Forums > Social Chat > Being more selfish!
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Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Posted:
Today I finished a translation that I promised I'd help out with ages ago and have declined to do any more in the future, unless a nice fat translation fee accompanies them.
I feel a real sigh of relief that that is done, the last few months I have felt really overcommitted. I may not be able to juggle but have felt as if I'm juggling so many parts of my life and all of them sufferring somewhat.
A friend asked Kota and I to help her arrange licensing from Japan for mechandise for her store. My initial reaction was 'sure, anything to help although I think I'm determined to help rather than been given the responsibility of doing everything.
Feeling quite liberated by my decision -Time to start being more selfish and concentrate on my own life, rather than worrying about letting other people down. However there are area's of my life where I know that I will fail as fulfilling my own desires would hurt other people to much.
Trying to remember the most important person in your life is in fact you is not easy, but hopefully by being more selfish I can look forward to being more free.
Anyone have any advice to stop me from falling back into my old ways?
Today I finished a translation that I promised I'd help out with ages ago and have declined to do any more in the future, unless a nice fat translation fee accompanies them.
I feel a real sigh of relief that that is done, the last few months I have felt really overcommitted. I may not be able to juggle but have felt as if I'm juggling so many parts of my life and all of them sufferring somewhat.
A friend asked Kota and I to help her arrange licensing from Japan for mechandise for her store. My initial reaction was 'sure, anything to help although I think I'm determined to help rather than been given the responsibility of doing everything.
Feeling quite liberated by my decision -Time to start being more selfish and concentrate on my own life, rather than worrying about letting other people down. However there are area's of my life where I know that I will fail as fulfilling my own desires would hurt other people to much.
Trying to remember the most important person in your life is in fact you is not easy, but hopefully by being more selfish I can look forward to being more free.
Anyone have any advice to stop me from falling back into my old ways?
Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.
- W B Yeats
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,617 posts
Location: Berlin, Ireland
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,617 posts
Location: Berlin, Ireland
Posted:
Stop being so nice!!
Look after number one or everyone'll lose in the end
Oooo that's one to watch. Resentment and bitterness usually take time to develop.
Stop being so nice!!
Look after number one or everyone'll lose in the end
Quote:
However there are area's of my life where I know that I will fail as fulfilling my own desires would hurt other people to much.
Oooo that's one to watch. Resentment and bitterness usually take time to develop.
I live in a world of infinite possibilities.
110% MONKEY EVERY TIME ALL THE TIME JUST CANT STOP THE MONKEY
3,149 posts
Location: London
3,149 posts
Location: London
Posted:
If you need to reinforce selfish behaviour then you could record that bit from the shampoo ads where sexy friends lady say
then play it over and over on your walkman \ ipod \ whatever
or maybe not...
If you need to reinforce selfish behaviour then you could record that bit from the shampoo ads where sexy friends lady say
Quote:
because i'm worth it
then play it over and over on your walkman \ ipod \ whatever
or maybe not...
"Switching between different kinds of chuu chuu sometimes gives this "urgh wtf?" effect because it's giving people the phi phenomenon."
Pooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
Posted:
Yay for being selfish, what other excuse is there for copious amounts of chocolate?
Yay for being selfish, what other excuse is there for copious amounts of chocolate?
I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.
110% MONKEY EVERY TIME ALL THE TIME JUST CANT STOP THE MONKEY
3,149 posts
Location: London
3,149 posts
Location: London
Posted:
the economic support of cocoa farmers?
the economic support of cocoa farmers?
"Switching between different kinds of chuu chuu sometimes gives this "urgh wtf?" effect because it's giving people the phi phenomenon."
Pooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
Posted:
I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
i know it's a tough thing, especially when people don't understand and get mad at you for putting you first. but then you just gotta remember, that's them being selfish. so you should do it too.
i think that fact that you have an awareness that sometimes being selfish is gonna hurt other people makes you a good person and less likely to hurt people. you are obviously very conscientious of other people's feelings, and as you said, sometimes at the expense of your own emotional and physical well-being.
don't be afraid to put YOU first. as you said, in the end it'll actually make you more able to help others when they need it.
i know it's a tough thing, especially when people don't understand and get mad at you for putting you first. but then you just gotta remember, that's them being selfish. so you should do it too.
i think that fact that you have an awareness that sometimes being selfish is gonna hurt other people makes you a good person and less likely to hurt people. you are obviously very conscientious of other people's feelings, and as you said, sometimes at the expense of your own emotional and physical well-being.
don't be afraid to put YOU first. as you said, in the end it'll actually make you more able to help others when they need it.
