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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:And remember..... I'm female....

How do you bring shy guys out of their shell?
I'm too nervous that i'm leading people on, or that i'm imposing, or taht peopel hate me or whatever...
but i've found out later sometimes that guys were just shy and really liked me and wanted me to stay around...
a guy i'm interested in now is sort of shy.. he seems to not mind me and all... but i'm sort of nervous around him.. for reasons which i will disclose on pm if you want to know... but anyway he seems to enjoy my company but i'm shy about hitting on him or anything and he is shy in general so....
help?


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Shouden-CrD
SILVER Member since Apr 2001

Veteran Member
Location: Tampa, FL, USA

Total posts: 495
Posted:I'm a shy guy so I'll speak from experience. (=

Hit on him and see his reaction. That'll usually help bring a guy "out of their shell" per sae...Or just be patient. Some people need time to be able to understand their feelings.

hope this helps

plurr
r


-=razyRaverude=-

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Ask him out. Don't hit on him per se or flirt blatantly (any more than you normally would) but ask him out to a quiet dinner, or something mutual that you have interest in but that is more quiet than a club so you can feel out the situation (or each other! )

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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arsn


arsn

How do you change this thing???
Location: Behind the couch...

Total posts: 1903
Posted:Like Pele said... go for it... maybe you'd be happier with him... what do you have to lose...

---------------------------
Today is the first day of the rest of my life Im outta here.


I can't hear you... I have a banana in my ear.

"You mean I'll have to use my brain?... but I use staff!!!" ~ ben-ja-men

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Organized Kaos


member
Location: Thornhill, Ontario Canada

Total posts: 238
Posted:Well, Kyrian, we havent spoken in awhile actually, but here is my suggestion for you...

The thing about shy guys is that they are self-concious about something. This means that you have to initiate a lot of things. I dont think you should ask him out right away or actually hit on him. Go up to him and talk to him, get him comfortable around you in a way that you dont get caught up in the 'becoming too close to have a relationship' zone. After he starts feeling more comfortable, you can move in with the lovable Kyrian charms and then when he least expects it...BAM!!!! capture him...

I wish you the best of luck, and if you want to discuss this furthur or any other issue on your mind, you know where to reach me...

[ 05 June 2002, 13:26: Message edited by: Organized Kaos ]


Every morning I wake up and hit the ground yawning...

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:shy people react similarly to everyone else...
most people only need half an excuse to run away (thinks about all the times I've been naked at Uni...) *AHEM*
being unthreatening makes everybody (especially yourself!) more comfy - ya know what I mean! plus sincere flattery goes a long way too. Obviously, He'll prefer to be with ya if he feels nice when yer around.

Doncha luv miscellaneous advice from strangers on the 'net?!?


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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arashi


arashi

Pooh-Bah
Location: austin,tx

Total posts: 2364
Posted:man, i'm so shy (contrary to my alter ego here at HOP) the only way i get kisses is if a girl steps up and bonks me on the head and drags me off by my dreads to her cave...luckily i had ergonomic handles installed in the hair so things are pretty good for me right now in the draggin dept... i never did learnt how to "mack" and i figure every girl has been hit on a billion times, they ought to know how. plus i likes me the sexually assertive type so get up on it! watch his eyes light up like a baby doused in kero! oh crap...damn turret's syndrome...

-Such a price the gods exact for song: to become what we sing
-Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.
-When the center of the storm does not move, you are in its path.

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WuGgaRoO


member
Location: brooklyn

Total posts: 123
Posted:Me too...I'm horribly shy when it comes to the fairer sex. I think it sumwhat helps to flirt a little.. Like not too obvious...also..I don't care if this sounds like its from third grade or sumthing but...if you tell a mutual friend that u like him...that sort of helps. Because the friend will in turn tell the dude you like. So the guy is less shy because he has nothing to lose ya know..most times dudes r afraid of rejection...well thats my case...anywho...try that out it should do the charm..do not come out too strong though...it makes us think that we r just peices of meat lol...

