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Paradic Arsonist
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 30th Apr 2002
Total posts: 28
Posted:after peoples advice/opinion/whatever you have to say. im heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps smitten for this chick. she knows i like her and i know she likes me.. am i wrong to not want a relationship because she smokes too much pot? absolutely everything about her is rad. shes awesome fun. but she smokes too much pot.. am i wrong for not wanting a relationship because of that or am i right?


i am quite religious.. there is only one god, and that god.. is ME! :)

SmallBoy - x
SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London
Member Since: 29th May 2002
Total posts: 2737
Posted:Open your mind, try some....even if it's just so you can see things from her point of view.
If you make a bit of a reach, she might decide to smoke a bit less to compromise with u.....never know.

Biased view though.....

Small Lardy Person In Disguise

Paradic Arsonist
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 30th Apr 2002
Total posts: 28
Posted:i have tried it, and i was hooked on it for a while. i think that adds to my bitterness towards her smoking. i still dont mind smoking every now and then, but not as often as she does

i am quite religious.. there is only one god, and that god.. is ME! :)

HoP Lurker
Location: Medway, Kent, UK
Member Since: 7th Jun 2002
Total posts: 272
Posted:talk to her about it, don't write her off cause she smokes pot, no worse (imo) than drinking.

But talk to her about it.

Having now read your response as well I can see why you have such a problem with the situation.

I do know people who have managed relationships when one person smokes(pot) and the other does not, probably requires quite a bit of dedication, understanding, acceptance and trust though.

The same is can also be true for couples where one person drinks and the other is tee total.

Try to talk to her in a situation where it's just the two of you, be calm when talking about how you feel and the fears that you have about getting into a relationship with a smoker.

As a full time smoker I used to look for girls that also smoked. These days I've decided that I was as thick as shit then and it really doesn't matter what drugs you each do. (edit: that's not quite true but, some drugs are pretty nasty and there is no way I'd go out with a herion addict)

[ 20 July 2002, 04:16: Message edited by: sub ]

*Oh, just for a minute,* my bed said.
"Don't lie to me," I grumbled.
*But you're so tired...*

dulce flames
Location: Oceanside, California USA
Member Since: 8th Mar 2002
Total posts: 234
Posted:That used to be a problem between a good friend of mine and her boyfriend, but since they've been living together, she cut back... It depends on how much is too much... I say give it a try (with her, not the pot), don't get yourself hooked again if you don't want to... My friends are getting married now in one week, and the pot problem of before is long in the past... Maybe she will come around and smoke less if you're hanging out together and you keep the will power to say no on a regular basis (and yes every now and then) - Also, have you brought up the issue with her? Maybe she WANTS to smoke less, but she's hooked too??? Good luck, but I say give it a try and keep up communication...

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:I think there's no wrong or right. You have to make the decision. Australia is a free country last time I checked

I feel that "hooked on pot" thing. Pot is the closest I've ever come to an addiction (not very close, but I can certainly see how it could happen). You don't want to deal with it if it's a problem.

What you need to do is to see what her relationship is with pot. Right now, people might conclude that I smoke a lot because I'm using it 1-2 times a week. But that's because it's summer and I'm not in school. During the school year, I use it more like once every two months or less. So is she just using a lot more right now than normal? Is she using it as self-exploration, or is she just looking for a way to get messed up?

You don't know yet if this girl is really right for you, so you don't know if you're ever going to be able to get into a position of being able to talk to her about it.

I guess I don't know what to tell you to do in this case, but you are right to be giving it some thought.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Raymund Phule (Fireproof)
Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California
Member Since: 31st Dec 2001
Total posts: 2905
Posted:The question is do you care more for this lass than she cares for the pot? Dont require her to give it up, dont force her to change but maybe you can keep her away from it, keep her too occupyied with you and your relationship so that she really has no need or the time to do the pot. Just an idea.