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
110% MONKEY EVERY TIME ALL THE TIME JUST CANT STOP THE MONKEY
3,149 posts
Location: London
3,149 posts
Location: London
Posted:
hmm, in all seriousness i think its never to your detriment to put others before yourself, as long as you're doing that with people who feel the same way...
If you're not hanging around with people like that then... well you should be.
EDIT-
ooh, and i guess the counterpoint to that is - selfishness is groovy as long the people you're with understand that, and don't give selflessly to you, expecting the same in return.
EDITED_BY: simian (1076517526)
hmm, in all seriousness i think its never to your detriment to put others before yourself, as long as you're doing that with people who feel the same way...
If you're not hanging around with people like that then... well you should be.
EDIT-
ooh, and i guess the counterpoint to that is - selfishness is groovy as long the people you're with understand that, and don't give selflessly to you, expecting the same in return.
EDITED_BY: simian (1076517526)
"Switching between different kinds of chuu chuu sometimes gives this "urgh wtf?" effect because it's giving people the phi phenomenon."
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Posted:
Well I got fed up dealing with the tenancy & always being the one responsible for everything so I told Kota to go and 'sort it', he wasn't a happy bunny but
. Benefits repaed - just had a phonecall from Kota to say sorted, and an apology for not taking more responsibility!
Score!
Thanks guys!
Thanks for the advice Simian I AM worth it. Alas I have a stiff neck and so cannot perform the cheesy grin and head shake requisite of the L'oreal Girl. Those ads also make me want to hurl stuff at the TV so in the interest of electrical safety I may have to refrain from taking your suggestion.
Chocolate however is always good
Yep - there are still some issues that I can't be selfish for me on, but instead of giving into other people's needs I'm going to offer them a compromise and if they can't accept that then I don't really need people like that in my life.
So far tho - being selfish is GREAT
Well I got fed up dealing with the tenancy & always being the one responsible for everything so I told Kota to go and 'sort it', he wasn't a happy bunny but
. Benefits repaed - just had a phonecall from Kota to say sorted, and an apology for not taking more responsibility!Score!
Thanks guys!
Thanks for the advice Simian I AM worth it. Alas I have a stiff neck and so cannot perform the cheesy grin and head shake requisite of the L'oreal Girl. Those ads also make me want to hurl stuff at the TV so in the interest of electrical safety I may have to refrain from taking your suggestion.
Chocolate however is always good
Yep - there are still some issues that I can't be selfish for me on, but instead of giving into other people's needs I'm going to offer them a compromise and if they can't accept that then I don't really need people like that in my life.
So far tho - being selfish is GREAT
Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.
- W B Yeats
110% MONKEY EVERY TIME ALL THE TIME JUST CANT STOP THE MONKEY
3,149 posts
Location: London
3,149 posts
Location: London
Posted:
quick! into the trees! turn right! right! no not that right!
*Simian veers wildly off-topic scattering all meaning and logic in his path*
um yeah,
Kat i've got that book you lent Bovril
He gave it to me before eloping with himself to the land of Oz (i hope he brings me back a flying fezmunky)
So when am i seeing you to return it then?
or shall i selfishly keep it forever muahahahaha...ha........ha......heurgh (wheeze)
i can't get the hang of evil laughs. i think i smoke too many fags.
EDIT - doh! the Rex or Synergy innit. Me=Sillymonkey ERGO ignore me.
EDITED_BY: simian (1076518038)
quick! into the trees! turn right! right! no not that right!
*Simian veers wildly off-topic scattering all meaning and logic in his path*
um yeah,
Kat i've got that book you lent Bovril
He gave it to me before eloping with himself to the land of Oz (i hope he brings me back a flying fezmunky)
So when am i seeing you to return it then?
or shall i selfishly keep it forever muahahahaha...ha........ha......heurgh (wheeze)
i can't get the hang of evil laughs. i think i smoke too many fags.
EDIT - doh! the Rex or Synergy innit. Me=Sillymonkey ERGO ignore me.
EDITED_BY: simian (1076518038)
"Switching between different kinds of chuu chuu sometimes gives this "urgh wtf?" effect because it's giving people the phi phenomenon."
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
Kat, I understand. I became a mom (surprise version) at 21. My life went on hold. I did what other people told me to do, including school and career choices. What I wanted has been put on hold...well, for the longest time. My son is 9. I am 30. I am being selfish. I am travelling when I have to and doing things despite decent amongst the ranks. Thing is, it makes me happy. When I am miserable, it is felt by everyone in my life, and that is not acceptible either.
