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Tao Star
Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 30th May 2003
Total posts: 1662
Posted:reading that test has started me thinking again aboutmy flatmate.

he moved in with us (a house of 7) about 3 weeks ago, and we tried really hard to make him feel welcome cos we knew it would be hard for him because we were all really close. He was fine for the 1st couple of days, and then he started drinking.

He'd come in to our rooms really drnk to 'say hi' and then start shouting and swearing, he's always on about this girl he split up with, but i have doubts as to if he's telling the truth. We thought he was just a drunk and found it hard to cope with, but thought we should be there for him but it got so bad that in the end i started locking out of my room because i just couldn't cope with him.

then he started saying things like everyone was trying to kill him, he accused us of putting drugs in his drink and started comming to our rooms at 2 in the morning and threatening people. He broke another housemates door in when it was locked and they were asleep inside. he also was constantly angry, aggressive, drunk and got in to arguments with the neighbours, the postman, anyone he could find really.

so finally we managed to get in touch with his stepdad who came over one night and calmed him down a bit. He said he'd call the police if anything happened again, and since then he's not been so bad.

the thng is, he obviously has depression and some kind of personality disorder he's always attention seeking by threatening to commit suicide and he needs help, but if i ever suggested he even see a counsllor he'd go nuts, he think we think he's crazy and mad, which he isn't, when he's sober he's actually quite a nice guy.

i want to help him but i don't know what to do - bearing in mind i've only known him about 3 weeks, what should i do? should i get involved or just help my flatmates plan a way to kick him out so he can go bug someone else?


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:KICK HIM OUT!!.......No only joking, like you say that'd only push the problem elsewhere.
He deff sounds like he has problems that he supresses quite well until he's drunk and then it's like a shaken bottle of bubbly being opened!!
I know you said it wouldn't work suggesting it but I think some trained counselling would help him loads. And perhaps suggesting he limit's his alcohol intake a little and get him to open up??

God I'm no good at these things.....so ignore my advise at will!! biggrin


Let's relight this forum ubblove

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vanize
vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:I've personally had my fill of trying to help people like that, and I am sick of it. you're hep won't do a lick of good till the person is ready to help themself, and he won't be ready to do that until they see that they have to help themself. I say kick the mofo out. there is no reason on the face of the earth you should make him your problem

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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originalsmit
originalsmit

addict
Location: nottingham, england. cornwall ...
Member Since: 28th Aug 2003
Total posts: 469
Posted:how many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb????

only one. but the lightbulb has to want to change.
sorry but its funny and slighly relavent
a lot of the problem can just be attention. if you burst into someones room at 2 am you have the atention you crave, but if you keep giving it, giving of yourself it wont definitly help.
they have to be able to recognise the problem and want to do something about it, not just feed it. people can feed their problems well enough to make them not be a problem.
realisation is the first step to recovery.
in my humble uneducated opinion


my original signature was tooo long.
this one is shorter

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:It sounds like it's some sort of paranoid delusional disorder, be it paranoid personality disorder or delusional disorder, paranoid type.

The definiton of a delusion is a belief that is inconsistent with subcultural norms that cannot be dispelled even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary of the belief. Paranoia is defined as an irrational fear that others mean to harm the patient.

However, if he's perfectly normal when he's not drunk, then he has none of the above: he simply has a substance abuse disorder (alcohol abuse).

Regardless of his diagnosis, it should be of no concern to you. You need to come up with a list of behaviors that are not acceptable and get him to sign a contract that any of these behaviors will result in his eviction from the house.

If he won't contract for this, then start action NOW to get him out because he is a threat to your safety. You aren't going to fix him and you aren't going to get him to get help. You need to take care of yourself first.

Does this make sense?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Silvur
Silvur

sumthin sumin smmnm....
Location: home sweet home
Member Since: 4th Sep 2003
Total posts: 372
Posted:I agree. I mean, you don't want to just kick him out, because he obviously needs some help, but bearing in mind that he's not exactly your best friend says that if you can help, do it, but make sure you look after yourself first off. You were there first; so lift your leg and piss on your territory, so to speak.

Good luck! hug


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mrFlibble
Ghostbuster
Location: York, UK
Member Since: 1st Mar 2003
Total posts: 455
Posted:I agree smile

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Tao Star
Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 30th May 2003
Total posts: 1662
Posted:ah, there's one thing i forgot to explain.

we can't just kick him our cause he's signed a 6 month contract with our landlord.

some people have told us that if he threatens us then that's grounds to get him arrestedand then kicked out, but i odon't know.

thanks for all the advice guys. the contract idea is a good one, i think maybe if he actually realises what we consider unacceptable then he might realise how hard he's being. i think i feel a house meeting comming on....


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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brodieman
brodieman

old hand
Location: london
Member Since: 11th Jul 2003
Total posts: 1024
Posted:hello matey hope you resolve the problem sounds like he has issues , his behaviour sounds someone i used to know, she had bi-polar depression but im far from being an expert at these things, any ways if you ever feel unsafe your more than welcome to give me a ring any ways all the best smile

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Tao,

Given I'm American, but in this country, most leases have specific clauses about violence and property destruction written into them.

Furthermore, threats of violence or actual violence are legally relevant. Look, you're his roommate, not his best friend, not his therapist, not his case manager. You don't have the training to manage his disease and even if you did, it would be horribly inappropriate for you to try to manage a patient who lives with you.

I know it sounds cold, and I didn't say that it would be easy or guilt-free, but you have to watch out for yourself first. His problems aren't yours.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Spanner
Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...
Member Since: 27th Feb 2003
Total posts: 2790
Posted:You're not obliged to be directly involved in his issues, but neither are you obliged to help your other flatmates plan how to kick him out, especially as either approach could exacerbate his behaviour and your general situation.

I think the next person to talk to is your landlord. He might be able to apply for a suspended possession order if your flatmate is willing to sign an agreement not to breach the tenancy agreement again. If he breaks his promise, the possession order would then come into effect.

If all concerned are honest, hopefully this can be reconciled amicably, even if he leaves. Good luck to you all. hug





"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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