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Same as Dostoevskiy


Same as Dostoevskiy

member
Location: vodka-country... and it's VERY...

Total posts: 54
Posted:so here is my story. it all began about a couple of months ago. i was invited to a wedding as a spinner, and ... well there we met. and when she took my chains that night, she was as gorgeous as noone else on this damn planet. then it went on and on and on BUT. the point is that she is , how do you say that, married? no she is not married, but she lives for a couple years now with her dude, and he is like 31, and he is some sort of house dj and stuff like that, and she sometimes calls me on the phone in the morning crying and telling me that she can't do it with him, that she loves me, and there was something between us and the dude knows, and i feel really like poo about it all.
but she is so damn cool, she is one day older than me (as i suppose we're almost astronomical twins), she spins as a goddess,.. and i think i love her.
don't know why i'm writing this here, just it happened to be that this is the only place i feel like i can write poo like this.
anyway i'm unhappy about all the her-staying-with-him, and in this case love sucks.
sucks.
sucks. frown


when it gets colder that -25, you don't really care

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:No it doesn't.

Delete

Narr


Narr

(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step

Total posts: 2568
Posted:mate if she loves you like she said she'd have left him alreaddy..shes fu$kin you over hug

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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coleman
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

coleman

big and good and broken
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay

Total posts: 7330
Posted:dom's right i'm afraid - love rules ubblove

its the real world and its consequences that truly suck.


"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

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Glåss
PLATINUM Member since Nov 2001

Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 2523
Posted:yea, I gotta agree with the penguin head,
you could go watch amelie, until symptoms cease
and we'll have no more of this nonsense.
ubbrollsmile:


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Matthew B-M


Matthew B-M

Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
Location: East London Wilds

Total posts: 605
Posted:I'd beg to disagree, Dom. It's all very well while the other person feels it too, but unrequited love is one of the most painful things that can be experienced. Feeling love for someone who has repeatedly hurt you, and apparently doesn't give a flying f**k anymore is even worse.

Perhaps that qualifies as "real world". I'm not sure.

wink


Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance

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Weasel


the one and only, just like chesney
Location: here

Total posts: 295
Posted:unrequited love is definitly something that can cause alot of pain, however so can requited love, the bad painful aspects of love are all part of what make it so beautiful when it works.

birds might be able to fly,
but weasels dont get caught in jet engine's

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Weasel


the one and only, just like chesney
Location: here

Total posts: 295
Posted:oh and i agree with narr shes totally f***ing with you ubbcrying

birds might be able to fly,
but weasels dont get caught in jet engine's

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TheSilverShadow
BRONZE Member since Aug 2003

TheSilverShadow

Uncle Chop Chop
Location: Time is the Fire in which we b...

Total posts: 213
Posted:
I reakon i'm gonna go with narr on this one, if she was sooooo much in love with u she would be with u already and i wouldn't be writin this right now.

Love can be the most wonderful feeling in teh world, but it also can be the worst but as far as "love sucks" i would disagree even if it's not being too nice at the mo.


"Do you know what the Phantom is??"
--------------

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Narr


Narr

(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step

Total posts: 2568
Posted:wow people agree with me! *bows* i now make myself the official agony aunt of HoP ..so please write all angst filled letters to dear.sophie@hop.com wink

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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Matthew B-M


Matthew B-M

Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
Location: East London Wilds

Total posts: 605
Posted:Agreed. How is Stockholm btw?

Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance

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pounce
SILVER Member since Jan 2003

pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...

Total posts: 9831
Posted:wow i so knew matthew would be on here spouting love sucks as well.



he's a cynic, don't listen to him



i have to agree with dom and everyone else who agreed with him. everyone is so concerned with making their life pain-free, but what you don't realize is that without it, you'll never understand what happiness is. love can be painful at times, but that pain can be useful, you can learn from it. if you feel it, it means you are alive. and when you do find happiness, it will only be that much more sweet and beautiful.



and i'm going to be part of the minority here and disagree with narr. she may be [censored] with you but she may also just be confused. people are not simple and neither are their emotions. it's not right for her to put you or her boyfriend through all this, but the only person who truly knows how she is feeling through all this and whether she is [censored] with you or not is her. you just need to figure out what you are willing to put up with and what you are not


I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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Matthew B-M


Matthew B-M

Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
Location: East London Wilds

Total posts: 605
Posted:Obviously I am the new Raymond Phule. As those who have met me will doubtless testify.

Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance

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pounce
SILVER Member since Jan 2003

pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...

Total posts: 9831
Posted:when it comes to questions about love, you do tend to lean that way...

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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Matthew B-M


Matthew B-M

Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
Location: East London Wilds

Total posts: 605
Posted:I'm glad that in your position as a therapist you understand exactly what I went through for about the worst year of my life. This year is something that has rather coloured my opinions, I nearly, but didn't quite, failed my degree because of what happened, and I came very close to suicide several times. Perhaps, with some empathy, you might be able to see why I might not always be so ready to say that it's a good thing.

Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance

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pounce
SILVER Member since Jan 2003

pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...

Total posts: 9831
Posted:actually this has nothing to do with me empathizing with you. i have and do empathize with you and have talked to you about this before, but you obviously weren't listening. i understand what you went through and why you feel the way you do, but not everyone's experience is like yours, and yet you try to convert everyone else to your way of thinking. you're still too close to your own experience to be able and be objective about anyone else's. and as far as what your experience did to you...? as a therapist i could say a lot about the reality of your situation, but i'm not your therapist and i doubt you'd listen anyway.

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Delete

Narr


Narr

(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step

Total posts: 2568
Posted:*hands pounce her agony aunt crown* she wins again wink tongue ...you put it all much better than i could sweetie kiss

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Unrequited love is an awful feeling, I agree.

But sometimes, you have to remember that your brain lies above your heart. If this love is unattainable and she's not willing to leave him for you, then you have to cut her out of your life to keep her from destroying both your brain and heart. It's not easy; it never is. But you have to look out for yourself first.

There's this myth that there's one perfect match for everyone. Well, I don't buy it. I believe that there are many perfect matches and that another can come along at any time. Just keep your eyes open, mate.



-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Astar


member
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.

Total posts: 1591
Posted:What really sucks is love which suddenly becomes unrequited for extreamly ambigious reasons. I by my nature have to figure things out, so completly irrational ending of a relationship tortures my poor brain beyond reason. If she would just email me (hell it's like 2 years later) and tell me it was because im a worthless twat or something, I would feel relieved and probably be able to let go eventually. I don't see how I can possibly forget about it under such ambigious conditions though.

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Same as Dostoevskiy


Same as Dostoevskiy

member
Location: vodka-country... and it's VERY...

Total posts: 54
Posted:i didn't think i'd be answering all this poo now, but ...
do you know what it feels like to be next to someone for some long period of time and the to realize that there is nothing that could really hold you two together, but you are still staying together, just because you're used to it, and you don't want to change nothing, and all stuff like that? i do. and i know that when i went though all that poo, i lost everything i had in my life. i lost my life itself. but then gained a new one but that doesn't matter.


when it gets colder that -25, you don't really care

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GottaLoveIt


GottaLoveIt

Sponge
Location: Stevenage

Total posts: 883
Posted:I'm not experienced enough to comment on this

But look after youselves lovies (actually, no pun intended this time)

Do what makes you happy xxx


Monkeys monkeys and bananas

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i8beefy2
GOLD Member since Mar 2003

i8beefy2

addict
Location: Ohio, USA

Total posts: 674
Posted:Yeah, that sucks man. Went through something similar a few years back, and I know how much it sucks. With that in mind, dude, she's f***in with ya. Yeah, she might just be in that "comfort zone" thing, but its far more likely that you are just an amusement to her if shes still unwilling to give her other guy up. False hope is far more painful than anything you've felt yet, especially when you've felt it for a very long time. Forget her and move on. Everytime I used to see the girl from my past I would go right back to that whole false hope thing... much better off now that I don't see her. In fact I've been starting relationships again after 2 years... (Yes, mine was that painful for me... it was a very LONG false hope).

