Forums > Social Chat > Eighteenths, Exes and Etiquette
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
I have myself here, a dilema. to do with the three Es mentioned in the title...
background info:
i went out with this guy (lets call him Bob) for the better part of two years.
our break-up was initially alright, however got nasty when he became interested in my best friend (lets call her Mary).
they ended up together. despite the fact that Mary knew i was still in love with Bob.
it was the biggest betrayal that anyone had ever done to me, and it had come from two (out of the three) people i trusted most in the world.
i lost most of my friends as they sided with my ex boyfriend and ex best friend.
lots of bitching and nastie nasties as names were called and insults thrown.
I am back to being friends with Mary, however we will never be friends like we were before.
i am back talking to Bob occasionally on msn. (about 50% of the time)
i saw Bob at a school event the other day but we didnt talk.
the dilema:
i am having my 18th party in just over a months time. and basically anyone who is a friend is going to be invited. the list currently stands at everyong i have been friends with in the last 2-3 years.....except Bob.....
i am even inviting Bob's best friend who started the "lets turn everyone against Rougie" bandwagon. (he is going out with another friend. i have known him since i was 5. and he hasnt done anything to me since last summer)
so basically i am trying to work out if i should invite Bob.
i realise it would be an incredibly bitchy and mean and cruel thing to invite everyone except him. however i'm concerned that if i do it will spoil my night to see him and Mary together. i am no longer in love with him. in fact i can confidently say that there is no interest in him anymore from me. the pain is simply seeing him with her, and knowing the betrayal that brought them together and the happiness that is hers should have been mine. so to sum it up in a word; bitterness. i take my friendships very seriously and as you can imagine i took the betrayal to heart.
i would like to invite him, its just a concerned matter of ruining my night. (i was present at his 18th...however that was before they were officially together...ie: they were close that whole weekend, and i have my suspisions). i hate being a bitch and i think that if i didnt invite him i wouldnt hear the end of it for a long time, especially if he was the only person i didnt invite. i mean, i wish we could be friends (i hate fighting) but i am just worried. when i saw him at school the other week we didnt talk and i generally avoided him the whole day. i might see him at another 18th two weeks before my own party though, so i might have the opportunity then to test my feelings.
so to invite him or not? im still making my mind up on it and i was wondering if anyone had anything they wanted to bring to the table on this matter. similar situations? smacks to my head? etcetera.
I have myself here, a dilema. to do with the three Es mentioned in the title...
background info:
i went out with this guy (lets call him Bob) for the better part of two years.
our break-up was initially alright, however got nasty when he became interested in my best friend (lets call her Mary).
they ended up together. despite the fact that Mary knew i was still in love with Bob.
it was the biggest betrayal that anyone had ever done to me, and it had come from two (out of the three) people i trusted most in the world.
i lost most of my friends as they sided with my ex boyfriend and ex best friend.
lots of bitching and nastie nasties as names were called and insults thrown.
I am back to being friends with Mary, however we will never be friends like we were before.
i am back talking to Bob occasionally on msn. (about 50% of the time)
i saw Bob at a school event the other day but we didnt talk.
the dilema:
i am having my 18th party in just over a months time. and basically anyone who is a friend is going to be invited. the list currently stands at everyong i have been friends with in the last 2-3 years.....except Bob.....
i am even inviting Bob's best friend who started the "lets turn everyone against Rougie" bandwagon. (he is going out with another friend. i have known him since i was 5. and he hasnt done anything to me since last summer)
so basically i am trying to work out if i should invite Bob.
i realise it would be an incredibly bitchy and mean and cruel thing to invite everyone except him. however i'm concerned that if i do it will spoil my night to see him and Mary together. i am no longer in love with him. in fact i can confidently say that there is no interest in him anymore from me. the pain is simply seeing him with her, and knowing the betrayal that brought them together and the happiness that is hers should have been mine. so to sum it up in a word; bitterness. i take my friendships very seriously and as you can imagine i took the betrayal to heart.
i would like to invite him, its just a concerned matter of ruining my night. (i was present at his 18th...however that was before they were officially together...ie: they were close that whole weekend, and i have my suspisions). i hate being a bitch and i think that if i didnt invite him i wouldnt hear the end of it for a long time, especially if he was the only person i didnt invite. i mean, i wish we could be friends (i hate fighting) but i am just worried. when i saw him at school the other week we didnt talk and i generally avoided him the whole day. i might see him at another 18th two weeks before my own party though, so i might have the opportunity then to test my feelings.
so to invite him or not? im still making my mind up on it and i was wondering if anyone had anything they wanted to bring to the table on this matter. similar situations? smacks to my head? etcetera.
