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Page: 123
_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:ok, today i found out that a girl in my year gave birth to her baby during the week. i knew she was pregnant, it was just a shock like oh, she actually has a baby now. it got me thinking. what if I had a baby now? it would totally screw my life up. she's 14 now so when shes 20 he'll be what, 6?
my friends have been discussing whether they would keep it or abort it, and we all know that none of us would be stupid enough to put ourselfs in that situation in the first place, but i seriously don't know what i would do. from the male point of view, a friend said he would ask the girl to have an abortion, but if she said no he would support anyway he could which i thought was quite admirable.
for certain the father is not with her now and propably won't support her at all. and wots worse i know that there are 5 other girls pregnant in the school as well. one even in year 9 eek . i mean come on its not hard, condoms are free at clinics, and in this day and age you can hardly say you didn't know what you were doing. theres no excuse (par the odd one)
have you got any views on this? or have you known anybody who has been in this situation? its just makes me feel like 'woah' yeh silly i no but i got no other way to describe it......sorry bout spelling and grammer...im tired and sick rolleyes


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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:Yep. When I was going through school there was a girl I had known (she transferred to a different school) who got pregnant, and it was at about 14 years of age.

She chose to have the baby, but in a lot of ways she just was not old enough to handle it. When she was about 16 her parents took on the full responsibility of looking after her child.

I am not sure what I would do in the circumstances. And I can't comment on whether or not it is easy to protect yourself, because it seems that mistakes happen and the most careful and sensible of people fall pregnant too.

All I can say is that this girl is going to be doing it tough. Look out for her.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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brodieman


brodieman

old hand
Location: london

Total posts: 1024
Posted:for a second i thought you were preggerz eek eekl

oads of people got preggers when i was at school too, it would be a hard to know how id feel in that situation i dont want to have children even now but i did get my girlfriend preg i made the decission not to be careful their for take on the conquences of my actions


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oli
SILVER Member since Jul 2003

not with cactus
Location: bristol/ southern eastern devo...

Total posts: 2052
Posted:its kind of reading things like this that makes me realise what it think of normal isnt normal at all...

i mean at my school, and even my college now, it would have been fairly totally unheard of to get pregnant. i kinda see this as normal becuase its all ive ever known, but thats becuase im lucky in a sense.

well thats my thoughts on the subject.


Me train running low on soul coal
They push+pull tactics are driving me loco
They shouldn't do that no no no

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Of the four babies I delivered, one was to a 16-year-old mother and one was to an 18-year-old mother. Both had been using "abstinence" as means of birth control.

We see how well that works. Abstinence works 100% of the time, my left buttcheek.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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telic


I don't want a title.


Total posts: 940
Posted:Lightning - what does your right buttcheek prefer?

Anyways... in my middle school and my high school, there were no student pregnancies. It was completely unheard of. Would've shocked us. Everyone was very aware of the necessary precautions, and was lucky enough that they worked.


E pluribus unum, baby.

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pounce
SILVER Member since Jan 2003

pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...

Total posts: 9831
Posted:well to play devil's advocate, contraceptives *do* fail, so just because someone gets pregnant at that young of an age (or any age for that matter) doesn't mean they weren't being safe.

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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Twisthem488


Twisthem488

member
Location: USA

Total posts: 187
Posted:the not so funny thing is, this very morning my mom came in and told me that my 16 year old cuz was pregnant. I've always believed that abstinece before mirrage was the way everyon should go, But i'll not get into this because i'd jabber on on how its a sacrement of god and we should should treat it that way.

Im a Thespian, But I'll Act Normal Around You Guys

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Quote:
Lightning - what does your right buttcheek prefer?



Spankings by pervy lawyers. spank ubblol wink ubblove ubbrollsmile peace kiss

weavesmiley


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz

Total posts: 2615
Posted:Quote:
Spankings by pervy lawyers

Why wouldn't you biggrin ubblolu

Seriously i see these girls and just think what a shame cause they don't know no better . And basically they have Ruined there lives


that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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woodnymph


woodnymph

member
Location: london,uk

Total posts: 313
Posted:oooh...i have to cut in here for a second..."ruined their lives"......ahem.......?thats a bit much,don'tcha think?Their are other options out there and painful as it may be to make a choice over the various options,you'd be surprised how resilient and adaptable humans can be when they need to....plus in this day and age theres likely to be some support out there,not like in the 50's when it really was a scandal.....

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ASTRO FAERIE
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

ASTRO FAERIE

ummmmmmm.............
Location: Rotherham, UK

Total posts: 724
Posted:Some people never learn. A girl at our school got pregnant at 14/15 and left. I was doing door-to-door-sales one day and she answered the door, now single with 3 kids eek.

Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:condoms may be free, but even the most scupulous users of the latex sock can have incidences of breakage and it slipping off, especially during the creshendo of activities, when it is often hard to notice what has happened - and even the most anal retentive person isn't exactly likely to check everything is still it good order in the seconds just before climax.



Condoms are a good way to prevent preganacy and STDs, but they are FAR from fool proof. One must actively use their brain and innate paranoia of murphy's law at all times as well. It is VERY important to use condoms, but simply putting one on before penetration is not enough. It has to go on before any contact whatsoever, you must be aware of them and their condition at all times, and you must remain diligent about them till the coupling is completely over. All that is horribly distracting, but far better than getting AIDS or having to care for a child at 14 years old.



And as for how people react when they find out they are pregnant or their girlfriend is, I can assure you that all the preconcived notions you have on the subject and how you think you might react to it fly strait out the window and are replaced by a kind of primal fear that bears no logic and will tolerate no reason. Count yourself as extremely lucky if you find yourself in this situation with someone who behaves rationally.



And lastly, don't judge anyone who finds themself on the wrong end of fortune. We can sneer at repeat offenders who never seem to learn their lesson, but accidents can happen to any of us, no matter how careful we are.



peace


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Tao Star


Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 1662
Posted:when we were in 9th year my bestest bud had a baby. She had a long term boyfriend, but she managed to do the whole thing without her parents knowing.

she just randomly had a baby - her periods hadn't stopped and she didn't even get fat. It was the weridest thing i have ever witnessed and i have no idea how it happened.

The baby went for adoption but died of cot death not long after. It was realy sad. Her boyfriend still carries a pic of it around even though they're not even together anymore.

Jade (the baby) would be almost 6 by now. ubbcrying


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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Pink...?
BRONZE Member since Apr 2002

Pink...?

Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
Location: Over There

Total posts: 6140
Posted:In my school 3 people in my class got pregnant at the age of 13 and 14.

Says a lot about the school i went to! ubbangel


Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Vanize is right. Please don't ostracize or judge these girls. You don't know the circumstances behind her being pregnant. Heck, she could even have been raped.

Her hormones and emotions are bound to be a mess at the moment due both to her age and to being pregnant as well. What she needs the most is support from those around her and for people to treat her just as if she wasn't pregnant. She needs friends and people to talk to right now.

I know, I've been there (at 17, not 14 but it's all still the same). I started college pregnant and had a horrible first year because I was the only person on campus pregnant and everyone just talked behind my back instead of getting to know me and what I planned to do. They made all sorts of incorrect assumptions about who I was which really hurt. So please, don't judge and do talk to them if you were friendly with them beforehand.

peace


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coza


coza

-Why-
Location: uk, Newcastle / Chester

Total posts: 126
Posted:Thats the same age as my sister, and if she got preg. i think i would seriously beat the male involved! mad

If money is the root of all evil, then why do people sell Bibles?

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Please don't blame the boy. Contraception is not something that is the sole responsibility of the male involved. The girl plays an active role in using/selecting it as well. Girls need to be aware of the consequences of their actions, and thus be just as responsible for taking precautionary measures (even more so in my opinion) as the guy involved.

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Tao Star


Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 1662
Posted:i agree - but he could hardly beat up his sister could he??!!?! tongue

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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Narr


Narr

(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step

Total posts: 2568
Posted:i agree with what some others said to puks statement..they havent ruined their life, it has mearly changed, sure it will be harder in some respects and as long as that child is brought up in a loving environment we have no right to judge.

okay so this next statement may not be fully true but its as i understand it .. and may not be true of other countries other than the uk .. so just tell me to shut up and correct me if im wrong biggrin

i find it strange that if the father is under the age of 16 he has no leagal obligation to the child (in way of child maintenance etc), he can quite literally walk away. surely if they can prove paternety he should? .. but then people will say but hes 14 or whatever.. how is he supposed to pay .. surely then the responciblity would fall an his parents or something? i dunno i babbling now it was justa ponderance i had smile


she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:Quote:
they havent ruined their life, it has mearly changed, sure it will be harder in some respects and as long as that child is brought up in a loving environment we have no right to judge.





My thoughts exactly, Narr smile


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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pounce
SILVER Member since Jan 2003

pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...

Total posts: 9831
Posted:that doesn't apply here narr. there's no law that says the father has no obligation to the child depending on his age. as far as i know, a mother can file for child support no matter how old the father is.

i agree with a lot of what people have said so far, so i won't repeat their arguments. i will add that my sister got pregnant at age 16, and she gave her son up for adoption. it was incredibly hard on all of us, but it was the best decision for her and my nephew. she finished high school on time, graduated with honors, and is doing very well for herself now. and my nephew? he has the best parents he could possibly have. the adoption was semi-open, and they decided to make it completely open after a year. we now can see him and his brothers and sister anytime we want, we babysit them, spend holidays with them. and i now have a whole other family added onto mine. it's been one of the best things that has ever happened to our family smile


I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:i know, im not judging(sp?) them. i know its sounds cruel and mean but they are the type of girls that you would expect to get pregnant, not expect....just, yeh(sorry i sound evil) . i seriously doubt all 6 of them got raped, and i understand that johnny's can fail sometimes. i don't speak to their 'crew' or anything and would prolly get beaten to a pulp by them if i went over and asked if she was alright....

