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Login/Join to Participateben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003
![ben-ja-men]()
just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Total posts: 2474
GOLD Member since Jun 2003
just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Total posts: 2474
Posted:So my ex and I where together for a couple of years, she went to singapore and after i went and surprised her for valentines day (originally i was going to propose to her but decided to wait until after her time in singapore finished when we where going to go travelling together), she stressed out and we ended up breaking up. We stayed friends for awhile so i let her keep using my laptop and she assured me she would pay back the money she owed me. When we broke up she said she wanted to know when i started dating someone so i said i that i also wanted to know when she started dating again (dumb i know).
Eventually we had a conversation after she had just got back from travelling (which irked me that she did instead of paying back the money she owed me) we had a conversation where i said the thing that made me sadest about being broken up was that she was happier single than with me, to which she replied yeah i cant see us ever dating again, i guess this is as good as time as any, i hooked up with a guy i met in china.
This pissed me off something chronic cos why would i possibily need to know this? Particularly as its someone she is never going to see again. I wrote an angry email that i wasnt going to send to get it out of my system saying what she said was really hurtful and i want my laptop back along with the money she owes me, after aloooooot of drinking my housemate convinced me i should send it, needless to say i got an angry email back. I dont think im going to get my laptop or the money back.
When she left for singapore she left the jewellery that i had brought her with me ($600 necklace and two sets of earings $300). I dont ever want to see or talk to her again, not having her in my life or any communication I have been the happiest since i met her, but i feel like im missing closure with her having my laptop and money.
What would you do if you where in my shoes?
Eventually we had a conversation after she had just got back from travelling (which irked me that she did instead of paying back the money she owed me) we had a conversation where i said the thing that made me sadest about being broken up was that she was happier single than with me, to which she replied yeah i cant see us ever dating again, i guess this is as good as time as any, i hooked up with a guy i met in china.
This pissed me off something chronic cos why would i possibily need to know this? Particularly as its someone she is never going to see again. I wrote an angry email that i wasnt going to send to get it out of my system saying what she said was really hurtful and i want my laptop back along with the money she owes me, after aloooooot of drinking my housemate convinced me i should send it, needless to say i got an angry email back. I dont think im going to get my laptop or the money back.
When she left for singapore she left the jewellery that i had brought her with me ($600 necklace and two sets of earings $300). I dont ever want to see or talk to her again, not having her in my life or any communication I have been the happiest since i met her, but i feel like im missing closure with her having my laptop and money.
What would you do if you where in my shoes?
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?
Delete TopicNeon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005
![Neon_Shaolin]()
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Total posts: 6120
GOLD Member since Jul 2005
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Total posts: 6120
Posted:If you can prove the laptop's yours (i.e. receipts and serial numbers) you can report is as being stolen and threaten legal action. At the end of the day, emotions aside, she has a an item of property that is yours and in refusing to hand it over is classes as stealing. The money may be trickier issue though.
Sorry it's all gone to sh*t. Welcome to the world...
Sorry it's all gone to sh*t. Welcome to the world...
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
DeleteMynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005
![Mynci]()
Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free..., United Kingd...
Total posts: 8737
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005
Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free..., United Kingd...
Total posts: 8737
Posted:Honestly. i would cut your losses and move on dude. Yes you've lost the love of someone you care deeply about and there is the financial loss, but none of that compares to feeling happy. I would remember the goods times and spend some time with my friends and family maybe do something you wanted to do for a long time and start building some good memories of the present.
I don't break up often but when I do it's normally quite big and not greatly friendly afterwards due to the duration of the relationships. they often go longer than they should have and build resentment which clouds the possibility for a friendly break up. If you can't afford the losses look into seeing if there is a legal way to get them back, but the amount is relatively small so may not be worth the bother. I usually avoid people who make me angry if I can. I've found life too short to hold resentment and anger but still avoid situations which I know will result in bad feeling for no possible gain.
in otherwords I mope, go out, have fun and hump like bunnies it's a tried and tested method but don't hurt anyone elses feeling whilst your getting over your ex as that wouldn't be fair.
hope things get better soon dude.
