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KaeKaeKEIKI
member
Location: san diego, california, usa
Member Since: 26th Feb 2002
Total posts: 4
Posted:are you single?dating someone?married?or OTHER?just more cr@p to find out about people you dont know and will probably never meet...but that's the computers soul purpose, let alone the internet...right?"don't mess with the Fyre if you don't wanna get burned--unless you play with Poi"~me"if you someTHING set it on Fyre"-------------------kaekae--KEIKI-alwayZ member...-~*KaeKae*~- LuVs YoU!!!mai poi boi gonna beat ur @$$

-kaekae--KEIKI-alwayZ member...-~*KaeKae*~- LuVs YoU!!!mai poi boi gonna beat ur @$$

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Jello
ambiguous
Location: Mpls, MN, USA
Member Since: 29th Jan 2002
Total posts: 646
Posted:American culture is wierd in ever soo many ways.Ok, I am perpetually and maybe permantly single
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I've always been this way, I make friends up to wazoo but never date anybody. ------------------Ambiguous


_________________________________
Fuzzy Dice.......................................

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Auspoiboy
member
Location: Melbourne Australia
Member Since: 8th Oct 2001
Total posts: 219
Posted:Hmmmm....i might have this wrong but isn't somehting like 90% of the states christian.Im sure i heard a stat (and yes i know i shouldn't put any faith in them)that there are 5.5 bibles in every american house.If this is so, it explains a big difference as to the sexual promiscuity of the states compared to Aus (as pele said) because of the sexual stigma attached with the church.As i type i realise im only a poor melbourne boy who has only ever been on a plane once, and that was only to sydney, who knows very little about the way the rest of the world works and about the difference in cultures from one place to another. Hell i get confused by queenslanders (little aussie joke)cheersapb

Good on usGood on us all

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:APB, I'm not so sure about those stats... Yes, according to a brief internet survey something like 80% of the country is technically Christian BUT only 30% actually attend church.I know that I speak for a large population of people that "claim" a religion on surveys but don't actually practice. Even in my conservative suburbs I get the feeling that very few students attend church or temple...I agree with Pele that the country is COMING from a place of religious morality but I'm not sure that it will be there in years to come. Especially about attitudes pertaining to sex. The Internet, TV, Cable, Movies etc... have all allowed sex to reach the public without flooding those who aren't looking for it.Then again, I admit, I live in NYC where sex shops and liberal attitudes abound.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Dom
Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK
Member Since: 19th Dec 2001
Total posts: 3009
Posted:Aside: Religion is something within yourself, you don't have to attend a place of worship to worship or follow a religion. Religious or not our morals are passed down through time from those dictated by society and the church, and it will take generations for our morals to be decided by ourselves, and by what is right and wrong to ourselves and each other. And as that happens, lets hope we get it right!

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Pele
Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA
Member Since: 15th Dec 2000
Total posts: 6193
Posted:Dom, funny to read your definition of religion. Mine is a bit different. Faith is what you find within yourself, religions happen to be one of the places people to go be in touch with that faith. My grandma doesn't go to church at all. She will say she is a deeply devout and faithful person, but since the Catholic church kicked her out, she is not religious. On that note: she is one of those people who religion dictated sexual behaviour...she and my grandfather slept in seperate rooms and seperate ends of the house, but still had a loving relationship and remained married over 50 years! Talk about confusing!!!!I was talking with Prom yesterday and he noticed that whenever he is ready to find a relationship, the wrong one always seems to find him. Anyone else notice this?------------------Pele Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir...http://www.pyromorph.com

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Dom
Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK
Member Since: 19th Dec 2001
Total posts: 3009
Posted:Pele, that's what I meant as well. Just substitute religion with faith. I think of religion as a personal or institutionalised system grounded in belief and reverence for a supernatural power or powers. You can believe in a single god, but not be christian, muslim, jew or any other church or institution, but I'd still consider you religious.Um, off topic slightly. Better get back on track now...I'm kinda single!