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
Pooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
Posted:
ooh, tricky situation.
how big is your house (or wherever you're having the party)? might it be possible to invite him but not really see him all night?
maybe you should bite the bullet and phone him for a chat beforehand & see how things are.
good luck anyway
ooh, tricky situation.
how big is your house (or wherever you're having the party)? might it be possible to invite him but not really see him all night?
maybe you should bite the bullet and phone him for a chat beforehand & see how things are.
good luck anyway
I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Posted:
Firstly it occurs to me that, like most people in a similar situation, you were very upset with Mary and Bob for getting together. It's understandable, but in these situations I think people have to realise that some of this anger is caused by their own jealous and selfishness. If Bob and Mary liked each other a lot it's unfair of anyone to say they shouldn't be together because of a past relationship and label it betrayal. For them to deny themselves a relationship is a betrayal of themselves and each other.
In a choice between upsetting a friend or denying ourselves our own happiness, most people, most of the time would choose to chase happiness and upset the friend and do so with a heavier a heart but a hope that it will mend - but because people are people it doesn't and you often end up worse than where you are. You seem to have trod the middle ground and kept them both as friends in the end - well done.
Now, in your situation I'd call up Mary and tell her what you're thinking and explain why you'd like Bob to come, but you'd feel more comfortable if he didn't. Then call Bob and explain the same. And by talking your concerns may disappear. Openness and communication are the solvers of many problems.
Firstly it occurs to me that, like most people in a similar situation, you were very upset with Mary and Bob for getting together. It's understandable, but in these situations I think people have to realise that some of this anger is caused by their own jealous and selfishness. If Bob and Mary liked each other a lot it's unfair of anyone to say they shouldn't be together because of a past relationship and label it betrayal. For them to deny themselves a relationship is a betrayal of themselves and each other.
In a choice between upsetting a friend or denying ourselves our own happiness, most people, most of the time would choose to chase happiness and upset the friend and do so with a heavier a heart but a hope that it will mend - but because people are people it doesn't and you often end up worse than where you are. You seem to have trod the middle ground and kept them both as friends in the end - well done.
Now, in your situation I'd call up Mary and tell her what you're thinking and explain why you'd like Bob to come, but you'd feel more comfortable if he didn't. Then call Bob and explain the same. And by talking your concerns may disappear. Openness and communication are the solvers of many problems.
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
given what I understand of the situation, I seriously doubt if they would show up even if you did invite them...
given what I understand of the situation, I seriously doubt if they would show up even if you did invite them...
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
GOLD Member
member
30 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
member
30 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
but it matters not if they come or not, only if rouge invites them, right?
seems like a good solution.
ooh, i love these games! its like a murder mystery!
but it matters not if they come or not, only if rouge invites them, right?
seems like a good solution.
ooh, i love these games! its like a murder mystery!
GOLD Member
Pooh-Bah
2,109 posts
Location: Philadelphia, PA - USA
Pooh-Bah
2,109 posts
Location: Philadelphia, PA - USA
Posted:
I never get what all the fuss is over relationships. If Im going out with a girl (however long a time) and she dumps me for another guy, I say [censored] it and move on. Sure, it may hurt me inside to see her with another guy but Im not going to let those feelings be known because, frankly, it does nothing but more damage. I simply accept whatever consolation she offers and deal with that as I like.
Put it this way, if Bob suddenly dropped Mary tomorrow and wanted you back, would you really want him back? Its best to mend your fences and salvage your friendships because in the end, they are more important.
I never get what all the fuss is over relationships. If Im going out with a girl (however long a time) and she dumps me for another guy, I say [censored] it and move on. Sure, it may hurt me inside to see her with another guy but Im not going to let those feelings be known because, frankly, it does nothing but more damage. I simply accept whatever consolation she offers and deal with that as I like.
Put it this way, if Bob suddenly dropped Mary tomorrow and wanted you back, would you really want him back? Its best to mend your fences and salvage your friendships because in the end, they are more important.
Let's turn those old bridges we crossed into ashes.
We'll blaze a new trail,
and torch the rough patches.
-Me
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
if he wanted me back i'd probably look something like this:
if he wanted me back i'd probably look something like this:
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
...yeah, that was probably pretty mean.....
...yeah, that was probably pretty mean.....
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
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