• All Purchases made this month instantly go into the draw to win a USD $ 100.00 credit to your HoP account.
 

Forums > Social Discussion > when parents down right refuse

Login/Join to Participate

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:well the other night me and my friends were practicing some breathing and eating (I did my first eating:D) and my parents saw it and weren't all too thrilled about it. by the time I got home my dad was in bed and my mom didn't want to hear anything about it she just said "talk to your dad in morning, he'll listen to what you have to say and then decide" I wanted to argue it further and try and get her to listen but I decided against it. the next day I got up and had breakfast with my dad and eventualy he brought up the subject, he had two questions, what were we doing and what were we using. after that he ended the discussion, wasn't really much of a discussion, I tried to tell him about all that I had learned before lighting up and all this other stuff but he wouldn't listen to anything he just said no.

anybody have similar experiences? my plan is to at least get him to be ok with me doing eating because it's not as dangerous as breathing, I think his main problem is with putting the chemicals in my mouth so it's worth a shot (I did try and explain that I was using chemicals that won't cause problems if it's in my mouth and not inhaled or swallowed but of course he cut me off and wouldn't listen) so hopefully it goes well, he'll probly still say no and then I'll probly end up doing it anyways, just not letting him know, or I'll just say that fine while I'm under his roof it's his rules and I'll continue doing it after I move out (I'm in my final year of highschool) and that I'd rather him be at least alright about it but if he's not that's his choice (I don't expect him to be alright with it actualy but I wouldn't mind him at least not having a major problem with it and forbidding it) anyways if you have any advice, it would be greatly apreciated.

btw I told him that I was tought by somone who knows what they are doing and such but he just said "I don't care if it's the grand master of it"


Delete Topic

poiromaniac
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

poiromaniac

member
Location: australia, tasmania

Total posts: 97
Posted:yep, they need to get over it and actually listen to you.

my family has been showing zero interest in my twirling for 6 months sinse i started, they just think im way too weird and wont even come and watch us, not even once. angry

people i work with just say. ooh that seems interesting, and never mention it again. ubbloco

local randoms walk past us when we have our weekly twirling on our local parliament lawns, and say stoopid things like, are guys like hippies or something? or, you think your good coz u can do that!? (id like to see them try). devil tossers really.

my non twirling close group of mates, absolutly luv it, they get us to twirl at partys and stuff, that wicked support that keeps you going. we did some footage for a doco on my girlfriend who's a singer, and its going to chanel V, now that was such a blast that she asked us to do that for her.

So, some ppl get it, some ppl just dont coz they cant think outside their little square that they live in. tongue so i hope it works out, i dont expect any family support from mine, but i dont care, its their loss for not being able to appreciate the art of what we do, and dont get it that its just great to twirl clap clap clap we shouldnt need a reason to have fun.


* people who dont like cats were probably mice in an earlier life *

Delete

[Nx?]
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

[Nx?]

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Europe,Scotland,Both

Total posts: 3749
Posted:yo,

if your still in highschool, you really shouldent be breathing. I have to agree with your dad on that one. its veryveryvery dangerous. Its the only fire diciplin that can kill you.

if your only 1 year from moving out, i suggest you just wait untill your independant, and dont get mad at your folks, they is simply doing thier job.

my mum dosnt understand either, and gets needlessly worried, but now Im too old to be told no, she is more supportive.

all this stuff is just part of growing up, with fire arts just being one stage where and ancient play is carried out.

dont worry, time changes all.

peace.

T wave


This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti

Delete

Lillie Frog


Lillie Frog

not a stranger
Location: wales

Total posts: 558
Posted:I didn't let my kid breath fire till he was 17. Every time we did it he asked if he could. But I didn't let him coz if he'd been hurt it would have been my fault. I was responsible for what he did, therefore I would have been blamed. Also hospitals etc would haveseen it as a very dangeroud, irrisponsible thing to do.

So, it was more to do with what others would think than what I thought, cos I thought he could do it and I know all the dangers enough to teach him.



Sometimes it's hard being aparent, trying to do the right thing and the best thing for your kid even though it's not what the kid wants and will resent you for it.



I don't know how old you are, but final year of high school sounds pretty old. Are you about 16 or 17?



If you are doing it safely, and with people who know what they are doing, and if you are old enough to be responsible for yourself then maybe you shouldn't tell them and just do it anyway.

Then you won't have to argue with them and they won't have to worry about you.



Sometimes ignorance is bliss.