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Bendy
member
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Member Since: 29th Aug 2001
Total posts: 750
Posted:apb - Queenslanders confuse everyone
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Still off topic, ABC in the US recently censored the James Bond classic Diamonds are Forever. Have a look at what they did


Courage is the man who can stop after only one peanut

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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)
Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California
Member Since: 31st Dec 2001
Total posts: 2905
Posted:Faith is different from religion seen as how you can have faith without religion but you cant have religion without faith. Faith is knowing something to be true or false without proof.Say you see a chair, now before you even sit in it you have faith that either the chair will hold your fat ass or it wont!Bond, the old ones, was rated R (look at the back of the box) but none the less ABC is just stupid.I am still sorta single, I will find out more next week!
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Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:Totally off topic, but I'd like to say i don't quite agree with you Ray.I beleive there can be religion without faith... Religion being sometimes just an excuse for social behaviours which have nothing to do with faith. I am not even entering any discussion on today's politics, but rather pointing out the numerous people I see who go to churches / temples because it is a social event under religious cover...But I know this is off topic, really ...shine onCassandra[This message has been edited by cassandra (edited 07 March 2002).]

"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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Dom
Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK
Member Since: 19th Dec 2001
Total posts: 3009
Posted:I'm with Cass. Many people have an institutionalised religion forced on them as birth and childhood. They are that religion, and practise it, because of what they're told to do my their family and society. They may not actually have any faith in it.

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N8
member
Location: NY, USA
Member Since: 10th Apr 2001
Total posts: 336
Posted:NYC, Just wanna say that if the martain and I ever make it to the city we'd love to double date w/ you and Cass.
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Care of other people's approval and you become their prisoner.Live fully, Rave wholly.Fluid are the movements of my strings...

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:I think both cass and ray are saying the same thing... Religion without faith is empty, "just going through the motions"...So you can have religion without faith, but not really. (?)As for our Irish friend, I just heard a news report this morning about the state of abortion in Ireland. I won't agree or disagree but I will say that it's WAY more conservative than any state in the US!And as for double date... sounds great! But right now I'm just lookin' forward to a single date as I'm not sure when my sweetie will next be headin' back across the pond to New York.
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Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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SorchaTheFlaming
member
Location: Calgary alberta Canada
Member Since: 26th Jun 2001
Total posts: 235
Posted:perhaps im being over sensitive but there were a few comments that disturbed me a few posts back.i dont know how to insert quotes and what not into posts but anyways the particular post stated basicly :"I personally find what some of you do with relationships as wrong". "Call me old fashoned call me what you will, but I have always and will always believe in monogomy and saving yourself for your wife/husband"In my opinion many people would agree monogomay is the way to go. etc.What bothers me is the stab at how wrong it is that some are not.I have Always Always Always only wanted one other person to love and be with but sadly as the world is not perfect. It hasnt worked out that way. And I resent the comment that it is WRONG. what a horrible judgemnt to make!! Some people dont have it so easy.if you have to voice disgression before you post something then maybe you need to think twice about posting it.

Teach tolerance, not competition.
Send food, not bombs.

