Posted:OK, another anonymous one, inspired by other advice threads
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I was wondering if anyone else here has experienced Poi induced jealousy from their partners?Basically while spinning at clubs, parks, festivals, etc.. people often ask me to teach them new tricks. I try (I'm not that great a teacher!) and this obviously takes time and of course you've got to be friendly and social as well.The only problem is that my longterm girlfriend gets really rather jealous if it's a girl I'm teaching. And for some reason it's always the girls (often cute and foreign on top) who are more likely to ask. Guys will just hit themselves endlessly, it's just not macho to ask a stranger for help
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I don't think I flirt excessively, and it's obviously just me trying to be nice and friendly, and I don't shut her out as she often helps. But I always get comments afterwards!I'm not too bothered, as it isn't a problem for the relationship, and it is rather cute. Shows she cares. But I'm interested, does anyone else get this?Thanks!


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Pele
Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA
Member Since: 15th Dec 2000
Total posts: 6193
Posted:I don't get it from my boyfriend at all, he is very supportive and wonderful. However, I have gotten that from those I have had safety for me or other actor friends who are not skill performers. I think they get jealous of the attention I get and not of the poi or my (in)ability to do it. I have had a few friends actually step up and ruin parts of my show before I could get to it because they wanted to be in it so badly (and yes, these are friends who should know better). At my last faire I had two friends fight over who was to safety for me (obvioulsy I had final say) and yet another get mad because I didn't include her. It is really odd to me. None of them want to learn but they all want the attention I get, and then they get huffy when they don't receive it.The most my bf will get jealous over is how much time I spend on it instead of on him!Sounds to me though that your girlfriend might be jealous if you were talking to a female ice cream vendor a little too long, and that it isn't the poi or attention she is jealous of but the time and attention away from her. It's nice that she has someone so understanding as you cause some men can get really strange about the littlest twitch of jealousy in a girl!Cheerios!I tell them to put time and effort into creating a skill act but they don't, and I just write them off as coat riders.------------------Pele Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir...http://www.pyromorph.com[This message has been edited by Pele (edited 26 October 2001).]

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Pele'sWhippingBoy
member
Location: Rochester, NY, USA
Member Since: 19th Jun 2001
Total posts: 442
Posted:The girl I'm with spins all the time and never has any time for me. She also flirts with guys where ever we go. At her last gig she wore this outfit that was open on the back and showed a lot of cleavage. Guys drooled all over her. And then she gloated for the next week about all the guys that hit on her. "Wasn't he so cute!?"(Oops, I'm not logged in anonymously
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)Actually this is a major exaggeration. I love the time and attention that she gives and gets. It's something that she loves and we can work together on. I get to play with my new camera and watch her wiggle. She gets to dance and perform. Bonus for all. [image]http://www.homeofpoi.com/ubb/images/icons/grin.gif">------------------[/image]Pyromorph - Let the fire change you


FYI: I am not Pele. If you wish to reply to me and use a short version of my name, use: PWB.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England. - Homer Jay Simpson

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Superman
Superman

member
Location: Houston, Texas
Member Since: 13th Mar 2001
Total posts: 829
Posted:just face the facts...youre a sexy bitch and you cannot change that.your woman is just goiong to have to learn to share.adn always brush between meals"S"

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear.


- Mark Twain

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Katinca
Katinca

See my vest.... see my vest...
Location: Adelaide - South Australia
Member Since: 9th May 2001
Total posts: 693
Posted:I have a different kind of jealousy. I don't get Jealous when Josh teaches other people moves. He's a really good teacher. I get Jealous when he spins and looks really cool, does a whole heap of funky tricks. Then his fire goes out and its my turn. I feel people are looking at me and thinking - ok chump what can you do???. I feel a little intimidated. So I think I tend to watch more when Josh is spinning and there are other people around then spin. I spin a lot more when it is just us, and our friends who I know. When its other people watching us I tend to feel a little out skilled. So I am a little Jealous over that. Then again I am totally paranoid too. But I know its my own fault. I just have to learn a whole heap of tricks to come up to that standard *sigh*OH well you get that
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Love and Light------------------ ~*~ Katinca ~*~


Love and Light

~*~ Katinca ~*~

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MadGirlBetty
member
Location: Melbourne, AUS
Member Since: 10th Nov 2001
Total posts: 13
Posted:I used to have a boyfriend... I got a different type of poi jealousy from him.Rather than being jealous of any attention shared between me and other people, he seemed to be wrecked by jelousy when I started learning poi. I never knew poi before I met him, but when I started to learn he sounded upset whenever I would mention it, as if it was his thing, and nobody else could touch it.Can anyone make sense of that?

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Posted:Do you think he was afraid you would be better than he was?ie steal his uniqueness?Josh-PS Kate would be at least as good as me if she spent as much time as I do practicing.

