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Forums > Social Chat > Relationships or freedom?

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PsychoTronic
stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens
Member Since: 1st Jun 2004
Total posts: 80
Posted:hello I am PsyTron and I am clean ubbrollsmile
I was in relationship the last 5 years of my life(i am 23-24 now) with 3 different people.Normally I thought that there is not any other kind of relationship except serious ones.(when I say serious i do not mean marriage).I broke up with my last boyfriend one month ago.We were together for 2 years.We were practicaly living together.This relationship, i knew it was making me weak:( too much pressure.Here is a song that I like and I have never listened to the lyrics until now... and i think it sais a lot of what i want to say:
here's my life and here's my way
and here's my body here's my pain
meet my mother see my train
get on get on get on get on

walk with me in my strange life
I've no things to show and no things to hide
life is fair and this blooming game
will go on and on and on

this possession never was a question
a healer for this tension
tenderness and pressure
from my warnings all you got was your needs
all you did was promise
you were only fake

little by little touch by touch
our eyes grew cold our hands grew rough
little by little losing touch
hello hello hello hello

failed in trust got sunk in pain
obsessed with love and clouds and rain
lives collapse and this [censored] game
goes on and on and on



the last 4 lines are what i really know from my experience.
In this time of my life I do not want to have any relationship.I have someone that we talk and we sleep together but I do not want anything more.Enough is enough redface

so what do you think???


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:I know the problem. I know it well.

Go for it.

If you don't, then you will keep wondering, and keep wondering, and keep wondering. And then when you finally do find the courage, it's too late.

But that's just my experience. Please listen to some people who are more mature in these matters than me!


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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stickman
World Champ Procrastinator
Location: ||...lost...||
Member Since: 25th Jul 2004
Total posts: 580
Posted:Thanks for the advice rouge hug but i think its just too soon now.. she just broke up with her boyfriend less than a week ago..
on the other hand, when they were together even, we spent a lot of time together, talking, wed cook for each other, tell each other our problems and those of the world, weve even talked about us in the past, cuz i forgot to mention that we did hook up when we first met, but she put a stop to it cuz she still had a bf back home (that ended and bla bla bla, the rest is history) and how we both felt about what happened and why it happened.

AAARRRGGGH!!! i hate the complicated situations and indefinable feelings! mad2


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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted:Stickman I think you're right to hold off for a while. Your friendship could well have been the thing that gave her the strength to end the relationship knowing she had you around. If she feels about you as you do about her, waiting won't hurt, but if she doesn't feel that way (at the moment at least) you could hurt her and isolate her, or even send her running back to him.

But try not to become just someone she leans on, be a bit flirty with her - the least it can do is make her feel better about herself and at best she might look at you in a different light!

But it's so damn easy to read signs of hope that aren't there when you so badly want them to be there so.....


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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stickman
World Champ Procrastinator
Location: ||...lost...||
Member Since: 25th Jul 2004
Total posts: 580
Posted:thaks for the input WC. hug2 im not much of a flirt, but i understand what youre saying in that context.. i think ill give it a try, but i dont want to choke her, if you know what i mean

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teejay_blue
teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...
Member Since: 21st Oct 2004
Total posts: 387
Posted:yer dont choke her! if someone comes on too strong or too quick i run a mile!! if i think i cant have them, then for some reason i want them more!! give her time n a little bit of space [not too much] make her feel attractive n comfortable!! hope it all goes well chicken! xxx

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted:Teejay's got it EXACTLY right - make her think you're just that little bit unattainable and she'll be intrigued and interested - but don't overdo it or she'll think you just wanna be friends.

Confused? You only have to love us - we have to live with ourselves 24/7!!!! ubblol ubblove

Good luck - it might take awhile, but sounds like she's worth it hug


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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teejay_blue
teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...
Member Since: 21st Oct 2004
Total posts: 387
Posted:[ ubblove wild child ]

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted:aww shucks, fanx redface kiss

'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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PsychoTronic
stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens
Member Since: 1st Jun 2004
Total posts: 80
Posted:hello!
I never lost a friendship due to the reason I made a relationship with someone.People who do that are kids:p If you explain to her the situation as you feel it and not as you want her to believe I think that nothing will be ruined wink Just make sure you are taking her inside your feelings and not in a place called "thats how I want her to see me"
When someone breaks up it is a really siily period to start another relationship, especially for girls.Girls need to feel safe and happy and protected ubbangel When their relationship ends they just want to have something to grab.Like monkeys rolleyes it is ok!She might choose to be with you but there is a posibility that she is in love with him.This means that she is going to compare you two, and you will gonna lose because love is blind...Just try to be there for her.If she is not in love with him then she might want you just for not being alone(the monkey issue) That my friend is cruel frown
I say let time pass be there for her as a very good friend and when you choose to talk to her just be honest.By beeing near to her you will win 2 things Firstly you will know if she wants him if she wants anyone else and why does she want anyone else(monkey or love) Then you will see if you are really in love with her and the reasons why are you in love.
Just let time pass for now.You can msn me if you want me to help:)
kisses