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SteelWngs
SteelWngs

member
Location: Malden, Massachusetts United S...
Member Since: 8th Aug 2001
Total posts: 169
Posted:Here is an article that I found. I thought that a few people might enjoy reading it. A Bouquet of Lovers Strategies for Responsible Open Relationshipsby Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, 1990You want to know how it will be, Me and her, or you and me. You both sit there, your long hair flowing, Eyes alive, your mind still growing, Saying to me: What can we do, Now that we both love you?I love you too. I don't really see, Why can't we go on as three?-- "Triad" by David CrosbyLet us begin with the a priori assumption that the reader is either currently practicing or firmly committed to the concept of Open Relationships as a conscious and loving lifestyle. If you are not in that category then this article will probably not be of interest to you. If you are full of curiosity about the potentials of Open Relationships, there are resources which deal with such soul-searching issues as jealousy management and theories about why the whole lifestyle is healthy and positive. Some of these resources will be given at the end and herein there will also be found considerable points of interest.The goal of a responsible Open Relationship is to cultivate ongoing, long-term, complex relationships which are rooted in deep mutual friendships.What elements enable an Open Relationship to be successful? Having been involved all my adult life in one or the other Open Marriages (the current Primary being 16 years long), I have seen a lot of ideas come and go and experimented with plans and rules to make these relationships work for everyone involved. There is as much variety in what different people require in a relationship as there are people involved in them. However, there are some sure-fire elements that must be present for the system to function at all and there are other elements that are strongly recommended on the basis that they have a very good track record. Let us refer to them collectively as the" Rules of the Road."Rules of the RoadThe first two are essential. I have never met anyone who has had a serious and healthy Open Marriage that omitted these first two principles.They are:Honesty and Openness about the poly-amorous lifestyle. Having multiple sexual relations while lying to your partners or trying to pretend that each one is the "one true love" is a very superficial and selfishly destructive way to live.There are marriages in which one of the partners will state: "If you ever have an affair, I never want to find out about it." I suppose some folks take that as tacit permission the same way a child will connive when the parent tells them "Don't ever let me catch you doing such-and-so!" Without complete honesty, especially about sexual issues, the relationship is doomed. Some Open Relations have an agreement not to discuss the details of their satellite relations with their Primary partner or vice-versa, but there still must be the fundamental honesty and agreement that other relations do exist and are important to maintain.The next principle mentioned is equally fundamental:All partners involved in the Multiple Relations must fully and willingly embrace the basic commitment to a polyamorous lifestyle. A situation where one partner seeks polygamy and the other one insists upon monogamy or strongly politics for it will not work, for this is too much of a fundamental disagreement to allow the relationship to prosper. Sooner or later someone has got to give in and have it one way or the other. The truth is that people usually do have a strong preference.Hogamus, higamus, men are polygamousHigamus, hogamus, women monogamousThe only reason such mixed marriages have actually worked has been because there was an all powerful church/state taboo enforced on options other than monogamy. In a patriarchy, men's deviation from that norm is ignored and women's is punished, often by death. The first recorded gender-specific law, in the ancient code of Urukagina from 2400 BCE, was directed against women who practiced polyandry, specifying that their teeth be bashed in with bricks. Now that the social codes are being challenged, even though the state maintains laws against legal plural marriage, both men and women are more free to explore alternative preferences and relationships are conspicuously in a period of flux.When I first met and fell in love with my present Primary partner, I roused myself sufficiently from my bedazzled emotional state to say: "I love you, but I hope that we can somehow have an Open Relationship because I am not really suited to monogamy and would be very unhappy in a monogamous relationship." Fortunately, Otter was delighted to hear this as he had been too afraid of losing the new-found bliss to broach the subject first.Many a relationship has foundered on the rock of Higamus-Hogamus. Nevertheless, the sooner it gets dealt with the better chance for the relationship to survive. It also means a quicker and kinder death to a romance if this basic agreement cannot be reached. Honesty and willing Polyamorous Commitment are the basic building blocks all partners must use to build a lasting Open Relationship. Once over that hurdle, next comes a set of ground rules for conducting the relationships. Any relationship profits by ground rules, even a one night stand. Nowadays, the state of sexuality being risky, such considerations are more than a politeness; they can be a lifesaver.Never put energy into any Secondary relationships when there is an active conflict within the Primary. This has to be bedrock or the Primary will eventually fold.The difficulty with this rule is that if both partners are not equally committed to the openness of the relationship, it can be used as a gun in their disagreements. By deliberately picking a fight just before Primary A goes to see a Secondary sweetie, Primary B can control her spouse and prevent him from ever having successful Secondary relations. This behavior is fraught with dishonesty and secret monogamous agendas; if it is persistently indulged in, it is symptomatic of a fundamental problem with the basic principles.If Partner B plays this game with Partner A's satellite assignations while continuing to pursue his own, B is an out and out hypocrite and needs to be called on his bullshit in no uncertain terms!Nevertheless, this rule is the safety valve for sanity and preservation of Primary relationships and should be followed with scrupulous integrity. It is a good idea for Primary partners to have an agreed upon set of signals or a formally stated phrase to politely request their Primary to postpone or cancel the secondary assignation so that the energy can be put into the Primary relationship for fence mending or bonding. This ritualized request can be structured so as to avoid loaded terminology and to decrease the negative emotional charge. Frivolous use of this signal is very destructive of it, as is refusal to participate in healing when access to the Primary partner has been obtained.Territorial jealousy has no place in a polyamorous agreement. However situational jealousy can arise over issues in the relationship when one or more of the partners is feeling neglected. Obviously the best cure for neglect is to focus attention on what has been neglected; the