Forums > Social Chat > Friends

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
yes we need friends. i don't think they cause more pain in the end, it just feels like when we're hurt. but really, in the end, it's always worth it. you need however many friends you feel you need, but IMO as long as you have that one true friend, you don't need anymore, the rest are just bonuses

if you ever need to talk hun, we're all here for you. i'd welcome a PM from you anytime

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
ok IMHO you chose ur friends,

if you imagine a house with a garden on a road, and you are in eth house, now as ppl come into ur life they come down the road and enter your garden, thay are free to look round, smell the flowers and so on, maybe a few of them will even aproach the house, most will walk off dow the road, a few will hang around in teh garden, some will stay close to the house, but only you choose who you invite in and who stays inside.

best advice i can give, if they hurt you more than twice then they aint mates you need!

hope youy feel better lady!

Step (el-nombrie)

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
It is human nature to seek company as most of the human race can't handle loneliness.

I would say it is necessary to have friends but not the kind that are negative and drag you down all the time.

We need friends who are positive and help us to feel good about ourselves and we help them to feel good about themselves.

I get so sick of some of my not so close friends tell me what an idiot I am when I do something that maybe is not in their normal persepective.

For example when I started fire dancing my normal group of friends called me an idiot for endangering my life (as they put it)...so what who cares...I am having fun...why don't you encourage me...

I have since got rid of those friends in my life and kept the more encouraging ones and am a lot happier for it.

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
I have many friends, but only a few very close ones, these are the people who have helped me over the last few weeks. On a personal level my life is very hard and frustrating at the moment, things are happening that im not in control of, including my emotions.
My close friends are the only people who have really helped me cope, i couldnt have managed without them.
So to these people i really really love and thank you, thanx for being there you know who u are!.

Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

Posted: 4th Mar 2004

Quote:

---

best advice i can give, if they hurt you more than twice then they aint mates you need!

---

I don't know, I believe a true friend is worth forgiving sometimes.

"We have done the impossible and that makes us mighty" - Mal Reynolds

"I can't tell the difference between an electron and a cat" - Brother of a friend

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
im atlking true pain qui, not like being late all teh time, setting fire to ur fav teddy, or crashing into ur car, im atlking stuff that really cuts you deep!

Step (el-nombrie)

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
mech, so am I

"We have done the impossible and that makes us mighty" - Mal Reynolds

"I can't tell the difference between an electron and a cat" - Brother of a friend

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
i don't want my acquaintences
as much as i need my friends.

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

Posted: 4th Mar 2004
i'd agree with you there mech. if they are true friends, they aren't going to hurt you like that. now, it's possible for a person to change and become a true friend after hurting you, but it takes a lot of time, and i think they have to prove it. my absolute bestest friend in the whole world used to not be that way. she and i went through a lot of problems, and we both hurt each other terribly. and i can honestly say neither of us was a true friend to the other. but after a few years and a lot of growth, we were able to get back to that point. and now we're stronger than ever and nothing can break that.

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Posted: 4th Mar 2004

Quote:

---

Do you think we really need them?
And really, how many do we need? Don't more people just cause more pain in the end?

---

there's kind of two catagories my friends fall into:
-close friends
-aquaintances

aquaintances are those people you see now and then. you may catch up with for drink once every few weeks.

my close friends are those close to me that i have some sort of emotional connection - we can talk about almost anything at anytime, and always greet with a hug.

with both groups, you have to know when a relationship is unhealthy for you, and how to step back.

in the words of Katie Noonan, of the australian band called 'george,' who has one of the most beautiful voices ive ever heard.

"rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my bases first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me"


i think we need enough close friends to give the support and love that we need as humans, but not so many that it becomes a burden. you always need time for yourself. ive lost sight of that in the past and have been on the verge of a breakdown for not having that quiet time.

we need a base of aquaintances, so that when close friends come and go, there plenty of opportunity to meet and bond with others.

hope this helps.

my kindest, warmest, and huggiest best wishes for you pele,
ed.

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
I am absolutely 100% in love with my group of friends. We're so close, can talk about anything, help each other through everything, and enjoy each other immensely. If it weren't for my friends I would be far less happy in life and I would have much less to look forward to in life. I feel an extreme amount of empathy for anyone without a group of people (or one person, even) to love and confide in.

However, if you can feel happiness and worth alone, more power to you. It must be awesome to feel content with just yourself, but less socially independant people such as myself need the comfort and connection with others. To each their own.

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
Friendship and love are not totally different. Of course, I'm one of those crazy people who believe in loving everyone, and not just that one special person. For instance, I LOVE many of my friends, at least by my terms, even though I also still love my girl. I even still love my past loves, because I don't think that love is something you can just let go of. If you can, it wasn't true love in the first place. The kind of true love that I am talking about is the kind where you care more about someone elses happiness than your own. Basically that whole ego-loss experience. For that reason, if someone I really love hurts me, I look at them more with pity than malice, since I recognize that they are just persuing their happiness (Most of the time through some kind of mask, which is what usually ends up hurting us), and I would rather be hurt myself than see them be.

Anyway, that's my nice little disposition on love and friendship. If this person really is a true friend, then I think you'll find that whatever has come between you is inconsequential, no matter how much it hurts NOW. If you still care for the person and let them know, then maybe they won't have to maintain some kind of pissy attitude and will be able to work through whatever is the problem.

Communication is the most important part of all relationships. No one (that I know anyway) can read minds, thats why you have to tell and sometimes show others whats going on in there.

