Forums > Social Chat > Dating and age differences

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Not sure if this belongs here or Discussion. Feel free to move as needed.

So I'm starting to date someone who is 20. I'm 26, almost 27. I don't really see a problem except for the fact that he's not legal drinking age.

But at some point, I'm wondering if a maturity difference is going to pop up or not.

Anyone here have experiences with this sort of age difference? What do you think is a "significant" age difference? Anyone hear of the "1/2 your age + seven" rule?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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spritie
spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX
Member Since: 9th Sep 2001
Total posts: 2014
Posted:The biggest age gap I've ever tried was a 5 year difference. There was a big difference there in our maturity levels (mine was way below his and at times was very obvious). I think the older we get, the less of an issue this becomes. For instance, I think it would work fairly well if it was a 30 yr old dating a 37 yr old.

However, each person and their life experiences are very different. If you feel that his level of maturity is similar to yours, or something that he could develop in a decent fashion from dating you, then I think there is nothing wrong with the age difference. My grandparents were 7 years apart in age and they got together really young (oma was 15 opa was 22). They had a wonderful marriage until he died about 10 years ago.

So, if things are happy at the moment, I say don't worry about it and enjoy the good times. biggrin


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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:ubbcrying Lightnings dating someone, there goes my chance in the stubble test frown

Anyway......Yup, been with younger and older and it doesn't make a difference, it's the personality that counts. Of course if a young personailty doesn't suit you it aint gonna work out (and visa-versa for him) but if he's young and has a similar personality (as I expect he might if you're attracted to him) then don't worry about it. If you aren't compatible it'll soon come to light regardless of age, and if yuo are compatible, then I hope you hav a great time Mike!!

never heard of the 1/2 age rule thingumy tho

I find the US drinking laws soooo funny. Peeps in the UK are generally starting to hit the pubs by 16 and it's legal at 18. In the US you can be a porn star, raise a family, vote, drive a car, own a house and a business but you can't drink alcohol?! ubblol weird!


Let's relight this forum ubblove

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Rixatrix
Rixatrix

paranoid of gov't conspiracies
Location: USA
Member Since: 2nd Jul 2003
Total posts: 217
Posted:i'm dating some one that's 16 and i'm 19, i know we are closer in age than you and your guy are but most ppl think that at this younger age it's more of a problem. usually the age diff. isn't a problem but sometimes i see a maturity diff. but only occasionally although i do have my doubts about our relationship sometimes but i think that's because i'm out of school and trying to be independent while he is still in school and still has to listen to his parents. i guess it's not the same tho when your both older. dunno hope i might have helped in some way.

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Oh, everyone relax. We've only been on 2 dates. It's just something I'm thinking about. It's so funny because if he was just 4 months older, I wouldn't even be worried.

I mean, yeah, he's an undergrad. He lives in a messy house and does nutty undergrad stuff. That's what I like about him. I'm just wondering what sorts of issues are going to come up.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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GottaLoveIt
GottaLoveIt

Sponge
Location: Stevenage
Member Since: 21st Sep 2003
Total posts: 883
Posted:I dated my ex for over 6months with a plus 8 years age difference, he was 25... it was fun and all but there were maturity differences but to be fair i think i was a wee bit more mature than him or courageous, he broke up with me over text message (sms) what the hell? Why would you do that? I was going to break up with him but I was going to see him to do it which I believe is much more polite!!!
Otherwise I just don't think we were suited... friends maybe
Plus I didn't see him much and that's why it lasted so long

Have fun lightning hug
smoochy smooch smooch


Monkeys monkeys and bananas

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butchkittie
member
Location: Georgia
Member Since: 7th May 2004
Total posts: 9
Posted:My parents are almost ten years apart...I would say don't let it bother you unless it does on its own!!! Best of luck and don't sweat the small stuff doll. Have fun with it.

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:My problem is that I started teaching at 21... and my students were 18. Which means that there are now 27 year olds that call me Mr.

