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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:Today I heard a new joke and just have to share it with the world....

Two monkeys were sitting in a bath....one says to the other (in Monkey speak) "hoo hoo hah hah hee hah hoo hoo hah hee hee hah"
and the other says
"Well put some cold water in then!"

Laugh?!.....I nearly wet my pants!!

ubbloco biggrin ubbtickled ubbrollsmile ubblol



weavesmiley


Let's relight this forum ubblove

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pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:Quote:
What do you call a fly with no wings??

A WALK!!! HA AHA HA and not a mention of fluff....d'oh! I've said it now! rolleyes



so good!!!

still laughing.....


I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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originalsmit
originalsmit

addict
Location: nottingham, england. cornwall ...
Member Since: 28th Aug 2003
Total posts: 469
Posted:two fish in a tank one says to the other how d'you drive this thing





ok one for the sickos out there
whats black and white and red all over?



ready?


a nun on a meat hook


my original signature was tooo long.
this one is shorter

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dj_retro
dj_retro

member
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Member Since: 7th Jun 2002
Total posts: 87
Posted:!!!!WARNING!!!

the jokes contained in this post may be offincive to some...wait make that everyeone





What is the differance between a truck load of bowling balls and a truck load of dead babies?




You can't use a pitch fork to unload the bowling balls....

what is the only problem using the pitch fork for the babies?



*holds a imaginary pitch fork and shakes about* finding a live one!




what do you call a baby in the middle of the ocean
























F*CKED!


<( ' ' )>
Fear the Kirby

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Mand
Mand

Keeper of the Spitfire
Location: Calgary Canada
Member Since: 24th Oct 2003
Total posts: 2317
Posted:ubblol

What do you call a man with no arms or legs swimming lengths in a pool?
Clever dick. ubblol

What do you call a woman who balances 10 pints of beer on her head whilst playing snooker?
Beertricks Potter! ubblol


Lets steal a spaceship and head for the sun, and shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.

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Valura
Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum?
Warren

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs driving a car?
clever dick

waht do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
Doug

what dso you call a man without a shovel in his head?
Douglas

what do you call a man in a bush?
Russel

ubblol ubblol ubblol


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

Delete

Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:I loved those as a kid and i still like them now....

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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Red_RaveN
Neo - Hippie
Location: Sala, Slovakia
Member Since: 8th Jun 2003
Total posts: 358
Posted:What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?


Silicon Valley.


Smile.. It confuses people..:)

Wonders never cease as long as you never cease to wonder.

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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:oh no it's... the baby jokes!!! Trying to resist....but....can't....

What's small red and can't go round corners?
A baby with a javelin in it's head!!

What's small red and goes round and round?
A baby in a microwave!

What goes plop arrgh?
A peeled baby in a bucket of salt

What goes plop arrgh plop arrgh?
2 peeled babies in 2 buckets of salt

Sorry.....all those junior school joke memories just came flooding back and I had to share!!

*note:*must remember to punish self later today*




Let's relight this forum ubblove

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The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy
The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy

HOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
Location: Canterbury, UK
Member Since: 5th Nov 2002
Total posts: 1079
Posted:im infantile and purile with a penchant for projectiles, so i can say baby jokes til the cows come home!

whats the difference between a pile of babies and a pile of bowling balls?
you cant move the pile of bowling balls with a pitch fork!

how do you stop a baby crawling in circles?
nail the other hand to the floor!

whats worse then finding 5 babies in a bin?
finding one baby in 5 bins!

whats worse then finding a pile of dead babies?
a pile of dead babies with one at the bottom eating its way to freedom!

wanna hear something funny?
a baby with no arms!

wanna hear something funnier?
a baby with no arms and no legs!

wanna hear something even funnier?
a baby with no arms and no legs on a swing!

if vegetable oil is made from vegetables
and olive oil is made from olives

whats baby oil made from?


biggrin i love being me


D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

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originalsmit
originalsmit

addict
Location: nottingham, england. cornwall ...
Member Since: 28th Aug 2003
Total posts: 469
Posted:yes yes we have all been on the dead baby website, funny for 5 mins then makes you feel really ill
.
sorry i started it really


my original signature was tooo long.
this one is shorter

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pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:ya i have to say the dead baby jokes don't amuse me whatsoever.

maybe it's just me.


