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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:This is the official post for the singles in opposition to the love post!

(im going to laugh so much is Vanize makes a singles topic at the same time! lol!)


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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jarle
GOLD Member since Mar 2007

jarle

Lv15 Ranger
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1489
Posted:*selfish bump*

So I found myself in Japan a few weeks ago on a Scouting trip, and one of the (many) things I found different to Australian culture was their interest in my love life. Quite often when meeting a new group of people my own age I would have to explain that I wasn't seeing anyone, followed by questions about what kind of girls I like. This got me thinking to myself on what kind of relationship I'd like, and I came to the conclusion that one wasn't possible at this point in time.

My weekends are taken up with working at a restaurant, and the only nights I take off are for camps or other such commitments. During the week I'm busy studying for university or any of my other half-dozen projects. In order for me to commit fully to a relationship I would have to give up on at least one of these commitments, something I'm not willing to do right now.

Here's the crux: rationally I know I'm using that as an excuse. The hard truth is that I don't really WANT a relationship right now, and I'm not sure if I ever have. I've always been a shy and withdrawn person (there's a large discrepancy between my online and offline behaviour) and on top of that I never really understood all the rules and such of a relationship. So the question I put to anyone who bothered to read this all (or to the lazy buggers who skipped to the end of the sob story) is this - is it wierd or abnormal for me to not want a relationship? Am I being unrealistic in my hopes that I'll find a companion who feels the same way? Or should I just suck it up and find a girlfriend, even if my heart isn't in it?


Kupo!

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Mother_Natures_Son
SILVER Member since Aug 2007

Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!

Total posts: 2418
Posted:Don't put something your heart isn't in... but also, don't be afraid of putting yourself into something.

It seems rather a lot like you're likely to be holding yourself back from something that could be great just because you don't feel like you know what to do, which is perfectly reasonable.

Short answer... no, its not abnormal to not really want anything for now, but don't let that stop you from going down roads that could turn out to be wonderful. You should also allow yourself to go halfway up a road, I think... travel far enough down a path so you can viably see what is around the corner. Don't let the turnoff to the deep, dark woods scare you.. theres often a beautiful pasture lying not far beyond what at first appears to be scary.


hug

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hamamelis
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

hamamelis

nut.
Location: Bouncing off the walls.

Total posts: 756
Posted:I don't think it's that abnormal, I spend a few years really not wanting a relationship- though that was after coming out of one and realising I'd spent the past 3 years trying to make someone else happy, and I really needed to figure out what I wanted before I became someone else's doormat. I'm more than a bit sick of it now though.. Being single has turned into more of a bad habit than anything.. I automatically turn guys down without even thinking...
So come to think of it, I'm probably not the best person to give relationship avdice wink

I don't think anyone actually understands the rules of relationships- I think the first rule is 'anything you do may suddenly become wrong without warning'.. grin


THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE EARTH!


If that's okay with you?

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:I'm definitely not qualified to give relationship advice, given I started this thread and all, but I'm joining the bandwagon in saying it's not abnormal in the slightest.

You definitely shouldn't look for a girl if your heart isn't in it, and I'm of the opinion one should never *look* anyway. But just make sure you don't close yourself off and still keep options open.


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Brenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004

Brenn

Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 3286
Posted:Originally Posted By: jarle - is it wierd or abnormal for me to not want a relationship?


Not at all.

There's a lot out there, in the media and in culture (as you've seen in Japan) that encourages people to think they should be or want a relationship or be couple/family-centric.

That in no way means you have to. You have every right to be self sufficient and not be in a relationship, and you should be happy about it if that's what you truly want smile Ironically, the ones that encourage you to look for someone are those who are unhappy themselves in their own relationships and want someone to relate to wink



Quote:
Am I being unrealistic in my hopes that I'll find a companion who feels the same way?

It's less common, but not unrealistic. I know of plenty of people who don't want relationships. Expect to broaden your scope of people to find that though, is all i'll say smile


Quote: Or should I just suck it up and find a girlfriend, even if my heart isn't in it?

No, no and no. tongue2
Nothing worse than getting yourself something your heart really isn't into only to crash it later. The emotional upheaval and lashing isn't worth it. Plus it can further cement your resistance to being in a relationship.


ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy

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*Geo*
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

*Geo*

member
Location: Seoul, South Korea

Total posts: 108
Posted:if you want to remove the temptation to be in a relationship, I can highly recommend moving to whyalla. every girl in this town either has a partner and/or I wouldn't consider dating them. damn GFC forcing me to move from perth to whyalla!

But on the question of should you want a GF, when you find someone who you want to find time for in your busy schedule, that's when you should get into a relationship. Until then, keep doing what you're doing smile


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aston
SILVER Member since Dec 2007

aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa

Total posts: 4061
Posted:Originally Posted By: *Geo*[...]when you find someone who you want to find time for in your busy schedule, that's when you should get into a relationship. Until then, keep doing what you're doing smile


Either that or find someone who is doing what you do already so that you do not really need to change your timetable. Although Geo's criteria is a pretty good one.


'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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Mr Majestik
SILVER Member since Mar 2004

Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear

Total posts: 4693
Posted:have you considered.. a boyfriend? tongue2

"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Mother_Natures_Son
SILVER Member since Aug 2007

Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!

Total posts: 2418
Posted:The commute from Melb to Tassie might be a bit much for him, Majestik

hug

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Wraith_Dividend
SILVER Member since Mar 2009

Wraith_Dividend

Bunny Bane
Location: i cant see because my head is ...

Total posts: 205
Posted:i couldve sworn i posted here a while back.............

*leaves*


if life is for love then to love is to live
-
a quote from me!
-
god i love me
-
and i while typing this im just itching to get back to my toast
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YAY TTTTOOOOAAAASSSSTTTTTT!!!!!!!!
-
oh and by the way you just lost the game

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jarle
GOLD Member since Mar 2007

jarle

Lv15 Ranger
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1489
Posted:Thanks for the help guys, I'm a lot happier even now than when I last posted. I guess I just needed the reassurance that I wasn't going about this the wrong way.

Majestik, I don't have anything against Y chromosomes, but I'm definately after a girl tongue2


Kupo!

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:back in here.... but as a single man backpacking in amsterdam am not over fussed about it wink

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:I hope you got a good bargain... tongue2

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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=Flashpoint=
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

=Flashpoint=

Pasta of Muppets
Location: in the interwebs...

Total posts: 2719
Posted:*pokes his head out from the corner*

Yup, still here, and a little annoyed about Chester not having girls of about the same maturity level (not age) and nice enough to hang out with and sleep with, in both the literal and euphemistic use of the phrase.

grin


ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
ubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmile

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:*wakes up from a the pile of coats in the corner of the room*

are there people still in here? I thought everyone had gone!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:No-one ever leaves! They like to think they do sometimes, but it's just a phase that they go through tongue2

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

Delete

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