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Forums > Social Discussion > The pros and cons of living alone.

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Firstly I'll start by tell you I have a reason for discussing this topic which I will explain after I have set out what it is I want to get peoples view points on.

This is primarily about housing. Where you live and who you live with, if anyone.

At the moment I live on my own. I have in the past lived in houses with family members and with non family members. I grew up in a house with my Father, 2 brothers and a sister. When I left my family home I lived in various shared rented houses with various people (some nice, some not so nice). I've lived with partners.

All of these styles of living in the main were positive experiences for me but what I want to know is, do you think living with other people is preferable to living alone or do you think having a place that is entirely your own space is something to be kept at all costs.

Ok now for the reason I want to discuss this topic. In April there is a good chance my job will no longer exist and I will be made redundant. I'm not really worried about losing the job because it's become something I don't enjoy anyway. They will have to give us redundancy pay (in my case not a huge amount) which I intend to invest in starting up my own business. Whilst the business is getting off the ground I can foresee a length of time when I will have little or no money coming in and I am considering taking in a lodger just so I have a regular income and someone who can help pay the bills. I'm in two minds about doing this hence the discussion.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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mtbeer
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

mtbeer

ARRRR!
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA

Total posts: 529
Posted:I live alone and enjoy the heck out of it. I can do what I want, watch what I want, eat what I want and listen to what I want. Besides that, nobody is going to drink my last beer or eat my last piece of pizza.

I have lived with others in the past and I usually got along with them but when you see a person every day, eventually you will find something in them that annoys you. Some more than others.

It can get lonely from time to time but you can always invite someone over, go hang out with friends or meet someone new by spinning poi.

I wish you the best of luck starting up a business! That's a big step and takes courage.


"My skin is singed but it heals my heart and with glowing pride I'll wear my scars." -Davey Havok

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:I do not think living alone is something that you should want no matter what the cost. If finances dictate, I think it is perfectly reasonable to have a roommate.

That being said, I think you need to be selective of who said roommate is. They also need to have their own space that they can go to and enjoy in the house without you necessarily wanting to be in said space. If this means having a room besides their bedroom that is entirely theirs, then so be it. It's also nice to not have to share a bathroom with a roommate.

I've run the gammut of living situations as well. I've had great roommates and really crappy ones. Sadly, the really crappy ones were in college where all we had was a 1 room dorm room - not a lot of room to ignore the person sleeping in bed above you.

My best advice is if you do decide to take on a boarder is to make it someone you can live with. You don't have to be great friends, but you do have to respect each others space and cleanliness habits in the common areas.


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_Stix_


_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land

Total posts: 2419
Posted:I lived alone for about 2 years.. it was fantastic.. walking around the house nakkid, eating ALL the icecream in one sitting.. swimming down the hall way on your tummy along the warm pipes (oops did I just say that?) it was amazing.. untill I got lonely.. frown

now I live with my boyfriend.. I can still do the same things as I used to.. excpet the icecream.. but when I get lonely.. he's just 'there' for a hug..

We had a lodger for a while.. an old freind on mine.. he's gone to america now for a bit... thank god.. cause three is a definate crowd! My relationship with my boyfriend is *just* about getting back to normal after a very strange 6 months..


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

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spacey
SILVER Member since Feb 2005

spacey

mischeivious pixie
Location: Sydney

Total posts: 291
Posted:i have spent most my life living with other people and really enjoy it. When i lived on my own i used to get quite lonely and depressed about it.

Some of the places i have lived have been grotty and the people horrible....i have been threatened and even forced to leave my home....but i have to say these were isolated incidents caused by one of the 5 people we lived with and his friend.
Im happy to say though that i live again with 5 other people and we all get on really well. When we had people move out we told our landlord that we will fill the rooms ourselves. This meant that we all got a say in who moved in.As a result we have 2 lovelly new housemates that we all like.

I guess what im trying to say is that if you need a house mate, you should get one to ease the finantial strain....you will be under enough pressure and stress with your new business, so it will be one less worry for you. Also make sure you interview the people that reply to the ad's so you dont end up in a situation like mine.

good luck with the new business

wave wave wave wave wave wave


"I dont want no fatty bumbum, i want a lean mean shagging machine" anon

"I'm sweet and wholesome with a little bit of filth thrown in"

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:You wont be able to walk around the house butt nekid...

Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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Faberg
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

veteran
Location: Dublin, Ireland

Total posts: 1459
Posted:i live alone and love it to bits!!!

after moving home to ireland, following 8 and a half years in the netherlands, i bought a 2 bedroomed apartment, just over 3 years ago.

i moved in in september 2001, and although the initial plan was to take in a lodger, it just never materialised.

because it was my very first "own" place, i thought i'd hack it out alone until xmas, just so i could have it all to myself for a couple of months. i'd worked and saved hard to get the money together, and i really wanted it all for me for a while.

as it happened, after the first few months i seemed to be managing ok with the mortgage and bills (i consider myself very lucky), so the lodger idea went out the window.... but if i needed to revert to it, to ease the financial strain, i would.

over the past couple of years i have had various friends stay, some for a few months at a time, and although i love the company, i know in the back of my mind that it's just temporary and it's just heaven to get the place back to myself.

i never get lonely or depressed, i like my own company and seek solitude quite often. i've always wanted to try living in a commune though, just for a bit. but my main goal is to find a nice cottage in the countryside, preferably in the middle of nowhere.... up some lane, where no one even knows i'm there.... ubblove


My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely smile

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:In truth this is my main problem. I LOVE living alone. I love being able to come home and shut the door on the world and do whatever the hell I like. I like not having to wash up if I don't want to. I like singing in the bath at 2 am if I can't sleep. I like turning the stereo up and dancing all around the house dressed in my birthday suit.

I think what worries me more than me not getting on with the lodger, is that they can't stand me and my eccentric ways. No thats not true its more they don't fit in with my eccentric ways.

I guess living alone has made me a bit selfish.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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Faberg
GOLD Member since Aug 2003

veteran
Location: Dublin, Ireland

Total posts: 1459
Posted:i hear you Skul smile

it would be very difficult for me at this stage to take in a lodger, for one thing, my living room furniture is constantly pushed over to one side of the room so i can spin biggrin

it doesn't have to be all bad though. not sure what the rental situation is like in your area, but perhaps you could advertise for someone who lives far away and is looking for somewhere to rent for weeknights for work. that happens a lot in dublin.

or you might be lucky and find someone with plenty of hobbies that keeps them out most evenings... or arrange your schedule, if at all possible, so that you're home on the nights that they're out...

hope it works out for you babe!

peace


My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely smile

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flid
BRONZE Member since Aug 2002

flid

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Warwickshire

Total posts: 3136
Posted:i've been living alone for the past 4 months for the first time ever, and I love it. Before then I was living for a few years with friends, which was quite cool, but having my own space to do whatever I want is excellent.

On the up side of living with someone else it is cheaper, and if it's someone you really get on with and has the same tastes as you in things, then that's good too smile


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Sir_Sheep


Sir_Sheep

old hand
Location: Chester, UK

Total posts: 725
Posted:If you end up stuck as the unwanted lodger with someone who would rather live alone, but out of necessity has to get someone in the spare room to pay the bills/mortgage, it can get pretty miserable.

Spoiling Christmas for small children since 2003.

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onewheeldave
GOLD Member since Aug 2002

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: sheffield

Total posts: 3252
Posted:Written by: Faberg



it would be very difficult for me at this stage to take in a lodger, for one thing, my living room furniture is constantly pushed over to one side of the room so i can spin biggrin




You have furniture?!? In the living room?!?

And you try to pass yourself off as a spinner.

Disgraceful! smile


"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."

--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4993
Posted:a few thins from my point of view.

my first year having left home was spent living with a friend and his mother on a farm, was ok, i was in my youth and wasnt there half of the time so thats not really beneficial to any thing and on the negative side i was not really in a financial position do do any thing else.

the next 5 months i had moved to Sheffield to live with my girl we shared a bedsit with another guy, now the bedisti itself was an absolute shithole! and he made it worse because he lived amongst [censored]! we had no escape from him or the shithole that we lived in.
The next year and a half we lived in a council maisonette was good to finally have our own space!... i enjoyed this time of my life to an extent.
moved from there to a propper house where they robbed us of propper rent and bills, was good for a while but our lives had become so different and we had to split up for various reasons and we now both agree that it was the right thing to do and were best of friends.
now having left that to be with some one else me and my new partner at the time shared a house with 2 other people.... [censored] nightmare i tell you.....get your own space at all costs cos i hate sharing.
lasted a year there and moved to edinburgh for numerous reasons and shared a house with Te POOKa steve and bluecat.
however nice people are with you on a personal level it is how they are to live with and this was an experience that caused arguments between me and my girl at the time, im not saying that it was all bad because i really enjoyed living with them but while i was in a relationship and some things bothered her more than me it is hard to keep the peace and to not loose the friendships that i had with rob and steve.
moved back to england to live with my girls and her parents for a few months... nightmare... i hated it! never again. no escape from any thing was almost as bad as having to go back and live with my own mother.
another year in my first flat with this girl... we grew apart so much here that it was impossible to live with her, she threw parties every other night, made a [censored] hole of the flat and ruined all of my furnature!. and the fittings of the flat.
now having left her and moved yet again i now live with my ex's sister and brotherinlaw and thier 4 year old son and a dog!... [censored] nightmare...
again last night i was kept awake to hear their arguments and today had to sit with her to sort out her problems etc.... not good.
i have my own room, i uses the bathroom to wash and shower amongst their crap because they live in such a mess, my room is very clean and tidy and thats the way i like to live and maybe why i dont get on so well with sharing with other people that im not accustomed to their ways of living.

