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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Though, not really depression...decompression perhaps?

I recently went on tour...and what a tour it was!!! I had a fabulous time with many people. Met alot of great people. Had some bumps in the road and overall a tremendous adventure. I can not wait to do it again.

And while on the road, I thought of my family (PWB and Noah) as well as my dance students, and the girls in my dance troupes, and my friends quite frequently...since I went on the road alone.
It was hard most especially at night, when the lights were down and the only company I had was my thoughts.

But on the road I was treated..well..like some kind of royalty. And truth be told, while it made me really uncomfortable at times, some times it was just alot of fun. Who wouldn't like it?

And now I am home, and it is sooo hard to be here. I am seriously fighting off a depression from it. I am burying myself in work plans and show plans. When I try to bring it up to PWB his immediate answer is "Then don't go anymore." Which makes me feel so much worse. I am having a hard time getting into the groove of things, and it doesn't help that when I left the place was tidy and picked up, and now..well, it isn't. I wasn't even here for the mess and they are acting like I "owe" them cleaning up because I was away working.

I love my home life. I really do.
I love life on the road as well, but they will not blend.
And going from being treated like a queen to plunging a toilet is really screwing with my head, and my heart.

I don't think I have a point really, except maybe to vent, since no one around here really wants to hear it. In their minds it is never business when I leave. They think it is vacation, and play and party..while in truth I work alot and hard, so they expect me to slip joyfully and easily back into daily routine and they do not want to hear about any difficulty in doing so.

*Le sigh*
Back to the laundry.

P~


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:It's always a let-down. Even soldiers have a let-down after a battle. As the adrenaline fades, the let-down happens. It'll pass after a couple of days, sweetie. hug

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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The Real Fryed Fish


God's illgitament son
Location: state of confusion

Total posts: 1489
Posted:Lightning is right, my friend JUST got back from Iraq, and he came home to about the same situation. i.e. he mades $50,000 over there, his wife spent it all and has nothing to show for it, for him, just haveing someone to vent to is REALY helping him get threw it.........you said no one at home wants to hear how hard it is for youm but WE DO..........hug kiss........so when you need to vent we are here (even though im still new here i still care)

You can't avoid pain by fencing yourself from it.
Some times you need the help of others more than anything else
But you have to let them close enough to help......
People want to be needed, I found that out too

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:I think that is part of the problem Mike. Each time it takes longer, though each time I come back the place is messier.

I feel more detached this time than ever.

......


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Sterlingspider
BRONZE Member since Aug 2002

Sterlingspider

Senator by day, Sith Lord by night.
Location: Suffolk, New York, USA

Total posts: 128
Posted:It may perhaps help to invite them to meet up with you on the road next time (if possible, I dont know the scope of your travels). Let them see what it is you're actually doing, let them figure out things to do during all the time you're off working. Perhaps a soft *bink* in the nose with a checkbbook to remind him that it's not all about parties and that your "vacation" is part of whats putting that roof over your heads to protect all the clothes on the floor.



I honestly can't see how people who are so close to what you've gone through in the last couple of years can look at fire performing and not realise how much goes into it.



Beyond that, if he's not letting you communicate how you're feeling then perhaps he needs a swift kick to the relationship skills. Home should never be the place you dread coming back to.


"If the human brain were simple enough for us to understand, we would be too simple to understand it"
-Emerson M Pugh

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musashii


musashii

starring Skippy the green llama
Location: Seattle, WA

Total posts: 1148
Posted:Written by: Pele

I think that is part of the problem Mike. Each time it takes longer, though each time I come back the place is messier.

I feel more detached this time than ever.

......



Perhaps part of the problems in homecoming is that you're better acclimated to life on the road every time you go, so it takes less time to get used to it. Just not the opposite, unfortunately. There's something to be said about pushing ourselves to our limits, it makes us feel more alive, gives us a greater sense of purpose, so it's always difficult to come down from that high. I sometimes try to find some new project to start on so I can pump that energy into it, it helps somewhat.

