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MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
So Patrick just informed me this morning that he's going to Russia in late December/early January...and he won't be back until mid-summer.

For my part, I'm leaving Ann Arbor in April, coming back for a few days at the endof April, then going to London, then coming back to graduate, and then going...elsewhere. And I'll be on my subinternships in February and March, so I'm functionally out of town from January on. And when he gets back, I will have moved away.

I don't find this news all that upsetting, actually. I figured our relationship was going to end either in February or when I left at the end of the year. I'd rather be free to move on to other things and leave all my ties behind when I leave.

And, besides, I pointed out that we still have to see if we'll be together then. But at the rate things are going...we will. frown

I don't want this to put a chill on our relationship. I still want to be free to fall madly in love with him, even if I know our time is limited. But on the other hand, it's going to sting like hcensoredll when he leaves, especially if I let myself do that.

Advice? Experiences?

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


DuncGOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom


Posted:
firstly....what do you want?

secondly

Advice?...learn to deal with the pain when it comes, and it's probably coming.

Experiences?....yes, and it sucks. You can't control your heart you just have to learn to accept what happens be it happy or sad

It'd be nice for it all to work out rosie but reality is a bastard sometimes

Good luck anyway mike hug

Let's relight this forum ubblove


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
I guess, I want to know how to keep the relationship from chilling off prematurely because of this.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


Madam FlameBRONZE Member
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
308 posts
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA


Posted:
If your relationship is strong, it will last. At least in some form or another. I had a BF(John) that I met while in Army training. We split when he got stationed in Germany & our contact was minimal. However, we still kept in contact on holidays. After 5 years of not seeing him I got a surprise. He paid for me to fly across the US (we lived on opposite coasts) so that I could see him & we went on a big ski trip. I ended up staying for 3 months before he left for Bagdahd. Unfortunatly my jealousy ruined it after that as far as an involved relationship goes, but I'm back with my husband so that's ok. I sitll think of John as a dear friend & we're still in occasional contact which over the last 6yrs has helped to soften the pain of our seperation. We weren't able to remain "together" but our friendship is still there. It hurts to have to leave someone you truly care about, but don't let that keep you from staying in contact. The frienship doesn't have to end & keeping it will help lessen the blow of seperation.

Never settle for normal.devil
Average thinking brings average results.


spritieSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA


Posted:
I don't think the time frame has to change anything.

I've been in situation before, Lightning, and I definitely agree that it can be awkard at first. I feel in love with a guy I worked with years ago. This was while I was living with my parents for the summer in between college semesters. At the end of the summer, I had to go back to TX (he was in FL). By that time, we were very head over heels, and the separation initially sucked. At the beginning of our relationship, we knew it might only be for the summer, yet we didn't let that deter us any. That summer was one of my favorites spent living in FL with my parents because of him. We saw each other again when I went home for Xmas break, but didn't really get a chance to after that as the following summer I moved to Houston to start grad. school. We did still talk on the phone and send letters back and forth on a weekly basis though, which was very nice indeed. He, however, took a turn for the worse and got heavily involved in the drug/rave scene down there. He quit his job, lost most of his money, and got evicted from his apartment. Of course, he had his phone service cut-off at this point, so that made me stop hearing from him cold turkey. Boy, that was rough. But, in the end it was really what I needed to get over him. I still have very fond memories of him and wish him well in his current life.

Oddly enough, I heard from him out of the blue about 1am on 9/11. You can imagine it made that whole day a whole lot stranger for me. Turns out he very nearly died of a drug OD, but that's what it took for him to turn his life around. It felt really good to hear from him and know what direction he was headed.

So, now that I've blabbed about my life, I'd say enjoy the time you have left with Patrick. You may wind up cherishing it for years to come. Just because it *may* end, doesn't mean you both can't enjoy what the other has to offer. Treat the rest of the year just as you would have if you thought you would be together for many, many more. Yes, it will most likely hurt when he has to go away, but you will also have learned so much from him - both about yourself, who you can be, and why people love you, so it IS worth it all in the end.

hug smile

StarlyStarBRONZE Member
journeyman
78 posts
Location: Buxton, Derbyshire. UK


Posted:
Written by: spritie


.So, now that I've blabbed about my life, I'd say enjoy the time you have left with Patrick. You may wind up cherishing it for years to come. Just because it *may* end, doesn't mean you both can't enjoy what the other has to offer. Treat the rest of the year just as you would have if you thought you would be together for many, many more. Yes, it will most likely hurt when he has to go away, but you will also have learned so much from him - both about yourself, who you can be, and why people love you, so it IS worth it all in the end.

hug smile




I agree with this post....

As much as it will hurt when and if it has to come to an end we learn from these things and i guess it will be hard not to think about the fact you know it will end which could make things hard for you..

I'd agree and say enjoy what you have, you don't know what might happen in the next few months...

theres one thing you can't regret and that is enjoying spending time with someone you love...

