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Forums > Social Chat > Relationships or freedom?

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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:hello I am PsyTron and I am clean ubbrollsmile
I was in relationship the last 5 years of my life(i am 23-24 now) with 3 different people.Normally I thought that there is not any other kind of relationship except serious ones.(when I say serious i do not mean marriage).I broke up with my last boyfriend one month ago.We were together for 2 years.We were practicaly living together.This relationship, i knew it was making me weak:( too much pressure.Here is a song that I like and I have never listened to the lyrics until now... and i think it sais a lot of what i want to say:
here's my life and here's my way
and here's my body here's my pain
meet my mother see my train
get on get on get on get on

walk with me in my strange life
I've no things to show and no things to hide
life is fair and this blooming game
will go on and on and on

this possession never was a question
a healer for this tension
tenderness and pressure
from my warnings all you got was your needs
all you did was promise
you were only fake

little by little touch by touch
our eyes grew cold our hands grew rough
little by little losing touch
hello hello hello hello

failed in trust got sunk in pain
obsessed with love and clouds and rain
lives collapse and this [censored] game
goes on and on and on



the last 4 lines are what i really know from my experience.
In this time of my life I do not want to have any relationship.I have someone that we talk and we sleep together but I do not want anything more.Enough is enough redface

so what do you think???


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:I think if you are happy with your life now then that is all that matters. hug

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4991
Posted:well i just became a batchelor after 7 years recently, i'll take the freedom any time.

PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:I stick with singledom and have for a long time. I can't be doing with all that relationship b/s. I guess I got burned once too often.

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG

Total posts: 3415
Posted:i think that a relationship, while built on trust, should not necessarily be built on exclusivity. weird as that may sound, i'll try to explain.



commitment doesnt have to mean that the only person you kiss/cuddle/sleep with/love is the one you are committed to. its coming back that matters, in my opinion. say i have a girlfriend, and she screws someone else. sure, that sux0rs big time, and i get pissed off about it for a while, but the fact that she came back matters, the fact that she wanted something different doesnt bother me a great deal. i heard this theory somewhere, and they put it a great deal more succintly than i am, but im doing my best. anyway, i think the point im trying to get at is this:



if you can find a relationship where both you and your significant other are trusting, both love each other for who and what you are, and have the ability to recognise that sleeping around a little isnt the end of the world, i think it would be a far happier relationship than one built on faithfulness as a mainstay. well, not so much faithfulness, but exclusiveness. the faithful part is the telling, the coming back, the explaining why he/she did it.



the crux of which is this: have a relationship with freedom, and that relationship will bloom and prosper.



hehe. i should have been in the 60s, free love and all that ubblol


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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Faberg
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

veteran
Location: Dublin, Ireland

Total posts: 1459
Posted:if you're only 24 and you've spent the last five years in relationships then you should definitely try singledom for while.

it's fun, i promise you. i've been single for the past 4 years after leaving a 10 year relationship.

singledom rocks, if you do it properly you can have you cake & eat it. you've said it yourself, you have someone you can talk to and sleep with, but still maintain your singledom status. what more could you want? ubbrollsmile


My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely smile

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teejay_blue


teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...

Total posts: 387
Posted:i love the affection but seriously, i do not want a relationship!! im only 20 n have got stuff to do before i settle [if i do].

just let life flow, if someone serious comes along then fine! but learn to like bein by urself! i do!

p.s skulduggery - i find wen u do the burning, u dont get burnt.


Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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PyroWill
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

PyroWill

HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines

Total posts: 4437
Posted:freedomw ithouta doubt!

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Like Mig said, freedom and relationships doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. The proper relationship will allow freedom (or as much of it as you want). But it sounds to me like being single is a good thing for you right now. Figure out who "you" really are and enjoy the time to grow.

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I don't see them as opposites.

If you're not having more fun with the person than you would alone that sucks no matter what you call it. The same is true with a friendship.

I love being in relationships. Especially good, mature ones.

If you're feeling trapped in a relationship (as we all have at one time or another) that's probably more of a symptom than a problem itself.

I'm finding that it's extremely important to find someone who has the same idea of what a 'relationship' is as I do. If one person thinks a relationship be spending 80% of their time together and another thinks it should spend 20% of their time together, there are clearly going to be problems.

There are certain things which can be different between two people in a relationship that add spice and variety... but there needs to be an agreement on what a 'relationship' is.

It is possible to have very free relationships (not something that I'D want to do.. but I have friends that do it very well.)