In general from sharing accomodation it may all be well and good that it will help financially but it could all go wrong too, what if said tenant has to go on sick? or looses their job and cant pay you rent and nothing is legally binding etc... when i had my accident my landlady was chasing me for 4 months for rent money that i couldnt pay her and i completly understand the predicament that she was inturn faced with!, not nice for me or her or the house mates that i was living with at the general time of that happening in my life, i would hate to live through that again and i still have the debts to sebtle over the next 4 and a half years, unless my claim comes through and i can settle my debts early.

Also if that is to happen can you or would you be able to afford to cover the bills if said things did happen and would you end up in shitcreek with out a paddle?... just some thing to make you aware of but not to put you off, you will really need to be strict in your choosing abillities if your going to take on a lodger at a time where you maywell be financially screwed yourself, so it may be better to face things on your own that way if you need to borrow they will not take into account of financial incomes in you life unless it is all kept rather quiet.

From living with my ex for 2 and a half years and moving around so much i no owe 8000 to the bank, on top of the other 2000 i borrowed to leand a friend plus interest in now owe 15,000 to the bank and i have to pay that over 5 years... not a nice situation to be in, if i had realsied that my life could have ended up this way then i would have chosen to go it alone many years back but who can turn back the clocks.

Im thankful that right now that i dont have to pay any rent or house hold bills, currently i do not exist on paper, i am currently moving to Italy at the end of march and the mother of my wife to be has found me a beautiful little house in a small town in the mountains where i plan to see out the next few years of my life in harmony, it will be my own place and i look forward to being in new company, new surroundings and some where that is so unfamilular and so much to see and do all by myslef, i could house share again but i would much prefer to face finances and liveing alone all by myself.
I can then discover my innerself, and most of all enjoy every thing that i have and will do in the future.
for sure that in 3 years when i am married when my girl has finished school we will settle in our own house and have kids etc.. but i have a few years left yet to make that right decision for myself.

SD hug many hugs to you for having the guts to see out your own buisness, it will be a long hard rocky road and you deserve the best, but my honest advice to you is be carful about taking in a lodger.

if Italy all goes so badly wrong i will come back and i will lodge with you, im good at house work and i dont walk around nakked, that would probably scare the hell out of you!, and i always pay the bills.

ciao


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Thanks to everyone that has posted in this thread. I think I posted this thread in the first place to talk myself into taking a lodger, when in my heart I didn't really want to. It made finacial sense to me to take a lodger but it filled me with dread. I know the perils of sharing your home with strangers from when I lived in shared rented houses. Even though we vetted who moved in when anyone left, we still ended up with some right weird people not least a wanted refugee that had escaped Beirut. We kept his secret, once he had told us, because of all the proof he showed us of what had happened to him and his family. It made for a strain form of living with one eye looking over your shoulder all the time.

I think I've decided to go with my heart and not my head this time. I like living alone. It might add up that taking in a lodger will leave me with more money but so would taking a part time job. So that is what I think I will do. If they don't make us redundant at work, all this is immaterial as I won't have the money to start up the business anyway.

Thank you for the well wishes hug You really are a great bunch of people. Oh! and pk ....: I hope you never have to come and live with me, not because I wouldn't like you living here, but because I hope everything works out for you and serena. As for your nakedness being scary, I doubt it. Isn't your skin a work of art?


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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mtbeer
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

mtbeer

ARRRR!
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA

Total posts: 529
Posted:Interestingly enough, today happens to be "Satisfied Staying Single Day". Instead of shelling out the cash for a valentines gift, buy something for yourself or stop by the cake thread and have a slice. smile

"My skin is singed but it heals my heart and with glowing pride I'll wear my scars." -Davey Havok

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I loooooooooove living alone. biggrin

The only thing better would be living with someone you love. ubblove

Cuz then you get all the benefits of not having to wear trousers AND you get to hang out with someone cool. biggrin


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Prometheus


Prometheus

Diamond In The Rough
Location: Richmond, Virginia

Total posts: 459
Posted:It really depends on what sort of person you are.



I am the sort who doesn't like being alone. If you enjoy solitude and privacy, then by all means hang onto it. The only positive aspect is the freedom it bestows. Eating, drinking and doing whatever you like is attractive. Plus there's the whole 'walking around nekkid' thing...