I wish you luck, really hope things work out and that there won't be too much hurt if things come to an end.

hug

love Starly

griffinfeminine tiddly pom
505 posts
Location: cambs england


Posted:
better to have loved and lost? yes, i think so.
maybe do a load of exciting different things togther, crazy crap like skydiving etc. something really rememorable. special.

in state of metamorphosis


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
you never know what will happen. just go with it. i mean, look at spitfire and mand. if they thought, hey this will never work, they wouldn't be as happy as they are now. and they managed to work it all out.

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


AdeSILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia


Posted:
forget your head and listen to your heart

FruleinFireotographer on Hiatus
284 posts
Location: Cork, Ireland


Posted:
ditto

You can never be sure how long a relationship will last. Enjoy your time now, do what you want now and don't think about tomorrow.....

"I see," said the blind man.


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
So basically:

"Enjoy for now, yes it will suck, no, there's no way to land softly, and if it's a strong relationship, it will never truly end, even if you go on to have relationships with others."

Do I have the idea?

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
yup, pretty much

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Oh well, I can always bum some morphine off the hospital to deal with the pain.

(Disclaimer: JUST KIDDING! I'd never do that!)

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
mike, i can sympathise! the same problem is going through my head! so thanks for this thread! biggrin (oh shyte, that rhymed!)
hug goodluck it all!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


AdeSILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia


Posted:
Written by:

"Enjoy for now, yes it will suck, no, there's no way to land softly, and if it's a strong relationship, it will never truly end, even if you go on to have relationships with others."




That's pretty much it - and by listening to my heart and not my head, I am about to celebrate 14 years with my fellow in a couple of weeks biggrin

Love can take you on all sorts of journeys that your head wouldn't even know how to get to biggrin

Dr_MollyPooh-Bah
2,354 posts
Location: Away from home


Posted:
no advice, and yet to have the experience, but I can hear the clock ticking somewhere in the background and my efforts to believe it is just some crazy African drumming are pathetically futile

ho hum

I shouldn't have read this thread...
I think I preferred the unhealthy bliss of ignorance to the realisation that NYC goes back to NYC in a little over three weeks
frown

NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
Written by: Molly



I shouldn't have read this thread...

I think I preferred the unhealthy bliss of ignorance to the realisation that NYC goes back to NYC in a little over three weeks

frown






Yeah.... everyone please save up your hugs for Molly and Me at the end of the month. We're going to need them. frown



I generally get philisophical about these things. Defense mechanism? Probably, but also the truth.



Time is subjective. A part of us will always be living every moment of our life. ubblove



I'll have to reread the play 'Our Town' again. There was a section towards the end where the woman gets to relive her entire life. She's warned against it because it would be too painful but does it anyway. I hope I get to do that. There's lots of stuff I'm looking forward to doing again one last time. There's a similar quote in American Beauty....



"It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once and it's too much may heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst and then i remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and then if flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure but don't worry you will someday."



Dunno... Indeed I'm in the middle of a truely beautiful relationship right now. And at the end of the month, the clock strikes 12 and everything beautiful turns back into a pumpkin.



This is gonna be the hardest first day of school ever.



I guess the real question is 'What do you want out of life?' There are those that believe that 'Whomever dies with the most toys wins'... and maybe I used to believe that. But no longer. I want my life to be full of love and beauty. Maybe you find the love of your life and you spend the rest of your life with them. Maybe you find a truely beautiful soul and only get a summer in Scotland.



I go back to the quote about: "Love being not about gazing at each other but looking in the same direction"



Unfortunately, every now and then the universe blesses us with truely beautiful people to share our love with.. who are looking in different directions in the future. And we can enjoy the time we have with them, and love them, and know that they will be in our hearts as we continue on our journey.



Damn. Your right Molly. This sucks. frown



It's always painful when your logical brain needs to gently take your heart by it's hand and say "come on, it's time to go now".



I used to console kids on the last day of camp (I was a counselor and they'd all cry on the last day) by telling them that there couldn't be a first day of camp without a last day. I'd remind them that the whole experience has a beginning, middle, and an end. And that the amount of fun that they had at the beginning and the middle would always outweigh the heartache of the end.



Focus on the entire experience as a positive, not just the negative ending.



I mean, we all know that our life is going to have a bummer ending.



And know that life is beautiful anyway.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


SpitFireGOLD Member
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada


Posted:
Written by: pounce


you never know what will happen. just go with it. i mean, look at spitfire and mand. if they thought, hey this will never work, they wouldn't be as happy as they are now. and they managed to work it all out.




*smile*

There are times when you've just got to take a chance. Neither Mand nor I expected the explosion that happened between us, and, in fact, both knew the risks involved in a potential relationship.

At the end of the day, we both know the love we share for one another is precious, and we cherish it. Why would the fates bring us together if there wasn't a chance of it working out?

Sure, we could have insulated ourselves from those truly intense feelings, but you can't insulate yourself from life forever. Sometimes, you've just got to take that chance, and go.

Without question, the road Mand and I travel will have big bumps along the way. As it stands, we are two women with different nationalities....and the US doesn't recognize partners for immigration. frown

We both want to move to Canada, Calgary to be exact, and the move presents its own challenges. Patience, persistence, and a bit of legal help may well help get us there.( and good Canadian vibes from the HoP community for us).

