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Forums > Social Chat > Leaving Home...and growing up

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:As you know, I'm off to Romania next year. I am so excited about it! I can't wait, and while I'm scared, I'm more excited and I know it will be the time of my life!

But I'm an only child. I'm really close with my dad, not as close with mum, but she tries so hard to have the mother-daughter bond thing. And I think I'm more worried about them back home, than about me going away. Somehow I feel like a bad daughter for wanting to leave!

Dad is currently overseas at a job interview. Ever since I was little I have wanted him to work overseas and to visit (I've had the travel bug a long time!). But he's thinking about not taking it; I think he's just got a bit of culture shock and jet lagg. I think he's worried about me and mum, most likely mum, since I am off next year. Before he left, Grandpa (mum's dad) was giving him the guilts about leaving, and I think Grandpa is worried about the family splitting up all over the world and losing our ties at home.

I feel terrible about wanting to run off and see the world while my parents seem to be more secure at home. I said something briefly to mum yesterday, and she said she's jealous and would love to have had the opportunity to go overseas when she finished school. If dad ends up working overseas next year, it will be good in a way because then I'm not the only one overseas - but it'll be bad cos then mum will be on her own.

I would have been moving out to go to uni next year anyway - about 1.5 hours away. But I think it's like how I felt when my cousin moved interstate; even though you don't seen each other often, 1.5h isn't far...but 10h is! Let alone a few thousand kilometres!

I have always wanted to travel; always knowing that "I still call Australia 'Home'". Yet I'm scared about leaving hom.

I dunno. I'm probably just scared of growing up.

I know that was a bit incoherant, it's just a mass of my thoughts right now, that I probably should have given more structure before I put on here! But this way it shows how I'm feeling.

Who's been there, done that? Going through it? Had their kids going through it? etc.


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:explain to your mom that your travelling europe independantly and being able to find your own way is like a right of passage that you need to accomplish - not sure if it is true for you, but it'll likely get her out of your trip plans without seeming like a bitch. maybe also tell her that you'd love to have her join you near the end of it - and that way maybe you can actually finagle and extra month of travel or so, and get to see some of the more expensive places you might not otherwise get to see on your own (Venice or Monaco for example)

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:Having now returned from my travels and found this thread I find it quite interesting.

Where am I at now?

I've moved out and am living in a share house with two other wonderful people.
I'm going to uni and studying languages.

And where am I in relation to what I wrote in this post?
Pretty much where I left off when I wrote it - not dealing with growing up.

Things are fine with my parents - it's so true about how you relate to them on a different level when you move out. We still have our moment when I go home for a week or two to visit, but mostly it's better that it's ever been! Even though I pretty much permenantly feel like I'm letting them down by being a "hippy arts student" rather than the law student I got the grades to get in to.

I know I wrote about how my Grandfather was worried the family would split up; but what I didn't write was that he didn't want me to go because he was worried that I'd then drop out of uni. Something that some days I think I am close to.
I nearly cried the whole way to the train station this morning, got there, and turned back to come home. I can't face uni today. I can't most days. I was a total study bunny in high school, but I'm the complete reverse now; I just do what I need to pass, and with some shyte that happened this semester, I am barely even doing that.

I'm not coping with returning to Australia, uni, moving out of home, my job, my social life and "me time". Although rowing was my main stability in life once-upon-a-time, I'm kind of glad I'm not doing it right noe because that would just be another factor. Or perhaps I need my rowing to keep me stable. My flatmate thinks I need some stability in my life. I don't see myself ever having stability.

I don't know what to do to cope, and like some of my friends, I don't have a goal career at the end of uni to strive for - all I know is that I want out of there as soon as possible. Some days I wish I'd never been to Europe.

Sorry, I'm writing this because I'm sure there are those of you who have been though it all and HoP is my little pearl of wisdom when I feel low.


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo

Total posts: 3764
Posted:mmmm, I wish uncle pat could be of more help to you, rougie... but... well... I'm almost twice your age and in a very similar (worse actually, cos I'm back at my mum's place) position...

however... what I *can* give you is my perspective... lack of stability (when you know you need at least a little), lack of career goals etc... they're all pretty scary at times, but, despite my occasional (and sometimes more than occasional) whingeing, deep down I trust in the universe to provide me with a guiding light when the time is right...

andrea (bansheecat) posted something somewhat relevant (well, I think it was) to this recently... the idea that it is important to keep good friends around you in times of little stability. it helps ground me too... I've been working way too much, but have tried to get out every now and then to spend time with friends, because it helps give you a more positive perspective on things...