I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Delete

Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:Nope Pounce..its me too... hug

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

borismcnorris
borismcnorris

professional pedant
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 24th Jul 2003
Total posts: 137
Posted:two parrots on a perch. one says "can you smell fish"


A warrior always returns to the fray. He never does so out of stubbornness, but because he has noticed a change in the weather - Paulo Coelho

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Valura
Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:i dont like baby jokes either........ frown

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

Delete

dj_retro
dj_retro

member
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Member Since: 7th Jun 2002
Total posts: 87
Posted:like i said some of you may not like them...so ill post another one that is less offencive.


man i cant think of one


<( ' ' )>
Fear the Kirby

Delete

Stebbins
10th degree spoon weilder
Location: Halifax, Canada (currently in ...
Member Since: 29th Dec 2002
Total posts: 171
Posted:Man I'm not a very uptight person and i will laugh at pretty much anything but the baby jokes are one of the few areas where i draw the line... just seems to me like the kind of jokes an eleven year old would find amusing...

Anyway here's mine. (and to think i was afraid to post it before reading the baby jokes)

Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walkin


-Beeaaatch please, I'm the macaroni with the cheese.
-This message will self destruct in 10 seconds.

Delete

Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:oooh.....the baby jokes touch a nerve but poor Chris Reeves gets slated.....now who's the 11y/o joke teller!! rolleyes

Anyways.....back to the fun....one I heard last night

What's pink and smells of paint?

Pink Paint!!!



Let's relight this forum ubblove

Delete

originalsmit
originalsmit

addict
Location: nottingham, england. cornwall ...
Member Since: 28th Aug 2003
Total posts: 469
Posted:aha silly jokes again
hmmm
why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 789,
another one so old it hath hairs on

what did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
sometimes you take me for grunted.

what did the big chimney say to the lttle chimney?
your to small to smoke


my original signature was tooo long.
this one is shorter

Delete

pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:ubblol

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Delete

originalsmit
originalsmit

addict
Location: nottingham, england. cornwall ...
Member Since: 28th Aug 2003
Total posts: 469
Posted:slowly but surely we are building the webs biggest database of terrible old jokes.


my original signature was tooo long.
this one is shorter

Delete

pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:woo-hoo!! i so gotta bookmark this as a favorite thread!

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Delete

originalsmit
originalsmit

addict
Location: nottingham, england. cornwall ...
Member Since: 28th Aug 2003
Total posts: 469
Posted:yes i might as well, all praise to custom bug for starting it
i dont get this one, its just not funny.
how many elephants can you fit in a mini?
4, 2 in the front seats and 2 in the back seats.
ive never got it
ive known it for years.
surely no elephants can fit in a mini, im 6'2" and i barely fit in a mini, and 6'2" is nowhere near as big as an elephant


my original signature was tooo long.
this one is shorter

Delete

pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:haha!!!

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Delete

originalsmit
originalsmit

addict
Location: nottingham, england. cornwall ...
Member Since: 28th Aug 2003
Total posts: 469
Posted:christ im so bored
its 7:30 and im still at work, at powergen someone say something funny, or provide me with some sort of mental stimulation, something PLEASE GOD SOMETHING.



ithinkimgonnacry


my original signature was tooo long.
this one is shorter

Delete

pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:go to the chat room. a bunch of us are chilling in there!

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Delete

Mand
Mand

Keeper of the Spitfire
Location: Calgary Canada
Member Since: 24th Oct 2003
Total posts: 2317
Posted:Just remembered another of my jokes from work-

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his bum! ubblol


Lets steal a spaceship and head for the sun, and shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.

Delete

pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:ewwwwww.....

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Delete

Mand
Mand

Keeper of the Spitfire
Location: Calgary Canada
Member Since: 24th Oct 2003
Total posts: 2317
Posted:ubblol ubblol ubblol

2 cows in a field.
One turns to the other and says "so what do you think about this mad cow disease?"
The other replies "oh, it doesn't bother me, I'm a helicopter".

ubblol


Lets steal a spaceship and head for the sun, and shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.

Delete

headspintotal
member
Location: Crawley
Member Since: 23rd Dec 2002
Total posts: 80
Posted:listen, listen everyone ive got a christmas one

Quote my 4 year old daughter ' what do snowmans have for breakfast?'


Snowflakes.

I have been told that 20 times today and I have to laugh poor me

Something more adult?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

-------------------------------------------
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
-------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give me an example of something that you've forgotten?
--------------------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
--------------------------------------------
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
--------------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know it until the next morning?
--------------------------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
--------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
--------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at the time?



Delete

Mand
Mand

Keeper of the Spitfire
Location: Calgary Canada
Member Since: 24th Oct 2003
Total posts: 2317
Posted:Oh, I love it when all my little kids tell me jokes!
They always seem to stare at the ground, dig holes with their toes, forget the joke half way through, and have three attemps at the punchline!
I always end up laughing at them and not the joke! ubblol


Lets steal a spaceship and head for the sun, and shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.

Delete

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