Forums > Social Chat > 13 Reasons To Smile
Login/Join to ParticipateSatisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
308 posts
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
Here's a little email my mom sent me, thought I'd pass it along...
13 Reasons to Smile
~Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
~Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
~I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
~How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
~A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"
~I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
~When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
~Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.
~Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
~Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
~Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
~Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
~Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I'd like to add a few of my own at the end of this...from the Madam to all of the dieters out there.
If you eat someone else's food, the calories don't count.
If you eat & no one else sees you, the calories don't count.
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
24 posts
Location: Paris, FRANCE
That's at least one reason to smile....
DEATH WILL ALWAYS BE A CELEBRATION OF CONFORMITY.
-Neil Gevisser-
Tantamount to fatuity
15,966 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
good points one and all. I particularly like the xenophobic one. Should go down well on a multicultural board such as this.....
Meh
237 posts
Location: Waterford, CT
No no, the true question is why we choose from 50 people for Miss America when all of them would probably be better presidents than Bush.
Stupid Bush. I mean...at least Miss America is for world peace... 
Ok, that's all out of my system now.
"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
308 posts
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
I think we should all vote for me for president! How cool would that be?
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
81 posts
Location: Merced, Ca, usa
i know what i would like to do with bush- MOW THE FREAKING LAWN!!
fire is the light that shines in all of us. Be sure your light shines brightly wherever you go.
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
308 posts
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
heheheee
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
Super Gidg!!!!
8,506 posts
Location: Portland Oregon USA
Madam for President? GOD NO!!!! 
Gidg runs screaming from the room [/i}
on second thought ... Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.
Gidg
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
308 posts
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
Hey! I would make an awesome president! I would make spinning legal in all parks. Candy would be served at every meal. And dieting would be illegal. & just for good measure I'd throw a potato at Britney Spears & tell her to eat some carbs once in awhile!!!!
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
231 posts
Location: Byron Bay Australia
Live, love, laugh and dance!
Super Gidg!!!!
8,506 posts
Location: Portland Oregon USA
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.
Gidg
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
and just on those calorie rules:
if its broken; no calories/fat
if it doesnt fit in the jar; no calories/fat
if its for a birthday; none either
if it was made for someone else; you guessed it!
if it was a present of some description; yup! go for it!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
veteran
1,260 posts
Location: Now in the land of Oz, Australia
i like this thread so... what happens if you get sceard half to death twice?
and if barbie is so populer... how come you have to buy her friends?
What if we think the jokes on them,
But really - the jokes on us....
and also... i wuv Rougie *snuz*
Checking who's online, watching you!
1,972 posts
Location: somewhere, England (UK)
two drums and a simble fall into a hole: badum tsh (sound that two drums and a simble make)
you just lost the game!!!!!! !!!!!
knowledge is power, power corupts, study hard, become evil.
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
308 posts
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
if you throw a cat out the window, does it become kitty litter?
what color does a smurf turn when you choke it?
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
237 posts
Location: Waterford, CT
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
If pro is good, and con is bad, what's the opposite of progress?
And
to the drum one, that made me laugh a lot. "Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
enthusiast
352 posts
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
that was just what I needed right now.
You missed a calorie one though, if you're walking walking while you eat you don't gain weight One day i'll learn to resist gravity...
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
isnt bush another name for a c**t, sorry for asterix swearing guys but wanted to get that out, phew
that all really cheered me up, just got in from work, i left my bar where i work and some guy tried to knife me! proepr panicking, lucky the boss called the police n i managed to keep him away with a pole that was near me, really got freaked out, and this thread has really cheered me up, i like the smurf one
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
237 posts
Location: Waterford, CT
I intend to live forever.....
So far so good.
"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
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