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Posted:Pele, next time me and the miss are out together I'm going to find an ice cream seller and chat for a bit too long to test that one out!We do also have the friendly competition between us as to who is best. Obviously we both know it's me (addiction problem!), but I do try to get her to keep up with the tricks I'm figuring out.Kate - I'm always nervous performing, but the way I figure it everyone has different styles that make their performances interesting in different ways. Being clumsy and unco-ordinated I tend to 'flow' less than a lot of other poi-ers. They may not be able to spin a btb 360, but as we've discussed before, technical ability is only one feature of a performance that people appreciate.Anyway, you're probably far better looking than Josh and so get a louder round of applause. If I had it, I'd use it
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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:Sorry can't directly relate to that, but if anyone is willing to provide me with a sweet firedancing boyfriend, I guarantee full report in a few weeks
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Kate, I know what you mean though... twirling after someone else who is better or at least whom you concider as better or even just plain good... I never really realized it until I read your post . When I was with some great firedancers last summer (Buzz, Stefan, miss you guys !!!) I sometimes felt so ashamed of spinning after them. I mean intellectually I know it is silly, but I can't help feeling bad and tend to hide in a corner. I don't know if it is real Jealousy/envy. I rather think it is simple lack of self confidence...And for what little I saw on the COL video, you two are different, but you both definitely shine , you should not ever hesitate to firedance !!!Shine onCassandra


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:Cassi, I think the only logical thing would be to conduct a controlled scentific experiment. Then we can report back to the HOP board with results.
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So you go find yourself a nice firedancing boyfriend and I'll type up and graph the results.
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Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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bulldozer
member
Location: Presently in So Paulo, Brazil
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 38
Posted:Hey Cassandra, I'm not that far from you so if you're willing to do a bit of travelling... and I'm single and quite cute too!Just kidding, well not about the cute part of course! ;-)Actually I'm not too sure about the single thing either since I just meet this American girl. We'll see what happens...BTW we're arranging a big psy-trance party here in Amsterdam in December and I'm planning on making a fire show part of that event so if you or anyone else are interested in joining in then just send me an email: marc@orange-hill.nl

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. --Mark Twain

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Posted:as far as the the jealousy thing goes,my problems run with that i beat myself stupid learning manouvers, have inspirational thoughts about new performance methods and have them stolen by my so called friends who ive taught poi to and discussed ideas with. this makes ME jealous coz i havent got to wow others with my own ideas. nevermind i just learnt to fire breathe and im not teaching anyone else. tee hee.

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nomad
nomad

retired
Location: Paris, France
Member Since: 15th Jan 2001
Total posts: 356
Posted:I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 months now and even though she's always loved to watch me spin fire (and told me I looked sexy when I do!), she never had expressed any interest in learning. She had never been jealous of the attention I get from girls when I spin (note: she's very cool).Then we went to a fire gathering on an island a couple of weeks ago where we spent the weekend with people from Boston, NYC, NJ, CT. The vibes were incredibly good and she suddenly got hooked. She's been practising a lot since. I love the idea of teaching her (and down the road spinning fire with her, I have always craved for that and envied firedancing couples). But maybe I am also going to get jealous soon of the attention she gets when she's really good...Nomad

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:She'll never be better than NOMAD. Cuter, yes, better, never.
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Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:Nomad, really happy to hear your princess gets into firedancing now.Thanks for the support and scientific offer, NYC, but finding a firedancing boyfriend in Paris is like... finding a non- peanutbutter eating guy in the USA... real real hard.Tough lifeShine onCass

"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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Charles
Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:Cass, you don't need to find a firedancing boyfriend, just find a boyfriend and hold out on him till he can do the BTB butterfly, or maybe ride a unicycle or something.you just gotta know which buttons to push..(Charkles runs away as cass throws something heavy and sharp at him...)------------------Charles (INFERNO)newdolbel@hotmail.comhttp://juggling.co.nz

HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:LOLI am offended but truth is I cannot really throw anything at you cause you are right I never know which buttons to press !!!Oh and Charles, you mean One can actually tame and train men like puppies ? Do you think i can also train them to be caring and tender or is that too much to ask ?
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OK, going now to find myself some nice guinea pig, will report later.Shine onCassandra


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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alleykat
member
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Member Since: 11th Sep 2001
Total posts: 49
Posted:MadGirl,For awhile, the friend who I learned twirling from was waaay selfish about sharing. She and another friend developed this rating of whether someone was "fireworthy" or not... meaning, to them, open minded or soulful or something, but which totally kills the beautiful universality of fire. Anyway, for long and complicated reasons, she and this other chick decided I wasn't fireworthy, and so she refused to help me make a staff, and just generally avoided having me anywhere near her and fire. Much later, we fixed all our problems, she realized that she has no right to dictate anyone's fireworthiness, I'm learning poi, and la la everything's grand. Fire, like all beautiful things, can bring on lots of negative crap like greed and selfishness, in addition to inspiring wonder and love and goodness. Talk to him about it. Ask the Mr. Envy what it is that bothers him. Otherwise, it could seriously mess with your relationship. And if it comes down to a choice, my advice would be: Keep the poi; lose the boi.peace and blessings,alleykat------------------this little light of minei'm gonna let it shine...

this little light of minei'm gonna let it shine...

