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MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
So I was thinking about pounce's "HOP Wedding" thread and then free-associating (because I'm supposed to be studying).

So suppose that gay marriage becomes legal: what happens to some of the traditions? It's a similar conundrum to what happens if two gay guys go out on a date: who pays? (Generally, we go dutch). But in the absence of traditionally-defined gender roles and traditions, what exactly do we do?

For example, in the absence of a bride, is the wedding party to be only groomsmen? Or can we opt to have groomswomen, too? And which groom picks the Best Man? Does a lesbian wedding get a best man? I'm sure that everyone here can think of another similar issue...

I think it's going to be interesting to watch how this tradition comes together over the next few years, but I predict that there will eventually be some conventions formed.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


spritieSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA


Posted:
Why can't you both have a best man or a best woman? I've been to traditional weddings where the groom had a best woman and the bride had a man as her "man" of honor.

I think the wedding party should contain whoever is most dear to you, be it male or female. I also think that is a trend that is happing to regualr marriages anyway.

mcpPLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom


Posted:
I thought George W. %**$ was banning gay marraiges in order to get the conservative vote for his coming re-election campaign?



Haven't there been plenty of like joining ceremonies / vow things to set a precedent anyway? Seems like they do that sort of thing all the time in California... ( But my only experience of this is the british televisual service )



ubbrollsmile

"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.


zwitterionSILVER Member
member
52 posts
Location: Iowa, USA


Posted:
it's funny i was having almost exactly this conversation with a friend about an hour ago... she's a classics student and said something interesting, that while there's been countless societies throughout history that have held homosexuality in respectful (if not high) regard, none that she knows of formalised homosexual relationships in the sense of supporting gay marriages or gay families. so if/when these traditions do develop in our society, it might well be a first in the truest sense of the word.

SpitFireGOLD Member
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada


Posted:
Yeah I've already had someone request to be my best man. *waves to vanize* biggrin

I think we'll follow some of the classical "marriage" traditions, but....alter them to make them fit who we are personally.

But then...I plan on whatever ceremony I have to be hosted by my wonderful friends here in Houston....and it'd be anything but traditional.

biggrin

Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
ya i think this same problem goes for heterosexual marriages too. i plan on having all women in my bridal party (whenever that's gonna be!!) but that's only cause i want my sisters (don't have any brothers) and my bestest friend (who is also female). but if i wanted to expand it, i have a few male friends who i would want to be in it. and i don't think it should be limited by gender on who you want in your wedding. and like a few people have already said, i've seen the traditions changing as well.

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


telicI don't want a title.
940 posts

Posted:
I have a straight male friend who promised I could be his best man.

That's all I really wanted to add. ^^

E pluribus unum, baby.


Jelloambiguous
646 posts
Location: Mpls, MN, USA


Posted:
yeah, one of my female friends wants me to be in her wedding somehow, don't know if thats still being considered though.

_________________________________
Fuzzy Dice.......................................


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
I'm so upset with my President's recent comments on gay marriage I can't even comment on that. mad

As for traditional weddings... I was in the wedding party of a female friend of mine. It was nice because she had two guys and two girls so we kind of "coupled up" around her. It looked cute.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


Bender_the_OffenderGOLD Member
still can't believe it's not butter
6,978 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia


Posted:
walk your own path mate! smile
just make sure there's twirling at teh ceremony and a wedding singer that sings that infamous adam sandler song... wink

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always


ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
arsn and I got married but we had a pagan wedding... no piece of paper or anything, but we dont need one cause our love is enough to proove to anyone that we are together. but when I do have a piece of paper wedding (for my mum) I will make damn sure I have a best man...KEVVIE!! and bridesmaids as well ( ric and jac)... DO what you feel is right.. then it always will be right for you!!





on a bit of a tangent

I approve of gay marriages. Bush and ole mate muscle bound arnie need to pull their fingers out and GET OVER their backwards darkages way of thinking.

This makes me sooo angry.

People are in love. They are in the same kind of body.... SO WHAT? its the soul that recgonises the love...the body is just a shell that is a vechile for the spirit to get around in...and if the president of the united states of america is such a close minded person that he will say such a things as it is "unnatural" then he needs to put in some viagra eye drops and have a long hard look at himself. mad mad mad



ohhhhhhhh that makes me cross. I just stood there dumb founded when I saw him saying that on the telly this morning!
EDITED_BY: Valura (1077845173)

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


AdeSILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia


Posted:
You could do whatever you wanted to do at your own wedding - whatever was important to you, you could draw on one tradition, many traditions, one culture, many cultures, or make up your own smile

Quote:

But in the absence of traditionally-defined gender roles and traditions, what exactly do we do?