Love is by no means the problem, it is desire. Perhaps this may help you as it did me... True love means wanting what's best for them without trying to change that to wanting what you want them to want. (Yeah that sounds right..) If she always wanted what you wanted her to want, it'd be a pretty boring relationship. If you've made it clear to her how you feel, theres nothing else you can do. You gave her the choice.

I don't know man its a tough one. Good luck, and here hug you may need that...


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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:i agree. it sucks completely. not matter what anyone says unrequited love is the worst feeling in the world. and its not better to have loved and lost and all that crap. cos id rarther not know the pain.

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Faberg
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

veteran
Location: Dublin, Ireland

Total posts: 1459
Posted:what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

peace


My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely smile

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:even if its only cos youre strengthening urself to beat the life out of them! tongue

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Matthew B-M


Matthew B-M

Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
Location: East London Wilds

Total posts: 605
Posted:Quote:
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger



most of the time smile


Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance

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Same as Dostoevskiy


Same as Dostoevskiy

member
Location: vodka-country... and it's VERY...

Total posts: 54
Posted:guess what?
as i beleive we've got married today.


when it gets colder that -25, you don't really care

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Love doesn't suck, people do.

*hugs*

I'm in one of the weirdest points ever in my life in relation to love and whatnot, but the love is good. The people involved are more interesting.

No matter what people do to stop it, i've noticed [censored] keeps happening.....

but... hug hug is more fun


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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DeepSoulSheep
GOLD Member since Sep 2002

DeepSoulSheep

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin

Total posts: 2617
Posted:The below is only my limited opinion from what I can glean....
ubbangel
Ok, I know see that the response I typed a few days ago is not in this thread at all rolleyes

The main points were. Been there done that. Biiig regret. Wasted 2 years of my life waiting for that relationship.
It's 'tainted love'.
Your gunna have big trust issues either way.
What ever relationship you have with her now is not a real relationship. How can it be when she's married.

If you're anyway like me you'll ignore what I say but get out of it now. As lightning alluded to....the only thing that keeps you in this situation is the fact you really think she's the one. If that is the case and she is the one then you have nothing to worry about.

Tell her that if you are the one she wants that she should leave her husband and come to you (you cannot be around when that happens, she has to do it herself). If she dosn't you've saved yourself a lot of heartache. Again if you're like me you won't because you'll worry that if you walk away she won't follow.

This is the only way things can work IMHO. If you let her walk all over you, she won't stop. People can only get away with what you let them get away with.

If you love somone and let them go,
if they return to you it was meant to be ....
if they don't well....well then they don't


I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

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bubblishis


False Eyelash
Location: New York City

Total posts: 346
Posted:You know...the first principle of reiki is this: "Just for today I will practice the attitude of gratitude." And honestly honey it sounds like you have a lot to be excited about. You met someone you really like, she really likes you. You're one step closer to figuring out a twin flame - if you haven't already. It's not perfect but it sounds like a step forward.

Geez the last person I flirted with...and I'll say I veeeery rarely meet people I want to flirt with which makes it even more upsetting.....made it clear he was not interested. ubbcrying I was kinda sad about it. But I'm probably neurotic and dysfunctional with insecurities on the side. To go. With french fries. I should go for a session with pounce. tongue

Point being...focusing on the things you have instead of the things you don't generally makes life better. From here it dont sound so bad.



All the freaky people make the beauty of the world.

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i8beefy2
GOLD Member since Mar 2003

i8beefy2

addict
Location: Ohio, USA

Total posts: 674
Posted:In retrospect, the whole "better to have loved and lost" thing, looking back now, I agree with wholeheartedly. Prior to those times in my life I was departing down a rather egotistical road which now I am glad I did not. The way that my unrequited love (or whatever we were calling it) changed me was very beneficial... and finally getting OVER it was even more beneficial. See, I learned what it was to love someone more than myself, and that was a gift which I can never repay.

Try redirecting that love to other people. Friends, family, general strangers... perhaps you can put it to better use than allowing it to hurt you. You'll always have that love for her (The relativistic time theory fits real nice, I liked that one biggrin), but in time you'll find others who become as close to you as she seems. Time heals all wounds. wink


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