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Available
member
Location: ringwood,nj usa
Member Since: 18th Aug 2001
Total posts: 93
Posted:tell the next trainee that its really just easier if there r no clothes there getting in the way!

Better to Burn out than Fade out, Baby!

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Charles
Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:Cass cass cass (shakes his head like a sad little trained puppy)...You don't need to train him like a puppy, just ask him to do what you want, and as long its a reasonable request, he'll do it.Just like if he asks you something that's not too much trouble, you'd do the same.If you can train him too easily, you'll have to keep an eye on him all the time in case someone else trains him to do other things when you're not looking...------------------Charles (INFERNO)newdolbel@hotmail.comhttp://juggling.co.nz

HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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Dm
Dm

AlterEgo
Location: Londonish
Member Since: 15th Aug 2001
Total posts: 128
Posted:Cass,Yes, you can train men like puppies with amazing ease! But as to training them to be caring and tender, I think that'd be much, much harder!Women will always be able to wrap men round their little fingers. As a man I'm ok with this!Dom

We're nothing but the nerds they think we are

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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:ROTFLDom and Charles you charming wise men !Since you seem such experts, care to explain which "buttons" to press ?????????
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Shine onCassandra


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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Posted:yah, sometimes i feel a little bummed after working on a trick for ages.. finally getting it to perfection, showing my partener - then having him teach and show it to everyone, specially when i taught him from the begining. I know it's a selfish thing on my behalf but some recognition would b nice for all the hours and dings that go into making origional tricks... okay i'm done complaining
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STAY AWSOME wOOt


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Jangla
member
Location: Oxford, UK
Member Since: 28th Aug 2001
Total posts: 155
Posted:My girlfriend hates me practising when she's around. Apparently if she's there I should be spending every moment with her. I would truly love to be that devoted but the fact is I'm only 20 feet away in the back garden!I can't handle it anymore - if I wanna spin then I spin. The very fact she objects makes me stressed and want to spin to relieve that stress - it's a vicious circle!------------------We are all of us in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars."

---------------------With a bit of luck, his life was ruined; always thinking that just behind some narrow door, in his favourite bars, men in red woolen suits are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.

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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:Jangla, have you ever tried teaching her ? or involving her in the fire safety or something ? or ask her for some input about moves / combinations ?Shine onCassandra

"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

Delete

Firefairy
member
Location: UK
Member Since: 12th Oct 2001
Total posts: 115
Posted:relationships dont work if there is jealousy involved - we have to live our own lives, explore our own interests (if the other party is uninterested) and enjoy each others talents. healthy jealousy is when you dont want to take that thing away from the other person but wouldnt mind having it yourself. thats how feel when i see a really good fire performer!!! its not jealousy, honest!

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Gruff
member
Location: Gloucester
Member Since: 9th Oct 2001
Total posts: 106
Posted:This is kinda weird cos it had the opposite effect on my relationship!!My girlfriend knew about my hobbies and sideline job as childrens entertainer from ever since we met and thought it was kinda nifty to know a guy who does crazy stuff!!When we started going out I thought it would really annoy her that a lot of weekends in the summer I would be doing gigs here and there, but whenever she was free and I had a gig she loved to come along. She said she just loved to watch me performing (is she mad??)even though she'd seen the show loadsa times!!!Its kinda nice in a way cos its like moral support for me and its nice she shows a genuine interest.The best one ever was only the other week when SHE asked me to teach her poi!!! Even though I havent had the chance to start with her yet, we've still been able to chat about it.Poi and performing has actually brought us closer - Weird eh?Gruff
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GaBBeRave19
member
Location: Alexander, Iowa
Member Since: 19th Sep 2001
Total posts: 72
Posted:relationships...jealousy...breaking up leaving you in a puddle of your own blood lying paralized from mind numbing drugz on your kitchen floor...BLAH i got my fire and my fire will never leave me right fire?? it sometimes get jealous of the gurls tho it thinks im going behind its back so i give it a ring to show my commitment and its still not satisfied. it wants me to play with it every waking and sleeping hour so it invaids my dreamz and punishez me for not giving in to all the temptation it brings.

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