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Singed Piper (formerly Mark1)


Singed Piper (formerly Mark1)

resident bagpiper
Location: Vermont, USA

Total posts: 342
Posted:ok here's some interesting stuff,
on average, including errors in use, fail about 40% of the time for the population
if used properly, they fail about 20% of the time.
(that was info from health class)
commonly, in the making of latex condoms (the kind supposed to protect from STDs) small holes appear that, while invisible, are often up to 3 times larger than a single sperm, and over 100 times larger than the HIV virus.
the "pill" can cause heart problems, as well as mood swings due to hormonal imbalance
IUD's can cause infection
the sponge is less usefull than a condom
the diaphragm can cause irritation, and is prone to the same problems as a condom
tubal ligations and visectomies can be irreversable, as well as costly and painfull and dangerous
it seems that the logical way to prevent std's and pregnancy is total abstinance

Now for the disclaimer:
I'm Roman Catholic, I think sex should be confined to marriage, contraception is wrong, and abortion is murder. if you want more info on my views and their scientific basis PM me, I'll either respond or, if there is enough interest, create a new thread

slainte mhath beerchug


Q:What's the difference between the Great Highland Bagpipes and the Northumbrian Pipes?
A:The Great Highland Pipes burn longer.

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duballstar
SILVER Member since Sep 2003

duballstar

slack rating - 9.5
Location: Suburbiton, Yoo-Kay

Total posts: 2216
Posted:same sort of stuff went on at my school aimmee, it's pretty common. i wouldn't worry yourself to much about the girl involved if you don't really get on with her, just use it as a lesson to look after yourself!
don't let what people say about contraceptives scare you either, it's better to use them than not! in my opinion sex isn't something to avoid wink but it does need to be respected and you do need to be able to talk to a partner openly if any problems arise...
hope that helps?


It is our fantasies that make us real. Without our fantasies we're just a blank monkey' - Terry Pratchett

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Tao Star


Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 1662
Posted:although i'm not in to no sex before marriage (partly cos i don't know if i believe in marriage) i do think it's not really something to do unless you're in a committed and stable relationship.

i have so much respect and admiration for people who wait, because i guess the only way to do it is not to risk having a baby until you're in a situation where you can afford it and give it the best life possible (a situation which i admit i'm not in now).

I can dish out this advice to everyone i meet, but no matter how many people it saves it still makes me a hypocrite - to those who wait, i have limitless admiration for you.


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Quote:
condoms may be free, but even the most scupulous users of the latex sock can have incidences of breakage and it slipping off, especially during the creshendo of activities, when it is often hard to notice what has happened - and even the most anal retentive person isn't exactly likely to check everything is still it good order in the seconds just before climax.

Condoms are a good way to prevent preganacy and STDs, but they are FAR from fool proof. One must actively use their brain and innate paranoia of murphy's law at all times as well. It is VERY important to use condoms, but simply putting one on before penetration is not enough. It has to go on before any contact whatsoever, you must be aware of them and their condition at all times, and you must remain diligent about them till the coupling is completely over. All that is horribly distracting, but far better than getting AIDS or having to care for a child at 14 years old.




Condoms break, yes. But, as Jocelyn Elders once said, abstinence breaks a lot more easily than condoms.

Of course, abstinence is the best way to go, but it has to be held up to the same standard as are other methods of contraception: that is, it has to take into account non-compliance and misuse. And when you factor those in, many studies show that abstinence is actually riskier than practicing "safer sex."

Depends on your definition of safer sex and what-not, of course.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Dunc
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands

Total posts: 7263
Posted:I can't help but feel sory for this girl but if she keeps it and does a good job when she's 32 her daughter will be 18. How cool could it be to be 18 and have your Mom or Dad at such a similar age!

Let's relight this forum ubblove

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Ade
SILVER Member since Mar 2001

Are we there yet?
Location: australia

Total posts: 1897
Posted:Quote:
How cool could it be to be 18 and have your Mom or Dad at such a similar age!



And that's the point, that whilst some might perceive her as ruining her life, she's only 14 - and life has only just begun. Just because she had a baby doesnt mean she now wont have an education, chances in life, a great family and personal growth opportunities.

Don't write her off because of the situation she is now in.

