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Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
i would like to start with that i dont mean offence to anyone who is a jehovas witness or mormon. to be honest i actually think they have a lot of guts to do what they do!

but i had a visit from 2 today. the first ive had in years. and of course now that they've left i think of all the smart-ass questions.

but to start off with my bloody dog! she's big. and usually she growls when people come at the door (cos she's a cowardly thing!)....and guess what! the JWs arrive and she decides to just pace the hallway!
so i was poilte at first...said i didnt believe in god, believed in evolution (she found it difficult to believe in evolution! and creationism isnt more hard to believe??!!) then i asked why they didnt take blood transfusions...that was more like it! things got more interesting!

but of course i thort of all the other really good questions once the door was shut...the reason they dont take blood is cos it says so in the bible...but in the bible it says "thou shall consume the herb of the land" which is the rastafarians excuse for the pot smoking...so i should have asked about that! ubblol

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


margitaSILVER Member
.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
3,777 posts
Location: brizvegas, Australia


Posted:
yes...jw's are funny people. i knew someone a long time ago who was a jw - didn't drink or smoke but seemed happy enough! (he didn't door knock though!!)

my parents have the misfortune of moving into houses that appeal to jw's. we used to get them all the time - cos the old guy who lived there before us used to invite them in for tea and a chat!! he was a lonely old man...

and then my folks moved...around the corner from a kingdom hall! i was there one day last summer - and there was that knock at the door. this guy (jw) had a young girl with him...she would have been 7 at most!! now, this was summer...in queensland...it was about 30 degrees celcius that day!!! and this guy had been dragging this poor kid around for who knows how long! she didn't look happy.
so this guy started going on about his religion & i said i wasn't interested, but like a true jw he kept going. i said 'look, i don't want to swear at you in front of the girl but please go away.' he came back with some lame thing. then i asked why he had the girl, she clearly looked hot, grumpy and completely buggered. i told him that he shouldn't drag the poor kid around on such a hot day, then slammed the door in his face. biggrin

i hate how some jw's drag kids with them - i think they do it so people won't start yelling and abusing them...it's just not fair on the kids!!!! mad

weavesmiley

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!



if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!



smile! :grin: it confuses people!


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
A friend of mine who grew up Jewish in Salt Lake City once answered the door to two LDS (Latter Day Saints/Mormon) missionaries wearing nothing but a towel.

Since they are supposed to keep their minds pure for the two years of their mission, they both turned heel and RAN. ubblol

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
when i was little apparently some mormans came to the door with a little kid...i thort he was someone to play with so i grabbed his hand and lead him inside!


or so my mum tells me.....

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


StebbinsBRONZE Member
10th degree spoon weilder
171 posts
Location: Halifax, Canada (currently in Korea)


Posted:
Whenever they come to the door and ask if i have found Jesus I always anwser "Yes, he's locked in my bastment. I'm just trying to figure out a way to sell tickets for people to see him" cool

-Beeaaatch please, I'm the macaroni with the cheese.
-This message will self destruct in 10 seconds.


Astarmember
1,591 posts
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.


Posted:
if you want to make them squirm ask them about the discrepencys about their bible and everyone elses bible, and the credentials of the "biblical languages studnets" who translated it. Also ask them about their endless false prophecies of the end of the world (which they always state are based on scripture and gods word, where there is absolutly no evidence to back it up)

Also, Ask them about the original writeings of the watchtower by the founder of the religion charles russel, and how they are in direct contradiction to the teachings in the current watch tower(which is that little publication they pump out in huge quantiy)

oh yeah they don't like hearing about the douglas walsh trial either.

Chances are they will either be ignorant about mose of these points, feign ignorance or accuse you of ignorance. I have never met a jehova witness who has actually addressed any of them.

Do I think they are a cult? Very much so. Are they hamrful? Ask anyone who's been thrown out of a jehovas witness family and completly shunned if they think they are harmful.




EeraBRONZE Member
old hand
1,107 posts
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Australia


Posted:
The trouble with them is that no matter how compelling the argument they just won't listen. The Pagan Federation publishes some leaflets explaining all about paganism designed to be handed over to these guys, sort of along the lines of "I'll take Watchtower if you take the Idiot's Guide to Wicca". Some it gets rid of, others just double their efforts to convert the heathen in their midst.

There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.


Astarmember
1,591 posts
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.


Posted:
Their founder was practicaly a messianic pagan of sorts in the period of his life when he started writeing the watch tower.

bluecatgeek, level 1
5,300 posts
Location: everywhere


Posted:
i once opened the door to some plymouth brethren(ultra-protestant movement) whilst listening to skunk anansies 'they're selling jesus' playing at high volume.



they turned round and never came back





ubblol

Holistic Spinner (I hope)


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
Quote:

Whenever they come to the door and ask if i have found Jesus I always anwser "Yes, he's locked in my bastment. I'm just trying to figure out a way to sell tickets for people to see him" cool




What, did you read "Another Roadside Attraction" or something?