Follow Wuggarooism10)Dons't cheateth on thee's significant other9) If thou seest a pig that resembles thee's friend...dont eateth the pig...perhaps it is thee's friend8) If thou talkest shit..thou is a pansy7) Don't buttith into conversations for it will be over thous head6) Dont let stupid comments go unpunished they can only leadest to thous anyurysms5) Dont lie to your friends4) Thou areest what thou arest don't change thou for anyone 3) Masturbation isnt a crime2) When a horse comes up to thou and sayest baaa thou must run!1) Be excellent to eachother

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Spiral


Spiral

Oolering Man
Location: Farnborough, Hampshire

Total posts: 729
Posted:quote:Originally posted by rockstarashi:
man, i'm so shy (contrary to my alter ego here at HOP) the only way i get kisses is if a girl steps up and bonks me on the head and drags me off by my dreads to her cave...Same here!

Errmmm, what to suggest, just try and find a quiet moment to talk to them about it, lay down your cards on the table, tell it the way it is. Dont get really heavy or serious. explain the way you feel. That might work. I think. Well yeah err, thats enough advice from the middlest brother.


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Hook's bane


Will bite you (unless you tickle behind my ears)
Location: Neverneverland

Total posts: 188
Posted:Is this guy seeing someone perchance?

...tick tick tick....

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:Shyness? I mock thee, as much as I mock all named Montague!
alotta people who behave in a forward manner online are like totally shy sweets in real life. (It's a venting of a persona - so the HoP gathering is gunna be a real eye opener on what people are like outside of the matrix. clearly, what people are like online does not necessarily indicate the offline persona. Just to confuse the point, some people are freaks online and off - when i post the photos, just look at Arsn's clubbing shannigans)

again, I have to stress personal evolution..
everyone starts off shy - once you learn to let go, you'll look back and think "Watdafuk was worried about, seriously!! it so fun! imagine that, twins! me so lukky!"
An akward analogy is cold beach water. all yer mates + n some attractive sweeties are in the water, beckoning you in. what you feel socially is the same as what you feel when the water's too cold.

once you dunk in the water, you'll resurface thinking - sweet! now who do i dunk in next?!?

I like analogies.

[ 05 June 2002, 14:35: Message edited by: Bender_the_Offendr ]


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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arashi


arashi

Pooh-Bah
Location: austin,tx

Total posts: 2364
Posted:you like analorgies? sicko!

-Such a price the gods exact for song: to become what we sing
-Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.
-When the center of the storm does not move, you are in its path.

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Cantus
SILVER Member since Jul 2001

Cantus

Tantamount to fatuity
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom

Total posts: 15965
Posted:Analogy is good but now is the digital revolution

"I'll carry this....It's harder to spill a hat" - Chellybean
"...like a rabbit caught in a lighthouse?" - Chellybean

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Kyrian,

My advice? If you have a mutual friend, ask that mutual friend to set the two of you up.

Hell, grab a random stranger off the street and ask him to set the two of you up.

G'luck!

(Gosh, it's not me, is it???)

[ 05 June 2002, 17:23: Message edited by: MikeGinny ]


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:How do you bring shy guys out of their shell? You don't rip them out.

You're already friends, so spend more time alone together, build up light physical contact into something more. It'll work out, but you might have to do some blatant hinting and leading. Men are crap at reading come-on signs, and if he's shy he'll be pathetic at it.

Good luck! Go grab the bull by the horn!


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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:no he's not seeing neone.

i have a mutual friend who could help out, i'm sure. i hate doing it that way, but sometimes it's easier, no? we'll be hanging out this weekend, (me and the shy one) so i'll see how it all goes. thanks for the advice y'all

if you have any more i'm still listening.

HoP is much better than revising, as are most things!