career goals are much the same... I'm 37 and still have no idea what I want to do with my life (I won't say when I grow up, cos that's never going to happen). but... I'm confident that I and my path in life will find each other... the same will be true for you

as for going to europe... eek I think that was *FAB-u-lous*!!! it disturbs me that kids are forced to start planning their futures so early in life. I was talking to a 15yo girl (in year 10) recently who has to virtually plan her entire life in order to achieve her career goals... at 15!! it's crazy... I don't think anyone should even be *thinking* about what they want to do with their life, until they've lived a little bit of it... finish school... travel or get a job... live a bit, then do maybe some generic university course (an educational smorgasbord) to give a person a taste of a wide range of things... *then* start planning a career... anyway, I'm rambling a bit now... I do that


in the end, it all comes back to one thing... which is the distillation of most of my more serious posts... do whatever makes *you* happy as long as it doesn't (deliberately) adversely affect someone else


--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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GitasGuy


GitasGuy

Pooh-Bah
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 2303
Posted:Oh kiddo, you keep your chin up!! Its sounds corny but things aren't as bad as they seem. I know these things. You just got to hang in there and don't let it beat you!! Your a tough kid and a very intelligent one, you know that. I have the utmost of faith that everything will work out for you Rouge!! hug hug ubblove

:admires giant wooden aeroplane: Its about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing their like jerks!!! ubblol ubbtickled

Homer rocks!!!! ubblol ubbrollsmile

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spinningstarlet
SILVER Member since Aug 2006

spinningstarlet

enthusiast
Location: Bradford *rolls eyes*

Total posts: 271
Posted:hey i kinda know how you feel, only sort of the other way round.

i finished my a-levels and went straight into full time work, knowing Uni was not for me. Now i have two jobs, not for the money, the job i hate, but pays a decent salery, one i love but pays minimum wage. i don't want to work full time, i want to be a student. every day i wake up and think about calling in sick. i hate the job, it's pretty far for me to travel, and i just don't enjoy it (hense all the time spent on here!)

i don't know what i want to do, i don't know where i am going. i just know that all my friends seem to have so much fun and free time.
i dunno what to do.

So i guess Rouge that i'm in the opposite position to you as well as the opposite side of the world. Wanna swap for a while?!


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Sezzie
SILVER Member since Sep 2006

Sezzie

journeyman
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 54
Posted:Whilst I'm a lot older than you Rouge I understand a lot of what you're feeling. I was always the studious one and everyone including myself thought that I would become the big bad business woman 'when I grew up' climbing the corporate ladder and working in the city. But it didn't work out that way. Instead I love travelling - I've been on 3 year long trips and so the career hasn't really got much off the ground! Believe me though coming back home is always pants. I've just got back myself and am back living with my Mum & Dad and desperate to get my own place. I've always worried that I'd dissappointed my parents in my life choices, just like you. But I recently talked to my Dad and he said that I was so far from the truth, he just wants me to be happy and if this is what makes me happy then he'll support me as much as he can! I've finally realised (it took 33 years) that I may not ever find the perfect career or decide what I want to do with my life. I still don't feel like a grown up. But I do love travelling (I don't think you should regeret going away one bit) and so I work for a bit - have fun and then when the urge reaches me I leave again. I did go to Uni and whilst I didn't feel that the course was what I wanted I stuck with it because I loved the life style but wish now in some ways that I'd done something that I would have enjoyed more. Is there a course at Uni that would make you happier?

I think you just need to stop worrying about stuff and analysing and thinking about the future. Life is a great journey and you should enjoy every step of the way. What makes you happy? What makes you laugh? Pogo is right enjoy time with your friends and I also believe that life has a way of twisting and turning and things tend to work themsleves out.

Anyhow Take Care won't you whatever happens hug hug


Life moves pretty fast and if you don't stop and look around once in a while you just might miss it!

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Rouge hun hug



I'm 39 and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I was asked the question when I was at school and I had no answer. I got asked it as I left school and I had no answer. I got asked it the other day by my Pathways advisor and I still had no answer.



I think there are some people in this world that are driven to be, or do, one thing and they work their way toward their goal from the moment they first know what that goal is. There is nothing wrong with that.



There are others of us that don't seem to know and we bimble along letting life happen to us and going with lifes flow, sometimes we have an input by choosing which fork in the river to go down by swimming a little, sometimes we just let the current decide.



I think the problem for us bimblers is when someone asks us the question "So what do you want to be?". It gets us thinking and worrying that we aren't making enough choices. That we don't plan enough. Then we get stressed out by that and start to panic that our lives aren't what they should be, that we might be letting someone else down, but I say, who says we have to be anyone thing and as long as we aren't hurting or harming anyone else in what we do why do we have to choose one path to follow? Why can't we just take things as they come? Why do we have to have some major life plan?



The planners out there will probably be gasping by now and tutting at me "Of course you have to have a plan or how else will you not waste your life away doing nothing?"



Just because I don't have long term plans doesn't mean I never do anything or achieve anything. I just do, and achieve things along the way somehow.