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
Quote:

my boat (it needs a name! suggestions are welcome!)




that's because they have 'faith', which of course, cannot possibly be wrong.

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
In general, I don't have a problem with mormons. In fact, I usd to have a whole gaggle of them as in laws. To tell you the truth, I think their social orientation as a group is a lot better than most religions. There are some things I don't like about it - for example, their latent desire for world conquest either by converting or out-reproducing all the other religions. And generally there is little regard for the enviroment in their philosophy, which is a serious flaw this day in age. But for a conservative group, they are actually not so bad. They are generally quite friendly and are responsible citizens (an opinion I do have of JWs) who generally do respect other people's beleifs and will generally listen and hold an honest debate with you. I also like their positive attitude that says everyone born to earth is going to heaven - it's just that the highest level of heaven is reserved for devout mormons, and the reason they are trying to convert you is so you can enjoy the benifits of something like a 'plantnum membership' to heaven or some such thing. I don't like that they force their kids to waste two years of their lives doing a mission just because they want the prestige for their family within the church heirarchy. I think those two years would be better spent in college or in the peace corps.

JWs can go take a long walk off a short pier (that happens to be over a fresh lava flow) as far as I am concerned. As far as I can tell, they have no respect for others, and not a particularly great amount of respect for each other. They seem miserable to a one, and any smiles they produce look fake to me. I'm sure they must like something about their religion, but I can't imagine what. I do not talk to them because I know they have no respect for me or my philosophy, so why should I have any for theirs?

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


Astarmember
1,591 posts
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.


Posted:
The only thing worse then JW's is scientologists.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
the JW lady at my door owned a boxer - i like them. they're nice dogs! :P yes, i got the JW talking about dogs by the end! :P

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
OH MY GOD scientologists!!!!GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR



I was 18 years old and looking for a job... I found a great ad in the paper that read "counselling traineeship" and that I needed to apply to a certian address in the city...

So I did... and what a mistake... it was basically a recruitment run for the scientologists...bloody hell...



Heres me "miss unsuspecting" coming in and being subjected to an hour and a half of bloody Ron L Hubbards B.S sentiments, including a 25 minute movie that had random objects flying around the screen and a weird high pitched noise in the background... brainwashing anyone?? ubbloco ubbloco



One of the "interviewers" then gave me a 100 question test that included the question made famous by Faith No More "do you feel sometime that life is against you??"

right about then my blood started to boil as I was beginning to undertake the life of wicca...



the interviewer totalled my score... and then asked me if I had any questions on how to INCREASE my brain power...for only 39.00 a book (set of 6!!!)



the first thing I asked her was...." the founder of this religion is Ron L hubbard right?" to which she smiled and nodded (ohh the wee girl is soaking it all up)





AND THEN BLAMMMO!!!! I let rip.....

I asked her then what on earth would make her dedicate her life and believe in every word that a man whos career was originally a SCIENCE FICTION writer,had professed to be the truth.... A SCIENCE FICTION WRITER!!!! THERES YOUR FIRST CLUE!!!

\



poor thing... she didnt know which way to look... she then had to get her "supervisior" as I had questions that she couldnt answer....an hour and a half later the supervisior asked me to leave as she was getting flustered... poor thing... ubbtickled





I studied religion for quite some time... not as a matter of faith but of interest..... I pride myslelf on my knowledge in that area..



bearing in mind that then I was VERY outspoken and intollerant of other peoples religions etc etc as I felt I knew it all... now I leave it be with them because...."everybody is right at their own level of understanding"

phew... thats a fair amount of typing

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
thats a great way to do it huh spanner? I would have asked them to send healing to everyone in the phone book.... hug

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


Narr(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
2,568 posts
Location: sitting on the step


Posted:
that sounds like a much better way spanner biggrin

i have a mormon friend and he is the coolest guy on the planet, but the poor bugger keeps having to ask for our forgiveness all the time if he thinks hes upset any of us!!

and JW!! mad i had a few that came to my door one and i smiled and politely said that i wasnt interested and closed the door ... then thy stayed on the porch for like 10 mins occassionally knocking the door!! i had t tell them to pi$$ off in the end!! im sure they just out to annoy people!

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
i agree, religion is interesting. i once ordered this book on comparative religion, but it turned out to be this guy who was apparently an athiest commedian who went to study religions but then decided christianity was the best and it was all about that! not happy! i wanted comparative religion.....but then again the book WAS free...and well, i just lurve free stuff! :P

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


KajiQuantum Theorist
564 posts
Location: Vansterdam


Posted:
Quote:

I'm sure they must like something about their religion, but I can't imagine what.






failing that it's not hard to brainwash children if you start at an early age.