And sometimes you should be educated.

Read THIS


Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

Delete

FoeHammer
BRONZE Member since Sep 2004

FoeHammer

member
Location: Cape Town, South Africa

Total posts: 37
Posted:poiromnaiac i understand and agree with you - nice post!

Anger Is A Gift

Delete

poiromaniac
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

poiromaniac

member
Location: australia, tasmania

Total posts: 97
Posted:hey thanx FoeHammer, i got a bit carried away i thort. i know when your young you have to listen to your parents right? but why is it, when you do grow up that they dont really listen to you.

oh well, like i said, its their loss when that happens weavesmiley i will just keep learning new stuff so when one day they become interested, i will knock their socks offff! grouphug


* people who dont like cats were probably mice in an earlier life *

Delete

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:thanx for all your posts people! it really helped, I do not resent my dad for what he said, and I don't blame him either, my problem is that he didn't try to listen to anything I had to say, in fact he tried to not listen but anyways, yes I'm 16 turning 17 in about a month, so I'll either convince him somehow...or just not let him know and then when I move out it won't be a problem, cause if he's not comfortable with it, he won't have to see it.

Lillie Frog that article that pele wrote about her incident was actualy one of the first things I ever read off this site, and of course it wasn't the last, to answer anyones question (said or unsaid) I have been reading for a while now, doing research on all the chemicals that I will be using, techniques and most importantly safety! apart from that my friend was tought by professionals (the daring devilinies, if anyones heard of them) and whenever we do breathing we have water on hand, damp towels and at least one of us knows first aid, and of course if you've thoroughly read the safety article, how to recognize the different kinds of burns and how to treat them. finaly what pele tried to get across most in her article about her incident, to have respect for the fire.

so yeah thanx for all your support, it's much apreciated


Delete

Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth

Total posts: 5814
Posted:As a parent you want to protect your children. I know you understand that already. Parents are seemingly unreasonable but they are used to making decisions usually to protect their kids. I know thats all obvious as well.
The idea of willingly allowing your precious child to play with toxic chemicals and fire is wrong to many people. If I didnt play with them myself I would object as well through sheer lack of knowledge and until my boys are responsible enough to be able to do it safely I wont give my blessing to them doing it either.

It would be lovely to have their blessing and be able to do these arts with their approval but it may take a while. Within my family my mum is fascinated and loves it while my brothers think its a crazy thing to do. So its my peer age that dont approve. I hope you fathers fears are never justified.
Take care
juggle


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:I can see myself going both ways with my children (if I ever have children) if I had no prior knowledge of fire arts and such, at times I am open minded but my dad can be open minded too and he said no right off the bat. it will take a while, and who knows it could never happen, I'm sure there are lots of people who do poi and have been doing for some time and there parents still do not agree. special thanks to you and [nx?] for the parents side of the argument

Delete

BurningByron


member
Location: Australia

Total posts: 340
Posted:*floats down from a lillypad in the sky*

Danger wise fire eating is nothing compared to firebreathing. The chemical damage you do to your body from fire eating is very minor compared to the damage you inflict to your body when you choose to firebreath.

I would like to bring up a point about firebreathing that has not been raised before.
The combined effects of different chemicals on the lungs (this goes for the whole body but especially the lungs) can compound the health problems many times over. An example of this is the incidence of lung cancer among people exposed to asbestos who also smoke. This incidence is many times higher than either a comparable group of smokers or a comparable group which has only been exposed to asbestos.
If you are a smoker/passive smoker or have been exposed to any other substance that causes lung cancer, it would be wise to consider this extra possible consquence before choosing to firebreath.

I have often wondered how much damage kerosine smoke does to my lungs, especially since I breath the smoke very deep while doing such an aerobic form of exercise. I have had friends complain about asthma symptoms increasing greatly when they spin with fire. Ever noticed that your boogers are black after a good firedancing session? Some of that sh*t ends up in your lungs...
Just after breathing fire, (especially when doing pillars), during inspiration there is a very large amount of kerosine smoke and unburnt fuel taken into your lungs. You are also absorbing many cariogenic chemicals through the permeable membranes in your mouth. If you dont believe that fuels are absorbed in your mouth, try holding vodka in your mouth for a minute or so and notice how start to feel...

