Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:Would like to know anyone's opinion or advice..

How do you stay friends with an ex?

Previously I have split up with ex's and not had any contact with them ever again.

My recent ex wants to remain friends and I am hoping to stay friends with him because as a person he is one of the nicest people I have met (after gnor of course)....

So how can I make myself get over the emotion and just remain friends with him without feeling the hurt?


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majik


enthusiast
Location: Byron Bay Australia

Total posts: 231
Posted:I don't really know but I think staying friends with an ex depends on the people you both are and your ability to stay friends without either one wanting more than that. I think a friendship can be much compromised by one person wanting more. The relationship needs to be well over in both your minds before you can be real friends. I think it also depends on both your abilities to forgive to an extent that you can be friends with no resentment. In my experience on this it is good to spend a bit of time apart first but not to lose contact.Then see how it goes. Good Luck, I hope you can sort it out.
ubblovemajik


Live, love, laugh and dance!

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:I'm not too good on the matter, but I can tell you what not to do:

Make sure it's a clean break. Don't unofficially stay together. One person will always feel lead on, and cheated and lured into a false sense of sercurity.

Don't run into it too soon. Give it time. This ties in with the above point, because running into it too soon can mean an unclean break.

I know how it feels to want to just be great friends straight away, and if it works for you - good on you! Please tell me the secret!!!

I hope you can suceed, I really really do! I haven't had too much luck in this area myself, so I hope that it can work out for someone!
hug


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:Haven't ever had this work for me. usualy have been told ''we will still be friends tho'' to either shut me up or a pathetic exscuse to try an make me feel better tho.
I would agree with the comments above tho, try an make sure that its a clean break and you both feel the same about eachother. if hes still got some feelings for you or vice verca its going to be very difficult.


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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Mistress_Maledicti


Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over
Location: Wolverhampton

Total posts: 192
Posted:I've got exes that I still talk to, but it's hard to remain friends and not have some kind of expectations from them. I think the important thing is to be sure that your relationship is truly over, spend some time completely apart with no contact so that you have a chance to take stock of the situation and how you feel about things. If you meet your ex, make sure it's in a social situation and preferably in a crowd so that you're neither of you kidding yourselves it's a pseudo-date.

sin


"Abashed, the Devil stood and saw how awful Goodness is"

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babajaga
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

babajaga

old hand
Location: Berlin, Germany

Total posts: 863
Posted:I don't know I think you were friends before too it is just that you lost some privileges and nobody says that you have to stop loving you just show it in another way maybe even in a more honest way, try to see it from another point of view and enjoy that he is still in your life stop expectations to avoid disappointments and it won't hurt.

What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas, USA

Total posts: 3899
Posted:I'm actually still pretty good friends with most of my ex-es. there are 3 exceptions, two of which involve me being the one to hold the grudge (and I think I am perfectly entitled to given the situations). The other I didn't really try to hard with because I knew she just had the type of personality that does not accept being spurned gracefully and it was therefor pointless to bang my head against the wall of "let's be friends".



Basically I feel time to heal, persistance (after the time to heal), and understanding are the recipie for staying friends after a breakup. It is easy to be amicable after feelings have heeled, but it takes a concerted effort to reforge the way to an un-awkward friendship in the wake of a breakup.



and BTW, venting all of your negative feelings during a breakup may be temporarily satisfying and even therapudic, but it can severly damage the hope of continued friendship later. If you want to remain friends even while the breakup is happening, then treat them as a friend while the breakup is happening.


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:I'll mention time again - you both need time apart to become your own strong selves as individuals before being 'just good friends'.

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)

Total posts: 5967
Posted:"Haven't ever had this work for me. usualy have been told ''we will still be friends tho'' to either shut me up or a pathetic exscuse to try an make me feel better tho."

I agree with this to an extent.
I don't see how, once you've shared such a close bond with someone, that it is possible to somehow reduce it to 'friendship'. I'm sure some people can... but I feel the loss of a relationship so strongly that any attempt at friendship afterwards only reminds me of what I have lost and that is too painful.

I tend to mourn a lost relationship like a death, because that is how it feels to me.


Getting to the other side smile

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 5814
Posted:I think you and Jakes can still be mates Medusa. You seemed like good friends within the relationship and I think Jakes is the sort of guy who you can do that with.

Take care darl hug hug hug hug hug


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 3044
Posted:make an effort to communicate. i dropped out of touch with one ex simply because we never got around to calling each other. hug

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1626
Posted:I'm not an expert on the subject as I haven't spoken to 2 of my 3 previous serious girlfriends (which was my choice, to be honest) for years.. but one of them, after a few months of us having broken up, gave me a phonecall and we just.. were mates. We didn't have to work on it, we didn't have to think about it, we were just mates. And we'd ring each other for hours and just make each other piss ourselves laughing because we're great together.

And 5 years on I still talk to her, albeit a little less frequently, and we send each other into fits of laughter because we know each other so well. I think of her as one of my best mates, and one of very few people I trust.

Just don't allow your relationship to be the dominant thing you have/had with the person - the good times, their sense of humour and personality, how much you know them and trust them.. these are the important things.

That's the only advice I have but I hope it helps. Making new friends is great, especially when it comes out of something so painful, but remember that if it doesn't work out you can live without them. And loads of these hug hug hug hug


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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