relationship will prosper when all partners are feeling strong and positive about each other. From that strong and healthy center it becomes possible to extend the love to others.Consult with the Primary partner before becoming sexually involved with a new long term Secondary lover. The Primary partner must approve of the new person and feel good about them and not feel threatened by the new relationship. Nothing can break up a relationship faster than bringing in a new person that is hostile or inconsiderate to the other Primary partner. On the other hand, the most precious people in my life are the lovers that my Primary partner has brought home to become our mutual life long friends.The check and balance on this rule is how often it is invoked by the same person. If it is used all the time by one person, this is patently unfair and is symptomatic of a problem or need that must be addressed. This can be tricky and once again, if honesty is not impeccably observed, the rule can be abused. If a man has a hard time relating to other men for instance, he can use his alienation to pick apart every other lover his wife proposes on some ground or other, leaving her with no satellite relationship that is acceptable to him. The cure for this is for the person who has the problem relating to the same sex to seek a therapy group for people who want to overcome this alienation.Different rules may be used to apply to one night stands or other temporary love affairs. One-night-stands are not necessarily frowned upon and can be a memorable experience, but some Primaries choose to not allow any such brief flings as too risky, while others feel that such happenings add spice and are especially welcome during business trips or other enforced separations. The "ask first" rule may be suspended for the duration of the separation.All new potential lovers are immediately told of any existing Primary relationship so that they genuinely understand the primacy of that existing relationship. None of this hiding your wedding ring business! Satellite lovers have a right to know where they truly stand and must not have any false illusions or hidden agendas of their own. For instance, in a triadic relationship of two women and one man, there is occasionally a solitary satellite lover who wants to "cut that little filly right out of the herd." If satellite lovers are really seeking a monogamous relationship then they will not be satisfied with the role of a long term Secondary relationship, and it is better that they find this out before any damage is done to either side.If a Secondary becomes destructive to the Primary partnership, one of the Primary partners can ask the other to terminate the threatening Secondary relationship. It is wise to limit this veto to the initial phase of Secondary relationship formation. After a Secondary relationship has existed over a year and a day, any difficulties with the partner's Secondary must be worked out with everyone's cooperation. If you are not all friends by that time, then you are not conducting your relationships in a very cooperative and loving manner. When all is said and done, what we are creating is extended families based on the simple fact that lovers will come through for you more than friends will.An additional complication can arise with the variable of alternate sexual preference. A bisexual woman I knew who was partnered to a man had to terminate a relationship with one of her female lovers because the Secondary lover was a lesbian who objected to the Primary relationship for political reasons. Another bisexual couple had a system whereby they were heterosexually monogamous and all their satellite relationships were with members of the same sex. This elegant solution underwent considerable stress and eventual alteration with the advent of AIDS.Staying HealthyVenereal diseases have been the thorn in the rose of erotic love for centuries, but recently the thorn has developed some fatal venom. If open relationships are to survive, we must develop an impeccable honesty that will brook no hiding behind false modesty or squeamishness. We must be able to have an unshakeable faith in our Primary partners and a very high level of trust with any Secondary or other satellite relationships. This demands a tight knit community of mutual trust among lovers who are friends. A recent study yielded some sobering statistics: over 80% of the men and women queried said they would lie to a potential sex partner both about whether they were married as well as whether they had herpes or other STDs. All it takes is one such liar and the results can be pathological to all. Nowadays, anyone who feels that total honesty is "just not romantic" is courting disaster and anybody unfortunate enough to trust a person like this can drag a lot of innocent people down with their poor judgment.In order to cope with this level of risk, a system has been evolving that we call The Condom Commitment. It works like this: you may have sex without condoms only with the other members of your Condom Commitment Cadre. All members of the Cadre must wear condoms with any outside lovers. The Condom Commitment begins with the Primary relationship where trust is absolute. Long-term Secondary lovers can join by mutual consent of both Primaries and any other Secondaries that already belong. If a person slips up and has an unprotected fling then they must go through a lengthy quarantine period, be tested for all STDs, then accepted back in by complete consensus of the other members of the Cadre. The same drill applies if a condom breaks during intercourse with an outside lover.Adherence to the Condom Commitment and to the other Rules of the Road may seem harsh and somewhat artificial at first, but they have evolved by way of floods of tears and many broken hearts. Alternative relationships can be filled with playful excitement, but it is not a game and people are not toys. The only way the system works is if everyone gets what they need. The rewards are so rich and wonderful that I personally can't imagine living any other way.I feel that this whole polyamorous lifestyle is the avante garde of the 21st Century. Expanded families will become a pattern with wider acceptance as the monogamous nuclear family system breaks apart under the impact of serial divorces. In many ways, polyamorous extended relationships mimic the old multi-generational families before the Industrial Revolution, but they are better because the ties are voluntary and are, by necessity, rooted in honesty, fairness, friendship and mutual interests. Eros is, after all, the primary force that binds the universe together; so we must be creative in the ways we use that force to evolve new and appropriate ways to solve our problems and to make each other and ourselves happy.The magic words are still, after all: Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.------------------Blessings to all, Peter "In motion, move like a thundering wave. When still, be like a mountain.Rising up, be like a monkey. Land swiftly and lightly like a bird. Be steadylike a rooster on one leg. One's stance is as firm as a pine tree, yetexpresses motion. Spin swiftly and circularly like a wheel. Bend and flexlike a bow. Waft gracefully like a leaf in the wind. Sink like a heavy pieceof metal. Prey like a watchful, gliding eagle. Accelerate like a gusty wind." Wushu Proverb