I don't break up often but when I do it's normally quite big and not greatly friendly afterwards due to the duration of the relationships. they often go longer than they should have and build resentment which clouds the possibility for a friendly break up. If you can't afford the losses look into seeing if there is a legal way to get them back, but the amount is relatively small so may not be worth the bother. I usually avoid people who make me angry if I can. I've found life too short to hold resentment and anger but still avoid situations which I know will result in bad feeling for no possible gain.
in otherwords I mope, go out, have fun and hump like bunnies it's a tried and tested method but don't hurt anyone elses feeling whilst your getting over your ex as that wouldn't be fair.
hope things get better soon dude.A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.
Deleteburningoftheclavey
SILVER Member since Jul 2005
![burningoftheclavey]()
lurking like a ninja with no camouflage..
Location: over yonder, New Zealand
Total posts: 926
SILVER Member since Jul 2005
lurking like a ninja with no camouflage..
Location: over yonder, New Zealand
Total posts: 926
Posted:First of all
Sounds like a pretty horrible breakup, but I agree with Mynci..sounds like you're on your way to moving on, and just the material things left before you can. Does the money she owes you amount to much more than the money you could get for the jewellery? might be an idea to sell that and compromise and ask for the difference back from her.. and yeah you could bring in the legal system for property..
I know it would piss me off, and Id want to try and get my stuff back.. but at the end of the day if its going to mean lots more arguments and bringing up bad feelings it might not be worth the emotional turmoil..
Hope it works out okay man
Sounds like a pretty horrible breakup, but I agree with Mynci..sounds like you're on your way to moving on, and just the material things left before you can. Does the money she owes you amount to much more than the money you could get for the jewellery? might be an idea to sell that and compromise and ask for the difference back from her.. and yeah you could bring in the legal system for property..
I know it would piss me off, and Id want to try and get my stuff back.. but at the end of the day if its going to mean lots more arguments and bringing up bad feelings it might not be worth the emotional turmoil..
Hope it works out okay man
on spam robots - "Burn the robot! Melt him down, and then we can make lots and lots of money from his shiiiny juices!"
Owned by Brenn 
Posted: and a lot of shoulder-patting first...
I don't know what I would do in your shoes in this particular situation. I had girls screwing me out of money (and a great deal so). It's a very good way to learn not to think with the lower parts of the body in the first place
There are always two people in the deal - and really - neither forgetting, nor clinging to the positive feelings of the past will get you anywhere.
Take and learn the lesson brother. All the pushing and shoving won't work. Sending eMails, going to the police is only making things worse - will cost more of your energy and time.
If you can, ask for legal advice (in private, not paid - if you pay a lawyer he will only advise you to sue (and thus pay him more money)). Because two wrongs never make a right. If you intend to keep her jewelry as compensation (sidenote: it usually is at least 50% depreciation when selling it off), then you need to write a note and send this note by registered mail to either herself or her family. There is no way around it.
What she can always do is to claim that the laptop (and the money) have been presents - and usually you can't claim presents made inside a relationship back, after it ended.
If you have eMails of her, stating that she will give the back the money and the laptop, you're okay - but still you will have to write and send this letter (rg'd) and set a deadline of at least 2 weeks before undertaking any attempt to sell the stuff.
Any which way, the only thing I seriously can recommend to you in this moment is: to let this moment pass. Cool it off for at least a week if not three, before taking any further steps.
*************************************************************
It only takes seconds to open profound wounds in people -
and it takes years to heal them.
*************************************************************
Good luck
and a lot of shoulder-patting first...I don't know what I would do in your shoes in this particular situation. I had girls screwing me out of money (and a great deal so). It's a very good way to learn not to think with the lower parts of the body in the first place
There are always two people in the deal - and really - neither forgetting, nor clinging to the positive feelings of the past will get you anywhere.
Take and learn the lesson brother. All the pushing and shoving won't work. Sending eMails, going to the police is only making things worse - will cost more of your energy and time.