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
Yep, its awful when a so-called friend betrays your trust behind your back and hurts you, especially when they are already going through a rough time. I know what that feels like and its not nice. But then they stop becoming your friends after that and just become an aqcaintance, after all how do you trust a friend thats already betrayed you? i can't, but i have greater friends who i would trust with anything, so that makes up for it.

Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
I don't have that many friends even thought i go to partys clubbing etc .

But the friends i do have i've had them for a long time so they are worth it . Cause there beautiful people

that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
More friends don't cause you more pain, it's only when you leave just as many that it hurts more.

I've learnt from expierence... You always need friends, without them I don't think life would be as good as it could be....

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
Do i need friends? Well, what do you mean by "need"?
and how do i measure pain and happiness over time, to find out which a person has given me more of?


i reckon you'll carry on wanting to have friends cos it's a bit of a built in human thing.

i know that when someone you love and trust hurts you badly, it really really sucks

but that pain won't stay so strong forever

its a price you pay for gambling with your love and trust

but i've found the odds are far better than any bet you'll find at a bookies

"Switching between different kinds of chuu chuu sometimes gives this "urgh wtf?" effect because it's giving people the phi phenomenon."

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
i8beefy2 - beautiful words

simian said the rest.

"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
i think you can never have too many friends (proper friends i mean)

and i'd rather have a whole load of friends than a load of money ( both would be even better )

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
Wow..so many great responses! Such wonderful insights, even with differing opinions.
Thank you so much for the unconditional support and messages, and hugs. I will always take as many hugs as I can get!

I wanted to see what would come of the conversation without my clarifying what is going on, and it is quite remarkable.

I have friends. Very close ones whom I have had for years, and will continue to have for years. These people I love very deeply and do not want to think about not having them in my life. There are only a few of them, barely a handful, but they mean the world to me. They have been there for me when I needed them, when I wanted them and more important, when I didn't. They are closer to me than family. For that PWB, Prometheus, Steve, Malcolm, Raquelle and Chris will forever have my love and devotion.

However, I had other friends to. Then something happened...they weren't there anymore.
Some of them it was just a slipping away, silent and slowly transitional, and one night they said they would come over, and they didn't. And I never heard from them again.

Some it was explosive, a one sided arguement was had one night (he just started to flip out about something no one in the room was even discussing), he slammed out the door and never came back. Strangely, it didn't hurt, at all. There was an emptiness sure, but it didn't phase me except to leave me full of questions which were never resolved.

Recently it was with my dance troupe. A long standing disagreement with one member escalated into this, I am not even sure what it was, torrent of turmoil..and it is over, my relationship with them as a dancer, and as a troupe member and with at least half (I don't know about the other two) my friendships are over. I was hurt deeply by actions surrounding the situation on the part of others but find myself overall numb about it. These were among my closest friends, but things have been said and implications made that can not be moved on from, and what I think hurts most is I think that for sometime now a couple of them wanted it this way. It bled out and reached into other relationships and has profoundly effected them as well. This is most disturbing to me.

This transition of friendships has been occuring for the past few months. I spent much time wondering what the hell was wrong with me? Why were these people I cared for, that I invested time and heart into, treating me like sh!t? What did I do so that I could make it better? What did I do that caused them to act like this towards me? What evil did I unleash on the earth?

Then I thought that maybe it wasn't my fault or theirs. Maybe we have outgrown each other.

However, in the course of time, I have made new acquaintences. Ones I have come to care for tremendously. Ones I know will turn into friendships, and even a couple I suspect I would allow into the inner sanctum of myself and concider them life friends, with time and development.

It was a trade off. I have grown and changed and I accept this. I want it. This is what I am working for. It hurts deeply how these transitions are coming about. I am not one for burning bridges, never have been. I try to be diplomatic, the peacemaker and finding myself at the core of all this is, well, overwhelming.

Brighter days, and relationships are ahead. I have faith in that. Right now there is still alot of pain though, and there will be for some time. But with the past few months events I found myself wondering if it really was worth investing the effort into more and new, to run the risk of being hurt yet again....
And then I answered the phone and it was one of the new acquaintences on the other end, and I realised that I smiled throughout the entire conversation. I think answered my own question, and had just wondered what all your thoughts are to it.

Kindest regards and love to all!
Pele

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
Friends come and go.

But enemies accumulate.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura

Posted: 5th Mar 2004
i have few if any REAL friends, there are people i know and people i spend time with. then there are a group of about five people that i have known most of my life and always trusted and loved dearly but recently i find that a couple of them are realy quite hurtful towards me and i don't think they are rely friends anymore. its not that they mean to be hurtful, they don't even realise they are doing it half the time, its just that we have all grown and changed and we are not the people we used to be. i have become the person i am and they are who they are, its just that we are no longer so compatable. i am not bitter but it is hard when friends you have known for so long hurt you. i must now make new friends to care for in the next chapter of my life.

even when people hurt you, if you love and care for them and want to still have them as a part of your life then you have to give them another chance. most of the time people dont even know they are hurting you so much and may well be hurting themselves. also sometimes people hurt you, not intensionaly but because what they have to do in their lives clashes with you, the last thing they want to do is hurt you but ti is unavoidable.

we all need someone at sometime.

luv trixy

THAT'S ABOUT AS SENSIBLE AS STANDING ON A HILL, IN A THUNDER STORM, HOLDING A GOLF CLUB AND SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE /ALL GOD'S ARE *BASTADS* -THE GREAT TERRY PRATCHETT.

Posted: 6th Mar 2004
you need friends, but you need to be with yourself too.

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.