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ben-ja-menGOLD Member
just lost .... evil init
2,474 posts
Location: Adelaide, Australia


Posted:
i thought that this was just totally ace and had to share it

1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are.
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong............
12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.
20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.
23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
24. PMS is not an excuse.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
26............ Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind.
28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong.
29. We always notice how funny it is after your rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
Written by: Vixen


No... i dont expect ego stroking... to much ass kissing makes me run away! xxx




the social or physical kind? or both? because if is both, then I have little use for you and withdraw my application for an audition. wink

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
Written by: ado-p


Its true, i've lived with her for about a year and she's never mentioned it.

I never even thought about it.

We've got a kiwi girl in the house thats the same.




so basically you live with two women who are happy perpetuating sexist sterotypes! you are a saint Ado!

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


FräuleinFireotographer on Hiatus
284 posts
Location: Cork, Ireland


Posted:
Written by: ado-p


Its true, i've lived with her for about a year and she's never mentioned it.
I never even thought about it.
We've got a kiwi girl in the house thats the same.




I just got used to it... to that and other things happening in our crazy house ubblol At least you all flush... well... ubblol

"I see," said the blind man.


ado-pGOLD Member
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland


Posted:
meditate

Love is the law.


MiGGOLD Member
Self-Flagellation Expert
3,414 posts
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia


Posted:
U mean to tell me that somewhere out there is actually a right guy for me???

Maybe i should hold auditions??? Any takers? xxx

but you failed to bid in the male auction (i think), so auditions are out. we're all owned now. i think

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie


ben-ja-menGOLD Member
just lost .... evil init
2,474 posts
Location: Adelaide, Australia


Posted:
Written by: MiG


but you failed to bid in the male auction (i think), so auditions are out. we're all owned now. i think




ubblol

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?


VixenSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,276 posts
Location: Oxfordshire/Wiltshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
Correction... I own UCoF! xxx

tHeReS gOoD aNd EvIl iN EaCh InDiViDuAl fIrE, iDeNtIfIeS nEeDs AnD fEeDs OuR dEsIrEs.


nativeSILVER Member
sleeping with angels
508 posts
Location: anaheim CA usa


Posted:
hay vixen if i audition can i wear a catholic shcool girl out fit?? ubblol i dont think it would look that good on me but who knows ubblol

SLEEP WITH ANGELS muckieha


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
catholic schol girl outfits look good on almost anyone.

and what is a firewoman outfit anyway? some sort of sicko australian pervy thing?

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


spritieSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA


Posted:
but on a boy with hairy legs, chest hair, and fake boobs?

vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
yeah, even then.

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
Written by: Vixen


No... i dont expect ego stroking... to much ass kissing makes me run away! xxx




Then maybe you should change your member status from "Kiss-a-holic" to:
"Kiss-a-holic! [Ass not included]"

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


VixenSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,276 posts
Location: Oxfordshire/Wiltshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
Then surely that would imply that i was in fact the ass kisser? xxx

tHeReS gOoD aNd EvIl iN EaCh InDiViDuAl fIrE, iDeNtIfIeS nEeDs AnD fEeDs OuR dEsIrEs.


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
Yes yes... I'll have my ad people work something out...

Maybe

"[Non-ass] kiss-a-holic"? smile

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
well, it might imply that you could have been a potential ass kisser, were it not for the qualifier "ass not included".

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


VixenSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,276 posts
Location: Oxfordshire/Wiltshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
hmmmm that is true... i may have to reconsider my entire identity... who am i again? xxx

tHeReS gOoD aNd EvIl iN EaCh InDiViDuAl fIrE, iDeNtIfIeS nEeDs AnD fEeDs OuR dEsIrEs.


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
you are a shameless ass kisser!

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


polytheneveteran
1,359 posts
Location: London/ Surrey


Posted:
Hoorar- I understood all the words in Lightning's last post... must have been paying more attention than I thought in lectures biggrin

As for the toilet seat problem- as a rule of thumb I reckon make sure it's up when finished if the house belongs to (or is dominated by) males, down if females.

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
The toilet seat thing is another major advantage to being gay...

The toilet seat stays up. If you need it down and you fall in, it's your darned fault...try to be more careful and make sure it's down before you sit next time! If it stays down, then it gets peed on because that's what boys do, so in a gay household, the toilet seat stays up by default.