If right now you feel like the current has taken you down the wrong fork in the river or that maybe you swam into the wrong tributary, all you have to do is work out where you went wrong and find a short cut back to the right water flow.



Making a good / bad list often helps me to see where or if I went wrong. If I were in your shoes I would ask myself 'What are the good and bad things about being at Uni'. Set it out as a page split in half and list all the good on one side and all the bad on the other. If when you have done it the list shows you that it's just the fact you are on the wrong course or in the wrong Uni (not all uni's are the same) then you have your answer. If it shows you that you really don't want to be in uni at all, again you have your answer. Sometimes after making the list I'll realise that I am in the right place, but times are just a bit hard right now, so I just have to stick it out until things get better.



Just because I'm one of lifes bimblers it doesn't mean I can't make informed decisions about which river flow to swim into does it?



Good luck with your choices hun. Remeber there are always people here ready to listen and be sounding boards.



hug2


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:Miss Rouge,
when I went to uni i was pretty much in the same boat. I studied hard at school and at college. When I went to Uni I had depression and I cried all the time.
I didnt want to let my parents down, but I couldnt face going to uni everyday. I also couldnt face getting a job.

In the end I quit. At the time I saw this as me being a failure. But you hear of people who kill themselves because they're so unhappy and the pressure gets to them so much.

6 years on, I've had few jobs and I've had help with my thoughts and feelings.

all I can say is that it's your life. It's up to you what you do with it, and you deserve to be happy.
My aim when i was at uni was to get my degree in Environmental Protection and work for Greenpeace.. now I'm pretty much happy making cards and knitting and hopefully I'll get a job working with kids.

xxxx


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo

Total posts: 3764
Posted: Written by: skully


I'm 39 and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up




YAY!! bounce another one of me!! always good to know you're not alone...


--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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Bek66


Bek66

Future Mrs Pogo
Location: The wrong place

Total posts: 4728
Posted:Why grow up!?
It's fun to stay a kid at heart...
Reduces stress!!! bounce ubbloco bounce


"Absence is to love what wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small, enkindles the great."
--Comte Debussy-Rebutin

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Eera
BRONZE Member since May 2003

old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay

Total posts: 1107
Posted:Do you think you might be doing the wrong degree? Is it possible to suspend for a year and really have a go at sorting your head out and finding out where you are right now?

Struggling through with a lackluster attitude will get you poor marks and a debt for no reason, it's worthwhile finding out if your uni has a conselling system and talking to them. I taught in a uni for six years. I've seen the difference a few months' break makes in various people and if you can't face going in there's things that need to be sorted.

You are strong, you've done more so far than some people manage in a lifetime. Please don't just drift along hoping things will turn out OK.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo

Total posts: 3764
Posted:rougie... I reckon you should use the trip to japan as an opportunity to learn if you can re-discover your passion for study, languages etc...

I know you've been struggling with motivation... and initially missing out on the japan trip contributed to that. but the world works in mysterious ways... you've been given a wonderful opportunity, so embrace it. if it gives you the impetus you need to get your study back on track, then... YAY!!! if not... well, at least you gave it a shot...


--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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Bek66


Bek66

Future Mrs Pogo
Location: The wrong place

Total posts: 4728
Posted:Don't give up, hun!!!
Take a little time to do some serious thinking about where your bliss lies...
What is it that makes you really want to learn...
Only you can decide what is ultimately the best for *you*
Don't compromise...you're young and you still have plenty of time ahead of you.
Maybe explore a new branch of your studies...
Research a bit and find something that grabs your attention!
You'll find it!!!

Sat Chit Ananda---Follow Your Bliss
meditate hug


"Absence is to love what wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small, enkindles the great."
--Comte Debussy-Rebutin

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Brenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004

Brenn

Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 3286
Posted:hug

I've only known you for a very short time Rougie but I see a lot of promise in you no matter where you go in life. Always know that happiness & contentment starts from within: far too many people in life seek these things outside of themselves through credentials, figures, statuses, etc.

Just because you may have had the grades to get into law doesn't mean that's what you have to do. You need to do what is right for you ,and if that means studying art and languages, then more power to you smile I chose IT moreso for its vocationalness than how much i enjoyed it, and i honestly don't see myself in an intensive IT career (especially after last weekend - teaching/mentoring possibly yoga seems more my thing!)

Rouge, I don't have a career goal, and i'm in my final year of university. Amazingly I'm not stressed by that notion, and I'm sure I speak for a few people here when i say that some of us never find our career calling, yet somehow manage to make ends meet and be content. You too can be that smile

I have not the years of wisdom to offer you that others on this board already have, as I'm not much older than you, but know that there is yet another empathetic ear amongst the swell that is HoP, and I'll do what I can to see you through this trying time. hug


ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy

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