a great situation to be in! uffff!


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Yeah - but everyone tells me that when I stop looking, that's when I'll meet someone - I live in hope!

'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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MyIng


MyIng

member
Location: Netherlands, Hengelo

Total posts: 26
Posted:I had a relation with a boy for 8 moths, we broke up because we both warn't in love any more.
At that moment I loved it to be single,
but after a time a starting to feel lonely.
Even I have a lot of good friends having a boy friend
is very different.
I was single for all most a year.
But a few months ago I met a boy at orchestra.
I liked him form the moment we met.
But he had a girl friend.
A few weeks later he broke up whit his girlfriend.
And a moth later we got a relation.
We are now a week and a half together.
And I'm very happy.
I love my life, and I love him.


Live your life, the way you want to live it.
So have fun. And be happy sunny
Love you nantheos ubblove

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Borath


Borath

member
Location: Cheltenham, England

Total posts: 64
Posted:Does anyone have the 'not wanting to grow old and die alone' fear influencing their thoughts on being single v. being part of a couple? Alright, for everyone there is at least some time left (or lots and lots if you're quite young), but does it still have a bearing?

A way around this of course is to live with a very good friend who has ended up in a similar position. No obligation to marry (unless you want to, of course) and company until the end of your days. A last resort (save from buying a significant other over the 'net) but one that I've had discussions about over a shared bottle of wine.


I can't be evil; I'm wearing pink.

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:thats hardcore!!! i got fu*ked over by a woman 4 xmass, and as her xmass gift 2 me, she gave me a dose an a broken heart!!! b*tch!!! i'm happy with myself, i personaly can do with out da stress of women messin wiv my head ubbrollsmile

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:where's my post??? it was realy deep an i can't b ars*d typin it out again. societys changed an there's just as many 'preditory' females as males. jus live n let live an if u find that some1 good 4u

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Borath you're WAY too young to be thinking/worrying about being alone when you're old!!! but companionship with someone you trust and love is pretty much what it's all about so it's not a bad option. My sis has a 'friend with benefits' at the minute - they like each other & sleep together but neither is under the delusion it can be anything long term. Fine for now, but won't someone get hurt in the end?

And ravehead you're so right - there's the used and the users in this world and they're equally divided between male and female. People can be so cruel and hurtful and insensitive it takes your breath away.

Frankly, right at this moment I'd settle just just one friend around who gives a flying f**k whether I'm there or not. Perils of re-locating I guess, I'm just not important to anyone and boy that hurts at this time of year


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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Mr Majestik
SILVER Member since Mar 2004

Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear,...

Total posts: 4693
Posted:its even worse wild child when you've never moved in your life and you aren't sure if anyone cares if you're around or not.

heres an email with a definition of love i wrote for a friend after msn crashed and our convo was cut short.

"That though you gave me was a bit of a b***h but I think the feeling that stumped me the most was love. This is the best I could come up with.


Love is true and cannot be a lie. Love is eternal, for those who dont love forever dont love at all. Love is always itself and nothing else, it is constant and cannot be compromised or changed. Love is pure, impure love is not love, but lust. Love is without violence as violence is hate and more unnecessary than all other feelings. Love is life for without love there are no pleasures for which to live for. Love is strength for those who have it fear nothing and want nothing because they have seen human existence at its most peaceful and beautiful. Love of one singular object, living or non-living, is not love as love must be for everything and hopefully from everything. Love is a state of mind, see it as you may,
But that is my Idolisation of love.

Now when I read that I realise how hard love must be but I spose you shouldnt have to try, ah screw it. Love is the most difficult thing in the world. I only hope some people find it."

i dont know, i was like 13 or something when i wrote it and i still sort of like it. but it also makes me cringe, what do you guys think?


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Bl***y hell - you wrote that when you were 13??? Whilst I might take you to task with 1 or 2 of those sentiments, the concluding sentiment (the bit from 'Love is life for without love....' is such an absolute truth and the stark simplicity of your expression is nothing short of inspirational! Most people dnever get that kind of insight and those that do reach it late

What do you write now? Don't say nothing - that'd be a waste of talent.

And as for being alone in your hometown - i reckon you're right, that's much worse. Reckon it's just us non-conformists never quite fitting in anywhere - leastways that's how I've felt ever since I realised I'm not quite the same as everyone else....

We love you tho hun - and we'd notice if you weren't here hug kiss


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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Borath


Borath

member
Location: Cheltenham, England

Total posts: 64
Posted:I like what Mr Majestik wrote too, and his potential talent today does make my eyebrows raise a few notches.

Getting on the bandwaggon, I wrote this in the middle of the night whilst feeling drunk and introspective a few months ago:

The mystery and the muscle of love.

Because that's what it is. It isn't fluffy bunnies and rich sunsets, nor is it sweet nothings and gentle touches. Not real love.

It is an ache, a yearning, a drive so powerful that you have no choice but to run with it, to run with the addiction, the lust, the awe and the happiness the blossoms throughout all.

It is beyond understanding, beyond thought as to what this precious connection is, what this fine unbreakable chain is anchored to and the reason behind its appearance. We know not why we fall for another, we only know that it was right.

It is a choice and an effort, a careful dance with strong steps wherein you must catch the other when they stumble or risk falling together. It is pushing and learning, it is reacting, it is growing off, through and with another.

It is overcoming trial and torment, barriers and hurdles, deciding that they are worth it and to push all the harder. To fight for them. It is justly suffered for, to maintain when it is difficult and perservere when they get worse. It is seeing the larger picture, away from the trials of the year ahead or the weeks behind, and to know that it is worth it all.

It is being happiest in their presence. It is glowing at their touch. It is being true and honest to yourself as you regard their judgement of your nature higher than you do your own. And no matter what you think, they do love you for it, the do see you as something worth loving, because they put in the muscle and dance with the mystery. And the pleasure at returning this feeling, seemingly so simple an action though it threatens to destablise your world in its intensity, is matched only by seeing it reflected in deep, rich eyes.4


Probably flimsy and hollow, but at the time it seemed to sum things up. You decide to love someone as much as you feel the emotion naturally, so it'll always be a challenge to be with someone no matter how much a match made in heaven it is.


I can't be evil; I'm wearing pink.

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Yup - that pretty much sums up the paradoxes of loving and being in love hug

i think the beauty of young Mr majestic's ode was that it differentiated between romantic love and love as a driving force, an elemental force, essential to be being human - maybe that's what we lose sight of when we hit puberty and all those damn hormones start flying about.

And maybe that's what we've all been struggling with through out this thread.....


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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