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Madam Flame
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004

Madam Flame

Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA

Total posts: 308
Posted:Here's a little email my mom sent me, thought I'd pass it along...



13 Reasons to Smile

~Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

~Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

~I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

~How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?

~A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

~I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

~When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

~Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.

~Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

~Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

~Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

~Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

~Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I'd like to add a few of my own at the end of this...from the Madam to all of the dieters out there.

If you eat someone else's food, the calories don't count.
If you eat & no one else sees you, the calories don't count. ubbloco


Never settle for normal.devil
Average thinking brings average results.

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Zavie


newbie
Location: Paris, FRANCE

Total posts: 24
Posted:That's at least one reason to smile....

DEATH WILL ALWAYS BE A CELEBRATION OF CONFORMITY.
-Neil Gevisser-

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Cantus
SILVER Member since Jul 2001

Cantus

Tantamount to fatuity
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom

Total posts: 15965
Posted:good points one and all. I particularly like the xenophobic one. Should go down well on a multicultural board such as this.....

"I'll carry this....It's harder to spill a hat" - Chellybean
"...like a rabbit caught in a lighthouse?" - Chellybean

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weeleigh


weeleigh

look a rainbow!
Location: Waterford, CT

Total posts: 237
Posted:No no, the true question is why we choose from 50 people for Miss America when all of them would probably be better presidents than Bush.

mad Stupid Bush. I mean...at least Miss America is for world peace... angry

Ok, that's all out of my system now. smile


"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."

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Madam Flame
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004

Madam Flame

Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA

Total posts: 308
Posted:I think we should all vote for me for president! How cool would that be?

Never settle for normal.devil
Average thinking brings average results.

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The Phyrefly


The Phyrefly

journeyman
Location: Merced, Ca, usa

Total posts: 81
Posted:i know what i would like to do with bush- MOW THE FREAKING LAWN!!

fire is the light that shines in all of us. Be sure your light shines brightly wherever you go.

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Madam Flame
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004

Madam Flame

Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA

Total posts: 308
Posted:heheheee

Never settle for normal.devil
Average thinking brings average results.

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:eek Madam for President? GOD NO!!!! wink

Gidg runs screaming from the room [/i}

umm on second thought ...


Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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Madam Flame
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004

Madam Flame

Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA

Total posts: 308
Posted:Hey! I would make an awesome president! I would make spinning legal in all parks. Candy would be served at every meal. And dieting would be illegal. & just for good measure I'd throw a potato at Britney Spears & tell her to eat some carbs once in awhile!!!!

Never settle for normal.devil
Average thinking brings average results.

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majik


enthusiast
Location: Byron Bay Australia

Total posts: 231
Posted:ubblolubblolubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol

Live, love, laugh and dance!

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:ubblol ubblol ubblol

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:and just on those calorie rules:

if its broken; no calories/fat
if it doesnt fit in the jar; no calories/fat
if its for a birthday; none either
if it was made for someone else; you guessed it!
if it was a present of some description; yup! go for it!

ubbrollsmile


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Fire Bunny
SILVER Member since Nov 2003

Fire Bunny

veteran
Location: Now in the land of Oz, Austral...

Total posts: 1260
Posted:ubblol ubblol biggrin i like this thread smile

so... what happens if you get sceard half to death twice?

and if barbie is so populer... how come you have to buy her friends?


What if we think the jokes on them,
But really - the jokes on us....

and also... i wuv Rougie *snuz*

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fake teeth and glue
BRONZE Member since Aug 2003

fake teeth and glue

Checking who's online, watching you!
Location: somewhere, England (UK)

Total posts: 1972
Posted:two drums and a simble fall into a hole: badum tsh (sound that two drums and a simble make)

you just lost the game!!!!!! !!!!!

knowledge is power, power corupts, study hard, become evil.

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Madam Flame
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004

Madam Flame

Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA

Total posts: 308
Posted:if you throw a cat out the window, does it become kitty litter?

what color does a smurf turn when you choke it?


Never settle for normal.devil
Average thinking brings average results.

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weeleigh


weeleigh

look a rainbow!
Location: Waterford, CT

Total posts: 237
Posted:Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

If pro is good, and con is bad, what's the opposite of progress?

And ubblol ubblol to the drum one, that made me laugh a lot. smile


"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."

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Katrina
GOLD Member since May 2004

Katrina

enthusiast
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom

Total posts: 352
Posted:that was just what I needed right now. biggrin You missed a calorie one though, if you're walking walking while you eat you don't gain weight

One day i'll learn to resist gravity...

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PyroWill
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

PyroWill

HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4437
Posted:isnt bush another name for a c**t, sorry for asterix swearing guys but wanted to get that out, phew



that all really cheered me up, just got in from work, i left my bar where i work and some guy tried to knife me! proepr panicking, lucky the boss called the police n i managed to keep him away with a pole that was near me, really got freaked out, and this thread has really cheered me up, i like the smurf one ubblol


An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

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weeleigh


weeleigh

look a rainbow!
Location: Waterford, CT

Total posts: 237
Posted:I intend to live forever.....

So far so good.

biggrin


"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."

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