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

purple penguin- soon to be
Location: playing with the pixies at the...
Member Since: 9th May 2002
Total posts: 478
Posted:theres no reason it shouldnt work as long as you both talk about the situation and respect each others views, such as you try to accept the fact that she enjoys smoking and give her some leway and she understands the fasct that your uncomfitable with the idea and wouldnt smoke xs-ively around you. as small boy has already pointed out its all about comprimise, but theres no point throwing away something that could end up being truely amazing. . and to be frank regreting the dission not to. you never know, the fact that you would be willing to give it a try dispite her smoking, and the fact thast the two of you can start your relationship with such a show of honestry, trust and respect could definatly lead to you being closer together.

tis up to you but dont do something youll regret, when the good over weighs the bad.

hugs,bugs and fluff
lolli xx

My spelling wobbles. its very good spelling but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong place

Airsick Moth

Member Since: 2nd Dec 2001
Total posts: 26
Posted:Thanks a lot...


The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 8th Nov 2001
Total posts: 2523
Posted:airsick paradic arsonist moth are you one person with 2 logins?

come on, what about the important things.
What does she look like when she is spinning poi?

alright a serious answer...

I've been thinking on a simmilar topic recently, and this is the advice I would give myself, but that for me. all IMHO. it may be of some help to you...

there isn't a right or wrong,
If you're being honest with yourself about how you feel and what your motives are
then if you do or don't want a relationship, then that is what you want/don't want, thats just the way that it is.

Theres much more than dope in this siruation.
Look inside yourself, find your motivation and truths that you hold and ensure that they are your values and your beliefs and it is not the beliefs and value systems of others that you are following.

If you still dont know, then have not a desire, don;t try to jump to an answer. Enjoy time with your friend, without a desire either way and when you are ready you will have your own answer.

whats wrong with this situation is not that you don't know, or that she smokes too much. Its that your spening time worrying about it.It the worrying thats shortening your life. Why not enjoy it for what it is, and enjoy life itself.

and ps. You're own council is better than that or some beginner from the other side of the world.

bloody ell, I've just found out that sub is a boy, before It had been a definate don't know;)

Enjoy life and watch amelie
happy Beginner:)

master sodium
Location: carson city, nevada
Member Since: 13th Apr 2002
Total posts: 536
Posted:well, here's my two percent of a dollar

if you truly care about this girl, why should it matter? as long as she supports her own habit, it should be fine. approach love with reckless abandon, right?

of course, this is the opinion of a (generally) medicinal user. I have found no major drawbacks in using MJ on a daily basis. the only time I have seen it truly affect people it was because they let it affect them. Bsides, most heavy users do it because they are bored. they smoke drastically less when they have something (or someone) to do.

from "half baked": "you call that an addiction! I used to suck d!*# for coke, you ever sucked d!*# for weed?"

you can't have a war against terrorism because war IS terrorism.it's not about worshipping fire. its about making the fire want to worship you.

Paradic Arsonist
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 30th Apr 2002
Total posts: 28
Posted:hrmmmmmmmmmz. over the last week or 2 it has come to my attention that it may just be that its not the weed problem she has, but my fear for what might happen.. like i do care about her.. recently not as much as when i first met her, but yea. previous relationships have all just gone haywire. i fear thats going to happen again. still a bit shook up after my last relationship, btw dont feel bad because of this.. you know who this is directed to, if not.. its not you yea i dunno. *shrugs*

i am quite religious.. there is only one god, and that god.. is ME! :)

master sodium
Location: carson city, nevada
Member Since: 13th Apr 2002
Total posts: 536
Posted:may be you're just thinking it over to much. letting your internal dialogue get the best of you. the mind will always reach the conclusion that whatever will end up bad, if you think about it for long enough. I wouldn't be in the relationship I'm in now if I had thought about it for very long.

a drunken indian once told me "keep in mind that great love and great acheivement are great risks." and its a drunken indian so he's gotta be right, right?

you can't have a war against terrorism because war IS terrorism.it's not about worshipping fire. its about making the fire want to worship you.

Aurora (1/2 a firesister)
Location: Canada, Ontario, Toronto
Member Since: 4th Jan 2002
Total posts: 249
Posted:It always helps in a relationship to have stability within yourself...otherwise you run the risk of bringing that instability into the relationship. My advice would be to take some time to yourself...recover from your last relationship completely before you start anything new....besides down time is good for the soul ....and anyone worthwhile will stick around