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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nearly_all_gone
nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton
Member Since: 3rd Aug 2004
Total posts: 1626
Posted:Written by: PsychoTronic

When their relationship ends they just want to have something to grab.Like monkeys rolleyes



ubblol What a beautiful similie biggrin


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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stickman
World Champ Procrastinator
Location: ||...lost...||
Member Since: 25th Jul 2004
Total posts: 580
Posted:hey thanks guys.. hug

psycho tronic that is some really good advice (monkey and love) i am close enough to her to know that she does still like him but that she thinks she made the right choice, and i think that her feelings for him will subside eventually.. she also told me she needs someone who will help her when she has a problem or is feeling lonely (which he didnt do and i do all the time) but she never hints at the fact that i am that person.. its so confusing, cuz i dont know whether i should point that out to her... although shes not stupid and probly has figured that out herself by now..

for now i think ill just let it slide for a while.. give her some time and room to think and become comfortable and wait till shes able to stand on both legs again..


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PsychoTronic
stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens
Member Since: 1st Jun 2004
Total posts: 80
Posted:wise decision ubbrollsmile

"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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tattty
member
Location: crapy planet thanet
Member Since: 29th May 2002
Total posts: 158
Posted:I have only skim read the posts so sorry if someone has already said this, but i think u need to feel free within a relationship, not a freedom that means going off with other people, but a freedom to be true. I think that being in a relationship is like 2 people walking on seperate paths that go side by side and head in the same direction. When one person keeps stepping onto the other persons path it becomes cramped and not so easy to walk freely. Bit of an odd explaination but i like it! I find it very hard when people step onto my path so struggle with alot of relationships. Im always being told im too independent! Argh!!! ubbrollsmile
xx tatty xx


Make your own happiness by making others happy [Ikeda]

*they used to read me stories, as though my dreams were boring*

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Dr_Molly
Dr_Molly

Pooh-Bah
Location: Away from home
Member Since: 4th May 2004
Total posts: 2354
Posted:not gazing at each other, but looking in the same direction?

I'm sure I've heard that somewhere wink


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Tao Star
Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 30th May 2003
Total posts: 1662
Posted:i found the one i love more than anyone, someone who felt like family to me.

i thought i was kind of addicted to relationships, but no one else will ever come close to him, i am miserable without him. Why can't i be happy on my own? i don['t know, but i know it;s not just about being secure in a relationship.

it's so hard being apart from someone you love so much.


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted:Tao Star I feel for you - it's taken me 4 long years to get over what you're going thru, and during that time I did the 'monkey' bit by falling for wholly inappropriate people. I can see now it was a dual need - both to love someone and give/show that love and also to receive affection and feel valued as a person when the 1 person I thought would be forever rejected me.

You WILL be happy on your own, stick with it it's worth it - I've never in all my *bleugh* years felt as happy and at ease with myself as i do now and I'm still growing and learning. I'm sure it won't take you as long as it took me - have some hugs to help you thru hug hug2 hug2


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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teejay_blue
teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...
Member Since: 21st Oct 2004
Total posts: 387
Posted:bless u xxx

ive been thru the same kinda stuff as well, heartbreakin isnt the word!! eventually u will be happy to just be on ur own n u will appreciate it n draw from ur experiences positively

wot doesnt kill u makes u stronger.


Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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Mr Majestik
Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear
Member Since: 9th Mar 2004
Total posts: 4693
Posted:i'm young. i've only had two girlfriends and i still talk to both of them.
i've loved being single and care free but at the same time there is one girl i really like and although i am normally happy by myself i find i'm normally happier with her.
relationships can be a blessing and a curse depending on what sort of relationship it is. this girl i'm friends with and have know for years, we can talk about this topic and wont hate each other and i find thats what makes a good relaitonship.

even though that sounds corny and cliche, the best relationship is to have a friend


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted:there's a reason why it's a cliche - cos it's true! I'm holding out for a friend to fall in love with, not some random person I don't know but who's good in bed. In the meantime i've got friends who i love but I'm not in love with and that works for me. hug

hugs for us all - we're worth it!
grouphug


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:What I learned this last week is that a relationship is what should happen when the relationship seems like it will be better than freedom. ubblove

(Yes, Lightning met a boy...so what else is new? shrug )


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Mr Majestik
Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear
Member Since: 9th Mar 2004
Total posts: 4693
Posted:hoorah for friends! thats ture wild child, people who go out and have sex and 'find love' are just in love with sex.

"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Borath
Borath

member
Location: Cheltenham, England
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2004
Total posts: 64
Posted:Also in love with the idea of being in love. I've had a few experiences along those lines, and the one was really hard to remove from my life because she refused to loose that dream. She believed that if she clung to it for long enough, went through all the motions, then love would automatically follow. Not true.

I seem to find myself getting into my best relationships (all 2 of them out of too many) by complete accident, when I'm not looking for one or am making a new friend and it just surprisingly evolves in a different direction.