If you can, ask for legal advice (in private, not paid - if you pay a lawyer he will only advise you to sue (and thus pay him more money)). Because two wrongs never make a right. If you intend to keep her jewelry as compensation (sidenote: it usually is at least 50% depreciation when selling it off), then you need to write a note and send this note by registered mail to either herself or her family. There is no way around it.
What she can always do is to claim that the laptop (and the money) have been presents - and usually you can't claim presents made inside a relationship back, after it ended.
If you have eMails of her, stating that she will give the back the money and the laptop, you're okay - but still you will have to write and send this letter (rg'd) and set a deadline of at least 2 weeks before undertaking any attempt to sell the stuff.
Any which way, the only thing I seriously can recommend to you in this moment is: to let this moment pass. Cool it off for at least a week if not three, before taking any further steps.
*************************************************************
It only takes seconds to open profound wounds in people -
and it takes years to heal them.
*************************************************************
Good luck
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
Brenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004
![Brenn]()
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Total posts: 3286
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Total posts: 3286
Posted:As unjust as it is, spending an excessive amount of time and resources trying to claim it back is going to deplete you more than it's worth.
Still, if there are email traces of her wanting to pay back the money and return the laptop to you, you can use that to leverage your position. Not that i'm advocating that you go through with it ,but usually the threat of legal action is enough to get people to cooperate. If there is timestamped electronic evidence of that, and she knows of it, it may be enough to get her to return what's yours to you.
Having been in a similar (but smaller in $) situation earlier in the year I totally empathise with you.
Still, if there are email traces of her wanting to pay back the money and return the laptop to you, you can use that to leverage your position. Not that i'm advocating that you go through with it ,but usually the threat of legal action is enough to get people to cooperate. If there is timestamped electronic evidence of that, and she knows of it, it may be enough to get her to return what's yours to you.
Having been in a similar (but smaller in $) situation earlier in the year I totally empathise with you.
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey
Owned by Lost83spy
Posted:Originally Posted By: ben-ja-menWhat would you do if you where in my shoes?
I'd walk in dog poo.
I'd walk in dog poo.
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JayKitty
GOLD Member since Nov 2004
![JayKitty]()
Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Total posts: 534
GOLD Member since Nov 2004
Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Total posts: 534
Posted:Don't dwell to much on what she took. Get it back. Its going to haunt you if you just let it go like that. My heart goes out to you though, that's really rough what happened. Somewhere down the road you may be friends again, you may not, calm down a bit, get in contact and be as professional as you can. Tell her you know the relationship is over but you still need the things she has that are yours. Good luck.
Don't mind me, just passing through.
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Posted:Unfortunately, life is full of these situations and I doubt this will be the last time!
The first thing you need to do is think about whether or not you actually need the items lost in this break up; do you really need said laptop and funds? If you do, then you should be as amicable as possible in retrieving them. Take in to account that youre sitting on jewellery that you could pawn off (cash for gold.com or something) and if the proceeds exceed the total lost, then you can move to step two:
Step two is like with all situations of bereavement; to accept the fact that this person is out of your life. This isnt easy to do by any stretch of the means and may take a while. Theres no clear cut way to get over it because were all different and have different needs. So, firstly, do whatever you need to get over it.
Friends and family are responsible for the shoulder-patting, but I can offer the knowledge that you will both get over this, and deal with the next time easier AND come out a stronger person.
Just dont let it turn you sour; breaking up is a part of life and some may even argue that its for a reason (of course it is!) but it means youre now free to find someone who could just be the one and all that.
Good luck.
The first thing you need to do is think about whether or not you actually need the items lost in this break up; do you really need said laptop and funds? If you do, then you should be as amicable as possible in retrieving them. Take in to account that youre sitting on jewellery that you could pawn off (cash for gold.com or something) and if the proceeds exceed the total lost, then you can move to step two:
Step two is like with all situations of bereavement; to accept the fact that this person is out of your life. This isnt easy to do by any stretch of the means and may take a while. Theres no clear cut way to get over it because were all different and have different needs. So, firstly, do whatever you need to get over it.