So...a compromise has been made. Where I would love to travel every weekend, I travel a couple times a month. Sometimes my son goes with me, sometimes he stays home with someone. There is always a middle ground. My choice to do this, to perform and write, hurts some people I care about deeply. However, it is not a decision that effects their life, just their emotions, which while significant, they can heal from. It is about checks and balances. Sometimes selfishness is 100% what is needed and sometimes you have to give a little.
Before I make any decisions which I deem as purely selfish I really do try to step back and assess the situation. If it effects someone's life, then I debate and compromise. If it will only impact their opinion of me, or their feelings, then I make certain it is what I really want and I do it. I can handle people being disappointed in me, I know I can not handle knowing that I turned someone's life upside down (though I admit that there are times when that is necessary for a good ends).
Just don't become self-absorbed in your selfishness. I think alot of people have this "all about me" attitude, and the world does not work that way at all. Keeping a level head about what you need to be selfish about allows relationships to still flourish and such. Best of luck to you!
Pele
Kat, I understand. I became a mom (surprise version) at 21. My life went on hold. I did what other people told me to do, including school and career choices. What I wanted has been put on hold...well, for the longest time. My son is 9. I am 30. I am being selfish. I am travelling when I have to and doing things despite decent amongst the ranks. Thing is, it makes me happy. When I am miserable, it is felt by everyone in my life, and that is not acceptible either.
So...a compromise has been made. Where I would love to travel every weekend, I travel a couple times a month. Sometimes my son goes with me, sometimes he stays home with someone. There is always a middle ground. My choice to do this, to perform and write, hurts some people I care about deeply. However, it is not a decision that effects their life, just their emotions, which while significant, they can heal from. It is about checks and balances. Sometimes selfishness is 100% what is needed and sometimes you have to give a little.
Before I make any decisions which I deem as purely selfish I really do try to step back and assess the situation. If it effects someone's life, then I debate and compromise. If it will only impact their opinion of me, or their feelings, then I make certain it is what I really want and I do it. I can handle people being disappointed in me, I know I can not handle knowing that I turned someone's life upside down (though I admit that there are times when that is necessary for a good ends).
Just don't become self-absorbed in your selfishness. I think alot of people have this "all about me" attitude, and the world does not work that way at all. Keeping a level head about what you need to be selfish about allows relationships to still flourish and such. Best of luck to you!
Pele
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Posted:
Hey you stole my evil laugh. Dammit! Have to rely on the girly giggle or the simpering smile or the ..
anyhow
Did you enjoy the book? There was a slight monkey link there
When did Bovril leave
? Whel will he be back Will I ever be able to bring home a Bovril Balloon safely without killing it?
Yep either Rex / Synergy / Spitz, won't be next week tho as I'm busy, busy.
Wicked..no rest.. and all that jazz
Hey you stole my evil laugh. Dammit! Have to rely on the girly giggle or the simpering smile or the ..
anyhow
Did you enjoy the book? There was a slight monkey link there
When did Bovril leave
? Whel will he be back Will I ever be able to bring home a Bovril Balloon safely without killing it? Yep either Rex / Synergy / Spitz, won't be next week tho as I'm busy, busy.
Wicked..no rest.. and all that jazz
Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.
- W B Yeats
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Posted:
Pele - thank you for sharing your experience with me. You have already faced a situation that I have only reached now. Instead of having me needs come after my families I think its time for me to think more about moi too. DSS is right - does create bitterness, and I had a huge fight back in November with a family member, and a lot of stuff came pouring out. I guess I never realised how resentful I felt till then about having so much pressure on me to come home when I lived in Japan and the constant pressure still being put on me to move back home and settle down with a 'nice Irish boy'. However I'm determined that when in the future no matter whether its small or large things I'm not going to be a martyr anymore!
Think the translation I was doing (about Napoleon Hill who wrote Think and Grow rich) had more of an effect on me than I thought
Home time for me. Thanks everyone
Pele - thank you for sharing your experience with me. You have already faced a situation that I have only reached now. Instead of having me needs come after my families I think its time for me to think more about moi too. DSS is right - does create bitterness, and I had a huge fight back in November with a family member, and a lot of stuff came pouring out. I guess I never realised how resentful I felt till then about having so much pressure on me to come home when I lived in Japan and the constant pressure still being put on me to move back home and settle down with a 'nice Irish boy'. However I'm determined that when in the future no matter whether its small or large things I'm not going to be a martyr anymore!
Think the translation I was doing (about Napoleon Hill who wrote Think and Grow rich) had more of an effect on me than I thought
Home time for me. Thanks everyone
Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.
- W B Yeats
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