I'm more of an 80% guy myself. And there are times when I want to spend 100% of my time with a loved one. It's actually one of the ways I know I've found someone special... If I can stand someone for an hour, they're an aquaintance. If I can stand someone for a day, they're a friend. If I can stand someone for much longer than that, then they've got relationship potential. biggrin


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4991
Posted:one thing i will say, just the same as in my journals over in intros is that love is blind, take a leap of faith and go with gut instinct... i kinda wasted the last 12 months of my life and was really sick from it; to the point of meds.
some things arnt worth that!.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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dj_retro


dj_retro

member
Location: Oklahoma, USA

Total posts: 87
Posted:I will have to say that the freedom is nice. i was in a relationship for 4 years, loved the girl to death. sure we had our problems, mainly me, but we where happy. untill we both made stupid dessitions and finaly ended up desiding that we didnt need to be together...aka...she dumped me. a week later she had another guy...yea im still laughing about that one, but she seems happy from what i hear. so after being single for a while and totally loving every minute of it. i party all the time go do what i want when i want...yea i met someone. im not gonna say that ive fallin madly in love with this girl but when it hurts to go a day with out seeing her, i think there is something there.

anyways all im trying to say is that the freedom totally rocks but when you find someone that you feel free when your with then it doesnt really matter.

its all about finding that person you cant live without...and pray to god they feel the same way. smile


<( ' ' )>
Fear the Kirby

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Personally I don't feel comfortable outside a relationship. When I am outside of one (be it a very close friendship or a sexual one) I don't feel complete. Things don't seem meaningful and I'm constantly searching for the next one (often with hilarious results)... but I have a lot of respect for people who are independant enough to stand alone.

What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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Wonderlush
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004

Haven't you heard? I come in six-packs now.
Location: Los Angeles, California

Total posts: 134
Posted:My view is this:
Why be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship? I think many people tend to seek out relationships for the wrong reasons - usually fear of being alone. I feel like the right kind of relationship will seek you out and draw you in(usually when you least expect it). I tend to stay single for long periods of time because I don't meet people all that often that draw me into that type of energy. I'm much more afraid of being tied to something I don't really want than I am of being alone. smile


If you can talk you can sing / If you can walk you can dance

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teejay_blue


teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...

Total posts: 387
Posted:i so used to be like that, cudnt stand bein alone! but i had to make a choice coz there was stuff i wanted to do n it wud have been selfish to ask sum one to hang around waitin or give up everything to be with me. [as i had no one particularly serious at the time - different if head over heals, etc]

while i was away, decided i kinda liked it. but as i sed before, i wouldnt turn away something potentially special coz i was 'ready' or wotever


Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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ado-p
GOLD Member since May 2004

ado-p

Pirate Ninja
Location: Galway/Ireland

Total posts: 3882
Posted:what nyc said

(amazing how wise people get when their all loved up smile )


Love is the law.

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Written by: teejay_blue


p.s skulduggery - i find wen u do the burning, u dont get burnt.



I treat other people as I wished to be treated. I have more respect for myself and other people than to go into a relationship knowing full well that my actions will hurt the other person. If 'burn them before they burn me' is your attitude to other people, I think thats very sad.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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rbmnyc
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

rbmnyc

lurker
Location: Brooklyn, NY

Total posts: 194
Posted:ditto



smile



[edit]

(I was ditto-ing Ado-p, who was ditto-ing NYC .....)

[/edit]

EDITED_BY: rbmnyc (1101918135)


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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG

Total posts: 3415
Posted:Written by: Wonderlush

I'm much more afraid of being tied to something I don't really want than I am of being alone. smile



I'm a great deal more afraid of being tied to, say, a rack. or a train track, or something else that ends in ack.


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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teejay_blue


teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...

Total posts: 387
Posted:geez, i think u wanna chill i a bit, dont u dare tell me u think thats sad wen in fact u obviously have absolutely no idea who/what/why

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Written by: Wonderlush

Why be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship? I think many people tend to seek out relationships for the wrong reasons - usually fear of being alone. I feel like the right kind of relationship will seek you out and draw you in(usually when you least expect it). I tend to stay single for long periods of time because I don't meet people all that often that draw me into that type of energy. I'm much more afraid of being tied to something I don't really want than I am of being alone. smile



I totally respect that, but I feel that because humans are usually worthwhile, beautiful creatures seeking to form a relationship with one that seems nice or you like the look of is often a very productive and wonderful process, which is a good thing in itself. And you might just find someone wonderful for you. The whole "tie" thing.. well if you're in a bad situation you can talk to the person, and hopefully they won't be some big psycho who would rather you were tied and unhappy than free and happy. I know it doesn't always work like that but if you find someone on your wavelength (a good indicator of whether or not to have a relationship with someone!) then they should understand you.