It's always hard for people who haven't done the same thing(going on the road) to understand just how much work it is, and how little time you get to yourself(to have fun). So you always get the same jokes, 'Now that you're back from your _vacation_', 'Now that you're back in the _real_ world', etc, etc..It's expected, though I usually expect it more from acquantances, not friends who know and understand(thats why theyre my friends right?).


First intention, then enlightenment..
Ars Pyronomica

" Life is programmed. Whether death is programmed or not is yet to be determined."

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 3044
Posted:reality is a bitch isnt it?

i try to focus on the small joys of life. the small joys of travelling are spontaneous moments of silliness with complete stranger etc. the small joys of home are cuddling up with a loved on the the sofa and just holding each other.

its sometimes hard to compare two such diffenent experiences - one involves a massive adrenaline rush of a new exciting experience that could end up anywhere - the other is just a nice calm comfortable experience.
its important to identify the small joys of each lifestyle - particularly home - friends, lovers, books, cooking utensils, your own personal space, perhaps by reflecting upon how much you missed them when away.


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Thanks all.

I am trying Dentrassi. For example...I **love** to cook, so being back in my kitchen where I can cook my food is pretty cool.
It is nice to cuddle with my son to be sure.
But I am one of those people who really believes that conversation is the key to friendship, so I called my friends and such that are home when I was away. I also call/mail my distance friends while home, so that is not really something to focus on.

It's not reality, as it is all very real to me. I think I pinpointed that a huge portion of it is the differences of responsibility. I am very passionate about my work, and when I am on the road I can live and breathe it, and it is appreciated (for the most part). When I am at home, it is shrugged off as "That's nice dear." (not in a bad way, but they are overwhelmed and not always fully understanding of my creative mind), and usually followed with "What's for dinner?" Both I enjoy but I think the major difference is that taking care of my family comes from my heart, my career is my passion.

While on the road I ave many choices. Do I eat now? Do I create now? Do I get up now? etc...
While at home I am completely at the mercy of my sons schedule, which I do not mind but I have to finnegle time for me and my career in there...and that is sooo hard to come back to. The compromise, while I don't mind doing it, is the hardest part of coming home I realized yesterday.

Well, that and I broke at PWB and told him to either listen up or go back to work. It was interesting, and I know he didn't really hear my words, but he faked it pretty well! lol

Thanks again all and hugs!
P~


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia

Total posts: 2615
Posted:It's really strange how things change everytime you come back home .

The hardest thing for me is with my friends have all gone their seperate ways .

Im going home soon and that weekend one (his girlfriend ) is haveing a child . And the other is getting married .

Puk shakes his head , times do change.


that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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Pyrolific
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia

Total posts: 3289
Posted:It takes time to re-adjust to living back at home after long stretches of travelling, and communication is key. There are reasons you come back, and perhaps you might do better by recognising those rather than dwelling on what you have lost by stopping travelling?

Josh


--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!

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Malcolm
SAPPHIRE Member since Nov 2003

Malcolm

HOP admin
Location: New Zealand

Total posts: 1024
Posted:Cherry too really misses working and got depressed whilst being home with our new son Jesse.
Bringing up a child is more than a full time job, it is 24/7
She enjoys Jesse and being with him, but she has needs and like you one of them is her love of her job. We did not plan on her going back to work till January next year. But for her sanity I now encourage her to get back to work.
So she is starting work again next week. Doing 3 x 8 hours a week. Jesse and I have to keep the home tidy and running well with food on the table when she gets home, otherwise the benefits of working for her will be lost when she gets home.
All have to "work" together 50/50 in relationships, you get out what you put in.
As said above communicaton is the key and think of all the good and how to make it even better.
All good things take time and effort.

Hope I can still kidnap you next year.

Malcolm


May your balls always burn

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