Om Namah Sivaya


Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:Being in a relationship means being compassionate to your partners weakness' as well as as admiring their strengths.
I used to smoke a lot of hooch and have since given up, but that doesnt mean that I would knock back a smoker for a relationship if I really had a strong connection with them...
Having smoked myself I am empathetic to where that person is coming from, I just choose not to do the drug myself.
Maybe you dont feel ready for the relationship yet if you are still recovering from the previous one and the pot issue is a way to not have to commit yourself yet, or maybe your really cant deal with being around the pot, I dunno.
The point is you have to follow your heart. Sit in your space for a while and contemplate what you feel, acknowledge the first feeling that comes up when you think of this person and having a relationship with them and follow your intution.
Remember that you are a free spirit, and if you choose to spend time with this person you might want to express your concerns with them to get it out into the open instead of keeping slient about it.A relationship is also about communication.
But remember, we cant change a person, so try to accept the choices that she is making at this stage in her life and if she decides to continue with the smoking, then it is something that you will have to honour..... good luck and keep us posted.
hands air sick moth a big ass bubble of clarity

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


Ninja Rockstar!
Location: Denver, Co. U.S.A.
Member Since: 27th Nov 2001
Total posts: 1100
Posted:I say go for it.

Either the relationship works or it doesn't. Just go and be a bad assed boyfriend. Show her a good time all the time. You may find that after a while she ends up smoking less and less because shes having more fun with you than her pot head friends. That's basicly how I quit smoking it. I was having so much fun with my friends who didn't smoke that I found that being stoned just got in the way. Don't nag her about it though, that will only make things more difficult.
But then it is also possible that her smoking may not even become an issue.

But what is the worst that could happen? The relationship fails horribly? Personally I would rather have it fall to peices than never have known.
That's my tuppence anyway.


[ 01 August 2002, 11:34: Message edited by: SickpuPpy ]

Jesus helps me trick people.

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 14th Nov 2001
Total posts: 6979
Posted:hey you guys, we could meet up in the next coupla days if ya want to ave a chat and a twirl - haven;t seen yas guys for a while! pot is another manisfestation of the issue of lifestyle conflicting with relationship. Firstly, need it be a conflict? my mate Danny is a breakfast bongsmoker right thru to goodnight tokes - he has bought a house with his missus and eveything is is a very hard worker. 70% of Oz has smoked or is regularly choofing, (Aust + Canada are apparently quite similar in that regard) so it's not like it's a niche thing (i fink in NSW it's no longer a crime to carry 'personal amounts' or was that SA?) if the lifestyle does begin to conflict, give us a call n well chat about it somewhere mateys!

now that i've railed against drug addiction, here's the obligatory Bill Hicks reference:
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... paranoid? You know what I mean?
It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law? It grows everywhere. Serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying to God made a mistake. You know what I mean, it's like God on the seventh day looked down on his creation:
"There it is, my creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest."
[Mimes God looking around - spotting pot]
"Oh my me."
"I left fucking pot everywhere."
"I should never have smoked that joint on the third day ..shit."
"That was the day I created possums. Haha. Still gives me a chuckle."
"If I leave pot everywhere that's gonna to give humans the impression they're supposed to... 'use' it."
"(sigh)Now I have to create Republicans."
And God wept. I believe is the next verse. You know what I mean? I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. Okay, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now.

"I forgot the code, is it two blinks yes, one blink no?"
we all hope it works out ok

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 11th Jan 2002
Total posts: 2996
Posted:Ultimately what it comes down to is what you find acceptable in a relationship. That is not a "smoking pot is bad" thing, rather it may be just that that is not what you want.

It may be that it is also not the pot that would be the problem, but a set of behaviours you are worried will go along with it. Ask yourself what it is about smoking pot that is the problem, then ask whether she does that. (you never know, she might even do shit stuff without needng the substances ).

If it is something you feel can be worked with, then tell her whats going through your mind. You can't expect to change her, the only persons behaviour you can control is your own. But be aware of what you are prepared to accept in a relationship, and walk away if your needs are not being met.

It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

Location: Calgary alberta Canada
Member Since: 26th Jun 2001
Total posts: 235
Posted:ha ha ha im horrible at love intrest type relationships.. so id advise you to tkae me advice lightly...

maybe talk to her about it.. dont be all "pot is bad dont do it" more like "what does it do for you" does she do it for fun, to get ripped or whatever the reason.. then explain your concerns and that you care blah blah blah..

maybe my ideas are compleatly esterogen based but... *shrugs*

Teach tolerance, not competition.
Send food, not bombs.

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