We all have our own paths to tread, and last time I checked Lightning wasn't handing out "the Rule book on being a human" to new mothers and fathers ubbloco


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Big Andy
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

member
Location: Dallas, Tx

Total posts: 186
Posted:I think the biggest problem with this whole thing is that parents aren't raising their kids to respect ourselves, each other, and sex as much as we should. No parent can control their kids sexual behavior, but I find that most kids don't get any kind of guidance whatsoever. Parents just flat out don't do their jobs anymore.





Kids aren't ready for sex at that early age. You can say you were if it makes you feel better and you lost your virginity at 13/14, but on average, kids aren't ready. Certainly there are some outliers that can handle it atthat early age, but everyone I know who lost their virginity at an early age either had significant problems before that, or were caused significant problems afterwards.



One really good friend of mine is pregnant for the second time, and she's keeping it this time. She waits tables and barely pays her own rent, her "baby's daddy" is mean and abusive (not physicaly but still...), does all kinds of drugs and only works about 15 hours a week at minimum wage. The best thing for her to do is give the baby up for adoption, but she refuses. It's a cycle, her mom got pregnant when she was young and continued to be a pothead who could barely take care of her kid. Now her kid is just as messed up in the head and has to raise her own kid. Maybe she didn't ruin her own life, but she's taking a pretty big chance at ruining this kid's life the same way her mother did hers.



It is a negative thing. I hate it when people try to make it out like it's not that big a deal, saying she "changed" her life not ruined it. If a girl gets pregnant at a young age unintentionally, there is probably some problem underlying that. Alot of girls who lose their virginity at really early ages seem to have many sexual partners or are easily coaxed into sex. They have a very skewed view of sex.



There are tons of reasons to put off having sex until the later teen years or waiting until you at least have a comitted significant other. I dont' care what anybody says, a 14 year old boy wanting to have sex with a 13/14 year old girl doesn't constitute a committment, even if they have been childhood sweethearts since kindergarten. I personally don't believe anyone that age can truly be "committed" in the sense necessary to responsibly and appropriately enjoy sex with his/her significant other.



I think you will find a direct correlation between family dynamics/parenting methods and the age at which kids lose their virginity and also (probably more importantly), a correlation with family dynamics and promiscuity. Those who come from broken homes, alcoholic parents, drug abusing parents, overly permissive parents, abusive parents, parents who are too immature to handle parenting, will probably have a more questionable sexual past. Not to say that none of these people will be successful in life. Plenty of people come from a bad past and decide to change their lives and not live that way. But most of them don't. Intelligent, rational people with stable parents/loving family dynamic are far less likely to get pregnant at 14. They probably won't even start having sex until 16 or later. Might even wait till marriage.



I'm anxious to see how my pregnant friend handles her situation. This could be what ruins her life and the kid's life, only to start the cycle over again. Or the child may provide her with a wake up call. She's very smart, just has a drug problem and codependancy issues with her boyfriend. Of course the fact that his parents are loaded and may help financially with the kid may help them, but won't help her codependancy issues, and may actually perpetuate her horrible family dynamics.



This is serious stuff, these girls getting pregnant at 14 years old aren't "merely changing" their lives. I guess it's one thing for a rich families daughter to get pregnant when she was being safe and all that stuff, and it's certainly easy to be sympathetic with that. But when you get down to it, there's probably some issue in the girls brain that caused her to jump into the sexual pool so young.



Sorry if my post is light on cohesion... just some musings of mine. I'm not as conservative as say Mark1. No catholics here, lol. But I do believe that the sexual revolution has left us with everyone wanting to get a piece but no one mature enough to handle it.


"We can't stop here! This is bat country!"

"Welcome to the U-S-A,
We'll treat you right, unless you're black or gay, or Cherokeeeeee!!"

-Brian Griffin from "Family Guy" (the dog)

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arsn


arsn

How do you change this thing???
Location: Behind the couch...

Total posts: 1903
Posted:Quote:
Originally posted by Ade
Don't write her off because of the situation she is now in.
We all have our own paths to tread.



spank(Sorry Ade I couldn't find a clapping smiley thing... and this was the closest...)

I agree with Ade 100%, this girl, may still be a child to some, choose this path well before even she was born. Now some of you may begin to say "Don't tell me my life has been planned out for me and that I can't change my fate...", and believe me, your life hasn't been planned out... just the lessons. How you learn these lessons is up to you. This girl will still have everything she needs... Family, friends... and most importantly... herself.

Just be there to support her, and if your not great friends already... maybe now would be a good time to be... she's going to start too go though some really hard stuff soon... and she's going to need some support. hug


I can't hear you... I have a banana in my ear.

"You mean I'll have to use my brain?... but I use staff!!!" ~ ben-ja-men

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Page: 123

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