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Forums > Social Chat > Whats with judgemental people?

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carbon_black


carbon_black

member
Location: Rockingham,Perth, WA, Australi...

Total posts: 38
Posted:god im so sick of people having digs at me for who im going out with. like iv'e been with my beautiful bambino for 16 months and its like they think im not gunna go out with her because they say so. whats with that? funny thing is im geing more "action" then all of them put together. am i right by saying people have no place to comment on stuff as personal as someones partner?

Friday night is FIRE night...

Life ain't life without atleast cheating death atleast once a day.

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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:I know what you mean. I have had that problem with two of males I have been out with.

Now I am a white girl pure blooded Australian. I was dating an Asian male and the amount of prejudice we got...you should be going out with your own kind sort of thig used to drive me nuts.

Now I am seeing someone ten years older than me and the looks that people give me when they find out. It's like they find it revolting and don't understand how someone 23 years old could be going out with someone 33 years old.

Well good god it is my life....I should be allowed to date who I like, when I like and how I like.

I totally sympathise...just ignore the ignorant idiots who obviously are not as happy as you are.



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carbon_black


carbon_black

member
Location: Rockingham,Perth, WA, Australi...

Total posts: 38
Posted:yeah i have learnt to. its like theres something wrong with going out with someone whos a little bit chubby, or a different race or colour. your so right its our life and we shall live it how and with who we like.

Friday night is FIRE night...

Life ain't life without atleast cheating death atleast once a day.

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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:Here here!

And if you don't like I don't care.

:nana:


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DeepSoulSheep
GOLD Member since Sep 2002

DeepSoulSheep

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin

Total posts: 2617
Posted:Quote:
am i right by saying people have no place to comment on stuff as personal as someones partner?



yes.

Especially if you're getting more action than them put together wink


I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

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ASTRO FAERIE
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

ASTRO FAERIE

ummmmmmm.............
Location: Rotherham, UK

Total posts: 724
Posted:Well, i still think that friends should support you no matter what, but its all personal opinion. I know that what i said this morning may have sounded harsh, but i still beleive friends should support and not just judge.

I understand they are probably concerned over the relationship, but if they have given their advice and opinion, its up to you what to do with them.

I still think after that many months of you being a couple its unfair of them to still be on your back, but have they reason for this?.

If they have given a valid reason to dislike your relationship or partner, then take heed of it. This morning i'll admit i was having a poo day and i shouldnt have made my views appear so harsh, i apologise.

EDITED_BY: ASTRO FAERIE (1080317436)


Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

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.oO*Sprout*Oo.
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

member
Location: Aarhus, Denmark

Total posts: 57
Posted:Exactly the question on my mind lately!!

My experience tells me, that in affairs of love: NEVER EVER ask anyone but yourself for advice...! Because if you manage to be honest with yourself, you WILL know the right answer smile

And people's oppinions will only distort things for you..

However, people will be people and judgemental always-just forgive them-the only reason they have of judging you is either boredom or plain fear of their own "dark side"-meaning that if they judge you they are only judging themselves...

Be brave hug hug


ALL IS FULL OF LOVE

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:ubblol Nothing that valuable to contribute, execpt to comment on the ironic subject: Whats with judgemental people?

Surely this is judging judgemental people.



Anyway, in an effort to contribute to the thread:



Quote:
am i right by saying people have no place to comment on stuff as personal as someones partner?





I'll say that I can't comment as you haven't actually given us any relevant information so to comment would be judgemental. If it's strangers or people you don't know so well being aggressively negative to you then that sucks somewhat. But if it's friends telling you what they think, then good on them at least they speak their mind and maybe you shouldn't be so stubborn.



Quote:
the only reason they have of judging you is either boredom or plain fear of their own "dark side"-meaning that if they judge you they are only judging themselves...



To which I reply: rubbish!



Quote:
Also, what right is it of theirs to judge. If you have been with your partner that long, then surely any reservations about your partner should have worn off, if not then its petty and childish.



Obviously you make a good couple, otherwise you would not have been together such a long time, ignore it, better still just tell them!