This annoys the hell out of my mom when I go to visit. ubblol

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)enthusiast
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA


Posted:
My position is that as I'm willing to adjust the damn thing before using the toilet, it's not unreasonable for me to expect others to as well.

"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
ado-p, nobody makes it work all the time biggrin

Getting to the other side smile


MTM MonsterMoat monster
208 posts
Location: someplace murky


Posted:
Vixen - if you own UCoF then surely you don't need to hold any auditions.

Or i have missed something?

Polythene - you've spelt "Hoorah" incorrectly tongue

A good deal of growr, some grr and quite a bit of snarl, spit and some biting. just a regular day at the office.


flash fireBRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia


Posted:
Written by: ...Lightning...


The toilet seat thing is another major advantage to being gay...

The toilet seat stays up. If you need it down and you fall in, it's your darned fault...try to be more careful and make sure it's down before you sit next time! If it stays down, then it gets peed on because that's what boys do, so in a gay household, the toilet seat stays up by default.

This annoys the hell out of my mom when I go to visit. ubblol




Look, I have some serious issues with the toilet seat debacle.

It's not a matter of laziness, or even aesthetics.... It's a matter of hygiene. When you flush, millions of urine molecules get shot out of the toilet and land square on my toothbrush, so please - put the friggen toilet seat down!

I've had this debate sooooo many times with my partner, and he thinks my molecule theory is a load of rubbish.... Our discussion got so heated once that we asked some close friends their opinion on the matter whilst at their house one night. Later that night, I went on to a bush party with them whilst my partner went back home (work committments). I drank a little too much at said bush doof and when I finally made it home (after a 2 hour drive) I had to run to the bathroom for some red-wine induced upheaval. The ONE and ONLY time my partner puts the toilet seat down is the ONE and ONLY time I desperately need for it to be up. Needless to say, I spewed on the lid.

Poetic justice? I think so.

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musashiistarring Skippy the green llama
1,148 posts
Location: Seattle, WA


Posted:
ubblol ubblol ubblol

If you want to prove it to him, put blue food coloring in the toilet, then hold a paper towel about a foot above the open lid while flushing. Seems a bit f00ked up to help a girl win that argument eh, but I'm a bit of a germaphobe too(tho you couldnt tell by sitting in my car recently). wink

First intention, then enlightenment..
Ars Pyronomica

" Life is programmed. Whether death is programmed or not is yet to be determined."


polytheneveteran
1,359 posts
Location: London/ Surrey


Posted:
Written by: Eliot Ness


Polythene - you've spelt "Hoorah" incorrectly tongue




I beg to differ: Hoorar, hoorah, hurrah and hooray are all distinct and acceptable variations of the same sentiment, with slightly different inflections. So ner. tongue

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
With the toilet seat problem, in my house it's pretty simple - put the lid down. that way, no matter who goes to the toilet, you gotta move something!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


MiGGOLD Member
Self-Flagellation Expert
3,414 posts
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia


Posted:
i leave it how i finish with it. and i move it if i need to. no problems there, i dont think.

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
I just pee in the tub.

Problem solved. biggrin

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)enthusiast
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA


Posted:
Well, we were talking about the seat, not the lid. If the rule is "everybody close the lid" I could live with that, but in my experience women are unwilling to do this (present company excepted). A few of them seem to think the rule should be "I should never have to touch the icky nasty toilet with my delicate girly hands." I must say, I have no tolerance for such people, and neither do the bulk of my women friends.

I think the molecule theory is [gropes for polite yet sufficient word] unlikely to be true. Also not terribly important; urine, I'd like to remind you, is generally virtually sterile. MUCH cleaner than the mouth you put your toothbrush in, for example.

And if you're concerned about urine molecules getting into the air, I'd focus on him peeing standing up if I were you; if you can smell it you're breathing it, and as any man who's ever eaten asparagus knows, you can definitely smell it when you pee. BUT NOT, in my experience, when you flush.

So really your only option, if you really want to suppress those molecules, is to make your partner pee sitting down, like a woman. Complete solution to the toilet seat issue, because nobody would use it UP. I also predict that if you do this, you will shortly be living alone, which also completely solves the problem! :-)

"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations


LazyAngelGOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK


Posted:
well, I'd like to depart from the issue of toilet etiquette for a minute with something a friend of mine just sent in an e-mail:

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi


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