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:Mutual friend thing is a bit lame. May make shy boy even shyer as you're talking about him with other people.

My last long term girlfriend and I were friends for a couple of years, but we spent a year of that under sexual tension as we were both gagging for each other but both shy and afraid of rocking the friendship boat. We eventually got together when a load of us were really drunk and another girl I knew sat on my lap and kissed me, I mean really kissed me, for ages, in front of everyone! Original girl was not happy and got in a huge sulk for days! It was a wake-up call and when we talked about it we got together properly and lived happily ever after. For a couple of years. The girl who'd kissed me wasn't that happy tho, but she got over it once she'd joined a convent.

The moral of the story? Act now before you realise you've been turning down great sex for a whole year!


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the man behind the curtain


member
Location: second star on the right and s...

Total posts: 52
Posted:i used to be a shy guy but i was always lonely. i became an ass hole and i had women out my ass.. funney how that works. of course one of my pet peves is women who can't take the first step? you wanted equality and all that shit right, well welcome to the lovely world of rejection. it sucks but it happens. i symathize with you, but imagine what all thease shy guy go through knowing that the girl will never aproach them.

may you travel far andlive in interesting times.unless you a bhuddist in which case i wish you nothing

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:ur talking to the girl who always makes the first move... taht's why i'm so nervous about leading people on and such...

oh and i'm being hit on by a good friend's ex now... as if life wern't alreayd complicated enough...


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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the man behind the curtain


member
Location: second star on the right and s...

Total posts: 52
Posted:so are you just trying to draw him out of his shell in general, or develop some kind of relationship?

may you travel far andlive in interesting times.unless you a bhuddist in which case i wish you nothing

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Organized Kaos


member
Location: Thornhill, Ontario Canada

Total posts: 238
Posted:AHHHHH!!!!!!
NO MUTUAL FRIENDS TO HOOK ANYONE UP!!!!! thats the worst thing in the world, and it brings lots of awkwardness before the time you to acutally hitt it off

Shyness...I remember I used to be that...until I woke up one morning and was like, girls are people, Im a person, people arent that scary, why am I so scared... and from then on I was known as Organized Kaos by all my fans and admirers forever forth and forever known as the supreme one of supreme prosperity and calcification of the human limbado of he epiglottis multiplied by the theory of plutonium, I am benevolent...
WTF was that?

hehe...Kyrian girl, dont be nervous around him just be Kyrian and do what your heart tells you, following your heart is the most important thing in the world...and you will be prosperous...

Im gonna go spew my bullshit made up words that dont fit into a sentence somewhere else...

Oh wait, I just saw man behind curtains comment, and I came back to say that being an asshole was also my first approach to non-shyness...It gets the girls, but makes you feel like shit...Im all about being a nice sweet guy now

and for the ladies. Why is it thatgirls like the assholes...you think you can actually change them??? Ive been ann asshole, It wont happen...

[ 06 June 2002, 09:27: Message edited by: Organized Kaos ]


Every morning I wake up and hit the ground yawning...

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.:* Moon Pixie *:.


.:* Moon Pixie *:.

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: .:*over the rainbow*:.

Total posts: 3492
Posted:quote:if a girl steps up and bonks me on the head and drags me off by my dreads to her cave... Maybe I should try that....

*:...one day all the fairy fridges will be aligned and my pixie world will be complete...:*

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:funny thing is the girls taht like assholes arn't even trying to chaneg them most of the time....

*shakes head*

yes relationship. i don't know why i'm sweating about it. I'm nine out of ten fine in person (phone is slightly different). it's juts all this down time to think....

it'll all work out, or it won't, in which case *shrugs* i'll go console myself with a new toy or something... liek i need new toys... i'm already working on too much stuff in poi to relly learn nethin....

neways, thanks, and hopefully i won't become shy too... wish me luck


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Cantus
SILVER Member since Jul 2001

Cantus

Tantamount to fatuity
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom

Total posts: 15965
Posted:I'm for the hitting him option.