I like the: I'll take your right wing hate material if you take my wicca for idoits pamphlet idea though. Can I download these somewear and print them off? Anyone know?



'couse if a Jolly Widjit (My family's rather derogitory term for JW's) came to my door there'd be the interesting question of how they got past the locked front door to my appartment building. Followed by the mysterious disaperence of the morron who let them in my building.



for me a JW encounter would go like this:



asleep in bed minding my own business

Kazeko (grumbling sleeply and poking me): There's someone knocking on the f**king door.

I'm now half awake with no intention of untangling myself from Kazeko and geting out of our warm bed to answer the door.

Me ( thinking it's just the super saying she's going to be away for a week): They'll go away just go back to sleep hun.

they don't go away

Me (grumbling as I walked to the door}: This had better be bloody important...

I open the door and look out into the hallway. oh you're f**king me!

JW 1 and 2 (as the always travel in pairs): Good Morning!

Me (thinking): what the h*ll's morning?

JW 1: Have you found Jesus yet my son

oh I ain't your son buddy, if I were I'd shot myself

Me: Yah he's in the living room drinking beer and downloading porn off kazza

provided they don't leave at this point

JW 2: To speak of the king in such a way is sinful

ignoring that

Me: Why are you still here? How the f**k did you get in here anyway?

JW: I think you need to read Watchtower my child your language is vile

if he calls me child or son one more time that stack of watchtowers is going up his @ss

Me: If I take your hate material will you bugger off?

JW: yes

I take the WT and slam the door. And walk over to my patio doors while crumpling the WT in a tight ball. Then Opening the door I throw the WT ball with all my strength at the head of the nearest JW walking away from the building. Then going back to bed and telling Kazeko it was JW's and going back to sleep. The alarm goes off 5 minutes later. AARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!.



Yes I can be childish, and spitful at times. It's how I maintain my youth.



Later I would find out who let them in and kill them, tie rocks to the body and tose it in the Thompson River. The best part is the JW will get blaimed becasue they were the last ones seen leaving that persons appartment.



Other ways to get rid of JW's: (This is a joke and not meant to be taken seriously)

1} Answer the door holding a shotgun. Look them over mencingly. Then chamber a round



2) Tell them Jesus is chopped up in to small pieces in your deep freezer. Offer them a piece of "Jesus" jerky.



3) Invite them in to witness the sacrafice of a small animal or virgin (although the latter may give you away as virgins are kinda hard to come by)



4) Fire a warning shot. miss.



5) Ask them how they got past the landmines. Point to the crater in your yard containing piece's of scortched WT's



6) Say "Hey didn't I see you at <>. Make up some story to prove it when they enevitable deny it. be creative.



7) Spray them with a hose



8) Giggle manically every minute of so. be creative with your reason



9) Have an argument with your "other" personality infront of them (sujested topics: porn, sex toys, fetishes, pounce, etc...)



10) Rotate your head from side to side while saying in a gravelly voice: "Agricola aravit agrum. Vir neavit sororen. Dulce et decorum est

pro patria mori. Per Ardua ad Astra." Repete as nessisary. Also vomiting or masterbating with a crucifix may help.



Please note this is the only latin I know it means (in order): "The farmer plowed the field. The man killed his sister. It is fiting and just to die for ones country. Through adversity to the stars.

It won't make a difference though. the chanses of them knowing any Latin is slim. But if you know beter Latin by all means use it.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird, now the world is weird and they take prozac to make it normal again.


DuncGOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom


Posted:
JW's aren't so bad really, but the fact they won't take no for an answer really bugs me. I'm not a big fan of anyone preaching any religion but when they keep asking "do you know Christ died for you?" over and over again after repeatedly telling them I'm not interested gets on my t1ts!!
I posed a question to the last lot that came to my house, first I asked if they had ever eaten meat, which they answered yes, and then I asked "As the bible was mis translated, many words were replaced incorrectly, such as at the meal that fed the five thousand it was not fish that was handed out, it was simply described as 'food' but that ended up being translated into meat. Now as Jesus was a devout Jew and due (hey they ryhme...Jew/Due smile) to the time/area that would have made him strictly vegetarian does that make eating meat a sin?" They didn't know how to answer and left my door. Now I wasn't trying to be smart but it was the only way I could get them to leave as they couldn't/wouldn't accept that I wasn't interested.
Personally I think all bible bashers should keep to themselves, and orff moi laaaand!!

Let's relight this forum ubblove


KajiQuantum Theorist
564 posts
Location: Vansterdam


Posted:
Custom Bug: Thats what the anti JW mines are for. and a sign that says religious zelots will be shot on sight may help as well.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird, now the world is weird and they take prozac to make it normal again.


