So I found myself in Japan a few weeks ago on a Scouting trip, and one of the (many) things I found different to Australian culture was their interest in my love life. Quite often when meeting a new group of people my own age I would have to explain that I wasn't seeing anyone, followed by questions about what kind of girls I like. This got me thinking to myself on what kind of relationship I'd like, and I came to the conclusion that one wasn't possible at this point in time.
My weekends are taken up with working at a restaurant, and the only nights I take off are for camps or other such commitments. During the week I'm busy studying for university or any of my other half-dozen projects. In order for me to commit fully to a relationship I would have to give up on at least one of these commitments, something I'm not willing to do right now.
Here's the crux: rationally I know I'm using that as an excuse. The hard truth is that I don't really WANT a relationship right now, and I'm not sure if I ever have. I've always been a shy and withdrawn person (there's a large discrepancy between my online and offline behaviour) and on top of that I never really understood all the rules and such of a relationship. So the question I put to anyone who bothered to read this all (or to the lazy buggers who skipped to the end of the sob story) is this - is it wierd or abnormal for me to not want a relationship? Am I being unrealistic in my hopes that I'll find a companion who feels the same way? Or should I just suck it up and find a girlfriend, even if my heart isn't in it?
Posted:Don't put something your heart isn't in... but also, don't be afraid of putting yourself into something.
It seems rather a lot like you're likely to be holding yourself back from something that could be great just because you don't feel like you know what to do, which is perfectly reasonable.
Short answer... no, its not abnormal to not really want anything for now, but don't let that stop you from going down roads that could turn out to be wonderful. You should also allow yourself to go halfway up a road, I think... travel far enough down a path so you can viably see what is around the corner. Don't let the turnoff to the deep, dark woods scare you.. theres often a beautiful pasture lying not far beyond what at first appears to be scary.
Posted:I don't think it's that abnormal, I spend a few years really not wanting a relationship- though that was after coming out of one and realising I'd spent the past 3 years trying to make someone else happy, and I really needed to figure out what I wanted before I became someone else's doormat. I'm more than a bit sick of it now though.. Being single has turned into more of a bad habit than anything.. I automatically turn guys down without even thinking... So come to think of it, I'm probably not the best person to give relationship avdice
I don't think anyone actually understands the rules of relationships- I think the first rule is 'anything you do may suddenly become wrong without warning'..
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute. Location: Melbourne, Australia
Total posts: 3286
Posted:Originally Posted By: jarle - is it wierd or abnormal for me to not want a relationship?
Not at all.
There's a lot out there, in the media and in culture (as you've seen in Japan) that encourages people to think they should be or want a relationship or be couple/family-centric.
That in no way means you have to. You have every right to be self sufficient and not be in a relationship, and you should be happy about it if that's what you truly want Ironically, the ones that encourage you to look for someone are those who are unhappy themselves in their own relationships and want someone to relate to
Quote: Am I being unrealistic in my hopes that I'll find a companion who feels the same way?
It's less common, but not unrealistic. I know of plenty of people who don't want relationships. Expect to broaden your scope of people to find that though, is all i'll say
Quote: Or should I just suck it up and find a girlfriend, even if my heart isn't in it?
No, no and no. Nothing worse than getting yourself something your heart really isn't into only to crash it later. The emotional upheaval and lashing isn't worth it. Plus it can further cement your resistance to being in a relationship.
Posted:if you want to remove the temptation to be in a relationship, I can highly recommend moving to whyalla. every girl in this town either has a partner and/or I wouldn't consider dating them. damn GFC forcing me to move from perth to whyalla!
But on the question of should you want a GF, when you find someone who you want to find time for in your busy schedule, that's when you should get into a relationship. Until then, keep doing what you're doing
Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League Location: South Africa
Total posts: 4061
Posted:Originally Posted By: *Geo*[...]when you find someone who you want to find time for in your busy schedule, that's when you should get into a relationship. Until then, keep doing what you're doing
Either that or find someone who is doing what you do already so that you do not really need to change your timetable. Although Geo's criteria is a pretty good one.
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.] "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here." - Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland
Bunny Bane Location: i cant see because my head is ...
Total posts: 205
Posted:i couldve sworn i posted here a while back.............
if life is for love then to love is to live - a quote from me! - god i love me - and i while typing this im just itching to get back to my toast - YAY TTTTOOOOAAAASSSSTTTTTT!!!!!!!! - oh and by the way you just lost the game
Yup, still here, and a little annoyed about Chester not having girls of about the same maturity level (not age) and nice enough to hang out with and sleep with, in both the literal and euphemistic use of the phrase.