"I'll carry this....It's harder to spill a hat" - Chellybean
"...like a rabbit caught in a lighthouse?" - Chellybean

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:heh nuthin' palpitates the heart like a concussion!!

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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arashi


arashi

Pooh-Bah
Location: austin,tx

Total posts: 2364
Posted:man at this point i just wear a crash helmet when i go out. course, in my line of work, i usu. have either chucks or whips in my sack -in case the girl is real cute, i can just hand one to her, take off the helmet, and bend forward(i'm tall)...

-Such a price the gods exact for song: to become what we sing
-Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.
-When the center of the storm does not move, you are in its path.

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:in the esoteric model of the psyche, the explanation for physical reactions to emotions (eg butterflies in the stomach, a twitching in the lower back) is that the indulgence of these emotional egos cause a response in the physical world (the butterflies behind/just below the solar plexus is focused at the anxiety centre, the flinch in the lower back is centred at the instinctual centre.) with practice, familiarity with these responses will provide you with a truthful guage of what you truly feel when you're in the back of a volkswagon with your partner and Barry white's playing. there are about 5 centres, although the theory overlaps with the 10 chakras. 11 if you count master arashi's rectal insights.

Buddha's chicken be braised!


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smiley_dup1


member
Location: Essex

Total posts: 108
Posted:Originally posted by rockstarashi

quote: i figure every girl has been hit on a billion times, they ought to know how I am sorry, I beleive u ar wrong. I personally have only been hit on about 10 times.



I don't like living below the tropic of Capricorn..... and now I seem to be in England...... how did I get here???

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the man behind the curtain


member
Location: second star on the right and s...

Total posts: 52
Posted:i know i'm alittle off topic here but my other post made me think about something. almost every chick flick i've ever been forced to watch has revolved around a "player guy"<the one everybody knows is going to cheat> or "free spirit"<the kind i can relate to in the beging of the film, who just wants to live and be happy> being turned into a mushey sap by some cute little girl. and this makes my wonder if this programming is setting some broads up for falure. kind of like the whole cover girl model thing with the impossible body. just a thought.

may you travel far andlive in interesting times.unless you a bhuddist in which case i wish you nothing

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:A good thought. Our current popular stories set both sides up for failure. Most are about falling for someone you don't really think is suited to you (that reluctant love thing). It is not a real romance unless you play this intricate dance of rejection, offence and making up. So it is no surprise that people get confused about where to draw the line.

I know guys who continue to fall for drop-dead gorgeous psycho women. The ones who are either bitches or are "cute & ditsy", & need protecting. In some extreme cases the woman really takes advantage of the situation, in most cases it is a 50/50 thing. They are both dependent on this movie scenario. They also have an expectation that unless it hurts it ain't for real.

Love is a struggle enough, with just the normal practicalities of life, without having to struggle to make your partner care about you and treat you well.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:what?!? does this mean that Hollywood romance movies churn out harmful misconceptions? really??
thanks to the infidels in LA, my short haired female friends are labelled lesbians, guys that do gymnastics are 'playing for the other team', and man-animal relationships are taboo! hrmph! anything to further Britney's movie carreer i guess. you want romance movies done right? arthouse or foreign section - hollywood is a monoculture, and if you aren't wearing the right clothes, spending enough time with money and buying the right friends, you are nothing.

Hollywood romance (oxymoron!) also proffers the concept of happiness being the result of the fulfillment of a set number of goals; plot devices are sabotaging society! lasting happiness is a peace with yourself - when your loved one is around or not. as Bill Hicks would say "..no fucking middleman required!"

hollywood romantic movies should be seen like action movies - I go to the flick have a laugh an dun expect more than that. It's a bloody shame that Hollywood bought the rights to my favourite arhouse movie and repackaged it as 'City of Angels.'

how's that for off topic, hey?

hug a socialist 2day!


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