Celebrate that we can all be PEOPLE of the world getting on with life without reference to gender roles defined by some creaky old bloke who claimed to have been handed the one true source of the truth or some such nonsense like that ages ago.....
ubbrollsmile

MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
NYC, gay marriage is going to be legal. It might take 3 months, it might take 30 years, but it will happen. It's as inevitable as women's sufferage (did I spell that right?) or interracial marriage.

The exact same arguments were used to oppose interracial marriage. We've heard all this before. "Unnatural," "an assault on the institution," etc.

To get back to the subject (since I really didn't want to talk about "Junior"), I guess I'm very much a traditionalist in many ways. In spite of my political views, I conduct and carry myself in a very conservative way. I guess I always wanted to have a traditional wedding, but that's not happening.

So I get to be creative. But one thing is for sure: at my wedding, neither groom will be wearing a dress. ubblol

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


DentrassiGOLD Member
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
hi all,
although im far too busy to post at all at present, i couldnt miss this opportunity.

this was a cartoon in todays Sydney Morning Herald....


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"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.


zwitterionSILVER Member
member
52 posts
Location: Iowa, USA


Posted:
that's 100% awesome

SilvurBRONZE Member
sumthin sumin smmnm....
372 posts
Location: home sweet home, USA


Posted:
Quote:

Quote:

But in the absence of traditionally-defined gender roles and traditions, what exactly do we do?





Celebrate that we can all be PEOPLE of the world getting on with life without reference to gender roles defined by some creaky old bloke who claimed to have been handed the one true source of the truth or some such nonsense like that ages ago.....
ubbrollsmile




I couldn't have said this any better nyself. For the record, I approve of gay marriage, realizing that love is love regardless of the sorce. So who are we to start dictating who can and cannot express and celebrate their love? What really pisses me off, though, is that you can't adopt a kid if your gay. I think that is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. mad mad mad

RoziSILVER Member
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia


Posted:
I was reading an article a couple of weeks ago about a study into how same sex couples who have adopted children arrange their lives and the parenting of the kids. The study showed that male-male couples tend to end up forming a more "traditional" family structure, ie. one partner becomes the breadwinner and the other stays home and looks after the kids. Female-female couples, on the other hand, tend towards a more organic structure, sharing the responsibilities.

Feedback from men who stay home looking after the kids, is that although they find it very rewarding, they feel a loss of status associated with no longer having an income.

It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
i dont really know how weddings work (having been to only one myself and that was someone i didnt really know and i was too busy not understanding all the religious mumbo-jumbo)...but perhaps, in same-sex marriages they could have a best man and a best woman each? *shrugs* i dunno. that also leaves out the problem of having friends you want involved but cant gos of convention. or am i talking complete crap? probably spank

also, i agree with same-sex marriages being like interracial marrigaes. now its "OMG SINFUL ARGH YOU ARE ALL DISGUSTING" but in a few years time it will be "what? ur married to someone of the same sex? and thats a problem because???"

a bit like churches and gay priests. which is a bit like marriages and interracial. women priests used to be oh so wrong. but now noone really cares. i think its just unfortunate for current gay people that they will see the next generation with rights that they were denied.

i rambled so, so much didnt i?

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


Tao StarPooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol


Posted:
i think like people have been touching on, having a non-traditional wedding is becomming generally much more acceptable these days.

i don't know who i'll end up with, it could be a man or a woman, but i want my wedding to be special and personal, so even if i do end up with a bloke i might not stick to the whole church wedding thing anyway.

i guess one of the main factors in all this is religion, because even if you 8church8 (or whatever) accepts the fact that you are gay it is the religious ceremonies which often pose a problem for same sex couples.

for secualar marriages, people very often do whatever they want and so there are not so many specific ceremonial aspects that will be 'wrong' if you do it your own way.

*phew*

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
i say just go to vegas and get married there. when you're married by elvis, all the other stuff about traditional really tends to fall to the wayside. ubblol

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


WryTerraThe reason we say "European"
912 posts
Location: Cheltenham


Posted:
Frankly my thoughts on this whole subject are that any couple should be allowed any service they want. Regardless of genders, ages, races, traditions.

It's a moment for two people and between two people.

"We have done the impossible and that makes us mighty" - Mal Reynolds

"I can't tell the difference between an electron and a cat" - Brother of a friend


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Quote:

i say just go to vegas and get married there. when you're married by elvis, all the other stuff about traditional really tends to fall to the wayside. ubblol




She's got a point, yanno... ubblol

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
biggrin

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Ok, I know I didn't want to get into the politics of it, but last night on "Real Time" with Bill Maher, Christine Whitman of all people said that she felt that the government should do civil unions for everyone and define "marriage" as something done in a religious establishment. She said "that way, people can decide for themselves whether gays can get married or not."

In other words, she came down basically strongly in support of gay Marriage. This is a Republican, folks. The future is bright. biggrin

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


SpitFireGOLD Member
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada


Posted:
Oh. My. Word.

I wish I could have seen that!!

There is hope. A small spark, but a spark, none the less.

Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.



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