Great sex on top of that is just a big bonus. biggrin


I can't be evil; I'm wearing pink.

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Mr Majestik
Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear
Member Since: 9th Mar 2004
Total posts: 4693
Posted:wouldnt know

"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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OrangeBobo
OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
Member Since: 21st Nov 2003
Total posts: 1389
Posted:I have more trouble deciding whether to take a risk, follow my feeling, instead of sitting down, thinking it through, and letting my sensible side come out. Trying to do that right now....

I'm always fighting with myself, saying yes, we could be happy together, and no, it might hurt when it ends. I'm always weighing out the good and evils of it, thinking too far in the future and letting my imagination take over. The problem is that the relationship in question would be a long-distance, which is why my imagination has the time to.... imagine things.

*sigh* why is something that sould be so gut-feeling be so hard?

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted:That's a toughie Bobo hug

But should it be gut-feeling? I know i don't trust mine anymore - at best it's mis-leading (good sex = love?) and at worst it's downright wrong (in love with being in love) - or maybe I'm just not listening to it right. Hmmm, reckon that's it - the things that caused the problems and pain were there all along, I just chose to ignore them.

So listen to your guts hun - if there's a nagging doubt now, it's there to protect you hug

Woohoo to Lightning!! we're not cynics and it's so nice to hear you met someone. Good way to put it too...

hope for us all boys & girls! ubblove


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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OrangeBobo
OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
Member Since: 21st Nov 2003
Total posts: 1389
Posted:my guts are the ones saying go for it, my mind is holding me back! Stupid brains, what are they for, really?? rolleyes tongue

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted:ubblol ubblol times I've wished to rid of the cursed organ! Told my mum when i was 17 that i wished i was thick cos then I'd be content with my lot - still think that now. I think too much, talk too much and worry too much!

whatever you decide you got a 50% chance of it being right and a good chance of having some fun along the way if it's the wrong one, so...... ubbrollsmile


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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PsychoTronic
stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens
Member Since: 1st Jun 2004
Total posts: 80
Posted:I am not pretty I am not a good person I am not mature, I have lost myself.I do not trust me.In the last 3 years every f....ing day i am a defferent person,I made friends I made relationship I lost some of them I kept others.The truth is that I would be happy If I could find someone to make me feel i am a good person.
This period I know that my ex is having a very very bad time.He is so unhappy because we are not together.The guy I sleep with.... I cannot have sex with him.I do not enjoy it.I prefere to sleep or to kiss him or play with him.But though I find him very sexy I cannot f.... him.We have done it 2 times only and it was a disaster ubblol After all I still like him but only for some pure little things. I think I cannot do sex with him because I do not feel for him and because my ex boyfriend is having a very hard time.I love him more than enything but i feel pressure.He is bad and he makes me feel worst because I am the reason he is so sad:(
What can I do??? Do you think I could stop seeing the other guy? And have some time all alone???? I think I am getting psycho.I am gonna be mad!!!HELP!!!


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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dj_retro
dj_retro

member
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Member Since: 7th Jun 2002
Total posts: 87
Posted:i thought i had this figured out...and i still kinda do. being single and free is freakin great. but finding someone that you can be with everyday for the rest of your life is a whole nother story. i found her...well. i dont know exactly, but this girl is freaking amazing! and its the worst timing...in other words she just wants to be friends...even though she has stong feelings for me. whatever...for her...i can wait. but its not like im not still looking. as stupid as that might sound. ive had a lot of "flavors of the week"...she was afraid that she was one. but i met her over a month ago and still get all giddy every time i see her. but she still has it suck in her head that im going to drop her when the next thing comes along...thus is why she wants to be friends and thus is why im still looking...to see if i find reason to drop her. no one compairs to her. my ex of for years was this shy cute girl that i wanted to protect and shelter, but under she had this thing about her that she was very outspoken, just never showed it. this new girl is everything that my ex wanted to be and more. she isnt afriad to be a bitch to someone if they cross her...things like that. i dont know, im weird...i like that. she is very low maintenice too....anyways. im being bored and stuck at home due to my car wreck and really wishing she would come hang out with me now. damn...

life sucks...then ya die. hehe


<( ' ' )>
Fear the Kirby

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Mr Majestik
Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear
Member Since: 9th Mar 2004
Total posts: 4693
Posted:that sounds both familiar and really different dj. the girl i like i've know for ages and the worst thing for me was telling her i liked her because i was afraid that she'd stop talking to me but she didnt and we're still really good friends. i guess its hard to give advie on it but you just have to keep trying without forcing it onto them.



Psycotronic, i think you should definatly take a break from both of them, maybe its just me but i find that being close to people, in a sexual way, and trying to think straight just doesnt work, try and take a break from them both and consider it. this probably wont really help cause i dont know all the complications but being with them doesnt seem to be doing anyone any favours so............

EDITED_BY: Mr Majestik (1103085845)


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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