It's a tough boundary to work frankly. I dunno, it's relevant too. Of course there are mature and immature people but sometimes age does matter. It's not so much age as experience. I was in college so many years ago it'd be tough for me to relate to a 21 year old college girl. I'd like to find people who are at my level intellectually and with reguard to experience.

I also know that I'd never settle down with someone who isn't an equal on some level. I know of many relationships where the older... usually man... is really in charge, and I'd never want to have that kind of relationship with my partner.

As a teacher though, it does become very strange when I see what I'd call grown ups dating what'd I'd call kids. I know I could get flack for that but I'm admitedly bias.

I think it would slowly get grey for me, as a 31 year old, to date people MUCH younger. I really don't think I'd even look at a 21 year old. I used to only date people that were VERY close in age. I think my biggest was a woman that was 6 years younger (30 to 24) and even that felt like stretching it at times.

But that's my opinion.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:Oh wait... was this a serious question? Or just a thinly guised post of Mike bragging again?

ubblol


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Dom
Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK
Member Since: 19th Dec 2001
Total posts: 3009
Posted:Personally I'm done with young lasses. I'm 28 and I reckon I'm staying away under 25s. They're very beautiful and very lovely, but after a few more years of life it seems people are more likely to chill out, learn more about the way life is and become more relaxed with themselves and, more importantly, themselves in a relationship. And women seem to actually say and be comfortable with what they're thinking and want, where as girls think they are but aren't really.



Obvioulsy there are exceptions to the rule, younger people who are mature and older people who aren't, and I'll happily throw my rule out of the window for the right lass, but as a rule of thumb I think it works.



About now Glass will come along and point out my weakness for flirting with young women...


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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:Written by: L i g h t n i n g
he's an undergrad. He lives in a messy house and does nutty undergrad stuff. That's what I like about him. I'm just wondering what sorts of issues are going to come up.



Remember in Friends when Ross dated that girl who was his student?? Go buy the episodes and watch them for potential problems wink

one question tho...does he know you're a bulletin board addicted doc who doesn't go on code first incase he gets caught out eek wink


Let's relight this forum ubblove

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Nope. He doesn't know that.

And NYC, I already did my bragging. Remember? You messed up a screen over it. tongue


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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_Aime_
_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings
Member Since: 2nd Jan 2004
Total posts: 4172
Posted:theres 15 years between my mom and dad...and yeh..that kinda went belly up.

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:My mom and dad had a 13 year age difference. But they were in their mid 30's and late-40's, respectively, when they met.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Naaman
member
Location: in this body
Member Since: 5th Jul 2003
Total posts: 5
Posted:13 between my parents, same as aimee's, For myself, soon as i hit the thirtyO 19yr olds started looking real good. They are lovely in the snoggy departement. For a real relationship I prefer someone my equal.
Good luck anyhoo.


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griffin
griffin

feminine tiddly pom
Location: cambs england
Member Since: 4th Jun 2004
Total posts: 505
Posted:i feel i learn so much from homeofpoi

in state of metamorphosis

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:So I think it's safe to say... even after reading some of the above... that it's not the age difference ITSELF that is the issue, but the fact that people can be in different places.

The girl in the pink hat sent me this quote:

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." --Antoine de Saint-Exupery


I think it's poinient in this case as well. If, at two very different ages, you're still looking outward in the same direction, then it's all good... but if you're just gazing at each other, then it's best to get out.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Charles
Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:NYC thats one of the best things ive heard all day!

HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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OrangeBobo
OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
Member Since: 21st Nov 2003
Total posts: 1389
Posted:Age shouldn't matter... Unfortunately to some it does. Some being society, and the government, etc. To me, the perfect relationship would be with someone where it was completely balanced and equal, on certain things. Not to say that you'd do the same things every time, to keep it balanced, that's not what I mean. I mean... intellectually? Something like that.