Maybe I'm just an unusually good judge of character or I'm very lucky.

The way I see it is you're in the place you're in, and you're probably going to fall for someone who's around you. Sure, there could be the perfect match for you on the other side of the world, but it doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be good. Searching for perfection is the best way to become dissatisfied with life, in my short experience of it.

And love tends to make you feel like you've found it anyway, so what difference does it make?


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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Dr_Molly


Dr_Molly

Pooh-Bah
Location: Away from home

Total posts: 2354
Posted:nah ado-p, he was all wise to start with
something to do with being so old I imagine wink

if your relationship makes you feel like you've lost your freedom there is something wrong, in my opinion.


and for you Psycho Tronic (and for Skully too), a poem I found somewhere and rather liked:

I have taken risks
on purpose because I believe in love
and accidentally because I was naive.
I not only have been burned, I have been consumed
in the fire of hope.
But after the pain I am always resurrected,
to my amazement, again and again
and again.
Each time I dust off the ashes of experience
I am deeper and richer
and closer to the wonder of who I really am.

take care of yourself and have fun hug


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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG

Total posts: 3415
Posted:i think skuld thinks that the way you put that is a bit sad, that the outlook that represents may not be one that is beneficial to yourself or others in the long run.

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4991
Posted:Written by: nearly_all_gone

Sure, there could be the perfect match for you on the other side of the world.



exactly why im going to meet a girl in italy in 32 days from now.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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ado-p
GOLD Member since May 2004

ado-p

Pirate Ninja
Location: Galway/Ireland

Total posts: 3882
Posted:Written by: Molly

nah ado-p, he was all wise to start with
something to do with being so old I imagine wink




nah, its just coz your all loved up too... biggrin

both of you always talk sense about love, life and how they go together. it gives the rest of us fools hope.

well me anyway.


Love is the law.

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Dr_Molly


Dr_Molly

Pooh-Bah
Location: Away from home

Total posts: 2354
Posted:Written by: pk ....:

Written by: nearly_all_gone

Sure, there could be the perfect match for you on the other side of the world.



exactly why im going to meet a girl in italy in 32 days from now.



and exactly why I'm going to New York in 25 days biggrin ubblove


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Dr_Molly


Dr_Molly

Pooh-Bah
Location: Away from home

Total posts: 2354
Posted:Written by: ado-p

Written by: Molly

nah ado-p, he was all wise to start with
something to do with being so old I imagine wink




nah, its just coz your all loved up too... biggrin

both of you always talk sense about love, life and how they go together. it gives the rest of us fools hope.

well me anyway.



redface

come here and be hugged you sweet Irishman, you

oh wait,
you're already planning to biggrin


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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4991
Posted:Written by: Molly

and exactly why I'm going to New York in 25 days biggrin ubblove



ubblove is in the air..... "now i understand a certain situation wink"


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

Delete

NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Do you read ANYTHING I write? confused

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4991
Posted:nope!

PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

Delete

PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:hey MiG! The word relationship excludes freedom.The fact that your girl seems to screw other people and comes back makes me think that she wants the secure of a relationship.It is not the fact that you have something special but she likes to feel protected by you.She knows you your touch and everything that you provide to her.You are like a habbit to her.She might love you but I was not trying to focus the word freedom in this way...I mean with who do you or anyone sleeps with.I mean more of a freedom of your mind... You will not have to worry about some emotions like being jealous or the lies that you are going to tell so you will not hurt the other one or how are you going to change some things of you that make the other unhappy or feel sad and stuff like that.It is not very very nice to say but I do not tend to change my whole image just for another person that today is here and god knows until when he is going to be by my side.It is funny but in english you have the same word about love (being in love with someone) and love (like you love your pet or your parents or a good friend)I am sorry but I must inform everyone that love is like hate.It will not last forever.How many of us can hate for the rest of our lives???
How can I have a relationship with someone that is a different person??? I am not heading along with me sometimes( That is for sure).From my 16 I thought that it is normal to have relationships but I am not going to say that anymore.It is normal to sleep with people to get to know the other sex but relationship???? Come on... Yes I might have lived beautiful moments with my companion.I do not regret it at all but really I have experienced so many things inside my head that made me wanna say Pleaseeee no more of this crap!I do not want to share my soul I am too young for that.


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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