Friends and family are responsible for the shoulder-patting, but I can offer the knowledge that you will both get over this, and deal with the next time easier AND come out a stronger person.
Just dont let it turn you sour; breaking up is a part of life and some may even argue that its for a reason (of course it is!) but it means youre now free to find someone who could just be the one and all that.
Good luck.
Pull out my pin, throw me in to a room and see what happens!
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Posted:*hugs* Sorry to hear this has happened.
If its too hard communicating with her directly, I'd get the help of a mutual friend/someone you can trust who can talk to her to get the laptop/computer back.. this friend can be the one who says he's thinking about legal action/selling the jewelery" and since they weren't in the relationship it wouldn't be as emotional for them.
I would say fight for the laptop but forget the money...
*hugs*
If its too hard communicating with her directly, I'd get the help of a mutual friend/someone you can trust who can talk to her to get the laptop/computer back.. this friend can be the one who says he's thinking about legal action/selling the jewelery" and since they weren't in the relationship it wouldn't be as emotional for them.
I would say fight for the laptop but forget the money...
*hugs*
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Brenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004
![Brenn]()
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Total posts: 3286
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Total posts: 3286
Posted:I agree with Natasqi. The laptop should be all you're aiming for. The money would be a bonus.
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey
Owned by Lost83spy
Pyrolific
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Total posts: 3289
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Total posts: 3289
Posted:ah suxxors dude - not a good situation.
RElaptop
mmm unless it was a totally rocking laptop, its probably not going to be worth fighting for by the time you get it back. Try sending her an email asking for it back - but don't expect too much. Just think of how this might have turned out if you had stayed together? I think its good that this is all its costing you.
REmoney
I think the money is a lost cause, she has already showed she isn't going to pay it back due to the going travelling while still in your debt thing.
I'm happy to hear your happy now tho, might be best to move on. She's really showing her true colours now I guess. Make sure you dont sacrifice yours in all this.
RElaptop
mmm unless it was a totally rocking laptop, its probably not going to be worth fighting for by the time you get it back. Try sending her an email asking for it back - but don't expect too much. Just think of how this might have turned out if you had stayed together? I think its good that this is all its costing you.
REmoney
I think the money is a lost cause, she has already showed she isn't going to pay it back due to the going travelling while still in your debt thing.
I'm happy to hear your happy now tho, might be best to move on. She's really showing her true colours now I guess. Make sure you dont sacrifice yours in all this.
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003
![ben-ja-men]()
just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Total posts: 2474
GOLD Member since Jun 2003
just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Total posts: 2474
Posted:thanks for the advise everyone, ive decided im just going to cut my losses, let it go and move on
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?
DeleteBrenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004
![Brenn]()
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Total posts: 3286
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Total posts: 3286
Posted:That's the bravest thing you can do, mate. My hat is off to you.
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey
Owned by Lost83spy
Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003
![Rouge Dragon]()
Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...
Total posts: 13215
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003
Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...
Total posts: 13215
Posted: 
for that decision.
for that decision.i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
Posted:*hugs*.. though if you do feel vindictive and have her emai address... I have been known to hail the spammers...
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HawkfeatherJY
![HawkfeatherJY]()
Nothing is imposable to a sufficantly talented fool!
Location: Bartlesville,Oklahoma, United ...
Total posts: 156
Nothing is imposable to a sufficantly talented fool!
Location: Bartlesville,Oklahoma, United ...
Total posts: 156
Posted:Would like to shoot that hoochy out of a cannon at a wall. Those kind of females are what give us good women a bad name. I can honestly say I have never burned a man I have been with that way, EVER! Anyway I hope you know Things like that come & go, Hopefully You have gained insight to this sort of ordeal. Never buy expensive stuff, till yall are married! lol... Hang in there Man the right woman is sill looking for you. 
Perception is truly in the Eyes of the beholder... So dream on with no Fear. ~Hawkfeather~York~
DeleteHawkfeatherJY
![HawkfeatherJY]()
Nothing is imposable to a sufficantly talented fool!
Location: Bartlesville,Oklahoma, United ...