To which I reply: rubbish!



Love can be blind and love can be arrogant. It can bring out the best in us and the worst in us.



I've had friends who after breaking up with a partner exclaimed "What did I ever see in them!" to which the reply "I did tell you I didn't think they were right and you went off in a huff for weeks, so I shut up." often makes them eat humble pie.



When somebody gives you advice, any advice, do not be so arrogant as to assume you know better. It may be rubbish! e.g. "they're a bit chubby aren't they" or it may be the truth.


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UCOF
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

UCOF

Carpal \'Tunnel


Total posts: 15414
Posted:we need a clappy hands smily.

wink

nice post Dom.


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Thistle


Thistle

old hand
Location: Nottingham UK

Total posts: 950
Posted:Every one makes judgements all the time. We all judge other peoples lives, whether we voice those opinions or not, and judging others by our own standards is what people do. This is caused by a basic psychological need to affirm that our view of the world is right for us. It is human nature to share our view with others so they can support that our view is the right way. This is where conflict of opinions spring up because we all see the world differently from each other.

Opinions/judgements voiced can only cause harm if the receiver of such an opinion chooses to let it affect them.

Stay calm in the face of adversity. Try not to be blaming of others when voicing their judgements lest they be blaming of yours.

Peace. peace


Are we nearly there yet?

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Rossco


Rossco

Official HoP hobbity potato monster!
Location: Cardiff, The Diffshire

Total posts: 434
Posted:Here here dom! beerchug

i was just thinking how to say what dom said but he's done a better job than i could have.

As for being judgemental, all i'll say is that most people make judgements about everybody from the word go but its how we act and respond after making these judgements that matters! hug

try not to be too judgemental, i just try to be mental biggrin


O.B.E.S.E. Official Potato man.

Remeber kids.... Its all fun and games until someone loses a bol**ck! biggrin

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.oO*Sprout*Oo.
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

member
Location: Aarhus, Denmark

Total posts: 57
Posted:Heyhey there

Go easy on it.. ubblove
what I mean is: Even though love can seem "blind" it's a choise you have made to make it look that way.. It may be to protect yourself from the awful truth that you just don't belong together, and therefore a choise made by your subconsciousness, but still your choise!

And of course people have the right to state their opinion, but in the word judgement I see ppl just thinking they know better about other ppl's lives in the negative sense. And mostly in such cases, you will get all sorts of different and useless opinions, when you really need to ask yourself-nothing to do with being stubborn towards others, it's only a question of being able to sort the good advise from the bad, and when you get the good-you will know (eventually, when you're ready)-I believe..

And no need to make your friends eat humble pie-it's always easier to be clever on other ppl's behalf, right....cause it's not you who has to make the choise.





ALL IS FULL OF LOVE

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ASTRO FAERIE
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

ASTRO FAERIE

ummmmmmm.............
Location: Rotherham, UK

Total posts: 724
Posted:Sorry that my opinion is rubbish, all i did was give it, it doesnt have to be followed. Sorry for offending.
EDITED_BY: ASTRO FAERIE (1080314300)


Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

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.oO*Sprout*Oo.
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

member
Location: Aarhus, Denmark

Total posts: 57
Posted:There, there Astro faerie ubblove
Don't be sorry.. I find it rather ironic that it should be nescessary to use such harsh judgements here smile
My sympathy ubblove


ALL IS FULL OF LOVE

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ASTRO FAERIE
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

ASTRO FAERIE

ummmmmmm.............
Location: Rotherham, UK

Total posts: 724
Posted:Thanks, i didnt mean to sound so nasty, it sounds different when its in your head. confused
Anyway, Thanks, hug <for everyone wink


Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:Astro faerie - that "rubbish" wasn't meant in a friendly dismissive way, not a harsh way.

Basically I felt it was getting all a bit too blindly supportive, when I see it differently.

And not meaning to go off topic (although I can't work out the topic too well anyway smile ) or pick too much, but...
Quote:
Even though love can seem "blind" it's a choise you have made to make it look that way.. It may be to protect yourself from the awful truth that you just don't belong together, and therefore a choise made by your subconsciousness, but still your choise!