I mean... my first (and only) boyfriend was 18, I was 15, and he had the maturity of a 13 year old, and I've been described as "14 going on 40" (when I was 14). Needless to say, it didn't last long.

Also, today, I was with a group of five of my closest friends... All of which were at least two years older than I am. It's kind of odd to think about it, but it doesn't feel like it. I don't know how you can feel a certain number, ever. I can feel older, or younger, but never a certain age.

Age is just a number to be classified as, IMO. Which isn't a bad thing, seeing how education, health care, and rights are dependant on age. They have to group us somehow, to get to the majority of us at the same time and thought pattern... Kind of. Something like that.

I hope I didn't just make a post of *complete* nosence.... >.<'

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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Medusa
Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...
Member Since: 25th Nov 2003
Total posts: 1433
Posted:Seven years is nothing trust me.

I am just going on 24 this week and the guy I am seeing has been 34 for about 2 months.

So we have over 10 years difference between us and he and I get along so great!!!!

It is only a big deal if you make it a big deal!


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DAemon
member

Member Since: 25th May 2004
Total posts: 3
Posted:It's not how old you are, it's how old you act - and if you're both at a similar maturity level, then go for it!

If you're not, though, it can be a little frustrating...


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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:i agree - its only a big deal if you make it a big deal!

and its only attention when you tell us all about it and we say

GO MIKE!!!! tongue


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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grasshoppah
grasshoppah

HoP is teh suxor.
Location: Tampa, Florida
Member Since: 4th Nov 2003
Total posts: 425
Posted:Written by:
In the US you can be a porn star, raise a family, vote, drive a car, own a house and a business but you can't drink alcohol?! weird!


AHAHAHAHAHA
soooo true............


Once in a while you get shown the light
in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Love the quote, NYC. It's going up on my wall.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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woodnymph
woodnymph

member
Location: london,uk
Member Since: 14th Sep 2003
Total posts: 313
Posted:i once went out with someone 23 years older than me..............(what was i thinking?)but as it happens,we are still friends.....we have to be,he's the father of my kids.......so a 6 year age gap is gonna fade in time,i think.....anyway,it is just a number,the age thing.....unless it's really big(the age gap...!)

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Eera
old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay
Member Since: 29th May 2003
Total posts: 1107
Posted:As long as you both still have your own teeth and he's not constantly referring to you as "pops" there's no problem.

Once you hit your late 20s you're far more confident and at ease with yourself; you get a kind of perspective setting in that you don't have in your teens. There's a potential for conflict if that isn't there, but if it is, what the hell, go for it.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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Konsti
Konsti

lovable smart-ass
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria
Member Since: 16th Oct 2003
Total posts: 785
Posted:i think that numbers dont really matter and that if two ppl want to be together they should be. (i know im repeating many of the above posts)

but from my experience- people still care about it. it happened to me so many times when i was talking to somebody and she would ask for my age. i always tell the truth (19 as of april). and i would get a "wow, you are really young" as a response and suddenly they would act/ talk differently to me or just end the conversation in some half assed way.

why cant humanity get over those petty lil numbers? It just makes meeting ppl harder....

cool


"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Well, Konsti, it's not just a number. A lot about you changes between 20 and 26. I daresay a lot more changes about you between those two ages than between 30 and 36. Of course, I hope that's never true of me. I hope that I always keep changing my life and my perspectives.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Dentrassi
Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane
Member Since: 9th Apr 2003
Total posts: 3044
Posted:so mike, what the goss?? how did you meet and what does he look like? slim?athletic? chubby? shaved? bear? blond? brunette?

give us details you lucky bastard! wink
hug


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Well, he's about... Waiddaminute, waiddaminute.

YOU! Back to work!

NOW!

Sheesh.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Sunrise
Ivetka

Member Since: 24th May 2003
Total posts: 211
Posted:Written by: NYC

The girl in the pink hat sent me this quote:

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." --Antoine de Saint-Exupery




i love this quote,really say a lot about a good relationship... peace


sunny
grouphug

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