I breathed fire for about a year or so and experienced the dangers and the ill health effects. I will not teach my friends and I scare them into not trying it because it is my belief that it is very detrimental to your health and physical safety. These beliefs come from a unique and more informed perspective than most in that I am also a medical student.
If you really think you can convince your dad that firebreathing is safe enough for his daughter by giving him ALL the facts then get Lightning or Pele to write him an email about their knowledge and experiences... Lightning is our HOP resident Dr and Pele spent half a year lying in hospital with a tube down her throat and a tube stuck through her back because of a professional fire breathing performance gone wrong.

*steps of the soapbox*


HOW TO FLY 101:
step 1. Throw your self at the ground.
step 2. Miss.

Delete

Sakura_Moon


Sakura_Moon

Hop's Kitten Jester.
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Austral...

Total posts: 1803
Posted:my parents hate me twirling, they jut put up with it, it just means that i can never twirl fire outside my own house. And no one but my friends can see me.

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.


Delete

_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:I've just turned 16 and have been spinning fire since around march/april.
I had to work for the persmission. As my parents saw my skills improve they started to get more interested. Then one day i went out and bought some stuff from B&Q and my dad helped me make a set. From then on my skills at making and spinning poi greatly improved, i have practically no fear and more respect for fire and its just fantastic.
What i enjoyed was earning the respect to be able to do it. My parents have seperated since i started poi and I do most of my spinning at dads, mum dosn't really care for it, but its absoloutly brill. Friday night I took my dad and my sister to a firework night, with my poi of course and it was just great to be there with my family, them supporting me and getting everybody to clap *blush*

*earn* their respect. show them that you can do it, because quite clearly you know that you can. Let them see you breathing with water, putting an unlit fire wand into your mouth ect ect. Its isnt always about the fire smile


Delete

Lillie Frog


Lillie Frog

not a stranger
Location: wales

Total posts: 558
Posted:Well, I know in Britain that after the age of 17 the police consider you to be responsible for your own actions, and will send you to an adult court.
I don't know if it is the same in Canada, but until you reach that age you are really under your parents control and you should do as they say.
When you are old enough to do as you want then it's up to you to take as many risks as you choose. My point was that if your parents are going to be upset by this, and it is going to cause arguments and worry, that is perhaps better if they did not know.

I only read Pele'sarticle recently and although I knew that parafin can harm your lungs her story really brought home the reality of it to me.
Never the less I will still breath fire when I fancy it. My lungs are shot to hell anyway and I still smoke like a factory chimney.
Like is full of risks.

I never intended to imply that you should go against your parents wishes if you were still young enough to be under their control. Reading back what I put yesterday I don't think I made that clear.


Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

Delete

HaremPhoenix


HaremPhoenix

member
Location: Illinois, USA

Total posts: 13
Posted:When I first got interested in twirling I told my mom about it. She was interested in it but also afraid that I would become a human torch. I had her watch a few of my friends that twirl and that blow and eat fire and some of my videos. she thought it was very neat and said that as long as I was not careless then she would support me but as a mom she would still worry from time to time. Which I can understand. My father however had a gas can explode in his hand when he was my age and says he will not support or approve of it, but at the same time he won't tell me that I can't do it. So I can respect that too. Try to see things from their point of view, some times it may be hard but it's hard for them too and maybe in time you can reach an understanding between you and them. Good luck smile

~Elisabeth~
:: shimmy shimmy shimmy flick :: Repeat as desired.

Delete

Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:I'm sorry but I have to point this out....there is NO such thing as a safe fire fuel....and if you think there is there is NO WAY you should be eating, twirling or breathing fire!!!!!!

Delete

nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:My parents aren't too happy about me spinning fire, understandably, I think. It's not a safe thing to do - however good you are, almost everyone gets burnt at one point or another.

But it's your body and your choice. Just don't damage it. smile


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

Delete

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:well my parents are going away for one week, starting tomorow, and tonight they're just doing some final packing, my hope for tonight is to take them outside and walk them through the steps of fire eating, so that they can get an understanding of it and the safety precautions (like how many times you actualy check the wind) and hopefully by doing that they can realise how much thought and preperation I put into this and how responsible I am about it, so if you please wish me good luck^_^

Delete

nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Good luck, and try not to be too mad if they still don't like it. Parents are funny things but they're usually trying to do what's best.

What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

Delete

Mistress_Maledicti


Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over
Location: Wolverhampton

Total posts: 192
Posted:My mum's not hugely happy about me playing with fire but she knows I and my friends have been taught by a professional who's been performing for over 30 years. She also knows that we don't do silly things, we never play alone and we're very conscious of safety.