Your true spirit that seeks happiness, joy and truth makes no decisions based on fear, only love. Your concious mind, hiding from itself and pretending to be your subconcious, will keep you in a relationship through fear of loneliness, instability and change. It's that fear that I see keeping so many relationships going, and causing hurt to those involved and around them.

Quote:
And of course people have the right to state their opinion, but in the word judgement I see ppl just thinking they know better about other ppl's lives in the negative sense.


It's interesting how the specific use of words affects how we interpret everything. Using "judgement" to describe somebody's words gives it a completely different feel to if you described them as "advice". The same words could make up both, but it is up to the person hearing them to decide how to percieve them.

Quote:
it's only a question of being able to sort the good advise from the bad, and when you get the good-you will know (eventually, when you're ready)-I believ


Indeed, a person has to be ready to recieve advice, otherwise no matter who gives it, or how true it is, they will not listen

Quote:
it's always easier to be clever on other ppl's behalf, right....cause it's not you who has to make the choise.


Which is why it's generally a good idea to listen to other people's advice - because you yourself might not be able to see the forest for the trees.

smile


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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:The case of the matter is that this anyone is allowed to make their own choices in life. No one has a right to pick and choose who you fall for and who loves you in return.

By telling your friend that you think their boyfriend/girlfriend is a no hoper or don't belong with them you are only creating negative energy which will push that friend away.

How do I know this because one of my friends was in an abusive partnership I told her to get rid of him and that he was a wanker...I never heard or saw from her again. And we were best of friends...she used to come to me for everything until that man came along.

Love is Blind I agree with thatbut by stating a partners flaws you are not helping...in time if the couple are not meant to be together then they will come to realise it themselves...in the mean time stay out of it I say.

My relationship is my relationship no one elses and I resent anyone making comment on it.

Rant over! Sorry if that sounded a bit abrupt.


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peaches**86943


peaches**86943

thats sooooo not where i parked my car...................
Location: mareeba

Total posts: 198
Posted:no one has any control over you, your emotions, your life and definatley not your relationships
too bad if your mates dont want you to be with her it is your choice but have they given you a reason not to be with her
maybe they have found something out about her that they dont like and they are just trying to look out for your best intrest
but if they have just said "dump her man just dump her" for no apparent reason then they my friend do not have your best intrest in mind
maybe they wanna crack at the action
who knows
if you love her tell them to get fcuked


we cant stop here its bat country!!!!!!!!!!!

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.oO*Sprout*Oo.
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

member
Location: Aarhus, Denmark

Total posts: 57
Posted:Quote:
It's interesting how the specific use of words affects how we interpret everything.



Here I see the basic cause of most disagreements smile Misunderstanding..AaArGgh

This is also the reason why I mostly find it better when facing a choise in my life, to put myself in a more meditative state rather than ask others for advise.. And instead of giving my advise directly to my friends, I will try to make them reach the right answer through questions about their situation, because I realize that even though I have my opinion about it, I will never be able to put myself completely inside their mind, and therefore my opinion/advise is in risk of being taken as a judgement... Blah winkyeahyeah..

ubblove ubblove ubblove ubblove ubblove


ALL IS FULL OF LOVE

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carbon_black


carbon_black

member
Location: Rockingham,Perth, WA, Australi...

Total posts: 38
Posted:WOW this went off like a poi on a split ring. kind of a cool analagy really. mind the spelling. too the point.

i was probaly to short on the story.

ill start by saying im in school so alot of people have alot of hang ups.
i was told by a freind that people are calling me shallow hal, or something along them lines. this really got me all fired up. (no pun intended.) now the people throwing these names around ain't my freinds. i have mates in the group telling me about the name calling.

all these people mind you know about my relationship along with a good majority of the school. and it seems to me they are the only people with the problem.

thanks for all of your comments everyone.

i'm kind of judging judgmental people but then again i kind of have a right to.


Friday night is FIRE night...

Life ain't life without atleast cheating death atleast once a day.

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