Total posts: 156
Nothing is imposable to a sufficantly talented fool!
Location: Bartlesville,Oklahoma, United ...
Total posts: 156
Posted:Here go to my page & click on the play list & play the first song & the last one... it is so for you! lol
http://profile.myspace.com/hawk_feather
EDITED_BY: HawkfeatherJY (1251389562)
EDIT_REASON: forgot some thing...
http://profile.myspace.com/hawk_feather
EDITED_BY: HawkfeatherJY (1251389562)
EDIT_REASON: forgot some thing...
Perception is truly in the Eyes of the beholder... So dream on with no Fear. ~Hawkfeather~York~
Delete
Posted:I think you should just sell the bling and go to the pub and pie shop to celebrate and maybe take your mates with you and shout them a few VB's and pie floaters with the proceeds...)!! Let us know when and where etc (I know Josh will be up for it )...
)...Slicing the Loaf as we speak.
I need it..... Trust me!
Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003
![Rouge Dragon]()
Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...
Total posts: 13215
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003
Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Ew! VB! 
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
JayKitty
GOLD Member since Nov 2004
![JayKitty]()
Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Total posts: 534
GOLD Member since Nov 2004
Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Total posts: 534
Posted:Is VB some horrible britsh/aussie thing that I don't know about because iv'e been living under a rock?
Don't mind me, just passing through.
Deletewillworkforfoodjnr
SILVER Member since Aug 2007
![willworkforfoodjnr]()
Hunting robot foxes
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, ...
Total posts: 1046
SILVER Member since Aug 2007
Hunting robot foxes
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, ...
Total posts: 1046
Posted:Well done mate, rise above
Working hard to be a wandering hippie layabout. Ten years down, five to go!
DeleteRouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003
![Rouge Dragon]()
Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...
Total posts: 13215
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003
Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...
Total posts: 13215
Posted:VB is Victoria Bitter and it's a pathetic excuse for a beer.
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
burningoftheclavey
SILVER Member since Jul 2005
![burningoftheclavey]()
lurking like a ninja with no camouflage..
Location: over yonder, New Zealand
Total posts: 926
SILVER Member since Jul 2005
lurking like a ninja with no camouflage..
Location: over yonder, New Zealand
Total posts: 926
Posted:pub and pie shop!! is there such a collaboration in existence under one roof???
on spam robots - "Burn the robot! Melt him down, and then we can make lots and lots of money from his shiiiny juices!"
Owned by Brenn
Posted:I'm not sure but there should be. In Adelaide you can go to the pub then get a pie floater at the dodgy pie stall by the station!!! jobs a good'un!!!!!!
Sorry Ben, just turned your post into a discussion about beer and pies!!!
Sorry Ben, just turned your post into a discussion about beer and pies!!!
Slicing the Loaf as we speak.
I need it..... Trust me!
Pyrolific
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Total posts: 3289
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Total posts: 3289
Posted:^^^ you turn every discussion it one about Beer and Pies!!!!!*
Ben: Well done.
*well as long as you count Cider as Beer.
Ben: Well done.
*well as long as you count Cider as Beer.
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
willworkforfoodjnr
SILVER Member since Aug 2007
![willworkforfoodjnr]()
Hunting robot foxes
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, ...
Total posts: 1046
SILVER Member since Aug 2007
Hunting robot foxes
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, ...
Total posts: 1046
Posted:Theres a Pieminister/pub combo in Manchester, Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................
Working hard to be a wandering hippie layabout. Ten years down, five to go!
DeletePosted:Yep isn't that the best thing ever Pieminister/pub combo???!!!!
There is one in Bristol too - Pipe and Slippers. Cider in there is top notch and then they have a whole PIE MINISTER menu!!!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Good times.....
BEN!!!!!!!! where are you???????????!!!!!!!!!
There is one in Bristol too - Pipe and Slippers. Cider in there is top notch and then they have a whole PIE MINISTER menu!!!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Good times.....
BEN!!!!!!!! where are you???????????!!!!!!!!!
Slicing the Loaf as we speak.
I need it..... Trust me!
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