Blessings to all,
Peter
When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember, you do not have to outrun the Dragon ...you just have to outrun the halfling.

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Teine
member
Location: Asheville, NC
Member Since: 18th Nov 2001
Total posts: 74
Posted:my, my, my...from "are you single" to sexuality/sensuality to religion. i hope this isn't my fault. :lol:since it was brought up, i'm follow the Fae (through the briars gets painful sometimes, but oh, well.
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) my personal problem with relationships is this: i have no problem with monogamy, polygamy, homo, hetero, bi, whatever. However, i tend to shy away from deep intimacy itself. still working on finding out why...it's buried deep in me somewhere...."Tolerance is good, acceptance is better." Maybe I've been listening to too much Sinad O'Connor, but there's a phrase that sticks in my head: "and you've got to be willing." hmmm...where's the therapy couch? :lol: Acceptance is only a dream? We must have things to drive us on.
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Maelstrom, i'm going to have to disagree with you, and you're probably going to have to call me a liar (per your statement, not because i'm lieing.) Not everyone enjoys sex. i'm one of those rare few who don't. maybe i've just had too many bad experiences, maybe i've just got some things to fix (spiritually and mentally) first...who knows. but until then, i just don't enjoy it. *shrugs* ah, well.Auspoiboy: the polls SAY that the overwhelming majority of america is christian, but most of that is because to "come out of the closet" imposes serious risks in most areas...so the underground and out of sight style of practicing is still highly in effect in the majority of the nation. (unfortunately) pick a town: it may take you a while, but once you find the gate into the underground communities, there's a completely different world within the surface appearance.
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the same applies to anywhere there is prejudice and fear of exile (in whatever form applies). ok...i'm rambling now.oh, yeah...the topic. *giggles* potentially polygamous, but for now i'm sticking to my shade wife and poltergeist daughter.
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(ever seen a poltergeist child pitch a temper-tantrum? no? be glad!)
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------------------"life begins between the night and the light."


life begins between the night and the light.

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polarity
polarity

veteran
Location: on the wrong planet
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1228
Posted:Incel.

I'm fed up of having "I like you because you're not like other guys.", becoming "Why can't you be like other guys?".


You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.

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The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy
The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy

HOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
Location: Canterbury, UK
Member Since: 5th Nov 2002
Total posts: 1079
Posted:i gots my judy, and im a very happy lil pirate smile

D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

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mykrme
mykrme

burning from inside
Location: anywhere but here
Member Since: 13th May 2005
Total posts: 165
Posted:in a relationship for 14 months...but it just looks like were going to end it. the good thing is we both agree on the idea of ending it. the bad thing is, we still love each other (or at least i love the guy and im pretty much sure he loves me too)...its just that for quite some time we just hurt each other and dont understand each other.
now the question is - what to do next?because i just dont know and nothings so sure yet(but pretty)...
ubbcrying


that's YOUR opinion...

from fire were born, to fire we return...

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Devilsarmy
Devilsarmy

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 14th Oct 2005
Total posts: 2984
Posted:awww hunni only thing you can do next is put one foot forward smile

single and have been since 17th january 2007 lol its fun though in some ways


Actually back on HoP guys ...

Owned By MiG
Owns Fyre and Mods_Stole_My_Name

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mykrme
mykrme

burning from inside
Location: anywhere but here
Member Since: 13th May 2005
Total posts: 165
Posted: Written by: Devilsarmy


awww hunni only thing you can do next is put one foot forward smile


and kick? wink redface
it might be fun for me too, bit later (much later), not now though...i was really hoping for...well...something more, lasting longer...well - well see - nothings over yet, maybe... confused


that's YOUR opinion...

from fire were born, to fire we return...

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