Secretly, she's really proud of it and I know she's told all her friends!

sin


"Abashed, the Devil stood and saw how awful Goodness is"

Delete

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:well it's monday and my parents are gone for a week, they didn't listen to what I had to say and they wouldn't let me show them anything but they did say they would talk about it when they get back so oh well

Delete

Lillie Frog


Lillie Frog

not a stranger
Location: wales

Total posts: 558
Posted:Possibly you could tell them that the peer pressure in your area is so strong that, to fit in, you either have to choose between fire and heroin.
Then tell them that you have chosen fire, but if they would rather you chose otherwise......

biggrin

It might work.


Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

Delete

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:hah, I'm almost tempted to try that when they get back, just becasue it would be really funny.

Delete

Lillie Frog


Lillie Frog

not a stranger
Location: wales

Total posts: 558
Posted:It was a joke!
Don't do it!!!!!!

I just have a warped sense of humour, and I never think before I post.

Sorry.


Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

Delete

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:no worries, I have one two^_^

Delete

nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Oh and not 100% OT, but when it comes to twirling you could do a lot worse than showing your folks a COL vid.. I did and they chilled out a bit when they realised it was a proper artform, not just some kids getting stoned and wanging flaming metal around their heads.

What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

Delete

someguy_1220
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

someguy_1220

Member
Location: Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 9
Posted:lol, probly the worst thing to do right off the bat is to show them what pele wrote about her incident, I don't think that would get you too far

Delete

wingrd


wingrd

Member
Location: Northampton,UK

Total posts: 18
Posted:I agree with Lillie (on all her posts here)
I'd say the problem isn't whether to do it or not, as you could no doubt get away with it without there permission, but what to do when they realise you have been doing it without there permission. If there see that you are intent on doing it with or without there support then they may be more interested in supporting you as at least you will be "under there watchful eye". You'll have to give them loads of praise as to how you understand there feelings and want to "compromise" but when it comes down to it you're hooked on the hobby and you'll find it very hard not to join in with the rest of the guys.

The stings youre trying to pull will:
"I respect you and want you're input on what and how I do things"
"I'm saying I'm not goanna do it without you permission but really you got to see that I'm goanna do it anyway"
"I'm passionate about this and if you stop me from doing it I'll resent you, rift will form and I'll lose respect for you"

If they still say no ask them in there opinion when they would approve of it. And if they say 22, laugh and walk away. They should start to see that you are fast becoming an adult and you dont need there approval anymore, but there support would be handy.

If that doesn't work and you still want there approval that badly, and you think you can get away with it you can just try blanking them for a week and showing you hold low value in there opinion due to there total dismissal of yours. (Bit drastic but it should get the point across)


D

Delete

wingrd


wingrd

Member
Location: Northampton,UK

Total posts: 18
Posted:
...Peoples are influenced by two things. Hope of the outcome and fear of the consequences.
As youre dealing with your parents its best to totally avoid the threat of doing it without there approval, but giving them that doubt would be the fear that may show them that its best to let you win this one.

The hope is always the most powerful influence you can use though, and showing how much happiness this brings to you, and thus also to them, should be youre first aim. Take loads of photos of it. As nearly_all_gone said a proper artform which is what it is and not just some kids getting stoned and wanging flaming metal around their heads this is very true and probably not a million mile from what you parents think of it.

And dont expect to win this disagreement in the first sitting. Take you time.

PS they will smell it on you breath (if they cant youre using the wrong stuff).


Good Luck.


D

Delete

wingrd


wingrd

Member
Location: Northampton,UK

Total posts: 18
Posted:Oh and one more thing...
No one wins an argument and a diplomat makes to winners from a disagreement.

(I think I've just found my new Signature!) (Now to figure out how to add it) (On second thoughts, its a bit long winded)


D

Delete


Similar Topics

Using the keywords [parent* right refuse] we found the following similar topics.
1. Learn > POI > Advanced Weaves > Forward Weave (5 beats) *help/resource aka the weave  forwards and on your right your right hand will rotate over...
2. Learn > Diabolo > Killer Skills > 2 diabolo right sun *help/resource
3. Learn > Fire Fans > Mr Jeff Fans Tutorials > left to right ESE *help/resource
4. Learn > Fire Fans > Mr Jeff Fans Tutorials > tog fold left right *help/resource
5. Learn > Hoop > Mini hoop > Moth folds left to right *help/resource

     Show more..