At the end of the day, what matters are the feelings we share for one another. We will make it work. It will require hard work on each of our parts, but relationships are hard work. We are, though, incredibly happy. We hold onto that love, and cherish it....it goes a long way.



ubblove ubblove ubblove

Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.


griffinfeminine tiddly pom
505 posts
Location: cambs england


Posted:
biggrin

in state of metamorphosis


WryTerraThe reason we say "European"
912 posts
Location: Cheltenham


Posted:
Lovely sentiments being expressed, and I would never, ever say don't go for what you want. I did, and would again.

Just remember, it didn't work out for me. You can be sure it's right and find out it's not going to happen.

But like I said, even then, it's worth trying.

"We have done the impossible and that makes us mighty" - Mal Reynolds

"I can't tell the difference between an electron and a cat" - Brother of a friend


Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)enthusiast
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA


Posted:
Think of it, Lightning, as perfect freedom. With an externally-imposed time limit, you're free! Free of the stresses caused by commitment-phobia (if you have that condition, which seems to be a dominant on the Y chromosome AFAICT). Free to fall as deeply in love as you want. Free to have wild, crazy, whip-cream-on-the-lampshade, break-the-furniture, frighten-the-neighbors'-cat sex.

Free to pack a 20-year relationship into the few months you have left. Gods, I positively envy you.

OK, now stop reading, Lightning.

Everyone else: you know that they could still find a way to be together, right? You know that summer breaks could find the kid visiting Lightning every time, right? You know that once he graduates, he could very well move to the city (or whatever) around whatever hospital (or whatever) is lucky enough to get our favorite devotee of Hippokrates, right?

Just don't tell Lightning. It'll scare him. :-)

"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations


Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)enthusiast
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA


Posted:
Oh, and NYC, so saith the Dark Aphrodite (using the body of my good friend Judy Harrow):

"Know that Love has a cost. If you love, you will mourn, for all relationships end in either separation or death. This is not a risk; it is a certainty. The only ones who escape it are those who die young."

On the other hand, so saith Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey :

"Summer fling,
Don't mean a thing,
But oh, oh those summer nights."

(And you should also carefully not read the comments I told Lightning not to read. Your situation is different, but...well, stuff happens. Sometimes it's GOOD stuff. Seriously, I hope everything works out for you in a pleasant, or at least minimally painful, way.)

"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Written by: Xopher


OK, now stop reading, Lightning.

Everyone else: you know that they could still find a way to be together, right? You know that summer breaks could find the kid visiting Lightning every time, right? You know that once he graduates, he could very well move to the city (or whatever) around whatever hospital (or whatever) is lucky enough to get our favorite devotee of Hippokrates, right?




I've always been bad at following directions.

I suppose it's possible that we could fall so madly, truly, deeply in love that we would be willing to give up everything, even our freedom, to be together even if it meant that we would risk never actually being together.

But I don't think we're there just yet. We've got a lot of kinks to work out before it gets there, and frankly, I'm too friggin...well...sketchy to be in a relationship likle that.

So I'll just say that this is a very nice arrangement because it can get as involved as either of us likes...and then it can stop, amicably, and with no strings or baggage.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


FruleinFireotographer on Hiatus
284 posts
Location: Cork, Ireland


Posted:
Think of the table purchase, Lightning wink

Honestly we can go on and on about giving you advices and stuff - just YOU know what is right really... hug Though hope you make the right decision ubblol

"I see," said the blind man.


SpitFireGOLD Member
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada


Posted:
You know your own heart, Lightning. Do what feels right, and what your heart tells you. I'm a big one for following your heart.

I'm not saying let your emotions control you, but let yourself experience them....don't be a fraid to feel. smile

OK, so I'm a wee bit off topic....back on track...Many hugs to you, lightning, and I wish you happiness! hug

Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.


Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)enthusiast
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA


Posted:
I hear you, Lightning, on a) being "sketchy" (I sometimes feel that I've been drawn in charcoal by a highschool art student) and b) the amicable end. I wouldn't count on not having baggage from it, though. Just IME.

I was just pointing out that lightning (heh) does strike. And I wish you and him the very best of times, and the best of happiness, however it turns out. That's all I'm sayin'.

"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Written by: Frulein


Think of the table purchase, Lightning wink





Uh? confused

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


FruleinFireotographer on Hiatus
284 posts
Location: Cork, Ireland


Posted:
This is from the "There is nothing better than kissing" thread:

Written by: There is no 'e' in 'Lightning'



I pointed at a table and he said "perfect!" I picked it up, he took out $2 (which is what it cost) and we were done. The whole thing took 3 minutes. We work well together. And that very fact, that idea of two minds working as one, is better than any physical act.




That is what I meant... it looks like you are soulmate, that you klick. Don't worry too much... hug

"I see," said the blind man.


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Oh! Tee hee! hug

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


FruleinFireotographer on Hiatus
284 posts
Location: Cork, Ireland


Posted:
Ja ha!

"I see," said the blind man.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
i dont remember if you have said this or not, but have you spoken to him about it specifically? becuase lat night me and my boyfriend had a semi fight because the topic of next year came up and it hadnt been properly talked about...so if you havent already, talk to him so that you both know where you stand

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


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