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
Quote:

Thats what the anti JW mines are for.




you made me laugh so hard that I choked on my phlegm!

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


Tao StarPooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol


Posted:
I have this constant batle with myself between knowing that, believe it or not, they're actually human beings and i should treat them with a certain amount of respect, and really, really, REALLY wanting them to go away.


I generally invite them to meditate with me and then sit in silence until they go away. ubbangel


peace

Peace. XxX

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.


DuncGOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom


Posted:
Really?!? Where can I buy an anti JW mine? Do they detect the one religion or can they differentiate between the nice beleivers who keep it to themselves and the ones who feel they have to force it on you?!

I like the idea of silent meditation with them, at least they'd be quiet!


weavesmiley

Let's relight this forum ubblove


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
You know, my view on religion is that whatever pulls you through is cool with me as long as you don't harm others.

The part where Jehova's Witnesses get to me, as a pediatrician in training, is their opposition to blood transfusion and organ/tissue transplantation.

Now, if you are an adult, I believe you should absolutely have the right to refuse any medical treatment you like. No question about that.

But when it comes to a little kid who needs a blood transfusion or a bone marrow transplant to survive and we need to get a court injunction in order to do it, it makes me really mad. A little child is in no position to make this sort of decision. So now it puts me in the tough situation of do I let the child die, or do I let the child live and grow up being told that because I transfused him, he can never go to heaven? The ethical thing to do is to get the court order to transfuse the patient.

But what kind of awful person do you have to be to honestly believe in a deity that is so merciless that it would deny entrance to heaven because you were transfused at an age where you had no decision-making ability? mad

In my work, I've come across patients from many different backgrounds, some of which I respect and some of which I disagree with. Whether it was the Mennonite family who had a sick kid on our service (they were willing to put aside their beliefs to save the child's life, including using modern electronic devices) or the Mormon lady who I treated for migraine with a caffeine-containing drug (I did, of course, give her the option to opt out), these people will put aside their beliefs to save a life.

It's when people are so egotistical that they'll refuse definitive therapy because of their religion that I see red.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
most mormons I know (and I know a lot) don't object to caffine (or most drugs) if it is for medical purposes. My in-laws used to keep cans of coke around the house for headaches.

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


Pink...?BRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom


Posted:
When i was in high school one of my mates was a JW she was really cool then and never went knocking on doors, but the ones that knock on doors are just so annoying.

Although i did have a wicked conversation with a Mormon one day. We ended up sharing recipies, he gave me this really nice salad dressing recipie.

I do agree with Lightning about the adults forcing their beliefs on their children when they could end up dieing because of it.

ubblove

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
i think the worst instance in which i saw a parent forcing their views on the kid was earlier this year right when the war started. i was running some errands, and as i passed by this one street corner there were people holding signs saying "honk for our troops." i didn't pay much attention to the people who were there, but on my way back, on the opposite street corner were more people with signs. now one sign in particular caught my eye. it said "evil saddam must go" and had pictures of guns on it. now i have my own opinions on the war, and i don't expect everyone to agree with me, so i fully respect people who have differing opinions from me. but this particular sign was kinda disturbing because it seemed to promote violence in my opinion. but the worst part though, was that it was an 8 year old kid holding it. i used to be a child psychologist and that just infuriated me and broke me heart. it's one thing for a child to be taught "support our troops, bring them home safely." i don't think kids should be at rallys at all, but if they are, at least teach them something that they should learn anyways, i.e., compassion, tolerance, etc. but don't give them a sign to hold that promotes violence and negative messages. grrrr. i was SO mad about that i almost called CPS.

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
i read in my legal studies book about a case where a new born needed a blood transfusion, but its JW parents refused so the child was made a ward of the state....so i asked this JW about it. she said the parents had every right to refuse the treatment, and that it shouldnt be made a ward of the state. so i said about how it was an innocent child why should they deserve to die....she said it was the parents choice and that there are many other options......and guess what! an option to a blood transfusion is a heart transplant! so apparently its ok to transfer organs but not blood.....but correct me if im wrong here lightning - but a heart transplant without a blood transfusion????

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


Kombi guyBRONZE Member
HOP OM
225 posts
Location: HOP Central, New Zealand


Posted:
Hows this for comittment???
I came home after work the other day to find a hand written note on my doorstep (not letterbox) from the JWs, what made me giggle was the fact that I live on the outskirts of the city surrounded by trees,Mountains, animals and nature and not a house to be seen as far as the eye can see, except mine which also has a dog on the property
( he looks mean, but really is a big softie) . Also considering that my letterbox is about 2kilometers from the house which is on a dirt road which is a further 6ks from the main road. Now that is serious dedication on there behalf. Shows determination I suppose!!! ubblol eek biggrin

Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
woah! that IS committment! i cant believe they'd do that!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


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