But loneliness gnaws at you, it hollows you from the inside out. My apartment at the end of four years of solitude was more like a prison. Most people couldn't visit me because of my backwards work schedule. My neighbors were psychotic. And I began to long for human contact. I didn't even like going home anymore, because there was nothing and no one to go home to.



Now I live with a wonderful lady who is not only fun, sexy and a wonderful hugger hug, but she keeps me on my toes. There is far more structure to my life now. I am less apt to be lazy, or messy, or solitary. We have our personal space designated, and we have common space. We share enough commonalities that we don't get bored while together. She got me addicted to 'Gilmore Girls' and I got her hooked on 'C.S.I.' She has a cat, I have a snake, so it's a very balanced household.



Parting Thought: Solitude is nice, as long as you share it with someone... cool

EDITED_BY: Prometheus (1108156694)


Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4993
Posted:so if i run around nekked can i charge money for being a living piece of art?... confused









thanks SD. hug


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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ASTRO FAERIE
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

ASTRO FAERIE

ummmmmmm.............
Location: Rotherham, UK

Total posts: 724
Posted:I live back at home with my parents after living away for 4-5 yrs, once with an ex, and once with housemates.

In the first instance i was alone a lot, as he did night shifts, so i appreciated time alone, but also had someone there holding me at night, id stay up till 3am+ most nights to make sure he had got in ok.

I loved the fact i was living independantly and really liked the quiet and the space to do my own thing.

I have had to move back home with my parents after going back to uni. I love them and really appreciate all they do to support me, but the thing i miss the most is time alone, headspace, yeah i have my room, but they are still downstairs.

I have been in a serious relationship for 5 yrs and althought we are a strong couple, it really has affected us that neither of us have our own place, try getting quality intimate time alone together with parents sat under your bedroom. ARRGHH!!.

I dont have the income to afford a place right now, neither does he and it can really affect the emotional side of the relationship. I cant relax while i know others are in the house....especially when they are my parents.

I wouldnt want to live alone indefinately, eventually with my partner, but right now, as mouch as i love my family, the space and peace would be lovely.


Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

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Trippie Hippie
BRONZE Member since May 2002

Trippie Hippie

old hand
Location: Bewildered state of nothingnes...

Total posts: 733
Posted:Written by: NYC


The only thing better would be living with someone you love. ubblove




Absolutely!!! Couldn't have put it better myself!!

I live alone and i love it!!, Currently, i wouldn't have it any other way. Not that i'm adverse to that changing, as long as it is me that makes that choice for it to change.

I think you just have to go with your heart on this one.
What is that lil voice saying to you- 'yes'?, 'no'? and take it from there, consult the finances and see what they say. Together it should help you to get a better idea of the way forward.
I had to make the same choice not so long ago and i'm glad i'm still livin on my own because that was the best choice for me. But i well know, it may not be that simple.
Best of luck hug
Loads of love
Taking it easy
Trippie



Trippie Hippie- Monty Dons secret love child

Fly like a mouse, run like a pillow, be the small book case.

"Last night i met some pixies and we danced around a stone".

Because dressing up is fun.

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Bretch


Bretch

enthusiast
Location: Cork, Ireland at present

Total posts: 247
Posted:If I were you, I'd live alone until the finances are to difficult... well actually I wouldn't , I have someone move in but I'd say, I'm often butt-naked, spin balls in the living and sing in the bath at 2am... got a problem? Don't live here then ubblol

I used to be indecisive, but I'm not so sure now.....

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Written by: pk ....:

so if i run around nekked can i charge money for being a living piece of art?... confused





I don't see why not! Take a look at some of the art installations people have pay to go and see. Phone up the Tate Modern. I'm sure they'll have you, as long as you talk art critic psycho babble to them. Promise me if you do that you'll get the phrase 'seminal piece' in there somewhere ubblol


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4993
Posted:Written by: Skulduggery

'seminal piece'




ubblol


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Mistress_Maledicti


Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over
Location: Wolverhampton

Total posts: 192
Posted:I loved living at home with my family but there came a time when it was right to leave. I moved into a shared rental because I wasn't ready to be completely on my own, and I loved the time I spent getting to know new people and enjoying independence while still having people around.

Living with a bloke was *interesting*...then after we split up I lived alone for a while because I wanted to, and because I needed time away from people to clear my head. That was a great experience, I had a fab little flat and it was just me and my gorgeous little cat.

Sharing with lodgers can be tough, you have to be sure that you'll get on with them and that you can trust them to be in your home when you're not there. If you're the type to sing in the bath at 2am, your lodger needs to be a student - they'll be permanently pi$$ed so they won't even know what time it is!

sin


"Abashed, the Devil stood and saw how awful Goodness is"

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